I wrote this entire post yesterday...then it didn't save so here we go again....
Friday: Starts with a high I haven't felt in a longggg time. The date with Cyrus the night before, mmmm SO good. 36 is the way to go, experienced in allll aspects - not mad at it. PS my horoscope predicted some major spice in my life on the 18th and boom, it happened. PROOF!
onwards....
My gals and I go to our gyms HH which was a lot of fun until it wasn't. My girl A was pissed at her bf Owen for not being at the HH...Owen is Jake's roommate, I didn't invite Jake, she didn't explicitly invite Owen, so clearly neither of them were there...shit just got sassy for no good reason and after a long, long evening - we all went our separate ways. Jake came and fetched me and went back to my place.
That led to...sex. First time with him since last summer. That led to me taunting him that he is falling in love with me. He reminds me I have been single for about five minutes but that "he wants to spend every moment possible with me."
Hmmm...Okaaaaay...I see you stepping up your game...
Saturday: wake up, sex again (damn it was gooood too) and kick him out. Time to get ready for the pool with my girls.
Pool...ahhhh so much fun, lots of drinks, laughs and just sheer enjoyment with my friends. I wind up passed out by like 4pm. Sun + drinks always gets me zzzzzzzzz...
Slowly start to awake around 7 & check my snapchat...
Groomzilla is alive and posting from his bach party...& there we have it, an XFactor sighting. In a matching tank top. So many LOLs but also, Fuck him.
SO logically, I text him.
Nasty, angry, mean things. I am barely awake/coherent but I can't stop myself. "I fought for you for two solid years and now, nothing?"
He claims to be miserable, can't live without me, BLA FUCKING BLA. He claims, "this isn't a game and I CANT live without you."
Right, that explains the radio silence?
This pathetic conversation ends with, "God, you just suck so much."
I fall back asleep, wake up, facetime Jake because we were supposed to hang out, he fails to make a plan and thus I sit around feeling like crap...partially hangover, partially for caving.
Sunday: I decide to show Cyrus that I am indeed feeling him by texting first. That leads to a 4pm start time for this date...nice, much preferred over 7pm.
We meet up at this mexican spot and have 2 drinks. Immediately I am overwhelmed by how damn excited I am to see him and how sexy he is even though hes short as fuck.
We talk about everything under the sun and move onto a greek spot nearby.
In the midst of convo, he stops speaking just gives me this really intense look...it makes me nervous and I ask, "what is that look about??"
Still saying nothing, he grabs my face and kisses me in the middle of this crowded bar.
SWOOOON.
I try to deny that I like PDA but anyone who knows me knows that somehow I am always the chick making out at the bar...I'm gonna come out of the closet and fess up...I fucking love it lol. I'm sorrrrrry to be that girl but there's something so hot to me about a crowded place and not giving a shit what everyone else is thinking.
It's also so so so so contrasting to XF. We made out in a bar twice in two years. He was blacked out both times...which is fine, but he didn't even like holding hands in public. Super annoying.
So we kiss, it's fantastic...we keep talking, we eat, we laugh and then he stops again.
I lean over and kiss him. We decide to get out of there and back to his place.
Thank God you can read minds Cy.
We get back to his spot and he makes me a cocktail, we sit on the couch and he tries to remember which songs he knows on guitar. We end up with Breakfast at Tiffanys and are both singing along. I am a terrible singer but man, it was fun. Hanging out with him is so easy.
The guitar serenade ends and he's ontop of me. Ahhhh, the kissing. Then the clothes are strewn throughout his apartment, we are in his bed you can imagine what happens next.
We're laying there cuddling and he gets quiet...
Cyrus: "If we're going to keep doing this...we should probably talk about a few things..."
Friday: Starts with a high I haven't felt in a longggg time. The date with Cyrus the night before, mmmm SO good. 36 is the way to go, experienced in allll aspects - not mad at it. PS my horoscope predicted some major spice in my life on the 18th and boom, it happened. PROOF!
onwards....
My gals and I go to our gyms HH which was a lot of fun until it wasn't. My girl A was pissed at her bf Owen for not being at the HH...Owen is Jake's roommate, I didn't invite Jake, she didn't explicitly invite Owen, so clearly neither of them were there...shit just got sassy for no good reason and after a long, long evening - we all went our separate ways. Jake came and fetched me and went back to my place.
That led to...sex. First time with him since last summer. That led to me taunting him that he is falling in love with me. He reminds me I have been single for about five minutes but that "he wants to spend every moment possible with me."
Hmmm...Okaaaaay...I see you stepping up your game...
Saturday: wake up, sex again (damn it was gooood too) and kick him out. Time to get ready for the pool with my girls.
Pool...ahhhh so much fun, lots of drinks, laughs and just sheer enjoyment with my friends. I wind up passed out by like 4pm. Sun + drinks always gets me zzzzzzzzz...
Slowly start to awake around 7 & check my snapchat...
Groomzilla is alive and posting from his bach party...& there we have it, an XFactor sighting. In a matching tank top. So many LOLs but also, Fuck him.
SO logically, I text him.
Nasty, angry, mean things. I am barely awake/coherent but I can't stop myself. "I fought for you for two solid years and now, nothing?"
He claims to be miserable, can't live without me, BLA FUCKING BLA. He claims, "this isn't a game and I CANT live without you."
Right, that explains the radio silence?
This pathetic conversation ends with, "God, you just suck so much."
I fall back asleep, wake up, facetime Jake because we were supposed to hang out, he fails to make a plan and thus I sit around feeling like crap...partially hangover, partially for caving.
Sunday: I decide to show Cyrus that I am indeed feeling him by texting first. That leads to a 4pm start time for this date...nice, much preferred over 7pm.
We meet up at this mexican spot and have 2 drinks. Immediately I am overwhelmed by how damn excited I am to see him and how sexy he is even though hes short as fuck.
We talk about everything under the sun and move onto a greek spot nearby.
In the midst of convo, he stops speaking just gives me this really intense look...it makes me nervous and I ask, "what is that look about??"
Still saying nothing, he grabs my face and kisses me in the middle of this crowded bar.
SWOOOON.
I try to deny that I like PDA but anyone who knows me knows that somehow I am always the chick making out at the bar...I'm gonna come out of the closet and fess up...I fucking love it lol. I'm sorrrrrry to be that girl but there's something so hot to me about a crowded place and not giving a shit what everyone else is thinking.
It's also so so so so contrasting to XF. We made out in a bar twice in two years. He was blacked out both times...which is fine, but he didn't even like holding hands in public. Super annoying.
So we kiss, it's fantastic...we keep talking, we eat, we laugh and then he stops again.
I lean over and kiss him. We decide to get out of there and back to his place.
Thank God you can read minds Cy.
We get back to his spot and he makes me a cocktail, we sit on the couch and he tries to remember which songs he knows on guitar. We end up with Breakfast at Tiffanys and are both singing along. I am a terrible singer but man, it was fun. Hanging out with him is so easy.
The guitar serenade ends and he's ontop of me. Ahhhh, the kissing. Then the clothes are strewn throughout his apartment, we are in his bed you can imagine what happens next.
We're laying there cuddling and he gets quiet...
Cyrus: "If we're going to keep doing this...we should probably talk about a few things..."
Me: "I don't have any STD's, I was in a LTR and recently had my OB GYN appt, all is good over here but I'm not on BC and I don't plan to be."
Cyrus: "Okay, I'm clean too. I just got tested 1.5 months ago."
Me: "While we are talking about the intense stuff...we should discuss what happens if one of us sleeps with someone else...I don't mean I expect you not to but are we both going to tell each other or is it don't ask, don't tell? I am OK with either but I want to know what you prefer."
Cyrus: "No, no this is a good conversation to have...I think we should tell each other. That being said, I haven't since meeting you Thursday."
Fucccccccck Elle way to set yourself up for lying. I just had sex with Jake Friday & Saturdayyyyy. This new, sexual goddess act is foreign to me so clearly I am not playing this as well as I should... If I admit I slept with someone 5 minutes after meeting him, then he's definitely going to throw me into the hookup category and I don't wanna be in that category...shit, shit, shit, shit. I like this guy, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Me: "Yeah, neither have I..."
Cyrus: "Can you be honest with me about something?"
Oh Jesus, this can't be good....
Me: "I think so? What??"
Cyrus: "I get this feeling it's too soon for you and I'm a rebound...we talked about what you were looking for but it's just a feeling I have."
Me: "If I am brutally honest with you do you pinky swear not to hold this answer against me later?"
He visually looks uncomfortable and shifts to look me in the eyes...ahhh God all this eye contact makes this so much harder...
Me: "I know it's not ideal that I am recently out of a relationship (I said it ended it in June) and it's also not ideal that you're my first tinder date, and probably not ideal I slept with you the same night we met...all of this paints me in a light that would easily give you the idea I'm just in this for the rebound BUT you're kinda everything I've ever wanted...it's crazy, I sound like a stage five clinger for admitting that on date 2 but I've never liked someone so much after one date, ever...and we have so much in common...THAT being said, if you DO want to be my rebound, I'm fine with it...but if you don't, I'm really, really fine with that."
Grief, let me take a damn breath. PS who am I?
Cyrus: "First off, why in the hell would I use that against you?! That's GOOD news. Secondly, I am really looking forward to getting to know you better, to spending time together and seeing where it goes."
Me: "Well, since that's out of the way...how do you feel about seeing each other again before I leave for LA?"
Cyrus: "You leave Saturday, right? I definitely think we can make that happen."
Whew, convo over. Everything about us is intense yet honest...we've talked about so many things, idk what the hell I am doing but there is NO chance I'm not going to do whatever THIS is.
He walks me to my car, kisses me, says text when you get home and I'm off.
I text once home, he replies "Had a great time tonight."
Ah, alllll the smiles. No games, no shit.
In summation - this weekend was quite a ride...
Thursday: first date w/ Cyrus
Friday/Saturday: Hooked up with Jake, texted XF
Sunday: feeling sick from butterflies like a 14 year old
Monday: 12 days single...
The pace at which life is changing for me these days is blowing my mind...
My goal is...blow Jake off until I return from LA, see Cyrus sometime this week, and then let everything cool off while I'm gone, hope he goes on a date or two while I'm away and is then reminded just how awesome I am, I'll return and hopefully see him ASAP to see where this rollercoaster is heading.
Wish me luck,
Elle
Cyrus: "Okay, I'm clean too. I just got tested 1.5 months ago."
Me: "While we are talking about the intense stuff...we should discuss what happens if one of us sleeps with someone else...I don't mean I expect you not to but are we both going to tell each other or is it don't ask, don't tell? I am OK with either but I want to know what you prefer."
Cyrus: "No, no this is a good conversation to have...I think we should tell each other. That being said, I haven't since meeting you Thursday."
Fucccccccck Elle way to set yourself up for lying. I just had sex with Jake Friday & Saturdayyyyy. This new, sexual goddess act is foreign to me so clearly I am not playing this as well as I should... If I admit I slept with someone 5 minutes after meeting him, then he's definitely going to throw me into the hookup category and I don't wanna be in that category...shit, shit, shit, shit. I like this guy, fuck, fuck, fuck.
Me: "Yeah, neither have I..."
Cyrus: "Can you be honest with me about something?"
Oh Jesus, this can't be good....
Me: "I think so? What??"
Cyrus: "I get this feeling it's too soon for you and I'm a rebound...we talked about what you were looking for but it's just a feeling I have."
Me: "If I am brutally honest with you do you pinky swear not to hold this answer against me later?"
He visually looks uncomfortable and shifts to look me in the eyes...ahhh God all this eye contact makes this so much harder...
Me: "I know it's not ideal that I am recently out of a relationship (I said it ended it in June) and it's also not ideal that you're my first tinder date, and probably not ideal I slept with you the same night we met...all of this paints me in a light that would easily give you the idea I'm just in this for the rebound BUT you're kinda everything I've ever wanted...it's crazy, I sound like a stage five clinger for admitting that on date 2 but I've never liked someone so much after one date, ever...and we have so much in common...THAT being said, if you DO want to be my rebound, I'm fine with it...but if you don't, I'm really, really fine with that."
Grief, let me take a damn breath. PS who am I?
Cyrus: "First off, why in the hell would I use that against you?! That's GOOD news. Secondly, I am really looking forward to getting to know you better, to spending time together and seeing where it goes."
Me: "Well, since that's out of the way...how do you feel about seeing each other again before I leave for LA?"
Cyrus: "You leave Saturday, right? I definitely think we can make that happen."
Whew, convo over. Everything about us is intense yet honest...we've talked about so many things, idk what the hell I am doing but there is NO chance I'm not going to do whatever THIS is.
He walks me to my car, kisses me, says text when you get home and I'm off.
I text once home, he replies "Had a great time tonight."
Ah, alllll the smiles. No games, no shit.
In summation - this weekend was quite a ride...
Thursday: first date w/ Cyrus
Friday/Saturday: Hooked up with Jake, texted XF
Sunday: feeling sick from butterflies like a 14 year old
Monday: 12 days single...
The pace at which life is changing for me these days is blowing my mind...
My goal is...blow Jake off until I return from LA, see Cyrus sometime this week, and then let everything cool off while I'm gone, hope he goes on a date or two while I'm away and is then reminded just how awesome I am, I'll return and hopefully see him ASAP to see where this rollercoaster is heading.
Wish me luck,
Elle
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