We popped bottles and went back to my place together?
Well, prior to his arrival I was texting Jake.
The bar we were at was across from Jake's apartment so I figured if he was home, he could just swing by. I haven't seen him since NYE so I decided it'd be nice to.
We texted, he said he was in the city, I said ok and that was the end.
There was no, "I'll swing by later" or any of that.
Then Antonio asked me to come downtown, I told him to come to me and as you know, he did.
Well, I guessssss Antonio and I were making out at the bar at one point (neither of us remember) andddddd Jake must've walked in and witnessed it.
Mia didn't notice him, I didn't notice = I had no clue he came by.
So the following night I texted to see if Jake wanted to come downtown with me. No reply. NBD, he's a busy guy, I didn't think twice.
Then Wednesday I decided we should re-plan our paint night so I texted him asking if he was free Thursday.
I keep getting salty ass replies...
Why the hell is he mad at me? We were all good? We are always sending instagram messages of cats back and forth, I haven't seen him so I know I didn't piss him off...
Might as well ask.
"You seem mad at me?"
"Care to share as to why?"
"How about you don't text me when you are with other guys."
OHHHHHHH fuck he HAD to have walked in at the moment I was kissing Antonio at the bar. My eyes were closed so that HADDDDDD to be when it happened. Mia's back would've been towards him and Antonio has no idea what Jake looks like/he was occupied with me.
FML FML FML.
"Well for the record, you didn't say you were coming but I understand why you are mad and I don't expect you to just snap and get over it so I'll ttyl."
Soooooooo I guess Jake's pretty much a thing of the past. You know I like him, he's a great guy, we have fun, the sex is good, etc. But he's not long term potential and now I'm hooking up with Antonio who also might not be long term potential BUT we click in bed and I have a lot of fun with him so whatever we are, I'm good with. I don't need two fuck buddies but I did want to keep Jake as a friend.
So what else is there....
Went out Friday with Antonio and some friends. We had a good time, wound up at his place in the hottub and then stayed up talking til 3am. Readers digest is: his ex officially wants him back and he's not sure what to do. He realizes keeping the communication open is only holding him back from truly moving on with his life so he needs to decide if he's in with her or done with her. I listened, and only offered a little advice. Ex's are tough. You dedicated your heart and your time to someone. You planned a future. Then poof, it's over?
I know we've discussed this but it's so crazy how him and I are in the EXACT same boat. I saw XF Saturday and Sunday. We had sex Saturday and it was just terrible. I felt like crying. Why can't this just be good? I don't even need great all I need is the desire to sleep with you and I'll feel 10000x better. Why can't we connect anymore?!
XF is perplexed because to him, the sex is good until he can see I disengage (aka stop faking it). So he's told me I need to figure out how to fix this/tell him what he can do to fix it.
I sound like Antonio's ex. "I love you but I don't want to sleep with you." Only my problem is, I love him and I want to sleep with other people, not just avoid sex altogether.
I know part of my problem is I am not physically attracted to XF anymore. Since we broke up, I've hooked up with some serious babes with HOT bodies. I know looks aren't that important but when you go from dad bod to hard bod, it's kinda hard to go back to dad bod...
The other part is, I like rough sex. XF tries to be rough and it just comes across so not him.
Sleeping with Antonio while exploring the situation with XF also is bad news because even at our best (XF & I), the sex was not even close to what it is with A. (A and I don't have to try for it to be good, it just is. We click, it feels natural, it works, no discussions necessary.)
If I truly want to fix what is broken with XF, I think I need to stop sleeping with Antonio/anyone else. I also think I need to dedicate a lot more time to seeing XF. This rarely ever/1x a week thing isn't very useful in figuring out what to do...
Then I wonder, did Antonio and I meet because it's a sign? Did he find the blog so he could see I'm torn and that then allowed him to be honest about how he's torn too? Are we actually who each other should be with in a serious capacity and we met to help each other let go of the past? Or am I just overthinking all of this and we really are just a great fuck buddy situation. If A takes his ex back obviously I'm out of the picture. If that happens, is that a clear sign I need to re-commit myself to XF?? He really has improved drastically since beginning therapy.
I do believe everyone you meet, you meet for a reason. Sometimes its a big one, sometimes it's not.
If you couldn't tell, I am super fucking confused.
Luckily, there is no pressure to make this decision anytime soon.
PS Happy Monday.