Ugh, today I am just on a roll.
1. I miss Rami. Why? That is so annoying. His english is terrible and we likely would not workout long term due to all the lifestyle differences. Make it stop.
2. XF and I keep arguing about the dumbest things. Today I was getting gala tickets for an event I donated to for their silent auction so I have to go. Last year I took XF and he had a supremely mediocre time. The best part of the night was the cute photos we took at the event, otherwise he was a lousy ass date and the event had a lot of potential to be really fun. I liked that Antonio could make anything fun. We went to a terrible gala together but made the best of it and danced/laughed the night away. I wish XF could just do the same so I don't feel like I'm carrying around deadweight that I need to entertain. SO then I tell him the tickets are expensive this year and I think I'm gonna go alone. He said he'd buy his and I said no, you didn't have fun last time don't worry about it. I don't want him to feel burdened and suckered into spending money on something he has no desire to go to. Then I mention how when I am out with my friends (I typically only go out-out 1x a week) that I feel bad if it gets expensive because he always remembers/recalls an evening "oh yea, that expensive Sunday Funday where we went on a bar crawl."
Why can't you say, that really fun Sunday where we did a bar crawl? It's all about how someone says something.
For example, if I really like your outfit and I say..."Oh that outfit looks like it's from Bloomingdales." You have no idea that I like the outfit because I didn't say that. You have no idea how I feel about your outfit because all I can point out is where I think you purchased it.
Sometimes going out can get expensive, I get it. But I see XF once a week at the most (as of late, once a month) so when we do a Sunday Funday, I really don't wanna feel guilty about that ONE day we spent together. If it was a weekly occurrence, I'd get it. That would add up. Anyways, we get into this stupid conversation and then he's accusing me of calling him cheap, I am accusing him of being a sourpuss who never seems to have fun, etc, etc, etc.
All of this because of gala tickets? Send help. Why can't we just get along? Then he texts me, "I just feel like I can't say anything around you anymore. Everything seems to offend you, bother you, or gets used against me. I don't wanna talk about this right now but think about it."
So I thought about it. He's right. Everything he says or does lately irks me. My fuse is so short with him these days and IDK why. I do realize it's not fair but I don't know how to fix it.
Thus, I am annoying myself.
That brings me to Arash.
This jackass asks me if I need a ride from the airport Sunday. I say sure and tell him I land at 10pm.
I land at 9:30, text him, hey just got here.
He tells me I have to uber because he has a Becky at the house and they made plans while I was flying so he didn't know how to let me know.
Ummmm....dick move. You aren't going to pick me up because you made plans after committing to help me? And you're bailing on me for some random fucking Becky? Really?
I have left dates early to pick him up. I have showed up at the airport and waited an hour only to realize this motherfucker told me the wrong timezone and he didn't land for another three hours.
Point is, I know my friends are more important than some Bruce.
So I get my Cali escape from him and then he pulls this shit and I am back to being at wits end with him. Great.
I send Mia the screenshots and like the badass she is, she comes to pick me up. Uber was surging (a $12 ride was estimated at $30 with a 25 minute wait, I live about 7 minutes from the airport....just a little perspective).
I walk in the house and Arash hops off the couch to hug me. I walk right past him and into my room. Fuck you so hard "friend." (Mind you, this is on four hours of sleep + reeking of Rami's cologne, I am just over everything at this point)
I go shower and come to the kitchen to get water.
"How was your trip!"
"How are your cousins?"
"HEY IM BECKY!!"
"Hey sorry about the miscommunication tonight."
There was no communication actually.
I grab my water and go to my room, slamming the door behind me.
Antonio was supposed to come over and at this point, I am just so exhausted and pissed off. He was planning to drop by to hook up and then go back to work (it was already 11pm) so meh, I can pass on the quickie bootycall, just had awesome sex this AM with Rami aka I don't really need you A.
In Antonio's praise, I did open his Valentine's Day card as I laid in bed, pissed at Arash. It was funny, it was sweet, and it made that moment quite a bit better. It was also a nice reminder that he did indeed catch feelings. Sadly, the card wasn't enough to prolong our fling. Being referred to as a second choice, knowing you are a second choice, eeehhhhh really is not who I am. Why give him the enjoyment of sex with me when I know where I stand? (PS Rami was better in bed/is insanely hot, so that helped make this decision a bit easier.)
Anyhoo, back to Arash. He locked himself in his room all night last night. I got back from grocery shopping at 5pm to find him and his car at home, I got back from gym at 7:30, car and keys still at home. I cooked for three hours...no movement. Finally he emerges to get a glass of water and then saunters back into his room, silently.
Someone is petrified of me, someone is losing their friends at warp speed, and someone needs to fucking sit down and apologize to everyone he's pissed off lately (the list is growing).
Until he can man up and realize he's been shitting the bed as a friend, no one is going to bother with him. I'm not going to confront this because I'm not the one who bailed on my friend after offering to be there for them.
Stay tuned for pretty much everything. Who knows what direction this week is headed.
I need a nap.