Where do I even begin.
XF planned a last min trip to the Caribbean for our three year over Memorial Day weekend anddddd I declined it.
A last minute trip to a place not high on my destination list was sweet but kind of a waste of $ right now.
I know, who turns down a trip planned and paid for for their three year anniversary?
I wanted his heart to be in whatever he planned and I knew this last minute, $$$ trip was just to make sure I didn't throw a fit and cry that he fucked up for the third year in a row.
SO nada plans for three years, womp, womp.
We had that discussion in person last Tuesday where I just laid it all on the table - basically start planning to succeed in this relationship because your failure to plan makes me feel like WE are a straight failure too.
Wednesday morning was Damian's funeral.
It was truly awful. The church was packed, hardly even room to stand. I didn't see any of Liam's family which was surprising but I was thankful to have avoided that run in. I would've preferred to run into him and Miss Piggy vs his parents and brother but Liam is in Greece on his honeymoon so he missed his best friends funeral. Not judging, just stating.
So I cried for 1.5 hours straight as people told stories of how good of a person he was. When young people pass, it really reminds you that you never know when your time is up so you have to really seize the moments.
That's also given me a resolution to say yes to all invitations. Whether I really wanna go or not, I need to just start living big vs being lazy and sitting in my bed.
That afternoon Mia, her bf, and I got on Antonio's boat.
I was NOT in the mood to socialize and make new friends which is something you really need to be in the mood for when you don't know the other 7 people on board. Instead I drank a lot of rose and kept to myself for the most part.
Antonio's ex was there. I introduced myself and explained that I knew Antonio via Tinder but that he was very much in love with her so we decided to be friends and I hope it won't be weird hanging out this summer and that it was nice to meet her.
Thoughts on her....prettier in peson, acts like a bro, very masculine energy/voice, is my total opposite, is very nice/cool.
Antonio asked me why I was being weird and I broke down crying of Damian. I am not a big cryer but once the flood gates break down, it's so impossible to shut off.
I went home that night, crawled into bed, passed out crying with the lights on. Awoke at 4:45am and was like, why did I leave the lights on? WTF?
So yeah, Wednesday sucked x 1000.
Thursday I skipped the gym and slept. Friday I was on a mission to get a haircut, wound up with the worst one ever, and spent the evening watching a Backstreet Boys documentary.
Saturday I went to the gym then on a wine tour with one of Arash's friends from college. She had invited 30 people on a party bus to go wine tasting and extended the invite my direction. Despite knowing no one I said fuck it, I'm gonna go and seize the damn day. It was a good time but it left me wishing I was doing it with my group of friends.
I got back home at 5pm and the rest of the night was spent in.
That brings me to my group of friends.
Since NYE, everything has been "off." It's basically like everyone split down the middle - those who are coupled up and those who aren't. Mia was single but is no longer so she fell on the lines of singlesville.
It wasn't a discussed split but after our trip to Puerto Rico where we were all very single, things just never fell back into place for the entire group.
There's been ALOT of drama, all of it being stupid/frustrating and I am really over even thinking about. We can barely make a plan over a four day weekend because everyone wants something different. Sucks because this was never a problem our group had.
Half the group is headed on a couples vaca together next month so hopefully after that we can all reunite again and embrace the rest of the summer?
All I know is this is my last DC summer and I really want to make it count but I am also way too mentally exhausted to play peacemaker. Can't this just be simple like it used to be???
I couldn't decide if I was going to move or not and I think I have finally determined in October I will move and hopefully with Arash so that in July 2018 when I move to Cali, he can replace me on the lease and I can go with ease vs replacing myself in a 1br.
Arash has been traveling a lot lately and I have a lot of travel plans myself for the rest of 2017 so I think we can survive this together til its time to start adulting aka moving back to Cali.
It's hard to believe XF is in my life in any capacity after three years. It doesn't actually make sense to me. I've always been very good at cutting ties with ex's/people.
When I was done with Bobby, I was DONE. He knew it and there was no turning back.
Liam and I tried to be friends but ultimately, that didn't work.
Babak I have not seen since the day I dumped him. Not even once.
Nate is still my very close friend & my happiest college memory so he doesn't count.
Every other mini relationship I've had, cut, cut, cut.
But something about XF I couldn't quite lose and IDK why because he legitimately drives me crazy. (Then again, so does every guy - Idk if I am capable of not going crazy after year 1)
So it's been a weird month, definitely the worst of my 2017 so far - I am looking forward to June/summer in general.
OH and some of you asked what happened with Joey - the guy I was out to dinner with the night XF found the blog, the gorgeous blast from the past. He is great, I think if he were in DC he'd want to date me, he was extremely complimentary of me and reminded me who I was back in the Liam days when I knew him. Oh and he is a MAJOR cat dad - like super obsessed, just like me. IDK why that is so hot but it def is lol. It was nice to catch up, we are snapchat friends now, and that's about it. He lives in Boston and is starting an MBA program so he's got his hands full. If I ever find myself in Boston, maybe I'd reach out. Who knows, who caressssss.
Lastly, there won't be a ring on my finger June 1. XF departs for the Middle East for a month that day so I won't even see him and he's been so busy studying for boards, he clearly planned nada. Atleast this year he told me ahead of time so I wouldn't be devastated/dropping $ to look my best for no damn reason.