"It made me feel a little hopeless about dating in this godforsaken city. … "
Speed Dating 101
If your friend brings up trying speed dating and you’re genuinely looking for any sort of a promising man, brace yourself … you’ll be in for a long night. At least, that’s what happened in my case — thank god it was not my investment.
So here’s how it went down.
My friend Lucy got a Groupon offer for speed dating. It seemed like a fun concept and both of us were really fouling out with men and online dating lately. So we thought, why the heck not? We’ll go and best case scenario we may actually hit it off with someone, worst case scenario, we’ll have some funny stories to tell, right? Right indeed.
The group we signed up for was in the 26-37 age range (I’m 26, Lucy is 34 but looks pretty much my age). We got to the event (held at a hotel bar, which was actually pretty nice), signed in and started sizing up our competition and our potential companions. It didn’t look too hot from the get go. The men were all shapes and sizes, some dressed unfortunately schleppy, others (presumably from work) wore suits and others still were somewhere in between. They rang the bell and called us over to set it up and get the whole thing started. Lucy and I (thankfully!) went for happy hour first, and each had a cocktail with us to bring to the speed dating room. Here’s what happens:
They set up all the girls at tables with a sheet of paper and a pencil with instructions on what to write down (the person’s name, his name tag number and any details to remember him by) and then the guys got to sit down wherever they wanted to start. They rang the bell and it was off to the races! Each date was to last 4 minutes, once it’s over the gentleman moves on to his next lady. Here are just a few of the memorable “dates” I had:
Date 1: Sits down and is actually dressed pretty nice. He was wearing an ironed blue button down, a well-tailored pair of jeans, and easily the best looking of the bunch. Ok, I’m thinking, he chose to sit at my table first, that’s a good sign. As soon as he sits down he whips out a deck of cards and starts doing card tricks. I can appreciate a good card trick every now and then, but when you’re trying to talk to someone and find out their interests/hobbies/what they’re all about, it’s difficult not to be distracted when you’re being asked to pick a card and remember it and tap the deck then shuffle it etc. etc. He tells me he’s a dance teacher and schoolteacher for a living … but he also lives 50+ miles away. Sorry magic man, pass.
Date 2: Super sweet older gentleman. And I definitely mean older. Even though the age range on the event said 26-37, I guess that’s not a hard and fast rule. A good chunk of the gentlemen there were pushing 40/in their mid-40s. Just not for me. But I hope he found/finds a lovely lady! He was very nice to chat with.
Date 5: Learned his passion was “Legos” … immediately tuned out for the rest of the time we had (read: number of seconds I had to bullshit) left.
Date 11: This guy sat down already on his phone texting, emailing who knows what. (Rude, c’mon man.) We only have 4 mins to talk and he was wasting precious time. I asked if he was going to be on his phone, if he minded if I went and used the restroom. (We had been sitting for more than an hour already.) I scurried off and back in a minute or so but when I got back he had left the table. Lucy (who was sitting a table away from me) said he got up in a huff about me not being at the table. Sorry my friend, you brought the uninterested attitude when you sat down on your phone and also — I just really had to go to the bathroom! (I was three glasses of wine and a vodka soda in at this point.)
Date 14: Very into house/EDM music, talked about how he thought he was going to be the next Tiesto, didn’t ask really any questions about me. Next.
Date 15: Kept promoting his buddy’s “lounge” … snooze.
Date 17: Dull as dirt … pass.
Date: 20: Said he “loves to travel” … has yet to venture off the East Coast. What even? I get that traveling is expensive, takes time and money but if you really “love to travel,” you make it happen … and that’s what you spend money on: experiences, great times, seeing amazing sights etc. Hard for me to believe you love to travel, sir.
We had I believe 21 dates in total, then afterward we scooted to the bar to settle up our tabs and leave.
All in all, it was an eye-opening experience. It made me feel a little hopeless about dating in this godforsaken city. … though a lot of the people there were from places at least 40 or 50 miles away. (I don’t get that, if I’m dating someone I’d like them to live somewhat close.) But it also allowed me to brush up on my conversation techniques and flirting skills with no major setbacks or threats of awful rejection. OH well.
Until next time …
P.S.Below - incase you wanted to see a video on just how awkward this really is.