It actually gave me a little piece of mind as I embark on my first big trip in years next week.
I don't have to be giving 110% all of the time. Even the most inspiring and successful people can't sustain that. We read all of these books, consume content (podcasts, IG, etc) that give us tips on being our best selves but sometimes I think it's OK to wind down and slow down.
It doesn't make me any less deserving of my goals.
If a client is going to fire me for taking care of myself and taking the only BIG trip I am taking this year, then they needed to eliminate themselves.
I have to stop feeling guilty when I am not doing the most. Sometimes it's okay to do enough to get by.
So today, I am stressing less and focusing more on how I deserve this trip and all of the wonderful things it will bring to my mind, body, and soul.
Back to dating though...
Last night Audi starts texting me. It's been slower between us - he was home last weekend and never attempted at making plans despite texting me the entire weekend so I wasn't sure if he would attempt again.
Also - I am going to Texas with Texas. There really is zero space for Audi. He is now just a distraction that could lead me down a shitty rabbit hole that I really don't want to go down because I like Texas a lot and I want to give him the best version of myself.
The devil on my shoulder however says...keep your options open, don't deep dive into one person, what if it doesn't work out? what if, what if, what if?
If it doesn't workout, it's not like I haven't been through 10000 other relationships that didn't. I'LL BE FINE.
SO ANYHOOOOO - he texts me saying he's ready to come home from Cali.
"Do you miss the sandbox??"
"I miss a curvy, funny, smart girl"
He then proceeds to ask if I have plans Friday - which currently, I do not.
So I lead him to believe that there is a chance I'll see him but the more I thought about it, the more I knew that wasn't the right move.
So long story short - tomorrow I am going to tell him I'm not feeling great, I've got a gala to attend Saturday, a client event Sunday then I am off to Europe so I really need to lay low.
With alllllll of that compounded, this will naturally fizzle itself out. Me being unavailable for weeks, him traveling for work during the week, me leaving for Texas the second I get back to the US -- its all the recipe for cya never Bruce.
And it avoids having some serious convo that I really just don't want to have nor do I feel like I owe to him.
He did after all lie about his age, twice.
So there ya have it!
Tonight I am going to a poetry thing with Texas, Saturday we have a gala, Sunday a client event he's joining me for, the following week a charity event and then I am OUTTA here.
I'll likely disconnect from the blog while I am gone too. TBD though. I might be feeling super creative and in my downtime crave an outlet.
We shall see...
Now go manifest some awesome shit into your life!