Emails from a few months after we broke up and RIGHT after Eve spilled the beans that I was dating someone new.
Ah, to think we really did have a fighting chance at staying friends. Definitely blew that but this chain is a nice reminder that we truly didn't end on the worst of notes. (We broke up Nov. 2012)
Liam to Elle:
Elle, i'll understand if u dont reply but i wanted to let you know that it was wrong of me to approach yesterdays situation like i did. All i had to say was "i'm upset, i think we should talk" and i'm sure that would have been much more construcive. Being upset and trying to work things out through text is an obvious disaster waiting to happen.
I'm sorry for making you feel bad. Two wrongs dont make a right. When I get emotional and when i stew on things and bottle it up inside it comes out in a non constructive way. Things are obviously different now, given all types of factors, but i just wanted to put all this out there. I think that maybe i also react this way with you is because maybe it will finally just push you away enough that you end up getting tired of it and leaving, so that i dont have to worry anymore and even though we have a strong bond, all that stress will finally disappear since i may not be able to handle being friends with u since u have a bf even though its worked out fine to this point (are we friends/are we not friends? Whats she doing now? Uh oh she's hitting me up again for something - should i resent it because she has a bf now? Etc etc)
One of the reasons i got upset was because some of the things you asked me to do were "bf" activities. On the surface, when it comes to picking out cars, tvs, computers, shoulder to lean on, etc thats yours man's job. The reason i was always at the ready in the past to help yoy with all those things because i knew we werent together like that anymore and assumed that u didnt have that type of figure in your life to help you out with things like that. You know my personality better than anyone, i'm a people pleaser. But i also dont like being taken advantage of, and that was my first emotion with all this, even though i know u arent the type of person to do that. Thats why i'm weird about there being a differnece when we're friends and both single and then friends when someone starts up a new relationship. I'm sure u can understand that and i dont know where/how to draw the line on stuff so that we both feel comfortable. Than again, all this is prob too confusing and annoying for you to deal with and youd rather not even bother with it at all at this point anyway.
The hardest thing moving forward is prob losing you as a source of support. For the same reason your asian friend michelle put distance on the relationship, i wanted the exact opposite; i didnt want to lose that for a second. Youre the ONLY person ever in my life that constantly pushed me to get more out of life and to try new things and take a new risk. Although i'm sick to my stomach through stress of my new job, i wouldnt be here without your help. The deep conversations we had, from both sides, was something that i looked forward to more than anything as well.
For some reason i also have a very strong attachment to califronia through you; as if one cant exist without the other. Not really sure why any of that matters, but it will always be a special place to me and ts weird knowig that i left a "family" there and the piece that no longer makes that possible (you) is with someone else and i have been replaced in that sense. (Not your problem anymore, i get that)
Compund all that with a sort of distance that i've been feeling from you lately and the weird/awkward meetups weve been having these last few weeks, plus the fact that you couldnt just tell me what was going on, PLUS the fact that we should have done this in person and you get where we are at now. I dont know...this all made more sense in my head when i had a 5 hr plane ride to think about it, but i wanted to get it all down on paper and ultimately just let you know that it didnt help that i handled it wrong. I'm sorry and u didnt deserve it that way.
-Sent from my iPhone 4S
Thank you so much for taking the time out of your busy work trip to write this... it means a lot because I know dealing with "Elle drama" cannot be high on your list of priorities while sorting out a new career. Which by the way I am completely thrilled about for you -- the beginning of ANYTHING is always tough, just remember to be patient, Rome wasn't built in a day and you'll get the hang of things. A business trip your first week is definitely a hard start because it gives less in office time to really get your bearings. But I know you can do this and exceed every expectation that is set. Remember they REALLY wanted you. You've done the right thing. Try not to be sick to your stomach and remember that this experience will reinvigorate your life in ways you can't understand now but will notice later. Nice motorcycle by the way..
I am sorry I didn't just come out and say I was seeing someone exclusively. A part of me wanted to, the other part really didn't want to rush that conversation because 1. it isn't "serious" yet 2. I knew you'd put your guard up with me and treat me as if I am Felicia or something. I'd go from being a close friend to being an alien. I told Babak (that's his name incase you haven't caught that yet) at the beginning about you and I. I told him you are one of the most important people in my life and I am deeply committed to making our friendship work. If that bothered him then I was not the girl for him because my friends come before boyfriends. At first he was really confused about the whole thing but I am very honest and upfront. When you and I meet up to look at TVs, you help out my clients, we grab lunch etc I tell him. This probably sounds wrong or semi fucked up but Liam, you're more important to me. You know me inside and out and I know if I didn't give it my best effort to be a good friend to you, I would only be filled with regret -- similar to the regret I feel about Eve (that by the way I no longer do) -- sidenote, I am glad that dumb bitch decided to try and weasel her way into my life through the side door because now I FINALLY have closure and am once and for all DONE feeling any sorrow towards that situation. She is a troublemaker and she has ill intentions and I have no room for that in my life, so atleast one loose end is tied up...problem is, now it feels like a hundred new ones.
I know being friends is not the easy path to take. The easy path is to cut each other out, live our lives as they were before we knew each other (Which is impossible) and at night when we're alone wonder how the other person is doing. Then god forbid I die in a car accident five years down the road the regret and pain of knowing that someone you really cared about is gone and they never really knew you still cared. How do you live with that? I am by all means NOT a pessimist but bad things happen when we least expect it. If something bad were to happen to you and we weren't speaking to each other, you were just "somebody that I used to know" I don't know how I could live with that. Not when I know that it is possible to be in each others lives, to support one another, care and listen. To be there for the other person when they need you. Whether it's for a TV or for a new job. It might be hard but isn't it worth it considering the other option?
So no. As hard as you try to push me away, if we end up being the people who never speak -- I won't be the one who made the choice. I don't want our friendship to hold you back from moving on, you told me you didn't think it would. We didn't break up because we didn't truly love each other, we broke up because we wanted different things and we ultimately just weren't sure we could make it work as a Mr. and Mrs. I know I want kids, an urban lifestyle, to travel the world and to not get married in the Greek Church...those were our major issues in a nutshell.
Back to not telling you about Babak. (sorry this is so scatterbrained) I guess I should have... but then I would have to know who you are dating etc etc and I really enjoyed our friendship with that portion of life just being a box with a lock on it. Perhaps that was selfish of me. Perhaps I knew that this news would really hurt you (because I know if it were reversed it would hurt me too). I go back and forth in my head...
California... I want you to know that the memories we made in California are some I will never forget. With you it was such a magical experience and I could really picture moving there one day and having kids and just being so happy in the warm sunshine all the time. "Jacuzzzzzi honey." You're not losing my family, and no one can replace you because nobody is you. Please don't think that way.
I was absolutely NOT taking advantage of you and those were not boyfriend activities. Sorry but that is the DUMBEST thing I have ever heard. I asked 5 different guy friends what kind of tv to buy, 3 of them sent me long ass emails with links and YOU actually helped me pick between the final 2. As a libra I enjoy having someone else back up my decision before I make it. Fear of making bad choices/purchases I guess. But noted, if I ever need a new TV -- don't call you. Or if im hungry or want to grab a drink...because friends definitely don't do that...?
Point is, I am sorry. I don't blame you for handling it the way you did -- you and I are so similar, I can't say I wouldn't have the same first reaction as well.
Eve is a stupid bitch and I hope to God you never speak to her again. If you do and she brings me up, tell her to shove it and FUCK OFF. Googly eye.
All of my shit including those dreadful speakers is out of your house. We donated the dumb things to goodwill and they are gone forever. Sorry that wasn't done sooner, guess I need a major crisis and my mom to have the same day off to make it happen.
I have deleted your family from facebook, I will delete the greeks at some point but its really time consuming to delete people on FB so I can't say when that will be. Not that you really even cared. You don't have to delete my family, they all really like you. Yours never really liked me so it's kind of a different story. Yes, a very different story but thats not the point.
I hope you are enjoying Las Vegas. It is 90 degrees here and its amazing. Im sure the weather is similar there too. Try to take your new job one day at a time and enjoy the time in between. Life is short. So seize the day. Say what you mean, and mean what you say.
Elle, thank you for that...all of it.
Wow, what a long day...
I just got back from an investor summit at the Wynn. Holy shit, i was BORN for this industry. Not only did i finally get to wear a nice suit to a work function, but I was also meeting highly influencial people left and right. I was shooting the shit with people who are worth hundreds of millions of dollars, something our busines would never be without, and held my own quite well. They saw a promising future ahead of me and i couldnt be more ecstatic about that. While i was away from my coworker for a bit, i also pretty much got offered a similar job opportunity from a competitor in Toronto haha world wind doesnt even begin to describe it. Very good times right now and i'm glad to be apart of it.
As far as some other things go, i *kinda* lied to you about the bike thing and i'm sorry for that. Did *I* buy it? No. Will i end up paying my brother back for it? Eventually. Do i regret it? Absolutely not. Was it a smart decison? Obviously not lol I cant help but love the fact that its tall and intimidating and makes me feel alive though. Plus, it helps me finally be in control of something for once when everything else in life just seems so unsure. I figured i might as well get it out of my system NOW before i decide whether or not to get married/maybe have a family one day, etc.
Everything else you wrote was very heartwarming. I cant help but feel the same way and would obviously approach new relationships with the same disclaimer in mind. I wont sit here and go into detail about that stuff, but will say that i'll be mostly transparant about the important stuff if you ever care to know.
Ugh, Eve. I got a wild, absurdly long text message from her after your alleged voicemail and needless to say she was not pleased. I'm assuming thats what u were going for though.
For some of the other stuff, i wont try and paint myself as a dik head. You obviously know that if it came down to it i wiuld obviously be there. With some things though, i dont know if its because i'm a libra, because i'm a guy, or simply my pride that makes certain things just not sit right with me in terms of what i should provide as a "friend" when the other person should be able to rely on their significant other for those basic tasks. For instance, if my next gf cant help me pick out clothes effectively than shes prob not the one for me lol and yes, living in regretwould definitely be, well, a regret lol everything happens for a reason and people that we meet along the way are meant to be cherished, for better or for worse....heres to knowing that this is obviously for the better.
Thanks again for those kind words regarding job stuff. I doubt myself constantly when it comes to that kinda stuff, but its nice to feel confident for once.
Last one, I promisssseeee:
Elle to Liam
So glad you're already blossoming in this new job!! Gosh I am just so excited reading that you're loving it and fitting right in!!!! This is exactly what I had hoped and prayed for you for so long and it looks like god does listen!! :))) you deserve all good things, don't forget that.
As for your bike, that is not a good thing and it makes you feel alive? Well you better hope it doesn't make you dead. So dumb I can't even pretend to be supportive. Plus if I ever condoned it and something did happen god I'd be so upset. Be careful, don't be an idiot and don't lie to me!!!
As for Eve, I told her she was dead to me and stay the fuck out of everyone I care abouts life including my ex boyfriends. I said no one likes you anyways so stop trying to meddle in my affairs when we are absolutely not friends and we never will be again. Find a hobby you pathetic sad girl and don't ever think of coming in contact with me.
I can only imagine what she said to you. I also said nice try trying to stir the pot with Liam but we are both adults and your attempted evil failed.
I could really just go off... I've told every single friend I have what she's done, Liam you don't know how incredibly disgusted and hurt I am with her behaviors. Whatever, no regrets.
Blah, can't sleep! Won't bother you anymore. Enjoy Vegas - keep kicking ass and wearing suits!