Recent dating drama:
Goes on date 2 with Ivy.
Movie night at her house which he assumes will mean one thing...
boom boom in the bedroom.
Sure enough, it happens.
We had a girls night at the apartment so when Arash returned at 8am the next morning, we were all ears for the dating run down.
Arash: "Well, we had really bad sex. She just isn't fit enough. Saggy boobs and no muscle definition. It just wasn't working out down there...."
Girls: "Well, thats no good -- show us a photo again, we forgot which one this was."
(whips out her bumble profile)
Girls: "ARASH, THIS GIRL IS A SIZE 0-2 AND IS VERY FIT. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU MUST THINK WE ARE ALL ENORMOUS HIPPOS IF YOU THINK THIS GIRL ISN'T FIT ENOUGH!!!!!!"
The wrath he got himself into still has not subsided - I always tell him that he is too shallow and if he keeps it up, he will never find happiness or he will wind up married to a crazy asian bitch who likes dressing up as a panda.
Either scenario is bad news for his long term happiness.
Well, he said that the "tinder effect" is why he is so shallow. So many hot girls, so easy to snag, why settle for a size 2 without a six pack when you can get a size 2 WITH a six pack?
UGH. Someone send help.
He's claiming to be on a dating hiatus again... Let's see how long that lasts.
Luckily, I have plenty of material to keep us going.
Sorry for my hiatus - my "real" job was insane during the holidays but now we are back on point.
Stay tuned for my HS X/first loves engagement story and backhanded insults. I saw him Saturday night and was happily reminded why I miss pretty much no one from high school, especially him and his poor, poor sense of style and grooming.