Where to begin.
I just hung up with XF...
XF: "What'd you do Friday night?"
E: "Went out with Arash"
XF: "Really? That's it?"
E: "Yeah, why?"
XF: "Why was he complaining he had to feed the cats at 5am Saturday then?"
E: "He didn't feed the cats, I was in bed, pretty sure I did."
XF: "Hmmmm...he said he did....You sure you slept in your own bed?"
E: "Yes, I know where I slept."
MOTHERFUCKING CAUGHT is what I am. JFC Arash, I made you PROMISE to go along with we went out together Friday night and you go mess it up in your own, blonde way. I know its unfair of me to ask him to keep my dating secrets but guess what? He's fucking 3 girls at the same time right now so IF I let something slip about Becky 1 in front of Becky 2, I'm sure he'd be prettttty livid too. Roommate code goddamnit.
Haven't heard from Antonio since Saturday AM, how shocking. Not.
XF asked what my NYE plans were. I told him I'm hosting a party. "Did my invite get lost in the mail?"
E: "No, but Jake and his friends are invited and I am not dealing with the two of you in the same place."
XF: "Fucking uninvite him, that is such bullshit ELLE!!!!!"
E: "I am not uninviting someone who is my FRIEND now. We are NOT back together and while it sucks we won't see each other on NYE, IT IS WHAT IT FUCKING IS."
XF: "I gotta go, fuck this, goodbye."
Do I want XF there > Jake? No, I absolutely don't. Wanna know who creates 0 drama in my life and showed up at my door with a bag full of Xmas gifts last night? Jake. He is drama free, easy breezy, fun fucking times. XF tends to annoy the shit out of me and I'm not ready for him to jump back into my social life, I haven't made up my mind about ANYTHING. Sure, I let him come to Xmas dinner because everyone should have somewhere to go but NYE, he can do his thing. We don't need to ring that in together. End of story.
I gotttta cut shit off with Rams. He texted last night, I still haven't replied. I cannnnnnot sleep with him, I can't date him. I just gotta extricate. I did give it a chance because the nice guy does deserve to win sometimes but I just CAN'T. UGH.
I really don't want a boyfriend at all right now. I want freedom. I want peace and quiet to decide how I want my future to look. Do I want to commit to XF and commit to making that life work? Do I want to talk to a therapist again about all of this? Do I want to see if dipshit Antonio gets his act together? Do I just want to keep tindering around town, doing whatever I want?
Point is - IDK what I want and I don't want to feel tied into ANYTHING or ANYONE. That is all I know with 1000000% certainity right now.
Tomorrow I could decide something completely different but I don't anticipate it.
I know I'm 28 and I need to get it together and start making some real, life decisions but you know what...I'm not gonna.
Here's to hoping we all survive MIR. Jan. 7th marks FREEDOM from this POS cosmic time.
Wishing you all goodluck getting through the rest of the POS year we call 2016.