Then I decided to torture myself and remind myself how he set the standard so damn high and how no one has been able to come near it since by reading all of his cards. Sure, I've dated some really wonderful guys - super generous, super sweet, super hot. But whole picture wise, I haven't found someone like Bobby. He never bored me, the physical chemistry was incredible from day 1 - end, he always went above and beyond, etc, etc. My senior year of college I decided to leave campus and do my final semester in Washington DC, Bobby drove a friends dads pick-up truck 8 hours through a snow storm to come pack me up and take me home from college. He then drove the truck and I back home, unpacked all of it, and put my bed together. (I really loved my bed in college, same one I have now and when I told Bobby I had no idea how I was getting from Ohio back home with it, he solved the problem and did it himself.) We weren't even dating then, that's how much this guy loved me. (I moved out in December 2010, we ended October 6th 2007.)
I know first love is the best love so it kinda skews things in your mind but I have the hard evidence in that box of how incredible we were. I want to be obsessed with someone again. I haven't felt that way in so long and I hate to believe I never will again.
So here is step 1 of changing my life...Judge as you may.
(PS I am the only person who spelled it Bobbie vs Bobby - idk why I did that but whatever, just go with it.)
Sending this letter in USPS, hand-written.
I’m not sure what possessed me to message you the other night but I am so glad I did. Nostalgia took over and I was brought back to a time when I loved with every ounce of my being and was loved the same in return. Sadly, I’ve been incapable of that since you. Chatting with you helped me realize that and also accept it. Love now won’t be like love then and that’s going to have to be “enough.”
Anyways, while spending time with my mother I came across a few items I wanted to return to your possession, as a friendship offering. And not the “friends” who talk once a year, I mean real, true, friendship. You were my best friend before we dated in 2004. You were my best friend while we dated and you were my best friend once we split. Now, your life has evolved and you’re married! I’ve missed a lot and there is so much I’ll never be able to get back, I don’t want to wake up and regret that I didn’t do this sooner. Remember you said if we didn't end up married that you'd want me as a groomsmen? I miss that kinda friendship.
SO here are the ties that haven’t been worn since you that were made FOR you as well as a new friendship bracelet, only to be kept if you accept my friendship offering. I know I am 9 years late on “trying to change that fact” but sometimes better late than never really is better…
One day I’ll get married and I want you to be there. I want my best friend back. I know nothing will be like it was, your best friend is your wife but if she is OK with it, I’d really like to be a part of your life again.
I genuinely want to know what’s up in your world, I want to be someone you can call to vent to about xyz, someone you can call because you miss them, someone you can call because you’re in a mood to reminisce, someone you see when they’re in town/you’re in town, someone you truly see as lifelong friend. I know you have plenty of friends but there is no changing history and I don’t think there are many people who know you as well as I do. I am sorry it took me so long to do this.
Lastly, I am writing a book and you’re a major component of that…I found my “Bobbie box” while I was home and re-read all the letters you wrote me each month. I was wondering if I could perhaps read the letters/emails/notes I wrote you back in the day. My book, She Will Be Loved chronicles my life/dating journey and it starts with you…I’ve gotten a lot of it done but after chatting, I realized that who I am now doesn’t remember who I was then. I’m not romantic anymore. I don’t plan scavenger hunts across cities, I don’t leave notes on cars, I don’t write heartfelt cards and I don’t say I love you easily. My guard is sky high and I am always expecting to be let down. I’d like to remember who I was before life happened. If you don’t have any of it anymore, NBD.
Bobbie, thank you from the bottom of my heart for being the best first love. You set the bar high and I am eternally grateful for that.
Lastly, because I’m being honest…I do wish it would’ve been us. I wish I hadn’t pushed you away in our older years. I knew deep down if I came back to you, you’d give me another chance but I always felt like we'd just cross paths and get there. Naive, I know. God clearly intended for you to be Ella’s and I am so happy for you in finding your person. I only say this now because if the situation were reversed, I’d want to hear that truth ^. Not that you needed closure, but it never hurts.
I hope you accept this apology, ties, bracelet, and friendship offering. I’ve missed you in my life.
Wishing you nothing but the absolute best.
Cheers to 2017 as friends,
Alright so you are confused....Understandably so.
My mom custom designed a few dresses for me in HS and she made ties to match for Bobby. I asked for those ties back after we broke up and he begrudingly sent them to me with a really sassy note that included the friendship bracelet I'd made him on the back of it. At the time, I remember being in college laughing at how dramatic he was. But now I see that he just wanted me to work harder to stay his friend.
Elle, why the fuck are you doing this?
Bobby was a giant part of my life. He knows me better than almost everyone. He is a part of a ton of my fondest memories. He's more important to me than I'd like to admit and now, I am just being brutally honest with myself. I miss his presence in my life. He gave me really solid advice the other night and I'd like to be able to get that more often if I so desire. Also, I like knowing that "atleast I tried". Whether he accepts my friendship offering or not, who knows. I am still very close to Nate (college ex) we talk every month, always. I'd like that with Bobby too.
Plus, isn't there something kinda poetic about returning the ties with his original note, 9 years later? I'm late to fulfill my promise but hey, I did. I know he is someone who would appreciate that sentiment/see that we came full circle.