I love being productive, organized, etc but some days it really is struggle city.
Today is one of them.
I am working and knocking things off my to-do list but meh, my desire to leave my apartment and run errands is non-existent.
Anyone else ever feel this crazy weight of laziness?
I don't even think I am working out today, that's how bad this is.
Anyways, onto some life updates.
Miami Saturday - cannot wait. Get me in the sunshine! I've been counting my macros religiously for almost three weeks and it's been tedious/addicting. I'm looking forward to this mini vacation where I don't track anything and just live lifeeeee freely. I really enjoy routines but I am super excited to break free of them for a few.
This past Saturday was almost the first Antonio meets XF situation. I figured it is gonna happen eventually - Antonio and I are still friends, (we did a spin class together Thursday night) and we might as well get this meet and greet over with.
I don't think it'll be weird because there's nothing left between A and I anymore. XF knows we've kissed, I didn't admit anything else because I didn't see the use in it. Had I said, yes we have slept together he would absolutely not be cool with us being friends at all and that just makes life more complicated than necessary.
SO a big group of us are out and Antonio was on the way to meet us around 9pm with another girlfriend of his. We are in the uber and I get a call from him and he's frantic... "I just crashed my bike, lost my glasses, I'm bleeding, I hit my head."
"Are you okay?! Do you need help? Where are you?"
"I'm wasted, I'm walking home but there is blood everywhere. Meet me at my house, just uber here. It's only 9pm, I can recover."
I am in an uber with five other people, no chance of a detour to save Antonio -- he'd be more embarrassed than anything if I did do that. So we get to the bar and I call him back to see if he needs me. I am a few blocks away and can easily uber over real quick to check on him.
He insists he's fine and goes to bed.
What kind of moron decides drunk biking is a good idea? Uber exists for a reason, good grief.
It's a blessing he didn't show up - a belligerent A would not make a good impression on the rest of the group, esp. XF.
So they didn't meet. One day, one day...
We were at this gay bar that I went to with Antonio once and the whole time I kept thinking about that time.
On Saturday, I wanted to dance, XF refused. So I went and danced with other people and left him next to the tv to watch sports.
When Antonio was with me, we were dancing, laughing, and having a really good time. His focus was 1000% on me, exactly how I want it.
Then I remember when I invited A to the holiday gala for Adi's birthday and how the music was terrible and so were the drinks yet he was still spinning and twirling me around the dance floor, laughing the entire time.
That brought me back to the 2x I've taken XF to a gala...Simply put, I have WAY more fun with Antonio.
That's the part that really sucks/is so frustrating. Antonio is a hot mess of a human being, likely why he is so much fun.
XF isn't a mess. Now that we have weathered the storm of the Armenians, he's really become quite solid. Therapy has helped him tune in more and focus when I'm telling a story, etc.
That being said - when I tell XF one of my ideas, I often get an eye roll. When I tell Antonio, he's always so encouraging. (unless it involves my yoga pants, then he's just a giant douche)
Why can't I find one guy who has it all? It sucks that XF's strengths are A's weaknesses and vice versa. If I could mesh them both together (& add 5 inches because neither are tall enough), I'd have the almost perfect guy.
Smart, funny, successful, ambitious, sexual, impulsive, outgoing, stable, and intimate.
When I pick XF I lose funny, sexual, impulsive, and intimate.
When I pick A (which isn't even an option but if it was), I lose smart, successful (he hates his job and to me there is more than $ involved with success), stability, and ambition.
I know I'm not perfect and if someone meshed me with some other girl, they'd likely find the right mix too. But I am the one with the blog thus I'm writing my thoughts, for better or for worse. If you're reading this Antonio, sorry?
Heres to letting go of this idea of the "almost" perfect mate.
PS I almost forgot to mention....XF and I went ring shopping Saturday. Our 3 years of knowing each other (can't say of 'being together' since we've broken up 14,000x) is June 1. Idk if I want a proposal any time soon but fingers crossed I figure that out. My aunt gave me some really good advice..."sometimes you just need to commit to something and then work your ass off to make it the best scenario. The good things take work so stop wallowing in indecision and jump in or jump out." After three years, I think it's time we finally fucking just do it and then continue to improve as we go. There's gotta be some significance in the fact that he is the ONLY guy I've ever dated that I couldn't seem to let go of (despite trying really fucking hard to).
When I think back to my ex's and I compare them to XF, it's not even a comparison. I went from dating mediocre losers (Bobby was a cheater/ total redneck family, Nate still hasn't left Ohio/likely never will, Liam's mom was still doing his laundry at age 31, & to this day Babak STILL hasn't moved out of his parents fucking house) to dating someone at the top of their game who is crazy smart, highly ambitious, very independent, and who wants the same things as me in life.
(kids, geographic location, etc)
So if you wonder why I've held on to XF the past three years, there you have it. Even with his shit box family, he still tops my leader board x100. #doeshisownlaundry #cookshisownfood #hashisownapartment #smallvictories #whydoguysinthisgenerationsucksomuch?