I got this gut feeling, similar to the one I had August 10th when I ended it with XF...I felt there was more to the story as to why he wasn't proposing, besides his fucktard parents.
So I called him.
I know I've been a bitch but you're honestly going to ignore me?
No, no, no, no ya don't.
I text him, we need to talk - I am finally ready.
He says, "what's the agenda Elle? There always is one."
"No agenda, XF."
"So you honestly just want to chat and catch up?"
"Something like that..."
We of course get into it...Me - how the fuck have you not contacted me? WTF is wrong with you? Aren't you upset? Don't you want me back!?
Him - WTF is all this bullshit everyone keeps reporting to me on social media, WTF Elle you're fucking with me and it's shady and it makes me not want to speak to you.
I try to defend myself, I do a terrible job, he keeps telling me that he 100000% would have proposed when he felt ready...DUDE, WHEN THE FUCK WAS THAT EVER GOING TO BE? Enough is enouggggghhhh.
We hang up and start texting. The mood lightens a bit.
Mind you, I didn't reach out to rekindle. In past situations - that was typically my goal but this time...I know I really can't. I owe it to myself to really focus on myself and not settle. Even though he's going to be incredibly successful, it was still settling.
So this morning on facebook I see a photo of him with a coworker...she is a painter and she painted a portrait of him...a photo I took of him and sent to her...I text him to let him know it's a great photo, nice to see it. He replies, we are OK...
Then I do my daily ritual of reading my horoscope...now that it's September, I get the big kahuna month long one...It's of course insanely accurate and all the sudden I feel compelled to email him. You read that below, if you haven't go do so.
Let's diagnose his reply...
1. He is accepting that I am moving on, still not trying to get me back...what?
2. He knows me well....I always have an agenda when it comes to dating. There is always a strategy and for damn good reason...there NEEDS to be.
3. It's nice to know he won't be dead to me and if I need him, he'll be there...I don't plan on "needing" anyone for awhile but it's a nice sentiment...
4. How the fuck am I going to handle when he finds someone else? If she's not Armenian....MAN, it's gonna suck. PLEASE God let me move on first...Put the guy I am going to marry in my path, PLEASE. I am so sick of molding the perfect guy just so he will end up with the bitch after me.
5. Now I really am free to move on....HOLY SHIT that's insane.
So right now, that's what is going through my mind...I am excited to be able to stop torturing him by making an idiot of myself on snapchat, that served its purpose and now I can go back to living without caring who is watching.
Sigh. Back to DC tomorrow night...Z planned a date for Tuesday, he's still perfect. Jake will see me whenever, nada from Cyrus.