I am really awesome and decide to confront my problems via text so I decided to text X Factor tonight and say....
"It is with a heavy heart that I think we should move forward as friends. Romantically I want to be with someone who is ready to move forward and doesn't tell me "I don't know why I'm not ready" every time it comes up. It'd be different if you could give me a legitimate reason why you're not ready but you never do. Clearly we are and have been on two, very different pages and you don't see that changing anytime soon. If you want to talk, you can call."
He wants to "collect his thoughts" before we discuss this again. For me, you marry me or you let me go and it's time to decide. I know it's a big decision but I chose him a long, long time ago and it's so hard to wait for someone to choose you back.
I was hoping the saga of Elle and XF was over. I reaaaaaallllly was but here we go again. SSDD, I know.
I don't have the desire to date others, but I do have the desire to close this chapter if that is what needs to happen. I want to close it NOW not six months or a year from now.
Adding to the drama - J and Arash had quite the night. She got wasted off long island iced teas...
To save you an hour of your life - the summary is:
shes jealous he didn't invite her to the movies tonight with his friends, she is jealous he spends more time with me than her (we live together, DUHHHH), she actttttuuuuallly said, "When Elle finally dumps X Factor, maybe you should just date her instead!" -- He swiftly hung up on her and said, "J. this conversation is OVER."
She proceeded to keep calling on repeat. Then starts crying. Then mentions how she thinks he's ashamed of her because Mia, Kat and I don't like her. She even referenced when she was rude as fuck to Mia and said, "I don't know why me not speaking to her was that big of a deal!"
Oh sista, keep diggin that grave. dig, dig, dig, dig, dig!
It got so ridiculous that I was laughing and had to bite my sweatshirt to hold back the noise.
Arash had his head down the entire time in shame and frustration.
Finally, after hang up number 3 - he jumps out of bed and goes, "we need alcohol, now."
Mind you, he also read my entire conversation with X factor -- and he said I definitely was succinct in what I was asking for but it comes across as I don't want to be with X.
I do want to be with X. I've always wanted to be with him since I met him. What I DONT want is to waste my time with a guy who doesn't feel the same way about me as I do him.
Guess what? That is EXACTLY what I am doing.
Lastly, Ta invited me to London and I declined. I've never been on a private jet or to London but now just isn't the time. I have a black eye, I can't run from my problems, I just need to stay put. It does thrill me that he offered and that the timing was so great in my moment of angst.
Ta ta for now - this weekend will certainly prove to be an interesting one so stay tuned.