We grow up fantasizing about marrying the perfect human, having kids, buying some awesome house, taking our kids to disney and retiring in Europe. Well, maybe not exactly like that but you get the idea.
So you meet a person you're willing to sleep with exclusively for the rest of your life. The sex is decent/good (finding the person who is AMAZING is pretty rare) so let's just leave it at decent. They are a nice human, pretty attractive, have a job, etc.
You don't really think there is better out there/you're tired of looking so you say I do and the contract of marriage is signed.
Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years. Maybe your spouse isn't quite as exciting and outgoing as he/she was when you met. Perhaps they have put on quite a bit of weight and while love is supposed to be unconditional, attraction isn't. Maybe your spouse just doesn't put in that same level of effort anymore to keep your relationship spicy and exciting and things have gotten really, really routine - (ahem, your sex life.)
Then you meet someone else and while you do love your partner you are really physically craving something new. The new person isn't someone you'd want to marry, more so someone who can fulfill a physical need that isn't being met like it used to be.
Can you be honest with your partner and ask permission for a hall pass? Or would that be the kiss of death for this marriage? Do you sneak behind their back and get the physical fulfillment met?
Is it really realistic that the same person can fulfill your sexual needs forever?
I don't ponder this because I am looking to bang someone else, I just think about it logically... Before marriage you can date and sleep with whomever you want. Things get stale, you move onto the next person. You rack up some decent sexual experiences and then one day, you sign that marriage contract and never again will you experience the thrill of someone new.
Doesn't that right there set up marriage as a bit of mess? How does one person stay engaging and exciting in bed for the rest of their lives with the same person??
Curious as to what others think on this... Am I awful for ever even pondering this?
LMK.
Elle
So you meet a person you're willing to sleep with exclusively for the rest of your life. The sex is decent/good (finding the person who is AMAZING is pretty rare) so let's just leave it at decent. They are a nice human, pretty attractive, have a job, etc.
You don't really think there is better out there/you're tired of looking so you say I do and the contract of marriage is signed.
Fast forward 5, 10, 15 years. Maybe your spouse isn't quite as exciting and outgoing as he/she was when you met. Perhaps they have put on quite a bit of weight and while love is supposed to be unconditional, attraction isn't. Maybe your spouse just doesn't put in that same level of effort anymore to keep your relationship spicy and exciting and things have gotten really, really routine - (ahem, your sex life.)
Then you meet someone else and while you do love your partner you are really physically craving something new. The new person isn't someone you'd want to marry, more so someone who can fulfill a physical need that isn't being met like it used to be.
Can you be honest with your partner and ask permission for a hall pass? Or would that be the kiss of death for this marriage? Do you sneak behind their back and get the physical fulfillment met?
Is it really realistic that the same person can fulfill your sexual needs forever?
I don't ponder this because I am looking to bang someone else, I just think about it logically... Before marriage you can date and sleep with whomever you want. Things get stale, you move onto the next person. You rack up some decent sexual experiences and then one day, you sign that marriage contract and never again will you experience the thrill of someone new.
Doesn't that right there set up marriage as a bit of mess? How does one person stay engaging and exciting in bed for the rest of their lives with the same person??
Curious as to what others think on this... Am I awful for ever even pondering this?
LMK.
Elle
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