Last night was a date night with XF.
He shows up with my kitty cats that he happily babysat all of February and hands me my Valentine's Day gift which was incredibly thoughtful AND useful.
Has anyone ever stayed at a Westin hotel? If you have, you'll notice their lobby and hallways smell insanely good - always.
Well, I am kind of obsessed with perfume, candles, diffusers, etc so XF got me the Westin White Tea home diffuser which is quite pricey and so thoughtful!
We've never stayed at a Westin together so for him to know that their hotel scent is my absolute favorite is crazy! Clearly, I loved the gift.
(Guys, you gotta come over and sniff my apartment, it's soooooo gooooood)
So he kept saying, "wheres my gift, wheres my gift?" And I kept telling him he's too hard to shop for, etc.
SO finally we are laying in my bed and start kissing when his hands start to wander. I take off my sweatshirt dress and expose the lingerie I'm wearing. (If this isn't an effort to spice things back up, IDK what is) and I say, here's your gift, unwrap me.
We have mediocre sex, get dressed, and head into the city.
We hop around to a few different locations for drinks and food. We catch each other attacking the other at random, stupid points throughout the night.
1. (before we left) I went to grab a cat from the backseat and he jumped past me, leading to a crazy game of cat and mouse through my parking garage and XF was ready to murder me. Clearly I didn't mean to let the cat out/didn't think he'd run - this isn't ideal for me to be running around in lingerie under a sweatshirt dress....I stayed calm and he kept calling me an idiot. We didn't handle it well.
2. I asked about his friends wedding and he thought I was asking about someone who is already married to which I replied, "no dumbfuck, they are obviously already married." That was a bit much for a simple mixup...My bad/wtf is wrong with me?
3. The uber dropped us off nowhere near our destination and he goes, "Jesus Elle, can't you fucking put the address in?" Ummm jackass, I may suck at directions BUT I damn well put the address in, I've never been to this restaurant thus I didn't realize he dropped us in the wrong place. "Let me type it in, I don't trust you" -- You don't trust that I know how to spell the name of the restaurant? DAMN, blame the goddamn driver, not me.
4. He said something romantic and I asked a completely unrelated question which then "killed the mood". The way he says romantic things, never come across as romantic and thus they don't really register for me. Once again, my bad.
This is a random interjection but my aunt in California asked me when I was home if I'd be with XF if he wasn't successful and smart. I instantly said no. He doesn't fulfill enough of the other things I want in a partner for me to say yes. She then said, you have your answer on what you need to do. I'm not with XF for $ but I am not attracted to stupid guys who aren't highly ambitious and driven. I don't want a mediocre life. I've always known that mediocre is exactly what I want to avoid (Looking at you Liam). I feel like a power couple with XF and we have all the same hobbies/interests (except I like the gym more than he does.) I felt like a gold digger after my aunt asked me that so I decided to tell XF about the convo, word for word. I told him without his success, I'd be out the door. He said, success draws me to you too, I would've never dated you if you didn't have a career/weren't really ambitious. SO we are equally guilty in this which did make me feel better but also made me sad that maybe we value the wrong things in each other. Today he showed me my engagement ring stock account fund...I'm not going to share the amount but it's a little insane. I think he knows he can play those cards with me and remind me that no one else can bring to the table the stability, common interests, ambition, and kindness that he can. When I saw that account I felt sick and wished he hadn't shown me. Don't use these things to draw me in, I wish I didn't know. It also made me think...maybe I could be happy with a guy with a small house, a mediocre ring, but who provided the best emotional and physical connection. Butttttttt I really just want it all. :(
A part of me thinks we will never be able to fix this emotional intelligence bridge between us. I am very high on the EQ spectrum and he has virtually none. I know therapy takes time and I am giving it to him BUT it is really taxing to be patient and not lose my temper every few minutes. At one point, I was thinking about Rami and how it's kinda nice his english isn't perfect because it leaves less room for argument. Isn't that terrible?
Anyways, I think that our underlying issue with the sexual disconnect is my discontentment with his EQ. IF that can drastically improve, so will the sex.(thats the underlying issue that therapist suggested) I was telling a friend today how I'd really like him to lose some weight and tone up...and she said, when you really love someone, you don't notice their flaws like that - there is an underlying issue that losing weight won't fix for you two. And she's right. I remember Bobby had the WORST acne and everyone was baffled at how it didn't bother me but Bobby fulfilled my top two love languages, 100% - (words & physical) so his acne was never on my radar. I really loved him.
What sucks is XF is trying. He will say nice things and tell me he loves me but the way he executes it seems forced/isn't romantic at all. He does this sing songy "I loveeeee you" thing that I find absolutely infuriating.
Luckily, he's traveling for a lot of March so I will have more time to keep overthinking everything, dating other people, and enjoying my singleness.
On that front - I've talked to Rami a littttttle bit (nothing notable, book a flight already - I miss your body), I am seeing Antonio for a spin & coffee friend date Sunday morning, I have a date with a new tinder toad Sunday evening, and two more toads lined up for the following week. (one toad studied with Arash and the other knows/works on a start up with one of my business mentors...)
Lastly, I reached out to Rams to hang as friends. I think enough time has passed that we can actually be cool/he is the nicest guy so I'd like to keep him. Also successfully turned another tinder toad (persian fella, idk what we named him) into my friend and he's been up my ass to hangout too. Maybe I should hold a meet up with all of my tinder toad friends? I could surely fill a room. ;)
(gold stars to G and Sam for being my favorites)
That's about it in the wild world of Elle. Wish me luck on Sunday's date...he is quite a story but I'm gonna save it all for after we've met.