If you weren't aware, tequila is my liquor of choice.
Tequila however is not my friend and doesn't love me back.
So you mix Elle + Tequila = a blurry story, every damn time.
First lemme update ya on the current sitch before we flashback to Jake's birthday....
Cyrus has been texting so I think I'll be good to go when I get back from California, I even cracked a joke about the 15 dates he probably his this weekend...fingers crossed. Just thinking about him gets me excited, kinda crazy because I am a shallow bitch and I never thought I'd like someone my own height. He is just that hot, what can I do? Oh and he's a way better kisser than Jake, which is a tough feat. Sex with both is pretty on par...oh and I have zero intentions of admitting I am sleeping with someone else, fuck that plan - bad move on my part.
Jake and I had a quick dinner last night before I drove to my moms house...it was good, low key, and felt pretty coupley. He's like, "I'm gonna probably facetime you when you're gone...send me snaps...." His roommate is out of town, his best friend is gone and I'm gone so he's already dreading being bored to tears. He definitely makes me smile, and right now, that's pretty much all I care about.
I fessed up and told my mom all about the Xfactor break up... I have no intentions of telling my California family the truth though. I cannnnnot fucking handle, "I told you so, you're not getting any younger, you need to get serious about finding someone, you should've ended this before it began, fuck him, etc." Don't you love when your family gets up your ass about finding a spouse? You think I enjoy kissing every fucking frog in this city? CMON...only sometimes. ;)
SO instead I am planning to tell them, "I fell for someone else, I cheated and I had to end it. He was heartbroken." Let it end on my terms, let THAT shut them up. I'm the fam favorite so I think I can afford to tarnish my sparkly glow a little. Fuck it. Saves me from telling this story ten thousand fucking times to every nosy ass Persian in my family. (Family, if you ever read this, I love you tons, sorrrrry for lying.)
Back to cheating...
I guess you could classify what happened on Jake's birthday in that category...
I am in no way proud of behavior like this...but people do make mistakes and sometimes you need to fuck up so you can pick up the pieces of your life and rebuild.
Me: "We are all getting drinks tonight, tell Owen to make Jake come, I am getting an invitation to this party."
A: "Ooooookay, done deal girl."
We all go out, have a good time, Jake is googly eyes at me the entire time and then bam, my invite is sealed and dealed.
Last day of July, it's boat party time...I hadn't seen Jake since the night we all went for drinks and I was procrastinating on buying my ticket...Finally, I go online to get one and it's fucking SOLD out. DAMMIT, I told the girls I'd go, I was ready to go, I bought a dress weeks ago for this, AHHHHH.
What do I do?
I text Jake and fess up that I was trying to surprise him at the party but it sold out so now I can't. He's bummed but what can we do?
I call the boat people, no answer. So I write this ridiculous email begging for a ticket...something along the lines of, "Hi boat people, I am so sorry to beg for this ticket but I was supposed to be away for work and it's my boyfriend's 30th tonight...he will be so devastated if I don't find a way to get on this boat...he is already livid, anything you can do I would greatly appreciate + write the best yelp review you've ever seen. Let me know!"
Phone rings, ticket is secured, done deal.
I text A to make sure she doesn't tell Jake or Owen I am coming, let's make it a surprise afterall...
We walk up to the line to get on this boat, Jake spots me, his eyes light up, he gets out of line, grabs me and gives me a huge hug. His posse of dudes all look in awe, exchanging confused remarks..."I thought she wasn't coming? Holy shit, is that Elle?" I say, "surprise, I found a ticket afterall" and smile. He's so happy. Yay, this was so worth it. I love making others happy.
This line isn't moving and A has to pee...We run into a bar nearby, take two tequila shots and run back onto the boat. Here comes the downfall...
I hadn't drank in 18 days prior to this party...so 2 drinks at home, 2 shots, and more drinks on this boat realllllly hit me hard...
Before you know it, my arms are wrapped around Jake's neck, I'm leaning in and bam, kissing him.
Holy cow, this feels good. Wow, I've definitely missed sparks like this...wow, let me keep doing this...literally for the rest of the night, in front of all of Jake's friends, NBD it's not like they can't see us or anything....
Fast forward -
We get off the boat, somehow get to a bar, we are dancing, he keeps telling me "he'd totally marry me" and this is the best birthday of his life, we are kissing, up against walls, stumbling around, it's dark, it's loud, it's crazy.
We uber home, I end up in my bed alone and that's it.
I wake up...
A: "Holy shit did you make it home alive last night? You and Jake...just WOW."
Me: "We need to meet, what did I do? When are you free?"
A: "Coffee, 5pm."
A proceeds to tell me that I was ALL over Jake. He was smiling like a fool and the chemistry was off the charts, everyone kept commenting. Then she tells me that everyone knew who I was...I'd met like 4 of them before and this was a boat full of his friends...
She tells me about a girl who came upto her and goes, "omg is that Elle? Jake is so in love with her, he talks about her all the time! He said she was gorgeous but omg way prettier than I expected!!" A pretends she's not one of my besties and just keeps listening...finally she fesses up and explains we are friends. Then she explains I have a boyfriend...
Jake might not be aware of this...but after last night, I need to be honest. Shit. What do I do? I have feelings for Jake...I've missed him since we ended last summer...I didn't want to, he's not exactly what I'm looking for in life, but a feeling is a feeling...I feel like a magnet drawn to him and it's so strange.
I text Jake, "we need to talk, not at our houses, when can we meet?"
We take a walk by the water and finally settle on a bench...
Me: "Jake, I have a boyfriend...you might know that, you might not but I know last night was fun and I just wanted you to hear it from me..."
Jake: "Yeah, last night was amazing...one of the best..."
Me: "Now that alcohol isn't involved...how do you feel about me?"
Jake: "I mean....I think about you all the time. No girl has ever made me feel like you do...Im just drawn to you and you're everything I'd ever want but I'm not ready to get married or have kids...not for a long time...it's the lowest thing on my to-do list right now..."
Me: "Yeah...I am at a crossroads...I could be engaged in 5 minutes or I could be single and if I gave us a chance I'd want to know we wanted the same things...I don't need to be engaged in five minutes but it's gotta be a goal for you too...so thanks for being honest."
Jake: "Elle, I'd love to be in a committed relationship with you. I know I want to spend as much time as humanly possible with you, but I want to make my millions before I settle down into the husband and dad roles."
Me: "Yeah, I get it. Thank you so much for being honest and not lying to tell me what you think I want to hear."
I walk away from the conversation feeling like -- I gave it a shot, we want different things, I need to push last night out of my mind and move on with XFactor...
As you know, that didn't exactly work out well.
I'm sorry I didn't fess up about Jake's birthday before, I was embarrassed. I do a lot of crazy, stupid shit but cheating (and admitting it online) was a biggie.
So now you know it all.
Crazy life we lead...but I wouldn't change it for the world.