Truly, we had a good time. No arguments, lots of laughs, great meals, good times.
No terribly deep conversations.
No amazing sex. We only did it once, actually...Friday night I passed out while he was in the shower. Saturday AM we did it. Saturday PM we both passed out with the lights on, wasted. Sunday I took care of him in a different way....
So I had sex x3 last night....and once over an entire weekend getaway...Hmmmm....not the best situation...
As G pointed out, "but can you build a life off orgasms?"
Ummmm...probably not but is it bad to try??
I posted that snap of Antonio playing the piano last night anddddd XF wasn't pleased.
I got a text a few minutes later, "A date?! Really!?"
Who goes to gala's alone? DUH.
I didn't reply.
So he called me a few minutes ago and we got into it.
Long story short - it's disrespectful to him for him to be working so hard for US when I am out dating others. He is devastated. He can't imagine something pushing him away from me but this definitely is. (sidenote, he knew I was still dating others....)
SOOOOOO we hung up after arguing/getting nowhere and this is what I followed up with via email because I am all about those words.
I may be dating others (and by dating I mean going to fun events when I choose to) but I can't imagine anyone replacing how I feel about you and I'm not looking for someone to fill your shoes. I am focusing on staying unattached to protect myself and give you the time and pressure free space to work on YOU without my interference. Change takes time, my therapist always tells me that. I want us to be the best version of XF & Elle, and right now, this seems like the most logical path to getting us there.
I don't blame you for being hurt by my actions. I understand and I am sorry, hurting you is NEVER my goal and I know it is never your goal either. I am also sorry for cutting you off mid-convo.
I don't want to push you away.
Lastly, I don't care what your friends have to say about my life. (I used to. But I no longer care about others opinions of me) I enjoy life, I post a few photos, & it doesn't mean I'm engaged and marrying someone else. I am just living my life and going to events. Simple as that. I'm not sitting around posting photos kissing 12 different guys with #soinlove #soromantic #engaged -- I am simply dressing up and going places, with people. BIG FUCKING DEAL.
I'd like it to be you I am with, I'd thought we'd be doing all of this as fiancees by now but life dealt us a different hand and so I'll be patient for when that day comes. I was all in and ready, you weren't. We break up, I tell myself to move on. You come back, you are ready, and all in, then I'm not. Timing is everything I hope we can get it right. 30th time is a charm, right?
I can't bring you back into my circle until we know it's time to buy a ring and we are ALL in. I've done it before and I won't do it again.
And no reply yet. Stay tuned I suppose....If XF takes himself back out of the equation, life will surely be interesting moving forward.
I've stilllllll got a Rams update + Jake's party tonight. Tomorrow is pretty busy but I'll try and keep you updated over the weekend.