Except Tuesday, that rainy/dreary day. I decided to use the gift cert to a spa XF got me on a whim that afternoon and rejuvenate myself. SO WORTH IT. Thanks XF, you da bomb.
Anyways - Miami is tomorrow! Can't freaking wait for some sunshine in a luxurious place. A change of scenery always motivates me to come back to DC and kill it at work. Especially when staying in a 3mil $ condo in South Beach...#GOALS.
I've been feeling kind of anxious as June approaches...
June 1 is 3 years of whatever you wanna call it with XF and I.
Thats one SOLID year past when I said I'd stick around for that proposal...
June 1 2016. Two years or bust. That anniversary came and went without a ring and he knew he devastated me. I was a hot, sobbing mess. Mind you, I was fucking READY. Hair done, nails done, new outfits purchased. I wasn't gonna be caught off guard in a bad outfit for that moment. Well, that was a waste. I should've sent him the goddamn bills.
I tell my family - they say give it until end of summer, getting engaged because of an ultimatum isn't a good way to do it.
August 10 2016. I keep dreaming he took me ring shopping as a way to bide time, not actually prepare to poptheQ. I confront him via phone, we break up via text, the MOFO doesn't even try to call me later on to work things out. DONE, DONE, DONE, DONE. I sleep with Jake about five minutes later and then that saga begins.
October 6 2016. XF crawls back during my birthday weekend when he sees me sitting on Jakes lap via Double Troubles snapchat story. Yeah, we orchestrate that shit well. (Nothing I do is without intention)
December 2016. I finally agree to see XF. We go to Dallas, have a fun weekend and some terrible sex. I am thinking of Antonio the entire time.
February 2017. Rami rendezvous & Antonio going back to his X.
April 2017. Not thinking of Antonio all the time but he is the last person I slept with besides XF. (bathroom sex) Focused on XF and making this work for real. Am I ready for a June proposal? IDK. Will I ever be? With anyone? I view love and life in a realistic approach. I know that the butterflies and obsessed feelings fade for most people (not saying there aren't a few who still have it but its rare, just look at your parents. They love each other but they're not obsessed) AND that feeling of excitement I got with Antonio likely wouldn't last a lifetime. He'd start doing something irritating which would turn me off which would then effect our sex life and bam, we'd have issues.
I know XF's issues and I think I'm OK with them. Sure, it's not perfect and I am not madly in love but I do love him. I always have. I think he's the right guy to do life with and I can't imagine marrying someone else. Soooooo I think the kinda love we have is a bit different than what most people have before a proposal/wedding. It's a realistic love vs a fantasy one. Most people don't go through Armenian hell and back to get a fucking ring either. But I've got my flaws and he accepts them too.
I know it sounds like I am talking myself into this -- it's because I am.
I get cold feet on EVERY guy I date. If I keep searching for Mr. Right/the feeling I had with Bobby - I likely may never find it. Even Bobby admitted he doesn't love Jello the way he loved me.
Growing up is such a bitch but atleast now we have $ to go on fancy vacas and champagne the pains away.
Cheers to MIAMI!