I know it's October and I was really making an effort but then...I got depleted of the desire to do it and deleted hinge, again.
That's right -- I didn't even make it a month.
It got me thinking about the past and how I was able to robo-date during the XFactor saga...
I kind of think that I subconsciously knew we'd always get back together so the robo dating was just something to do until we wound up together again. I can say this looking back -- but I probably didn't consciously realize this during that time.
I really did think we would work stuff out. That his parents would drop this whole Armenian mission and we'd get back to being great together vs damaged goods.
I know I made the final cut when I decided to end it and move across the country at rapid speed. I just needed to feel free and for some reason, I knew I could do it alone.
Now that I am sitting here alone writing this -- I can reflect and say that I am glad he let me go but I do wish that after this hiatus of being apart, we could rekindle.
I think with so much time passing (two years now) that if we saw each other again, if we both promised to bury the past -- we could have that magic we had back in the beginning. We've both lived so much since then and learned so much and at the core, I really did love XF.
However, I think he has moved on with some Armenian girl. As fate would have it, that was the very last conversation we had. He wouldn't confirm she was which obviously confirmed it. Then a friend of his confirmed it 100% so his parents got what they wanted.
It's scorpio season which means a lot of reflection on past things...in my adult life, XF has been the most significant and definitely the ex I had the most in common with.
So I won't lie...I wonder what it would be like to see him again. I wish I could.
Who knows what the universe has in store...
Thanks for reading my random ramblings...