ARASH IS BACK WITH J.
It's really AWFUL that he lasted so long and then BOOM 2016 hits and they're back together. She even called today to confirm that they were deleting their dating apps.
It all began yesterday when....
He went to fetch our friend Kat from the airport and told her that "he is taking a dating hiatus..." She asks, "what do you mean a hiatus? Not going out with a bunch of girls orrrr going out with just one girl?"
He gives her THE guilty as fuck look and she screams, "NO, NOT J!!!! DON'T DO IT!!!!!"
I get home yesterday - no Arash. I call, I text - no answer... Kat warned me of what was potentially happening, but I refused to believe he was actually this stupid.
Kat comes over, we proceed to continue blowing up his phone anddddd nada.
Then finally, he responds to Kat and says I'm busy, talk later.
This news is beyond depressing. Now, I have to be fake nice every time this leech shows up at my house and I absolutely cannot tolerate being fake or the sound of her voice. I hateeeeee being fake (which is why everyone calls me blunt because I don't do fake shit) but I have to preserve my relationship with my roommate and thus paint a faux smile on.
I had a bad feeling that if we didn't do NYE together, he'd do something stupid like this. It's like a child, you have to supervise or else they're going to go mess up their life and yours.
Kat is convinced that either her or Mia are gonna snap one day at J and say everything we all think about her. I pray to God they take care of that early on so she steers clear of our social circle and I don't look like the asshole roommate.
Kat and I were rightfully pissed so we decided to go out for drinks to drown our sorrows. First bar we go to is packed with losers and the WORST dj my ears have ever witnessed. I swear to God, Linkin Park circa 1996 was being played. Linkin Park sucked back then, NO need to bring it into 2016. Headache inducing music.
Then these two Kurdish clowns pop up behind and say, "ladies we hope you like shots because we just ordered four!"
Ugh. Now we have to talk to you. Greeeeat.
Oh and Kat has ZERO voice so I have to talk double to both of these idiots.
They ask what my background is and I say Persian/Swedish.
"Wow, you don't look Swedish at all,"
"I want to see your mother."
Me: Whips out facebook and photo of mom, dad and I and shows clown #1.
"WOW, your father looks JUST like Saddam Hussein!!!!!!"
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME?
I put my phone away and promptly stop speaking.
"Hey, that was a joke! I mean, he really does look like him but that is just my sense of humor."
I can't even follow it up with a sarcastic/bitchy response. Is there a sign on my forehead that says please offend me in ANY Middle Eastern way possible?
I honestly don't get it guys. What the hell. First, I relive the drama with Bobby and the Osama comment NOW I get some dbag who thinks equating my Dad to a dirtbag is funny?
GET ME OUT OF HERE.
So we switch bars. We walk in, order drinks, sit down and BOOM - two new toads are front row, center.
And they bring us shots too. Soco and lime...aka I am 16 again at a house party.
Whatever, we take the shot and the are stuck talking to these tools. Mind you, Kat still has no voice so it's alllll me, allllll night - zero diffusion.
This time, they think I look like one of their friends. They whip out a photo and BOOM - the girl is blonde and really ugly. "Ummm, how wasted are you two because I am clearly not blonde or heinous?"
"Oh, it's your personalities! That's how you look alike. You're both really, errrrr direct."
"Ohhh, so the girl you're equating me with is the same one you both were saying how much you disliked a few minutes ago?"
"Errrr...I mean, she's nice - we were kidding."
ERRRR, FUCK OFF NOW, K THX BYE.
So the positive news: guys bought us drinks in the New Year (& that is a rare thing these days)
The bad news: Arash is back with J aka Devil Spawn, my father was equated to another terrorist, and apparently I am a fat blonde girl who is very direct.
Cheers! This is surely going to be one hell of a year.