You freak out because it wasn't supposed to happen this soon, you're enjoying the single life ALOT and you might combust because OF COURSE the timing isn't right.
Egyptian, high profile lawyer, 6ft, impeccable dresser, very confident, 37, great kisser.
Yeah, he checked off literally every box.
Isn't seeking his parents approval
Wants to get married ASAP and have kids
Wants his wife to stay at home if she wants to (I do, I do!)
Is down to move to California
Owns a house and an insane car
Wears Prada shoes
Enjoys the finer things in life
Great sexual chemistry (no we didn't have sex)
Opens every door, always
Is super fucking into me andddddd
I AM SCARED!!
What in the world is wrong with me?! He takes me on an amazing date to the Four Seasons, out for drinks elsewhere after, back to his house that is gigantic that he owns....tells me I am exactly what he's been looking for and has no intention of not winning the battle of the tinder toads.
He is SO intense though.
I know good things can happen fast but I also know when something starts too fast it ends too fast. Which is why despite reaaaaallly wanting to, I didn't sleep with him.
I told him I really do want to give this a chance with him but if it's full speed ahead, I know it's gonna fizzle. I'll either lose interest, it won't be enough of a chase for me or I'll get scared and run.
I need something like him to develop SLOWLY.
Cyrus was full speed and look how that ended. I don't want that again...I also don't want to jump into a relationship and in six months realize I still really needed to be single because I have doubts about Lex who COULD be a great match but I am doubting it because it happened too fast. Woke up single and the next day woke up engaged. He literally said that within 6 months you know whether or not you're gonna marry the person and he's not fucking around. I appreciate a guy who can execute but I KNOWWWW I'm not ready to fall in love again just yet. I am still in love with XFactor and developing useless feelings towards Jake.
So basically, I had the perfect date with an amazing guy.
But I am an idiot because...
I keep thinking about Jake. The guy with no potential.
Mentally, I think I might be sabotaging myself.
Like I don't think I deserve a guy as accomplished as Lex, he's too far ahead of me and I don't bring enough to the table.
Then there's Jake who I am on even playing field with...slash not even, I am above. So I am the power player, shot caller, and bread winner as of this moment. The marriage + kids wouldn't be in the cards for at least another 5 years.
With XF, I felt similar feelings of...wow, I don't speak 4 languages fluently, I haven't traveled half as much, I don't have a masters degree, I don't have a trust fund. Eventually, I realized the things I DO have that aren't on paper were worth a lot too. And I got past it.
Maybe I can do that with Lex?
It's just so soon. IDK if I am ready for potential husband. He wants to lock it down, only see each other. When I asked why, his response was perfection.
"Say 1 out of 10 dates you actually have a connection with. That takes what? A minimum of let's say 10 weeks. And that's just someone who can hold a conversation, they might not check off all the boxes. I meet someone like you, who I have been waiting for my entire life and no way do I want to risk losing that one, you are definitely more than a 1 in 10 connection."
Things change so fast around here, my head is sppppppinnnning.
I have a date with some other Egyptian tonight, Thursday I have a workout with Jake then the concert with Ram, Friday is a double with Mia, Saturday I think is Lex again?
I'm not ready to only be seeing one person. I am not ready to say bye to Jake and break his heart again. I am just not ready for any major life decisions right now.
AHHHHHH ELLE DONT FUCK THIS UP.
What do I do!?