I'm sorry I am posting less this week, being in California is keeping me quite busy & unattached from my laptop.
Group date #2...
Oh my does this one take the cake...
These clowns are out of the bunch we matched with and invited out on Saturday...like I said before, my tinder wasn't loading inside the bar so I was left hoping one group would find us...these clowns finished last & thus were pushed to Tuesday.
I am not even going to bother changing their names because I honestly don't give a fuck and will never see any of them again.
Meet Ali & Moe.
We are first greeted with Ali...short, too skinny, kinda nerdy, a bit feminine, basically everything I am not into. Great. This is the toad I've been texting with so clearly, I'm stuck with this one.
Finally, Moe arrives. To our surprise, he is much more attractive - big muscles, not feminine, overall decent looking fella. He gravitates to bestie and we all engage in our own conversations.
Midway through mine, I get bored. I check my phone and see my dad has texted, I am in California to see him so clearly I am going to reply. I tell Ali that I need to reply to my dad, give me a moment.
This jackass clearly doesn't like my answer, after about 3 minutes tells his friend to venmo him what he owes, he's leaving.
THIS GUY GETS UP AND STRAIGHT UP DITCHES ME ON OUR DATE. NEVER HAVE I EVER laughed so hard in my life. I am pretty confident so to me this is hilarious. You are that much of a bitch that you're going to dip out, half way through?
GIMME a break loser. This is why you are 35 and single as fuck. I was engaging and listening to his stories that I gave zero fucks about, I wasn't being mean - I SWEAR.
So bestie starts sucking face with Moe, I am sitting at this booth with my back to them, texting bestie2(her twin) to come save me from this hilariously unexpected 3rd wheel situation. Oh and I snapped photos of bestie and Moe, pretty hilarious haha.
So they stop sucking face long enough to make a call to Moe's other friend, Rami. Moe assures me I will like him, he's very good looking, etc.
Ugh, why the fuck not? At this point, it's all blog material anyways.
Cest la vie.
Thennnnn Moe mentions a fun little fact...
"Rami is half Iraqi, half Armenian."
OH HELLLLLLLLLL NO.
Xfactor was Iraqi Armenian, I do not need round 2. Fuck all of them. BYEEEEEEE.
They BEGGGGG me not to leave..."just give him a chance, I promise he's not bad, just wait, just wait."
Then a gorgeous guy appears and all is forgotten.
He is tall, dark, handsome, well dressed, great smile, super nice. I can play with this.
Of course he starts kissing me...oooof, terrible kisser. But he's so cute...hmmmmm...I guess I'll keep doing this...
We all decide to depart and head to bestie's house...we get there and shes still all over Moe, I am all over Rami...they go into the bedroom, we are making out on the couch and things are getting heated.
He's super sweet, keeps telling me how perfect I am, how he's so glad he came out tonight, wants to see me again, etc.
Poooooor guy...no chance of a repeat but that's flattering.
Finally I am beyond tired and give him the boot - I need my sleep.
He leaves, bestie is still having a grand old time with Moe and I pass out on the couch.
Oh and I snapchatted the entire night -- I forgot Z follows me on snapchat, likely not the best thing for him to watch but oh well. This is who I am right now....
The next morning, bestie is torn up about feeling like she cheated on her ex...I promise her she isn't and kissing toads doesn't mean you'll marry them. It's OK to have a night of fun, no strings attached. This is life, we gotta enjoy it.
I remind her that she was confident as hell, laughing, smiling, kissing this guy nonstop...That confidence that I've always known exists, finally was out to play and slay.
She claims, it was all the margaritas...well if thats the case, you need an IV of margarita for the rest of your life because the girl I saw on Tuesday night was KILLING it.
Then I get the fobbiest text ever from Rami...you can read that below. No response necessary, I have no plans to see you again.
Oh and we re-matched with the toads from Saturday....Dan, the clinger and Mo. He messages us, "its entertaining to match with you two for the fourth time."
Bestie urges me to reply so maybe Mo will contact her. Ugh, okay. I'll suck up my pride.
Me: "I am sorry for running away, forgive me?"
Dan: "You are immature and I don't want anything to do with you."
Me: "Okay, that's fine I just wanted to apologize."
15 texts berating me for running into some random guys arms to avoid him...
Me: "Like I said, I'm sorry, wanted to be your friend, NBD - I tried."
Dan: "Well, I really liked you. Maybe we can still be more."
Oh mannnnn why do guys let me fucking walk all over them, all of the time? This is beyond hilarious.
Dan:"When can I see you?"
Me: "Maybe Friday."
Dan: "Only once? That makes me so sad. I'll have to come to DC and visit."
NO DUDE, NO. I don't actually like you! I am taking a BIG one for the team. You dense ass loser.
At this point, I can't even respond. Do not stalk me back to the East Coast, doooooo not.
So there we have it. Two of two tinder group dates with bestie.
One more coming on Friday...stay tuned for the last of my groupers and Californian adventures.
Updates on XFactor, Jake, Z, Cyrus/lack there of -- all to come.
Also a post on how I am able to make guys fall in love in 30 seconds or less.