XF still isn't 'ready'.
"Okay? If you want me to keep holding on to this, why aren't you ready and what will it take for you to BE ready?"
"It's a gut feeling, Elle. You can't put timelines or pressure on these things."
"Oh...so you just don't feel it....and I am supposed to wait and expect that you will?"
"You know I am committed to you and want to spend my life with you. I don't want to be alone, I want to have a family, and I want to do that with you."
"You know....the order in which you said that is very worrisome...."
"Elle, stop misconstruing everything I say."
"I need to know what needs to change for you to be 'ready'. Do we need to work on something? Do you need to save more $ for a ring? Do you need your parents to approve? What is this missing piece? Things with you and I are as good as they've ever been so WHAT is it."
"I just don't know."
"Well, I can't deal with that answer anymore. I need something legitimate otherwise let me go. You propose or you let me go. It is really clean cut for me."
"Engagement is a big deal ELLE!!!!!"
"Why? Nothing changes between us except a title and my family can finally trust that you aren't wasting my time. So things get DRASTICALLY better for me but our day to day, remains the same. Why are you making this into an earth shattering ordeal???!"
"You're right...nothing will change between us and our day to day. So WHAT IS THE RUSH!!!"
"THE FUCKING RUSH IS THAT MY FAMILY WONT LET YOU INTO THEIR HOMES UNLESS YOU'RE MY FIANCEE BECAUSE THEY THINK YOU'RE USING ME. YOU'RE BORED AND LONELY IN RESIDENCY AND AS SOON AS THAT IS DONE, YOU'LL MOVE BACK TO YOUR PARENTS AREA AND FIND AN ARMENIAN GIRL AND APPEASE THEM AND I WILL BE LEFT IN THE DUST. I have had enough. I need space. See you next week."
So I told my friend ZP from college about all of this and he said, "Elle, you're so successful for a reason - you never give up and you work so hard but you can't apply business techniques to dating. If he isn't ready, you can't force him to be and that is all there is to it."
So, no ring in my immediate future.
In other news - as I was writing this, my friend Ta who took me to Turkey just called and is in Manhattan. He suggested Bahamas or London for the long weekend. I said sure, either works for me.
So Kat & Mia, sorry if I miss movies & our workouts....free travel called and I picked up ;) What timing!