Sadly, I'm not. So much shit has happened - I have become numb to the feeling of excitement surrounding engagement because X-factor has been such a fucking panzy about it. My friend gave me this really good idea to draw a simple timeline of events to illustrate how fucking insane this relationship has been thanks to his POS family.
Since I took the time to do it, I figured I might as well share.
- June 1 2014 – First Date
- July 4th weekend – XF says hes falling in love with Elle, posts photo on facebook, Armenian backlash, XF leaves and finally admits later why he called things off with Elle
- Few days later, he comes back to her out of jealousy (thanks Sam) and things pick back up. Elle agrees to be Casper the ghost.
- November – Elle tells XF he needs to fess up and be honest with his parents at his birthday. He claims he tells them he is still seeing her at birthday dinner in Berkeley, they claim they already knew that.
- Christmas – XF breaks up with Elle via facetime. He chooses his parents happiness and wants to move on.
- 2 days later - takes Elle to airport for work trip
- New years spent apart – worst Christmas and NYE Elle has ever had
- End of January – Elle gets meningitis, XF is back in the picture
- February – Valentine’s Day is spent together
- March – Charleston trip that XF didn't want to go on because he felt bad lying to his parents that he was out of town. Couldn't be honest since Elle was still Casper.
- May – Break-up Memorial Day weekend because XF isn’t being honest with his mom about the fact that Elle is still in his life. Carefully omits her from everything he says he is doing, Elle packs up her shit and leaves.
- June – one year anniversary comes and goes, XF and Elle are not speaking. Lifeisnotarom.com is born.
- July – Elle joins Orange Theory as a way to cope with the intense levels of stress and anxiety XF brings to her life
- August 1- Elle tells XF she needs to move on with her life once and for all (thanks yoga Jake) XF is upset - shows up in the city and claims “love has won” and he chooses her for real this time.
- Mid-August – two weeks of the best sex of their entire relationship and then a surprise visit from XF's mom. Chaos ensues.
- End of August – Elle meets XF's fat fucker cousin, & isn’t welcomed inside to use the restroom at another familys house. XF meets all of Elle's family and proceeds to focus on fantasy football draft vs engaging in the moment.
- Next day – XF calls things off via phone from SF after argument with parents.
- Elle drops his car at his house and avoids him for a few weeks
- September – XF begs Elle to go to a cousins house to meet his POS dirtbag brother and his cousin. Scarring experience takes place, Elle leaves sobbing and feeling completely alone. Doesn't tell any of her friends she went because she knows they'll think she is a fucking idiot. Depression ensues.
- October – Elle's birthday and XF has no part in any of it. Missed memories. Elle's quite skinny from being depressed (only plus side)
- November – Elle decorates XF's apartment for his 30th and makes him a cake. They decide to get back together, he promises by 2 years they will be engaged, she trusts him.
- February – Back in CA. Elle still is not welcome with XF's family. XF spends more time with Elle's. Doesn’t ask her father for permission to get engaged, makes her doubt his intentions even more.
- June 1- Two year anniversary and no ring. Elle is devastated - XF seems unfazed.
- July – 225 classes of Orange Theory, still no resolutions with XF, still anxious as ever.
- August – The end of the journey for Elle, one-way or the other.
XF – I have dealt with so much back and forth with you. Last August you declared you chose me, ran away and then came back all within a 3/4 week timespan. I write this down so you can visually see how chaotic your indecision towards me has been. I know you’ve had a horrible decision to make but this hasn’t been easy for me. I have never felt more anxious or depressed in my entire life.
I hope you can see why getting engaged is really my only option with you moving forward. If you continue to make excuses as to why you aren't ready, I need to move on for good. It’s time for me to feel 100% secure in this relationship and I haven’t felt that way since month 1. After all of this, it is what I deserve. This is not a reflection of trust, this is a reflection of lack of security – please do not confuse the two.
So there you have it. A timeline of all the shit you go through when you really love someone or are just a really big fucking idiot. Mind you, I didn't highlight ANY of the happy times because that takes away from my argument. Consider me Elle Woods, Esquire. I am not fucking around and trying to dim the shit he brings to the table down with all of the good stuff. So, I know reading this you're like, WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU DATING HIM!? I have that same thought. But he really does spoil me and give me the life that I want. SO
I'll letcha know how it goes.