I was out to dinner with Mia & Arash when I got this lovely text berating me....
This was too good to save for 2017 so here's a bonus post.
Let's unravel this hilarity, shall we?
1. Bias towards Persians? You're Afghan which is basically the same damn thing...
2. Beautiful and proud - will gladly check those boxes.
Superficial - sure I have good taste but I also shop at Costco
Self-Centered - I guess but isn't everyone?
Materialistic - Isn't that the same as superficial you fucking moron?
Status obsessed - Isn't that also the same as superficial and materialistic? Dude, you're stupider than I thought.
Next paragraph -
You spelled champagne wrong, you plebian.
2. I hate yachts and I never mentioned clothes or jewelry. My answer to that question was: my friends, family (mainly my little cousins - I even showed him photos!), travel and champagne -- you don't get to change my answers to help you sleep better at night you dickwad
3. My ex fiancee? Bruce, he never proposed - that was why we broke up...And his family hated me without meeting me because I am not Armenian.
4. Gold digger? Please. I make more money than your base level consulting ass and I don't go around bragging about that kind of stuff nor do I judge others based on it. If someone's career makes them happy, great - that is ALL I care about. If anyone is gold digging, it sure as hell isn't me. Nice try once again Bruce.
4. You spelled champagne right the second time, bravo
5. Thanks for callling me pretttttyyyy bruceeeey
Next paragraph -
You left the date drunk as a skunk. I called your uber for you. I pushed you out of the restaurant into the uber, if anything, you should be paying me for dealing with your beligerant self. Also, if you can't afford to date- don't.
Onto my reply -
1. I definitely didn't lose my phone, you're just an asshole
2. I didn't have a goodtime on our date and you weren't a nice guy but flipping this back on you is deeply satisfying
His reply -
AMNESIA? REALLY? I CANNOT MAKE THIS UP. Holy God, we have never laughed harder at a text than we did at this one. I can't believe he tried to pull that card, this cannot be reality.
The rest, self explanatory. Guess he's never been ghosted before? (Which surprises me because he was the fucking worst)
I blocked him after my last text...to which he called me from an unknown number. Rookie move Bruce, you think I am dumb enough to answer that?
Sometimes I can't believe this is actually my life. I am still laughing.
If 2017 is as hilarious as this, I am going to have abs of steel in no time.