You could meet the coolest person and be ready to marry them but if the timing is wrong, nothing will be right.
I kinda think of Liam that way. Had I not met him while finishing my final semester of college when I was an immature child, maybe that would've worked out.
I imagine what it'd be like to meet a 6'4, handsome, greek guy with bright blue eyes who is insanely sweet, romantic, and overall wonderful. These days I keep meeting loser after loser and tall, handsome, Greek babes are nowhere to be found on my tinder. Point is, I don't think I would've let him go had I met him now. But I didn't. I met him then when I was a confused 22 year old, trying to figure out my life. So instead, he marries the ugly 33 year old who knows what to value in a person v the crazy girl seeking thrills/ambition.
This post isn't about Liam - (even though Bestie#1 sent me his engagement photos last night and I hate to report, his fiancee doesn't look quite as terrible as usual. Ugh. OK. The photos are really fucking cute.)
This post is actually about Antonio.
We hung out on Wednesday last week. Had dinner, watched a tv show and hooked up. Super low key but enjoyable. I dipped out around midnight because I had a long/early day of meetings on Thursday and needed to get alllll my beauty sleep.
Friday he invited me to watch football with him and his friends at a bar on Saturday. I made zero plans this weekend so I figured why not? I'm not into sports but when you have nada else to do, whats the harm in pretending? Go team go!
So double trouble and I go downtown and meet up with them. To my surprise, all of Antonio's friends are really cool and really fun. Day drinking is not my forte so in between drinks I am constantly drinking water to make sure I don't wind up drunk, making an idiot of myself. (it's happened many times before)
DT dips out to go meet up with her boyfriend and I'm left to fend for myself. Surprisingly, I don't flounder too much. I try and find something worthwhile to discuss with each person and Antonio seems pleased that I showed up. All in all, I'm doing well. You never know what someones friends already know about you and if they think you're an ugly toad. After the football game we depart and head to a karaoke bar. Oh fuck me, I can't sing to save my life and now all these people I don't know + the guy I'm sleeping with will know how untalented I am. If I drink more, perhaps I won't notice how embarrassing I am?
At the bar, Antonio is super hands on. Really attentive and apparently, really glad I came. He thanked me for coming MAYBE 10,000 times. Which was adorable and sweet. It's nice to hangout with someone who actually gives a fuck if you're having fun or not. (For the record, I was having a great time.)
Fast forward - we go grab food post karaoke and when he goes to the bathroom, his girlfriends corner me.
"Elle, you're so damn cool, I love you with Antonio, how long have you guys been dating?!"
"Eh, we met a little over two months ago. We aren't exclusively dating, just having fun and enjoying life. He's got some X issues to deal with and our timing just isn't quite right...but it's a lot of fun nonetheless"
"Timing is such a bitch, but it seems like he's really into you. IDK, I think he'll get over his ex! Don't give up!"
"My goal isn't to lock him down into exclusivity haha but I promise we will stay friends regardless of where this goes so you will see me again!"
"Ah, but I think there's real potential here...don't give up on him, he won't lose a girl as cool as you!"
Antonio returns to the table and tells me I'm a real hit amongst his friends. I've heard this many times before from the guys I date and somehow, it never gets old.(now how do I win over parents? anyone?) I smile and tell him how his friend thinks we are a great match and how I replied that the ex baggage is definitely a real thing/not the best timing for something legit.
He replies, "yeah, I mean you have your drama too from what I read on the blog..."
Yes, I do. XF is a very real thing/mind fuck. Yet somehow, I don't get the sense mine is as heavy for me as his is on him. I know he saw & hooked up with his ex last weekend which I think is a pretty big deal...they don't do that often so I think it kinda means something?
I also think that when you fear/feel someone is slipping away, you put out an olive branch to try and hold on and make sure the person hasn't/won't forget about you. The idea of someone you loved moving on, without you, and being happy without you is kind of terrifying. I would know, it's happened to me many times and the guy always marries the girl after me. Yeah, you never really get used to that feeling.
So he convinces me to go back to his place (I really wanted to end up at mine) but he has a hot tub, I don't, so he wins. We get there and as per usual Elle & Antonio - clothes are off and things are heated. We jump in the hot tub and he tells me he hasn't read the blog since he found it. He then asks if I actually believe that. Surprisingly, I do. If he was going to lie, he would've never admitted he found it to begin with. I trust him at this stage in this crazy ass game.
So my theory as to why he isn't reading is 1. he doesn't wanna know what other trouble I'm getting into 2. He might actually give a shit if he did know and he's not ready to give a shit about someone new 3. it voids us of all mystery if he can log into a website and read everything I am thinking, the blog is basically a playbook into my mind.
So I keep telling myself our timing is terrible despite having a lot of chemistry and fun...but is that actually the case?
Maybe our timing is perfect. Maybe we are exactly what each other needed at this stage in the breakup game. Something real enough, no expectations, lots of attraction, great sex, and good conversations. Also, how often can you be this honest with someone? I openly told him about my fling with Arash on NYE -- he didn't judge and he gave me good advice. He openly admitted to fucking his ex, I wasn't jealous (which is kinda strange) and somehow I just understood. I remember when Liam and I ended and how hard I'd work to make sure I didn't lose our connection completely because I was scared of what a world without him would look like. I really do "get it".
So yeah, maybe this timing is exactly what we needed...(not saying we are soulmates, relax)
Then again, maybe not.
Stay tuned for the Tinder toad who was also at the bar on Saturday and happened to be standing right next to Antonio for a solid four hours...(spoiler alert, TT didn't approach me, instead just messaged me on tinder today to confirm it was actually me standing next to him...LOSER.)