Once and for all, take the leap or close the damn door.
It's crazy how the tables have turned. Instead of me giving him the ultimatums, it's me giving myself one.
Do I keep him forever or do I let him swim on to the Armenian beckys in the sea?
Therapy has truly changed him for the better. It's amazing how a professional can really make an impact that a nagging gf/ex gf cannot.
He has someone he can ask for advice who has been trained to give it. As a doctor, this fella LOVES someone who has been "well trained" in their career.
His capacity to listen to my stories, listen to me vent, validate my feelings (whether he personally agrees or not), and just to be present in the moment has turned 180 degrees the past few months. That being said, I've only seen him a handful of times? (Seriously, I think we are at #3? in 5.5months?)
You all know that we'd break up and then a week later it'd be back on in some capacity.
This time, things have been quite different. When he crawled back in October and I harshly laid out all of the qualms I had in our relationship that weren't related to his POS family, he listened. When I continually refused to see him, he was desperate, and offered to go to therapy.
Now he has been in therapy every week since November, he does his therapy homework diligently, and he practices the tools the therapist has given him to be a better person in general.
Don't get me wrong, XF is an amazing guy. Can you imagine a life where...your husband respects you, thinks you are the funniest AND prettiest, will let you do whatever you want, whenever you want, is cool with you staying at home with your future babies one day, will let you pick all future vaca destinations, makes you gourmet meals constantly/will meal prep ANYTHING I want for my weeks, buys you flowers weekly (that was a struggle but he caved to it and on Sunday actually admitted he really enjoys doing it now), and who loves your mom/hangs out with her without you, by choice?! Oh AND can't WAIT to be a dad? (Finding guys who are sure they want kids these days is tough shit)
I mean, there are way more things to add to the good list but damn, he's really a great fella. (I don't write about the good stuff much because the dramatic stuff took over our relationship.) OH and he's more than willing to get a job in Southern California so I can be near my family while raising kids. (It does help he has family in SoCal too but I know he'd prefer NorCal.)
Many of my relationships have come to a halt because of my dream to move home and have kids in California one day. East Coast guys aren't all that eager to move West. Sure, I LOVE DC now (took me awhile) but I've been here since 2010, I think it'd be OK to give California a chance and see if I can do it full-time...I know DC is a home I can always come back to and I know XF would be willing to live here too if I changed my mind and said I can't be a West Coaster anymore/I miss DC living.
Point is, we can build a life together and we want the same things. Sure, his parents suck but he didn't ask for them to be racists assholes - We can't help that and we can't change that. Finaaaaaalllllly he has come to terms with it too. He's over the drama and when I say, I'm ready - he's ready to poptheQ. (FINALLY)
Literally I told him, if we are ever "back together" it'll come as a shock to most because it'll go from, Elle is single to Elle is engaged overnight. Luckily, I don't give a fuck what anyone has to say about that because no one will understand this journey besides XF and myself. I know that if I choose him, that the choice is final and there are no other options anymore. I won't torture myself by wondering if the grass is greener on the other side, etc.
SO I am going to try and give myself a timeline to make this decision and that timeline is June 1. Which would be our three year anniversary.
That being said, if that date rolls around and I'm still completely lost, I'm not going to push myself. But right now I think people are right and having a timeframe for deciding what I'm going to do might be useful.
If I pick him, I'll be engaged shortly after and the blog will bid you farewell. In July of 2018, we will pack our bags and move to California (right before my 30th birthday which was my game plan all along), and we will get married on New Year's Eve of 2018. My new chapter of life will begin and the rest will be history.
Right now, my life resembles the TV show Friends. Our group is so tight knit, we know everything going on in each others lives, we hangout constantly, we are all single (unmarried), live within a few blocks, and we have a LOT of fun. It's weird/sad to imagine when life won't be like that. I want to take my friends everywhere I go. I can't imagine living in California and not having them down the street anymore. I want them popping up in my living room without invitation, forever.
Ahhhhhhh so crazy to imagine what the future holds. All I know for sure is I love my life right now. I love being single and enjoying doing whatever I want, I enjoy my friends, my living situation, my lifestyle, and my work.
I am loving the journey regardless of which path I wind up taking and I think for me, as a results oriented person, it's a pretty big departure to be THIS okay with all of the unknown. At the end of the day it's 1. marry a guy who is obsessed with you and wants to have an amazing life with you or 2. marry another guy who is different from the first guy but who hopefully loves you as much and wants the same things too.
Doesn't sound too bad when you think of it like that, right?