It's insane when I think about it...just one short month ago I was devastated. Now? I'm not. I feel sexier, & more empowered than ever before.
It's a magical feeling to be quite honest.
When I think about XFactor, it still feels like a funeral...but I definitely am seeing the light at the end of the tunnel now.
We hold onto what we are familiar with because we fear we won't do better...happens all the time and its bullshit. You can do better. You can get what you want. You just CANT be afraid of fucking going for it.
(PS I just got home from a date so my typing is likely gonna be a bit of a mess, hang with me homies.)
We have ALOT to discuss, guys. So much has happened...Grab your popcorn and let's get to it.
Thursday: Baseball double date & Kanye West concert...Baseball was actually alot of fun, Jake and I reconnected and by the time I departed for the concert, I felt reallllly bad leaving him. I knew it was a dick move before I agreed to the concert but this is MY single journey and I owe nothing to anyone. SO fuck it, I was gonna do both because thats what I wanted.
He was legitimately and rightfully pissed I left...We can pick that saga back up later though...
So I get to Kanye and meet my date by the doors of the VIP section...ummmm this is fucking so cool. He looked exactly like his photo, was such a gentleman and very talkative.
HOOOOORAY! This toad is promising! We have a great time chatting about all kinds of stuff, he is attentive, introduces me to everyone in his suite, touches my back when dancing, just super nice and so comfortable.
Then he offers me a drink...I ask for water to be safe...I have a gut feeling this guy doesn't drink-drink considering we went through half a concert with no talk of a cocktail...
Good moves on my part because he doesn't.
Womp, womp, womp, womppppppp.
This might be a stupid dealbreaker but hey, its a lifestyle thing. So we finish out the concert and he offers to drive me home, bonus points.
We get to my house and he's so nervous...I can tell he wants to kiss me but doesn't know what the fuck to do so he doesn't. He says he'd really like to see me again, I agree to see him again...he tells me I am incredibly beautiful, I linger for a second, still no kiss andddd Im out.
Guys who kiss on the first date are always ten steps ahead of the guys who don't. It gives you a gauge of the chemistry which is SO crucial.
He is definitely in my tinder friend zone though...so nice and an awesome guy to be friends with but I don't see a future in that one...that being said, we have a date Thursday night.
Onto Friday aka CYRUS!!!
So I planned and paid for our date Friday. Trying to show initiative and girlfriendy traits...We did topgolf which was a ton of fun. He taught me how to hit the ball, kissed me in between and was just overall fantastic. (God, I am so into him it's kind of pathetic to write about - sorry guys)
Anyways, we go back to his place after topgolf, he makes dirty martinis aka my fave and we start chatting about all kinds of random stuff, he plays the guitar for me, we sing to songs we both like, just good times and good vibes. After I finish my second martini I finally get the guts to ask..."how many people have you slept with since me?"
Cy: long ass pause, "just one."
Me: "That was a reallllllly long pause for just one..."
Cy: "I had to remember when you left town again...what about you?"
Me: "I haven't slept with anyone since you."
Cy: "Yeah right."
Me: "Think what you want, but I haven't and I'm offended at your response."
Cy: "Okay, I believe you."
Then I proceed to get all quiet and weird....he starts playing with my hair and pulls me in to kiss me...that progresses and we head into his room.
We are making out and I pause..."I feel weird hooking up with you knowing you just slept with someone else..."
Cy: "I couldve lied but I didn't Elle..."
Me: "Yeah, which I appreciate but am I crazy for feeling weird now?"
Cy: "To be honest, if you had slept with someone else...I'd feel weird right now too...so no, you're not crazy."
We proceed to make out some more and as things start heading in the sex direction I tell him it's a bad time of the month so we gotta raincheck it...He's cool with it, we keep kissing, do other things and then start to slumber into sleep...
Do I stay or do I go?
It's 1:30am and I'm torn...I brought my contact case + toothbrush but then we have to do the awkward morning thing....Fuck it, I'm going to go home. I kiss him goodbye and sneak out to find an uber.
Next day, he texts to see if I made it home OK and we discuss just normal day to day bs.
Overall - seeing him again reminded me just how amazing he is. I don't care that he's my height, I want to date him and I hope to God he plans our next date ASAP so I know we are on the same page...PLEASE let this guy pan out, pleaaaaaaseeeeee.
Saturday was a complete shitshow...Sunday, an even bigger one. So much to say...stay tuned. (This drunk typing is way harder than I anticipated so the rest of the weekend is going to have to wait until tomorrow.)
PS I had sex with Jake x3 today and holy fuck was it good. Let that teaser hold you over until we get to that hot mess of a story.
Shits about to get goooooooood.