So he runs back at full speed Sunday.
Monday he calls me before work, "you know, if my parents weren't an issue - we would be engaged by now. I love you and I miss you tons today."
Monday night - in an effort not to keep all my eggs in one basket, Jake comes over around 11pm and sleeps over. (smart move because my X is a complete fool)
Tuesday afternoon - "We just have to take this slow and steady....bla bla bla bla" fight ensues because I feel like yet again, here he is trying to waste my time. We go to bed and my last words before hanging up are, "looks like you're still just a coward."
Wednesday I get this email...it's very lengthy and the only part that matters is below. Black is his writing - red is my response I sent back to him.
I completely understand that you are tired of this whole situation and
want a resolution, either way. -- clearly you don't understand what you're putting me through, and subconsciously you feel i am trying to simply further my agenda of starting my life with someone. in reality what i want is a REAL commitment from you, something you haven't come close to giving me the past 14 months. and without that, i can't move forward with you. If we were to continue dating and things continued to go well between us, I would want to be engaged at some point within the next year. -- which brings us to this -- where you still just need to bide your time, see how long you can stretch this out, praying for an army of armenians to grant you permission in a future with me. we have already done that and it's led us to this point right now.
However, I cannot commit to that right now, as you are looking for. My mind still
isn’t right and I am still not comfortable with losing my family. While there are no
guarantees that the peace I’m searching for would fully come during the next year,
I’ll be more confident in knowing that my decision to marry you is the right one
because we’ve withstood the test of more time. -- "i'll be more confident" -- if you aren't confident now that i am the person you want to see for the rest of your life everyday regardless of the other factors, you are actively wasting my time. this "peace" you are looking for doesn't exist. when your parents FORCE you to choose their love vs mine -- there is no such thing as PEACE. You will never feel GOOD and comfortable with that -- and THAT is the reality you have to accept. you need to determine which outcome you can accept, because "peace, comfort, solace" does not exist in either outcome.
If you can’t do that, I’ll have to live with the fact of losing you. -- the fact that you said this is the nail on the coffin for me. I've done nothing but stand by you, and because i cant keep doing this with you without a REAL commitment, you are turning the tables on me so I can feel that the reason this didn't workout was because I wanted a COMMITMENT from you that I can count on and I can trust and that's engagement.
I no longer trust your words. I will only trust actions. Your actions have NEVER exemplified your words. So I hope you can understand where my need for a real committed ACTION from you stems from. I cannot feel comfortable introducing you to my entire family knowing that you may wake up and just change your mind. And they have all already stated - "do not bring him home until this is resolved and you're announcing your engagement, we aren't here to play around." thats what my phone call last night consisted of with my father and my uncle and now my aunt today.
You can't give me that, I can't give you anymore of me. You took it for granted when you had it. 25 more days will not accomplish ANYTHING that you haven't already figured out. This peace of mind you search for, doesn't exist when you have parents like yours who are selfish and put conditions on their love.
They've always been worth fighting for, so keep up that fight -- it's the only real chance you have at becoming "comfortable" with the fact that you lost me.
Elle
After sending this and enduring the hardest workout of my life, I get a call from him. He just hung up with his parents who now claim they won't be happy if he marries me but they won't be disowning him because they do truly love him. He claims it's the best conversation they've ever had. They agree to take two weeks and not discuss it again until he returns to California to visit them.
THEN he has the audacity to say, "I think that the reason they have such a strong aversion to you is because they grew up in a Muslim country, and as Christians...."
I scream for him to stop speaking while he is ahead.
HALF of my family may reside and originate from a Muslim country BUT I AM AN AMERICAN.
I WAS BORN HERE!
I AM CHRISTIAN
I AM HALF SWEDISH -- WHAT ABOUT THAT?!
Why don't they try GETTING TO FUCKING KNOW ME before more of this BULLSHIT?!
He asks for one more month to figure things out.
I say no. This is the end of the rope for me.
He says, "I will no longer contact you unless I am ready to propose."
We say our goodbyes to each other and I tell him I expect this to be the last conversation we ever have.
We hang up, and it's over.
Elle
Monday he calls me before work, "you know, if my parents weren't an issue - we would be engaged by now. I love you and I miss you tons today."
Monday night - in an effort not to keep all my eggs in one basket, Jake comes over around 11pm and sleeps over. (smart move because my X is a complete fool)
Tuesday afternoon - "We just have to take this slow and steady....bla bla bla bla" fight ensues because I feel like yet again, here he is trying to waste my time. We go to bed and my last words before hanging up are, "looks like you're still just a coward."
Wednesday I get this email...it's very lengthy and the only part that matters is below. Black is his writing - red is my response I sent back to him.
I completely understand that you are tired of this whole situation and
want a resolution, either way. -- clearly you don't understand what you're putting me through, and subconsciously you feel i am trying to simply further my agenda of starting my life with someone. in reality what i want is a REAL commitment from you, something you haven't come close to giving me the past 14 months. and without that, i can't move forward with you. If we were to continue dating and things continued to go well between us, I would want to be engaged at some point within the next year. -- which brings us to this -- where you still just need to bide your time, see how long you can stretch this out, praying for an army of armenians to grant you permission in a future with me. we have already done that and it's led us to this point right now.
However, I cannot commit to that right now, as you are looking for. My mind still
isn’t right and I am still not comfortable with losing my family. While there are no
guarantees that the peace I’m searching for would fully come during the next year,
I’ll be more confident in knowing that my decision to marry you is the right one
because we’ve withstood the test of more time. -- "i'll be more confident" -- if you aren't confident now that i am the person you want to see for the rest of your life everyday regardless of the other factors, you are actively wasting my time. this "peace" you are looking for doesn't exist. when your parents FORCE you to choose their love vs mine -- there is no such thing as PEACE. You will never feel GOOD and comfortable with that -- and THAT is the reality you have to accept. you need to determine which outcome you can accept, because "peace, comfort, solace" does not exist in either outcome.
If you can’t do that, I’ll have to live with the fact of losing you. -- the fact that you said this is the nail on the coffin for me. I've done nothing but stand by you, and because i cant keep doing this with you without a REAL commitment, you are turning the tables on me so I can feel that the reason this didn't workout was because I wanted a COMMITMENT from you that I can count on and I can trust and that's engagement.
I no longer trust your words. I will only trust actions. Your actions have NEVER exemplified your words. So I hope you can understand where my need for a real committed ACTION from you stems from. I cannot feel comfortable introducing you to my entire family knowing that you may wake up and just change your mind. And they have all already stated - "do not bring him home until this is resolved and you're announcing your engagement, we aren't here to play around." thats what my phone call last night consisted of with my father and my uncle and now my aunt today.
You can't give me that, I can't give you anymore of me. You took it for granted when you had it. 25 more days will not accomplish ANYTHING that you haven't already figured out. This peace of mind you search for, doesn't exist when you have parents like yours who are selfish and put conditions on their love.
They've always been worth fighting for, so keep up that fight -- it's the only real chance you have at becoming "comfortable" with the fact that you lost me.
Elle
After sending this and enduring the hardest workout of my life, I get a call from him. He just hung up with his parents who now claim they won't be happy if he marries me but they won't be disowning him because they do truly love him. He claims it's the best conversation they've ever had. They agree to take two weeks and not discuss it again until he returns to California to visit them.
THEN he has the audacity to say, "I think that the reason they have such a strong aversion to you is because they grew up in a Muslim country, and as Christians...."
I scream for him to stop speaking while he is ahead.
HALF of my family may reside and originate from a Muslim country BUT I AM AN AMERICAN.
I WAS BORN HERE!
I AM CHRISTIAN
I AM HALF SWEDISH -- WHAT ABOUT THAT?!
Why don't they try GETTING TO FUCKING KNOW ME before more of this BULLSHIT?!
He asks for one more month to figure things out.
I say no. This is the end of the rope for me.
He says, "I will no longer contact you unless I am ready to propose."
We say our goodbyes to each other and I tell him I expect this to be the last conversation we ever have.
We hang up, and it's over.
Elle
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