Antonio is a fucking moron.
Let the games officially begin. Nothing like a pissed off Elle to get you some A grade blog material.
This motherfucker texts me last night for the first time.
"OMG what did he say!?"
Oh you know, just a screenshot of him & Mia matching on tinder with the caption, "tell your friend to back off ;) how are ya?"
Oh that is just fucking adorable.
The ONLY reason you are texting me right now is because I am in one of Mia's tinder pics and if he didn't mention it, she surely would.
Mind you, Mia swiped yes on him on purpose to see if it'd be a match. She also JUST re-started her tinder last night so any match she got was someone who had the time to swipe yes on her last night.
La di da, it's a match!
So I am LIVID.
It's been crickets since Friday and now you pop up because you matched with my best friend? Stellar.
Curious about the rest?
Here ya go.
(I waited til this AM to reply because YOU CAN WAIT BRUCE.)
E: Lucky you, she just joined tinder yesterday and she's a catch. That's my best friend from high school
A: "I've only disappeared for a few days - I've been sick (food poisoning) and tinkering on my bathroom floor. I guess I probably shouldn't have sent it in retrospect. I wasn't following up, just thought it amusing (in a bit funny kind of way)
--You weren't following up? Okay, soooo why the hell did you text me? Is this supposed to be a cute, funny, bit? FYI - IT'S NOT.
E: "Vomiting and swiping, you certaintly do amuse me. Nothing gets you down"
A: "I wasn't trying to be an asshole, just an idiot. or trying to balance out my super like"
E: "Consider it balanced"
A: "In that case, are you sticking around this weekend?"
E: "Yep, no California Christmas for me this year"
A: " Can I take you out to dinner later this week? And when I say "can" I'm using the secondary model form-asking for permission as opposed to expressing an ability so don't get sassy (about the can)
(isn't the correct phrasing, MAY I? Are you actualllllly a laywer? C'mon Bruce...)
E: "Ah, was Mia too busy?"
A: "And here I thought that I might just get off that easy"
E: "For easy, you'll have to keep swiping"
A: "Well, we've already established that I've done that"
HMMMM....So many routes to take this..which to choose? I could blow him off and say fuck it BUT then I get 0 blog material from this fool AND I don't get my jewelry back. So while I'd advise most friends to go with the fuck off method, I opted for...
E: "If you remember my necklace and earrings I think I can make time for dinner"
A: "Ha. I've got you hostage. You're very sweet. I have your necklace but I don't remember seeing earrings. I'll look when I get back"
(You're very sweet? Ummm, I need my jewelry Bruce, nothing sweet about me saying yes - if you couldn't tell my excitement level to see you again is at an all time low...MORON.)
And that was that.
Let's see if this toad follows through on a plan and what level restaurant he chooses if he does. It better be fucking fancy or else I am not bothering to get dressed up for this Bruce.
Bad restaurant text = "I think I actually have other plans, just drop off my jewelry with the concierge this weekend oh and merry christmas"
Good restaurant text= "cool, see ya then."
You came to play?
Well, you better be prepared to lose. I am so turned off by him now it's actually laughable that I agreed to this. Sometimes I think the best torture when a guy has fucked up is 1. looking hot as hell 2. being bitchy and letting them know they got away with nothing/checking your phone often to show your attention is no longer solely focused in their direction 3. canceling last minute (like ten minutes prior) like a jackass.
I am too old for these games. I am not a clingy, psycho loser. I am not ugly. I have a great job. I have a very active social life and ANY Bruce who dates me is damn lucky to get to be a part of that. I feel I can date any guy I want and I am not about to settle for someone who doesn't seem to realize my worth or that my time is valuable. Guys better bring the A game or GTFO of my way. Even Jake texts me daily and we barely see each other anymore. There is NO excuse.
Let the games begin,