September 02, 2016
Let go with love? Yesterday's solar eclipse in your twelfth house of closure filled your heart with compassion. Today, your enlightened stance could be put to the test, as the Sun, Saturn and Neptune clash in a T-square (three-way combat). You may worry that you're being "soft" by forgiving someone. Perhaps you've taken too hardline of a stance and now you need to retract it. Be direct and make your boundaries clear, but go easy on 'em. No need to swing from doormat to iron-fisted dictator. (I called him yesterday for the 1st time)
You know I read my horoscope like its my job... Septembers is all about the new and improved me..."Dust off those champagne flutes and call the caterer. September is a MAJOR turnaround month for you—and that’s cause for celebration! Your life and energy levels are about to do a 180-degree shift for the better. This year’s birthday party will be a well-deserved one! For many Libras, 2016 has been one of the toughest years you’ve weathered in a long time. Expansive Jupiter has been slogging through Virgo and your twelfth house of sleep, endings and sacrifice since August 11, 2015. This transitional cycle, which happens every 12 years, is a major time of healing and release—but it’s not easy. Your vitality and motivation may have dropped to new lows (along with your moods and even your bank balance). Some Libras weathered health issues or just felt sluggish and mired in swampy emotions, unable to keep a sunny disposition going." August of last year...complete fucking chaos - your moms visit...
As you know, my birthday this year promises to be the best I've ever had, all 11 of my best friends in the same place, just for me...Pretty spectacular. But like todays horoscope said, yesterday I felt bad, was finally ready to speak to you and admit I've been a jerk. I just had to be a different person XF..The girl who had all her eggs in the XF basket had to die and she had to die fast... I knew you'd get reports of whatever I was doing...truth be told -> I've been on group dates with bestie in SoCal...she is devastated over her X and I'm just her cheerleader, getting her out of the house, reminding her theres more fish in the sea. All these Persian guys are straight up clowns, I'm doing it for her. Regardless of that, Arash is really trying to replace you - I guess everyone saw that one coming except for me...? and maybe you? Or maybe you did see but didn't want to admit it? It's all very confusing territory and me fleeing to CA couldn't have happened at a better time.
The point is - the idea of cutting you out fair and square has been very difficult. I've put on a show via snapchat to help you - I knew you'd hear about it and that was my intention. I'm not the type to let people see me fall down. So I am really sorry for being a jerk, I knew it was mean when I was doing it, I just didn't know how to handle my emotions correctly....
Neither have you though. I looked for your car every single day...I figured if you meant everything you've said, there'd be no way you'd roll over and go silent on me. Even my friends who aren't a fan of you were like, "he's gonna show up and propose, he won't lose you." But hey, everyone is wrong sometimes...Once again, I reached out to you for closure...finally receiving the truth I'd been seeking all along.
You weren't innocent in all of this... You did lead me down a rabbit hole. You promised in November that by 2 years we'd be engaged. You devastated me that weekend and somehow seemed unfazed...I waited until the end of the summer but once again, you couldn't step it up, you couldn't tell me what the hold up was and you gave me literally nothing left to hold onto except the promise that one day you would...well you promised me by 2 years but that came and went? So how am I expected to keep doing this? What am I supposed to do? I deserve a lot more than that. I deserve someone who is direct, honest, and is ready and EXCITED to marry me. I know I am the whole package + so much more, guys flock my direction for a reason. I grew tired of dreaming about "one day". You want something bad enough, you make it happen. You didn't want it bad enough I guess. Life goes by fast, I can't wait for all the puzzles pieces to align before my future can begin...that's crazy and its bullshit.
Point is, all of these experiences the past 2+ years lead to the conclusion that my "person" isn't you.
A huge part of me does really wish it was...the other part knows this all fell apart for the best...I deserve and want a lot more than you gave me...I'd like to say you deserve more too, a girl your parents will accept but that's not in the cards and we both know it.
I know we can move on from this in a positive way...you were way too important to me to simply throw away. We always were the best of friends, so much in common, Prada shoes that meow, Emilio Pucci, the butt to my underwear - how could we not be?
Getting married and having kids is my number one goal and priority now. So I will be dating and looking for the right match but I am also committed to no more passive aggressive BS and to being your friend. I hope you can support me in this...
You might not want that now but I won't give up on you. That's the moral of this email...I am still deeply hurt but cutting you out doesn't lessen that pain for me. I felt happy hearing your voice last night..so for now, that's what I am going to go with.
I hope my actions the past three weeks haven't darkened the way you will remember the chapter of me being yours. We had some really fantastic times and good memories I'll cherish forever.
With love and respect,
There you have it ladies and gentleman, we have come full circle in the grief process. Acceptance.
Thanks for being there with me every step of the way.