& we are back! This time sober and able to adequately type and story tell.
Saturday: 30 days XFactor Free aka I am gonna do whatever I want today because damn, I am proud of myself. I spent the day with Arash - we are so married its a little insane. I woke up made us breakfast, we did soulcycle together then went shopping for camping supplies, coffee, clothes, home goods, groceries, etc. Totally married. That night I have decided we will go dancing because I am celebrating this milestone and that is what sounds fun right now. Arash bails on me, Adi bails on me and now I am left date-less for my dancing plans... WTF am I supposed to do? I am not going alone.
My girl A is watching football at our neighborhood bar so I decide I'll go say hey to her real quick and maybeeee I can convince Jake to join me on this dancing adventure. I get over there to find he's not with them...Where is he?? A informs me he is on a date. Ummmm....wtf. I have no right to be jealous because HELLO I am dating the entire city right now but ew, come back and ditch this girl. I see him walk by the bar with her and I am instantly SO jealous. I tell A and I decide to leave, fuck dancing with Jake - I'll find someone else, this is stupid. Why do I even care?
A being the awesome chick she is spies HARDCORE for me. 5 minutes after I leave, he shows up with his date. A snaps a pic of her to me which was hilarious and reassuring that I am definitely the hotter option. I decide to be extra evil and text Jake, "come dancing with me!" He replies while on date, "I didn't wear my dancing shoes." I respond back, "cmon, dont be lame!" -- no replies... So finally right before I am walking out the door I say... "OMG I am so dumb, you're still on your date. I thought it'd be finished by now, my bad - have fun." His reply... "I'm at a Kanye concert."
Me: "Hilarious - focus on your chick, cya."
So because the universe supports me moving on from XF, I get a text from an old tinderfella, J. I can't remember when we dated but it was a long ass time ago, he keeps in loose touch each time he notices my snapchat is showing signs of singleness...
Me: "I can't decide if I should go dancing or not...I am dressed and ready..."
J: "I'll be there in 15 minutes, we are doing this."
Well, that was easy. J is 6'4, works in politics, really nice, not a great kisser & is an amazing chef. We meet up, grab drinks and start chattering... I tell him I am celebrating 30 days of single which might sound ridiculous but letting go of XF has been a hellacious battle and I am really proud of myself this time. He's beyond supportive, tells me how glad he is to see me, how stunning I am and is really grateful for the opportunity to be with me again.
I ask him when we dated, its blurry because it was so long ago & all I remember is why I didn't want to date him.
J: "Wait, why didn't you wanna date me? Clearly I understood that but it was a pretty big disappointment nonetheless.."
Saturday: 30 days XFactor Free aka I am gonna do whatever I want today because damn, I am proud of myself. I spent the day with Arash - we are so married its a little insane. I woke up made us breakfast, we did soulcycle together then went shopping for camping supplies, coffee, clothes, home goods, groceries, etc. Totally married. That night I have decided we will go dancing because I am celebrating this milestone and that is what sounds fun right now. Arash bails on me, Adi bails on me and now I am left date-less for my dancing plans... WTF am I supposed to do? I am not going alone.
My girl A is watching football at our neighborhood bar so I decide I'll go say hey to her real quick and maybeeee I can convince Jake to join me on this dancing adventure. I get over there to find he's not with them...Where is he?? A informs me he is on a date. Ummmm....wtf. I have no right to be jealous because HELLO I am dating the entire city right now but ew, come back and ditch this girl. I see him walk by the bar with her and I am instantly SO jealous. I tell A and I decide to leave, fuck dancing with Jake - I'll find someone else, this is stupid. Why do I even care?
A being the awesome chick she is spies HARDCORE for me. 5 minutes after I leave, he shows up with his date. A snaps a pic of her to me which was hilarious and reassuring that I am definitely the hotter option. I decide to be extra evil and text Jake, "come dancing with me!" He replies while on date, "I didn't wear my dancing shoes." I respond back, "cmon, dont be lame!" -- no replies... So finally right before I am walking out the door I say... "OMG I am so dumb, you're still on your date. I thought it'd be finished by now, my bad - have fun." His reply... "I'm at a Kanye concert."
Me: "Hilarious - focus on your chick, cya."
So because the universe supports me moving on from XF, I get a text from an old tinderfella, J. I can't remember when we dated but it was a long ass time ago, he keeps in loose touch each time he notices my snapchat is showing signs of singleness...
Me: "I can't decide if I should go dancing or not...I am dressed and ready..."
J: "I'll be there in 15 minutes, we are doing this."
Well, that was easy. J is 6'4, works in politics, really nice, not a great kisser & is an amazing chef. We meet up, grab drinks and start chattering... I tell him I am celebrating 30 days of single which might sound ridiculous but letting go of XF has been a hellacious battle and I am really proud of myself this time. He's beyond supportive, tells me how glad he is to see me, how stunning I am and is really grateful for the opportunity to be with me again.
I ask him when we dated, its blurry because it was so long ago & all I remember is why I didn't want to date him.
J: "Wait, why didn't you wanna date me? Clearly I understood that but it was a pretty big disappointment nonetheless.."
Me: "Well, TBH you seemed way too religious for me. (he belongs to some weird ass church that sounded WAY too intense for me), you weren't a good kisser and I felt bad leading you on because I can recognize you are a great person.
J: "Bad kisser?! Date one or date two!?"
Me: "Date two is what sticks out...."
J: "Damn! The honesty...So our first date was in April of 2014...We went on two dates, you went to Dallas, came back with a broken nose and then refused to see me until it was healed."
Me: "Holy fuck I met you before XFactor and Dallas douchebag!? DAMN! You were one of my very first tinder dates EVER."
J: "Yeah, you kinda just disappeared after Dallas..."
Me: "Well I met XF the week after my nose surgery and then I cleared the roster, he was all I ever wanted."
J: "Yeah, you seemed pretty happy."
Me: "J, I am so glad to be here, dancing with you, seeing you but I am not ready for a relationship and I want that to be crystal clear. I need to be free right now."
J: "I get it, and I love how honest we are being."
We dance the night away, hop around to a few different places and finally end up closing out the night at a speakeasy. We uber home together and he goes in for the kiss...
Me: "You reek of sunscreen, I can't handle this - I'm sorry!"
J: "WHAT?! I showered!!"
Me: "I'm sorry its like drinking a cup of coppertone, it's making me feel quite ill..."
Sorry not sorry...sunscreen tastes like shit and he's still a terrible kisser.
To add salt to Jake's wounds for not coming dancing with me I conveniently snapchat at 2:30am a photo of the monuments from my uber with the caption... "don't be mad at me when its onto the next"
Let them wonder...
Sunday: I awake at 11:30am, tired as hell from my nonstop weekend. I call A and tell her to come over. She brings mimosas and we start the gossip train. She tells me everything I need to know about Jake's date, and shows me two other photos she slyly snapped. EPIC. What would we do without awesome bestfriends? After a few mimosas I decide I am not letting some girl steal my hookup buddy from me, I am absolutely competitive and if this was his plan - piss me off so I'd be jealous, well it worked. I DON'T LOSE, DAMMIT.
A and I finish our Sunday Funday and I text Jake... "I think you should come over...right now."
Jake: "How about 6?"
Me: "I've got dinner at 8 (new tinder toad date) so that works. Earlier is better sooooo keep that in mind."
Jake: "Want me to come over in like 30?"
Me: "or now."
Jake: "leaving now."
And before you know it, Jake is at my door. The music is blasting, I'm all kinds of mimosa confident and the second he lays on my bed I'm ontop of him and my clothes are quickly disappearing.
Round 1: amazing. So glad he came over.
discuss his date last night, ask if he slept with her (he didn't), and thennnnn
Round 2: even better than round 1, can I squeeze a 3rd in??
Shit, it's 7pm - I have a date at 8 - gotta get ready. I kick him out and now its onto the next.
Naj, 35, race car driver, 5'11, Indian, great texter, mediocre looking.
We meet at this trendy wine bar, proceed to have a great two hour date talking about what we want in life and then it's over. He's not giving me butterflies, he fails to kiss me (wtf guys) and I head to my car. I am feeling like round 3 with Jake would be a really good idea right now soooo I text him, "just finished dinner, round 3, your place?"
Jake: "Yes, see you soon."
Boom. Round 3, so damn good, can this be my life everyday? I was so sex deprived with XFactor...a girl can definitely get used to GREAT sex, daily.
I leave him and my phone buzzes...
Naj: "You might me proving the unicorn status..."
J: "Hope you're enjoying yourself, I loved seeing you having fun and relaxed last night...it helped me do the same. And you're still the fun-loving, effortless to talk to, smoking hot woman I remember."
Jake: "You are perfect, today was a GREAT day."
Ram: "Can I take you out on Thursday?" (Kanye West date)
Rami: "I need to come to DC, I miss those eyes and your incredible body..." (California tinder group date, round 2)
Well gentleman, take a number in line - I'm a busy girl... ;)
So in one solid month of singleness...I have more options than ever, I have had some seriously good sex, I've met one guy I'd LOVE to date, and life is INSANELY exciting and fresh.
Oh and my confidence is sky high...every guy I meet is trying to lock it down, HEEEEELLLL YA. Who doesn't love all that attention?
This week shall be an interesting one...Will Cyrus ask me out? Ball is definitely in his court for date 5...Despite all the other guys, he is still leading the pack. However - I do expect some rendezvous with Jake...the sexual chemistry this time around is unreal & I am addicted. If only he could get his shit together, we'd have a fighting chance at making it something legit.
Let's see where this week takes us...
Happy Monday!
xo
Elle
J: "Bad kisser?! Date one or date two!?"
Me: "Date two is what sticks out...."
J: "Damn! The honesty...So our first date was in April of 2014...We went on two dates, you went to Dallas, came back with a broken nose and then refused to see me until it was healed."
Me: "Holy fuck I met you before XFactor and Dallas douchebag!? DAMN! You were one of my very first tinder dates EVER."
J: "Yeah, you kinda just disappeared after Dallas..."
Me: "Well I met XF the week after my nose surgery and then I cleared the roster, he was all I ever wanted."
J: "Yeah, you seemed pretty happy."
Me: "J, I am so glad to be here, dancing with you, seeing you but I am not ready for a relationship and I want that to be crystal clear. I need to be free right now."
J: "I get it, and I love how honest we are being."
We dance the night away, hop around to a few different places and finally end up closing out the night at a speakeasy. We uber home together and he goes in for the kiss...
Me: "You reek of sunscreen, I can't handle this - I'm sorry!"
J: "WHAT?! I showered!!"
Me: "I'm sorry its like drinking a cup of coppertone, it's making me feel quite ill..."
Sorry not sorry...sunscreen tastes like shit and he's still a terrible kisser.
To add salt to Jake's wounds for not coming dancing with me I conveniently snapchat at 2:30am a photo of the monuments from my uber with the caption... "don't be mad at me when its onto the next"
Let them wonder...
Sunday: I awake at 11:30am, tired as hell from my nonstop weekend. I call A and tell her to come over. She brings mimosas and we start the gossip train. She tells me everything I need to know about Jake's date, and shows me two other photos she slyly snapped. EPIC. What would we do without awesome bestfriends? After a few mimosas I decide I am not letting some girl steal my hookup buddy from me, I am absolutely competitive and if this was his plan - piss me off so I'd be jealous, well it worked. I DON'T LOSE, DAMMIT.
A and I finish our Sunday Funday and I text Jake... "I think you should come over...right now."
Jake: "How about 6?"
Me: "I've got dinner at 8 (new tinder toad date) so that works. Earlier is better sooooo keep that in mind."
Jake: "Want me to come over in like 30?"
Me: "or now."
Jake: "leaving now."
And before you know it, Jake is at my door. The music is blasting, I'm all kinds of mimosa confident and the second he lays on my bed I'm ontop of him and my clothes are quickly disappearing.
Round 1: amazing. So glad he came over.
discuss his date last night, ask if he slept with her (he didn't), and thennnnn
Round 2: even better than round 1, can I squeeze a 3rd in??
Shit, it's 7pm - I have a date at 8 - gotta get ready. I kick him out and now its onto the next.
Naj, 35, race car driver, 5'11, Indian, great texter, mediocre looking.
We meet at this trendy wine bar, proceed to have a great two hour date talking about what we want in life and then it's over. He's not giving me butterflies, he fails to kiss me (wtf guys) and I head to my car. I am feeling like round 3 with Jake would be a really good idea right now soooo I text him, "just finished dinner, round 3, your place?"
Jake: "Yes, see you soon."
Boom. Round 3, so damn good, can this be my life everyday? I was so sex deprived with XFactor...a girl can definitely get used to GREAT sex, daily.
I leave him and my phone buzzes...
Naj: "You might me proving the unicorn status..."
J: "Hope you're enjoying yourself, I loved seeing you having fun and relaxed last night...it helped me do the same. And you're still the fun-loving, effortless to talk to, smoking hot woman I remember."
Jake: "You are perfect, today was a GREAT day."
Ram: "Can I take you out on Thursday?" (Kanye West date)
Rami: "I need to come to DC, I miss those eyes and your incredible body..." (California tinder group date, round 2)
Well gentleman, take a number in line - I'm a busy girl... ;)
So in one solid month of singleness...I have more options than ever, I have had some seriously good sex, I've met one guy I'd LOVE to date, and life is INSANELY exciting and fresh.
Oh and my confidence is sky high...every guy I meet is trying to lock it down, HEEEEELLLL YA. Who doesn't love all that attention?
This week shall be an interesting one...Will Cyrus ask me out? Ball is definitely in his court for date 5...Despite all the other guys, he is still leading the pack. However - I do expect some rendezvous with Jake...the sexual chemistry this time around is unreal & I am addicted. If only he could get his shit together, we'd have a fighting chance at making it something legit.
Let's see where this week takes us...
Happy Monday!
xo
Elle
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