I had a great night with Jake...He really tried to step up his game which was fun to watch...albeit it wasn't perfect but let's get into it.
He picked me up for the event in an uber SUV, wore a new suit that looked SO GOOD, kissed me when I got into the car and we went downtown. He mixed and mingled, talked me out of my stage freight (I was getting an award and I geek out at this stuff) and he really helped me get my shit together. Guys, I was sweating and like shaking and just all sorts of fucking awkward...So we got through that part + all the forced small talk. Next, he made a dinner reservation at my favorite restaurant in the area (he had no idea it was my favorite so that worked out well) and we had a great meal.
When the bill came I knew it'd be around $100... I felt bad not offering so I did and his refusal was a bit too slow so I got the hint to just split it & change topics fast so it wasn't awkward. $100 is typical for a night out with Xfactor but I know Jake doesn't do the dating thing much and I vividly remember last summer when he didn't offer to buy me a glass of $7 wine....sooooo yeah.
I am such a brat.
While Xfactor wasn't perfect (duh), he did spoil the fuck out of me. I never paid for anythinggggggg. It's not like I couldn't afford to pay but he just always took care of things which was such a turn on and something I got quite used to... So I guess I need to get past that now?
Arash makes girls split things when he goes out and Arash is the BEST guy I know. so I can't deduct all the points for this even though ugh why can't all guys be rich? Sorry not sorry.
Moving on... we uber back to our neighborhood (he basically lives next door) and he came back to my place.
Holy shit did I forget what sexual chemistry felt like.
I knowwww none of you are rooting for Jake to win this thing but damn, he is like so touchy feely, great kisser, so much intensity + a big
To put this in perspective... Xfactor and I would go 3 weeks without seeing each other...he'd show up, barely give me a kiss and we'd get on to whatever we needed to do.
He was never hugging me, touching me, he couldn't make out before sex for more than 2 minutes without getting antsy, and cuddling after sex lasted about 10 minutes before he'd flip to his side and pass out.
SO I decided, you can't have it all...a guy who spoils you & has his life together (aka job & $$) and is passionate.I learned to let go of the desire for the passion and just enjoy being spoiled...the desire for sexual chemistry never went away but I rationalized things.
NOW I have all that passion, a guy who is so into me that I am all he's thought about since I walked away last summer but his life isn't together like Xfactors was & he certainly isn't going to be wining and dining me or taking me to the South of France like Xfactor was planning to do next July.
Im frustrated that "I tolerated" the lack of passion with XF...but now I am also confused because I really do like Jake (even though I don't want to) and akdlfgjgjlgkjlgj I need to keep dating, keep my options open and do my thing....keep searching for the guy who will spoil me + be amazing in the physical dept. but does that even exist?
Off we go searching for unicorns...and I'll leave you with a quote that is really my mantra at the moment.
"Don't think about what can happen in a month. Don't think about what can happen in a year. Just focus on the 24 hours in front of you and do what you can to get closer to where you want to be."