So last night I was finally able to get words on paper for the first time in clearly a LONG time and now I think part of the reason was because I was sitting up, waiting for XF to call, and needed to get my mind onto other topics.
So typically he goes out in the Middle East (abbreviating that to ME from here on out, fyi) every night. Obviously he can't cook because he is staying in a hotel and why would you want to when there are SO many good places to eat.
Due to timezone, when he gets back from being out -- it's usually pretty early for us in the USA and he will call before bed.
Last night was a very different story.
PLEASE tell me if I am overreacting/being a psycho.
So everytime he goes out, IDK who he is with. I ask questions but he's very vague. I ask how the meals were, what the restaurant that night was like, etc. I love details. I love imagining what the scene is, I love feeling connected even though we are worlds apart.
He finds my questions incessant and unnecessary. "Elle, you'll be here, you can see it all then."
WE have nothing else to talk about so WHY NOT just tell me details of what you are upto? JESUS, am I asking too much?
So last night I don't get my typical call and the last snap I receive is in a dark, loud bar with the caption, "Wednesday vibes".
Hours after that snap, I check my world clock - 3am. He's stayed out late before, maybe he is just still having fun.
I send a whatsapp to his ME phone. I send a text to his normal one.
Nada.
I quit, he must've come back and fallen asleep. That hasn't happened yet but as you all know, my boating day ended with me passed out at 10pm with the lights on SO we all have our moments.
This morning.
I call, no answer.
I text, no answer.
What gives? It's after 5pm there, he is definitely done with work by now. WTF.
FINALLY he facetimes me back (luckily today I am working from home) and I am furious.
"What the hell happened last night?"
"Ugh, I drank too much. I woke up drunk this morning, I've been napping since I got back from work."
"What time did you get home?"
(no point asking why you didn't call, you were obviously too drunk)
"Let me check my uber receipt....2am. I don't remember coming home."
"You got this wasted out with your coworkers?"
"Well, we didn't eat dinner."
"I thought you all were going to dinner and that was the point?"
"Well we got to dinner and she said she wasn't eating so I didn't either. So we ordered a pitcher of margaritas and after her second one she said she'd be way too wasted if she drank anymore so I finished the rest of the pitcher."
"I thought you were out with your male coworker? Who is SHE?"
"No, it was just me and the female doctor last night."
"So let me get this straight...you went out to dinner with another girl solo, you didn't eat, you got really wasted, you went to another place for more drinks after the mexican spot, and you don't remember coming home?"
"Yeah."
I am actually at the point of tears. I am struggling to keep my shit together and remain calm - I know when you spazz out, guys autotune you right out and any VALID point you are trying to convey just dissolves into thin air. 1. I am relieved that I do actually give a fuck 2. WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THIS OK
"Is this girl single?"
"Yes."
"You know it's so fucked up. I ask you questions about what you're upto because you are across the world, going out every night and I don't even know the names of who you are with. How do you think this makes me feel?"
"Nothing happened, I didn't cheat on you if that is what you are insinuating."
"I am not inferring that you did cheat on me. I don't think you'd admit if you did, but that is not my point. The point is, I ask what you're doing and who you are doing it with and you jump down my throat for wanting to know/asking. Now you go out with another girl I've never heard of, get completely drunk, forget to call me, and I'm just supposed to be cool with it? I have tried very hard to be cool and let you enjoy your much needed vacation but this is pushing my limits."
(tears welling in my eyes, I set my phone down)
"I'm sorry!!! I'm not even attracted to this girl, she has tattooed eyebrows!"
"I don't give a fuck about her eyebrows, XF. If the situation were reversed and I was out living it up til all hours, out with people you had no idea existed who were single, and then didn't call you - I don't think you'd be all that happy."
"Okay, okay. You're right. How are the cats?"
I find this to be so fucking disrespectful. The biggest problem being, he doesn't see that any of that ^ was wrong. He doesn't think not telling me names or any details about the people he's spending all of his time with there is important. I am a secure individual and if he cheated on me, I'd never know and tbh, I don't really want to know. The past three years have had enough painful shit that I wouldn't want to add something really negative onto my very positive 2017. Ignorance is truly fucking bliss.
Am I insane for being as upset as I am?
Also, they say gut feelings tell you alot and not to ignore them.
Well, last night i had this vivid dream where he was out with a girl and cheated on me. I've never had that kind of dream before and I'm not sure if it's because he never called so I went to bed feeling uneasy or if my gut is onto something.
My only real choice is to let the matter drop because if I keep probing I will either 1. show I don't trust him when I actually do 2. find something out that will hurt me 3. wind up flying out there next week only to punch him in the fucking face 4. stir up something that actually didn't occur.
Anyways. Back to this ever evolving, dramatic ass life of mine.
Is it bad that when things are going smooth, I fear I'll just get bored?
I mightttttt be a legitimate head case.
Ta ta for now.
xo xo,
Elle
So typically he goes out in the Middle East (abbreviating that to ME from here on out, fyi) every night. Obviously he can't cook because he is staying in a hotel and why would you want to when there are SO many good places to eat.
Due to timezone, when he gets back from being out -- it's usually pretty early for us in the USA and he will call before bed.
Last night was a very different story.
PLEASE tell me if I am overreacting/being a psycho.
So everytime he goes out, IDK who he is with. I ask questions but he's very vague. I ask how the meals were, what the restaurant that night was like, etc. I love details. I love imagining what the scene is, I love feeling connected even though we are worlds apart.
He finds my questions incessant and unnecessary. "Elle, you'll be here, you can see it all then."
WE have nothing else to talk about so WHY NOT just tell me details of what you are upto? JESUS, am I asking too much?
So last night I don't get my typical call and the last snap I receive is in a dark, loud bar with the caption, "Wednesday vibes".
Hours after that snap, I check my world clock - 3am. He's stayed out late before, maybe he is just still having fun.
I send a whatsapp to his ME phone. I send a text to his normal one.
Nada.
I quit, he must've come back and fallen asleep. That hasn't happened yet but as you all know, my boating day ended with me passed out at 10pm with the lights on SO we all have our moments.
This morning.
I call, no answer.
I text, no answer.
What gives? It's after 5pm there, he is definitely done with work by now. WTF.
FINALLY he facetimes me back (luckily today I am working from home) and I am furious.
"What the hell happened last night?"
"Ugh, I drank too much. I woke up drunk this morning, I've been napping since I got back from work."
"What time did you get home?"
(no point asking why you didn't call, you were obviously too drunk)
"Let me check my uber receipt....2am. I don't remember coming home."
"You got this wasted out with your coworkers?"
"Well, we didn't eat dinner."
"I thought you all were going to dinner and that was the point?"
"Well we got to dinner and she said she wasn't eating so I didn't either. So we ordered a pitcher of margaritas and after her second one she said she'd be way too wasted if she drank anymore so I finished the rest of the pitcher."
"I thought you were out with your male coworker? Who is SHE?"
"No, it was just me and the female doctor last night."
"So let me get this straight...you went out to dinner with another girl solo, you didn't eat, you got really wasted, you went to another place for more drinks after the mexican spot, and you don't remember coming home?"
"Yeah."
I am actually at the point of tears. I am struggling to keep my shit together and remain calm - I know when you spazz out, guys autotune you right out and any VALID point you are trying to convey just dissolves into thin air. 1. I am relieved that I do actually give a fuck 2. WHAT THE FUCK HOW IS THIS OK
"Is this girl single?"
"Yes."
"You know it's so fucked up. I ask you questions about what you're upto because you are across the world, going out every night and I don't even know the names of who you are with. How do you think this makes me feel?"
"Nothing happened, I didn't cheat on you if that is what you are insinuating."
"I am not inferring that you did cheat on me. I don't think you'd admit if you did, but that is not my point. The point is, I ask what you're doing and who you are doing it with and you jump down my throat for wanting to know/asking. Now you go out with another girl I've never heard of, get completely drunk, forget to call me, and I'm just supposed to be cool with it? I have tried very hard to be cool and let you enjoy your much needed vacation but this is pushing my limits."
(tears welling in my eyes, I set my phone down)
"I'm sorry!!! I'm not even attracted to this girl, she has tattooed eyebrows!"
"I don't give a fuck about her eyebrows, XF. If the situation were reversed and I was out living it up til all hours, out with people you had no idea existed who were single, and then didn't call you - I don't think you'd be all that happy."
"Okay, okay. You're right. How are the cats?"
I find this to be so fucking disrespectful. The biggest problem being, he doesn't see that any of that ^ was wrong. He doesn't think not telling me names or any details about the people he's spending all of his time with there is important. I am a secure individual and if he cheated on me, I'd never know and tbh, I don't really want to know. The past three years have had enough painful shit that I wouldn't want to add something really negative onto my very positive 2017. Ignorance is truly fucking bliss.
Am I insane for being as upset as I am?
Also, they say gut feelings tell you alot and not to ignore them.
Well, last night i had this vivid dream where he was out with a girl and cheated on me. I've never had that kind of dream before and I'm not sure if it's because he never called so I went to bed feeling uneasy or if my gut is onto something.
My only real choice is to let the matter drop because if I keep probing I will either 1. show I don't trust him when I actually do 2. find something out that will hurt me 3. wind up flying out there next week only to punch him in the fucking face 4. stir up something that actually didn't occur.
Anyways. Back to this ever evolving, dramatic ass life of mine.
Is it bad that when things are going smooth, I fear I'll just get bored?
I mightttttt be a legitimate head case.
Ta ta for now.
xo xo,
Elle
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