So I told Jake straight up last week that...
"Sooooo I know I've said this before but obviously the more time I spend with you the closer we get. If I was 22 I'd definitely jump into a relationship with you because back then I didn't care about when I settled down. But now that I am older, I have to care about that and knowing we have very different timelines/goals/geographic preferences - I have to hold back. That being said, I want to spend time with you and enjoy life I just can't fully commit because I really want the next boyfriend I have to be with intent and potential for marriage. And it's completely cool that you're not at that point, I get it and respect it but I want to be honest before you fall in love with me. I don't want to hurt you ever. And honestly, I'm scared of falling in love with you too."
He didn't respond which sent me in a tailspin of anxiety. FINALLY I called him after work and was like hey dude WTF...can we talk.
Jake: "Elle, we have discussed all of this before. It is what it is. I get you have time constraints as a woman and I wish you were 22 too."
Elle: "Okay, so you're not mad??"
Jake: "No, not at all. I'm not gonna just let go of you for no reason though."
Elle: "Okay, good. I'm glad..."
Jake: "If you sleep with someone else...I am going to be really bitter...."
Elle: "I'll let you know if I get to that point."
Case closed. We hooked up later that night and then have seen each other probably 4x since.
He came over, we layed around talking, hooked up and then just kissed for awhile.
Elle: "Jake, this sucks. It's gonna be hard to let you go."
Jake: "Shhhh, why are you saying that?!"
Elle: "Because we both know thats where we are headed."
Jake: "Yeah but we don't need to talk about it. Maybe we aren't."
Elle: "Yeah, we definitely are...I have to keep my goals in mind. Just promise me this time you'll stay my friend?"
Jake: "I can't have this conversation."
What we all expected to happen - did. Feelings were caught by both parties. Only way to end this one is going to be a cold turkey cut off.
But let's not jump the gun! I don't want to cut off the fun without good reason. Also, this text sent to Jake was before XFactor came back around pretending to have his head screwed on straight. So don't even THINK that one thing led to another. I am not closing any doors. ;)
What to do, what to do...Why can't he just want what I want, now? He's not perfect but we have enough that I think we could be good together after a few rounds of boyfriend bootcamp.