We have had great sex once. (when wasted)
We have had mediocre sex at least five times.
We have went to some great restaurants and had some fun times.
We have plans this weekend.
We have discussed living together post the 30 day trial. We either need to do the damn thing or we need to cut the shit and just agree to be friends.
I am fucking frustrated.
Here's an email I just sent him, I will explain more after.
I am a bit frustrated. I feel as if I am the one trying to progress things with us - exploring options involving living together, ways to spice up the sex life, traveling together (Miami & Greece) and I am tired of being the one steering the ship.
I feel as if you aren't taking any steps towards trying to at least compromise on these things.
Travel. Miami is basically free and I get the timing isn't the best but it is completely possible for you to study outside of xyz - you just need to hone in and focus. Instead, I am going solo and inviting other friends to join because I don't need the guilt trip of you not working to your capacity in Miami. Quite frustrating considering all you need to do is regiment yourself and we could easily enjoy a mini trip together but you don't think you can/won't. If you were so serious about studying then maybe you'd not be going to the bar every night and the Warriors would take a back seat until boards are done but you always have time for those things - makes me sad you can't find a happy medium to going to Miami with me.
Living together. There are ways to meet in the middle. None are "ideal/perfect" but it's better than the status quo we have now. THIS right now is not gonna cut it for me for another year. I need this relationship to progress or I need to move on with my life, it's one or the other. Why can't you look at other places and see what we can accomplish? I shouldn't have to do it all - you have time to make dolmas, go drinking/eating with friends, so why can't you spend some time working on our future?
Sex life. I've asked you how many times to buy lube? Or sex toys or WHATEVER to switch things up. You have amazon.com, you have CVS, you aren't taking any initiative and like I've said MANY times - having to be the instigator, turns me off. Want to please me when going down on me, watch a video on getting your partner off every time and learn some new tricks. If you want me to enjoy the sex when you're not wasted, you need to put in the effort.
Alright so we have discussed traveling. He said he'd come to Miami then decided he wouldn't get enough studying done there and it was a bad idea. I dropped the discussion (I don't need to be blamed if he bombs his medical board exams) but also, you really can't study in the sun? He isn't studying 12 hours a day. IDK, it's annoying. Praying bestie#1 comes, we could totally use some spontaneous girl time. (I'd prefer her to join vs him TBH anyways)
Living together. We went apartment hunting, found one we really liked and he tested the drive to determine how bad the commute would be.
It wasn't ideal and thus he threw in the towel.
My suggestion was - he rents a less expensive apartment, we rent the one we like in DC and the $ he saves on his other apartment, we put into the DC one and I'll pay the rest. Then we have a shared space, there's no more Arash crashing our privacy, and he spends 3-4 nights in the DC place but has a place to crash near the hospital for late nights, etc.
He hated this idea. Which I cannot understand. It wont cost him anymore $$ and it gives him piece of mind knowing he doesn't have to drive back to DC every single night if he's tired and doesn't want to.
So we will have been together for FOUR years before actually living together? June 1 marks three years of this on/off relationship.
The game plan is to move to California end of June 2018 once he finishes fellowship. SOOOOO four years together and then living together for the first time as we move across the country?
What if it's a total disaster? I'd rather find that out NOW vs in another year, and in a new city.
Sex. It's great when he's wasted and his inhibitions are gone. Sober? I'm sleeping just thinking about it. He said we should spice it up, sex toys, etc. I said - you need to take the initiative on that - I HATE being the one in charge in the bedroom. I am a boss bitch in every other arena of my life, please just let me NOT be the boss in bed too. I asked last weekend if he'd bought lube... "No I forgot." "You know they sell that at CVS right....?" "WHAT? Lube at CVS!?! That's so crazy, no way!"
Excuse me while my eyes roll into the back of my head.
Single ladies, go for a guy with a lot of sexual experience. The innocent guy who has slept with six people before you is A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS.
Let's wait and see what he has to say in response....
ta ta for now.