Once upon a time my ex boyfriend that I lived with planned a trip to Boston for a birthday guys weekend...That's dandy and great until I find out his friend's girlfriend is going & I wasn't fucking invited. Welcome to the beginning of the end of Liam.
Warning - this email is INSANELY long, poorly written & repetitive. Oh the immaturity of 2012. Yikessss.
Dear Liam,
I have so much to say and I don't even know where to begin... First off, my frustration stems from my feelings being hurt and your disregard of my point of view.
You were so mean to me on Friday morning, you called me a bitch and after I sent you a very mature text trying to help you see where I was coming from you proceeded to wait hours to respond, basically to say I needed time away from you which is why my last minute invitations were very non-genuine, of course I knew when you said I could come on Sunday that it wasn't something you actually meant. I don’t blame you for wanting time away with your friend, I really supported the entire thing until I find out Kate is coming too. Now it's everyone having fun in Boston and the only person left out is me? How do you expect me to feel? I tell you we should agree not to talk as a test to see if you actually don’t want to speak to me for an entire weekend...we talk many times a day and I felt this would be a good testament of how you felt towards me. After being called a bitch, I really was shocked and had no idea where you stood...
what I get is a drunken call at 2am after you post a photo with Kate. What a slap in the face. I don’t warrant a legitimate call for anything prior to you being drunk? And don’t even try to tell me you weren’t--I could see it in the photo and hear it in your voice. Sadly I was very happy to see a call at all. Pathetic me.
I have truly tried to think about why this gets to me so much... part of it is feeling left out but the other part is something much bigger.
I feel as if I am always the one making things happen. I create our plans, I pay and plan for us to go to Florida, I invite you to California for vacation, I try and pay as often as I can when we go out for drinks or dinner because I feel bad having you pay. What I realized is I really don’t like this situation at all. In the beginning maybe you were trying to impress me but nothing was like this. This is not what I signed up for. And these issues, reflect the degradation of my sex drive towards you...I finally figured out what was a major cause.
So you going to do something fun, a whole weekend away just hurts when I am not even a part of it because you never plan stuff like this for us to do. I know mike paid for this and what not but its the bigger picture of it all...why cant you make the effort to plan something special for us together? Something out of the ordinary?? I told you back before Florida what I NEEDED from you was an entire weekend planned and paid for by you. I wanted no details except what to pack. And you then came to me saying you couldn’t afford it and you were sorry. That leaves me in a bad position because the thing I truly needed to see from you, this effort and ingenuity you bailed on...so what do I do? I take control of the situation and make it happen anyway. If you can’t pay for it, I will kind of thing. I don’t want you to pay me back or anything, that is not what this is about at all but I realize now that planning that trip myself was a huge mistake. I took the reigns when I should have just let it all be.... our lives could have continued to be completely mundane.
Back on subject though... I need you to understand why I am so upset with you about this weekend, and if you cant see it from my point of view then I guess we really have nothing left to talk about... not to mention you said Kate was leaving Saturday when clearly your obnoxious Facebook check-ins every 4 minutes tell me she is still there. It’d be one thing if it were you 3 in ocean city, a place I despise but when it’s a new, fun adventure in Boston -- I am upset. I feel like, of course he's finally doing something fun and different and he doesn’t want me to be a part of any of it.
The right thing to do would have been....
tell me when you found out Kate was going, not "forget" and let me find out on my own.
Then offer to purchase my flight for me to come with you guys so it could be a weekend of fun all together now that she was part of the mix too.
Even my mother thinks this; she is so shocked at how horribly you’ve treated me this weekend. She has seen your Facebook displays and everyone keeps asking, why aren’t you there too?
Part 2: (written after our convo)
Warning - this email is INSANELY long, poorly written & repetitive. Oh the immaturity of 2012. Yikessss.
Dear Liam,
I have so much to say and I don't even know where to begin... First off, my frustration stems from my feelings being hurt and your disregard of my point of view.
You were so mean to me on Friday morning, you called me a bitch and after I sent you a very mature text trying to help you see where I was coming from you proceeded to wait hours to respond, basically to say I needed time away from you which is why my last minute invitations were very non-genuine, of course I knew when you said I could come on Sunday that it wasn't something you actually meant. I don’t blame you for wanting time away with your friend, I really supported the entire thing until I find out Kate is coming too. Now it's everyone having fun in Boston and the only person left out is me? How do you expect me to feel? I tell you we should agree not to talk as a test to see if you actually don’t want to speak to me for an entire weekend...we talk many times a day and I felt this would be a good testament of how you felt towards me. After being called a bitch, I really was shocked and had no idea where you stood...
what I get is a drunken call at 2am after you post a photo with Kate. What a slap in the face. I don’t warrant a legitimate call for anything prior to you being drunk? And don’t even try to tell me you weren’t--I could see it in the photo and hear it in your voice. Sadly I was very happy to see a call at all. Pathetic me.
I have truly tried to think about why this gets to me so much... part of it is feeling left out but the other part is something much bigger.
I feel as if I am always the one making things happen. I create our plans, I pay and plan for us to go to Florida, I invite you to California for vacation, I try and pay as often as I can when we go out for drinks or dinner because I feel bad having you pay. What I realized is I really don’t like this situation at all. In the beginning maybe you were trying to impress me but nothing was like this. This is not what I signed up for. And these issues, reflect the degradation of my sex drive towards you...I finally figured out what was a major cause.
So you going to do something fun, a whole weekend away just hurts when I am not even a part of it because you never plan stuff like this for us to do. I know mike paid for this and what not but its the bigger picture of it all...why cant you make the effort to plan something special for us together? Something out of the ordinary?? I told you back before Florida what I NEEDED from you was an entire weekend planned and paid for by you. I wanted no details except what to pack. And you then came to me saying you couldn’t afford it and you were sorry. That leaves me in a bad position because the thing I truly needed to see from you, this effort and ingenuity you bailed on...so what do I do? I take control of the situation and make it happen anyway. If you can’t pay for it, I will kind of thing. I don’t want you to pay me back or anything, that is not what this is about at all but I realize now that planning that trip myself was a huge mistake. I took the reigns when I should have just let it all be.... our lives could have continued to be completely mundane.
Back on subject though... I need you to understand why I am so upset with you about this weekend, and if you cant see it from my point of view then I guess we really have nothing left to talk about... not to mention you said Kate was leaving Saturday when clearly your obnoxious Facebook check-ins every 4 minutes tell me she is still there. It’d be one thing if it were you 3 in ocean city, a place I despise but when it’s a new, fun adventure in Boston -- I am upset. I feel like, of course he's finally doing something fun and different and he doesn’t want me to be a part of any of it.
The right thing to do would have been....
tell me when you found out Kate was going, not "forget" and let me find out on my own.
Then offer to purchase my flight for me to come with you guys so it could be a weekend of fun all together now that she was part of the mix too.
Even my mother thinks this; she is so shocked at how horribly you’ve treated me this weekend. She has seen your Facebook displays and everyone keeps asking, why aren’t you there too?
Part 2: (written after our convo)
For starters, I didn’t want to talk this weekend because my feelings are really hurt and I didn’t want to fight with you and argue while you were in Boston because I truly wanted you to have a good time. I say this sincerely and what you choose to believe is obviously up to you. I was hoping that you would want to talk to me and that you missed me, so yes it was a test in that sense.
After our conversation I am even more upset than I was before. So let me touch on a few things...
new friendships: yes I see why you’d think that my new friendships are a bit out of left field and I am too involved in them. But honestly after losing Eve I really didn’t have a close confidant who enjoyed the same things as me and I found that in Michelle. We clicked. And I’ve met so many new people through her. I went looking for new friends because I was tired of harassing my current ones to go out or even respond to an invite/text. So I changed my situation and I embraced it completely. When trying to make new friends you cant really be half in-half out and that’s why you’ve felt left out because I have tried to make that a priority. Trying to find a balance of boyfriend and friends and I tipped the scale the wrong way. This upsets you because for ALL of our relationship until recently my life was 99% Liam, 1% friends. You’ve always had balance due to your geographic location to your friends, mine all live in different places, everyone can be so hard to track down, I felt like id really begun to lose a core group...friendships keep me sane, and while I cherish everyone I’ve always had despite their distance - I really wanted a group like you have, Dwayne, Billy, your brother, the Greeks etc. so I jumped in completely and thus alienated you in the process, not intentionally. But that will change if we decide to continue with this relationship. I realize I was wrong, as were my actions and I am sorry.
Boston...
I understand you wanting a trip with your FRIEND MIKE, but when his girlfriend all the sudden becomes a part of it and is even staying at the hotel with you this is unacceptable. You have a girlfriend and if his girlfriend tags along, then you should be including me and the guys’ trip will have to wait because clearly Kate’s presence voids any GUY weekend. You should have told me she was going and offered to pay for my flight to join you because you WANTED me to be a part of this now that the group had shifted. I get that this is not what you wanted and you think I’m crazy for this.
You worry so much how Kate will feel with me being a part of the group, as if I am going to cat fight or offend her somehow. You never think about how I feel that you don’t trust that I can behave as a socially acceptable adult when my track record, especially regarding her has never been anything but respectful despite our differences in personality. I’ve never been blatantly rude or offensive to one of your friends and it honestly hurts that you take her feelings into consideration far over mine. Aren’t we supposed to stick by each other no matter what?
You say I will complain about the weather or the activities? Well thanks for even giving me the chance to prove you wrong. I don’t bitch about restaurants or food when we're with a group of people, I don’t like things in Annapolis because nothing here is worth spending money on. I have never made a fuss in dc EVER with friends. The weather? Are you kidding me with this? I love hot weather, I love fall weather, and I really don’t know what the hell this could pertain to. Activities? If there was something I wasn’t keen on, perhaps a beer tour I can entertain myself and go meet up with the many friends I have in Boston, go shopping, etc. I don’t need to be supervised. As for going out with Kate’s sister and her friends, I thought Kate’s sister was a real sweetheart -- I wouldn’t have an issue. I don’t walk into groups of people and hate on them for no reason, I am pretty open-minded which is how I make friends easily... you say you are an afterthought to me? Well I know that the Middle East isn’t something you'll do without bitching up a storm. Nothing is nice, nothing is clean, nothing is safe or convenient and I can’t handle you wimping out on me during a really long Middle East trip. The many flights, the chaos of it all -- you’re not a spontaneous person whatsoever, I’m not trying to torture you by dragging you to the middle east and you said you wont go on any trips until you get back to Greece. Why do you think I REALLLLY wanted you to go to Greece this summer with your mom? So that could be taken care of and it wouldn’t be a stipulation for a trip abroad together.
My weekend/Facebook...
I’m sure Kate was the one to comment on my Facebook updates, the only racy one being a photo of martinis -- big deal?? Various friends of mine asked, what is the deal? Why aren’t you in Boston with all of them? When I tell them I wasn’t invited they’re pretty shocked because its ALL over your Facebook and its hurtful how you just didn’t want me to be a part of something fun like this... its embarrassing for me Liam.
So while on topic of weekend.since I didnt post my shit all over facebook every 3 minutes.... friday I went to ikea, I purchased a desk, I went to the movies with my mother, then I went to dave and busters with my mom and played games with the balance of the card we purchased in california. I then came home, hung out with the cats, worked on some things and went to bed around 4am.
Saturday I woke up, went to work with a client, then I took the cats to the vet, we had an extreme tornado warning, we spent 2 hrs. At the vet with the doctor, we left the vet in pouring rain -- running to the car with two cats. They both have some pretty major issues so it was a lot to deal with at once, major changes have to be made...some of which I’m sure you read about on Facebook. I posted the photo of the boys (so racy of me) and we went home. I put together my desk, I did laundry, went to dinner and then to a flamenco dance performance in gtown then to sax and Lima. Went back to Michelle’s, slept.
Went to brunch at the art society of Washington, ate Lebanese food and danced. Left at 3pm and came to the cats. Went for drinks with Sarah, and she just left.
What a WILD weekend I had right?
Also when you call me and act as if you have no time to talk to me, I really can’t help but cry. You can’t talk to me without expressing how much of an inconvenience it is for you? Once this entire weekend? I was sobbing after that... you tell me how you're so fun and personable in Boston all by yourself, what do you want me to say to this? I’m glad the girls find you interesting? Another slap in the face. When boys weekend got halted by Kate, I 100% should have been legitimately invited and wanted. But I guess I’m too much of a high maintenance "bitch". So why keep me around at all? I tell you my opinions on things, I vent to you, I am honest with you -- you’re my boyfriend, if I cant tell you things or vent then what are we doing? And now these things are thrown against me? You say I don't like any of your friends? I do like them...some more than others but mike particularly I really enjoy. Yeah he can be a "yahoo" as you call him but he is a really fun guy. One of my favorites. If you have a friend I don’t like, it’s because of the things you tell me about that person. I side with you over anyone, no matter what. I deal with Dwayne, I’m courteous to him, but his snide comments and self-deprecation kill me and it’s hard to have fun around a guy like that. I love Billy, I love tod, I love Jason and nick etc. I don’t enjoy Joanna (neither do you) and I don’t like Laura, she has a crush on my boyfriend -- what is there to like?? All seems pretty normal to me. You cant be a fan of everyone but I certainty don’t hate them all.
Anyways, I want to talk to you tonight. This is important to me and I am not going to be able to sleep without an actual discussion where you don’t attack me right off the bat.
Elle
After our conversation I am even more upset than I was before. So let me touch on a few things...
new friendships: yes I see why you’d think that my new friendships are a bit out of left field and I am too involved in them. But honestly after losing Eve I really didn’t have a close confidant who enjoyed the same things as me and I found that in Michelle. We clicked. And I’ve met so many new people through her. I went looking for new friends because I was tired of harassing my current ones to go out or even respond to an invite/text. So I changed my situation and I embraced it completely. When trying to make new friends you cant really be half in-half out and that’s why you’ve felt left out because I have tried to make that a priority. Trying to find a balance of boyfriend and friends and I tipped the scale the wrong way. This upsets you because for ALL of our relationship until recently my life was 99% Liam, 1% friends. You’ve always had balance due to your geographic location to your friends, mine all live in different places, everyone can be so hard to track down, I felt like id really begun to lose a core group...friendships keep me sane, and while I cherish everyone I’ve always had despite their distance - I really wanted a group like you have, Dwayne, Billy, your brother, the Greeks etc. so I jumped in completely and thus alienated you in the process, not intentionally. But that will change if we decide to continue with this relationship. I realize I was wrong, as were my actions and I am sorry.
Boston...
I understand you wanting a trip with your FRIEND MIKE, but when his girlfriend all the sudden becomes a part of it and is even staying at the hotel with you this is unacceptable. You have a girlfriend and if his girlfriend tags along, then you should be including me and the guys’ trip will have to wait because clearly Kate’s presence voids any GUY weekend. You should have told me she was going and offered to pay for my flight to join you because you WANTED me to be a part of this now that the group had shifted. I get that this is not what you wanted and you think I’m crazy for this.
You worry so much how Kate will feel with me being a part of the group, as if I am going to cat fight or offend her somehow. You never think about how I feel that you don’t trust that I can behave as a socially acceptable adult when my track record, especially regarding her has never been anything but respectful despite our differences in personality. I’ve never been blatantly rude or offensive to one of your friends and it honestly hurts that you take her feelings into consideration far over mine. Aren’t we supposed to stick by each other no matter what?
You say I will complain about the weather or the activities? Well thanks for even giving me the chance to prove you wrong. I don’t bitch about restaurants or food when we're with a group of people, I don’t like things in Annapolis because nothing here is worth spending money on. I have never made a fuss in dc EVER with friends. The weather? Are you kidding me with this? I love hot weather, I love fall weather, and I really don’t know what the hell this could pertain to. Activities? If there was something I wasn’t keen on, perhaps a beer tour I can entertain myself and go meet up with the many friends I have in Boston, go shopping, etc. I don’t need to be supervised. As for going out with Kate’s sister and her friends, I thought Kate’s sister was a real sweetheart -- I wouldn’t have an issue. I don’t walk into groups of people and hate on them for no reason, I am pretty open-minded which is how I make friends easily... you say you are an afterthought to me? Well I know that the Middle East isn’t something you'll do without bitching up a storm. Nothing is nice, nothing is clean, nothing is safe or convenient and I can’t handle you wimping out on me during a really long Middle East trip. The many flights, the chaos of it all -- you’re not a spontaneous person whatsoever, I’m not trying to torture you by dragging you to the middle east and you said you wont go on any trips until you get back to Greece. Why do you think I REALLLLY wanted you to go to Greece this summer with your mom? So that could be taken care of and it wouldn’t be a stipulation for a trip abroad together.
My weekend/Facebook...
I’m sure Kate was the one to comment on my Facebook updates, the only racy one being a photo of martinis -- big deal?? Various friends of mine asked, what is the deal? Why aren’t you in Boston with all of them? When I tell them I wasn’t invited they’re pretty shocked because its ALL over your Facebook and its hurtful how you just didn’t want me to be a part of something fun like this... its embarrassing for me Liam.
So while on topic of weekend.since I didnt post my shit all over facebook every 3 minutes.... friday I went to ikea, I purchased a desk, I went to the movies with my mother, then I went to dave and busters with my mom and played games with the balance of the card we purchased in california. I then came home, hung out with the cats, worked on some things and went to bed around 4am.
Saturday I woke up, went to work with a client, then I took the cats to the vet, we had an extreme tornado warning, we spent 2 hrs. At the vet with the doctor, we left the vet in pouring rain -- running to the car with two cats. They both have some pretty major issues so it was a lot to deal with at once, major changes have to be made...some of which I’m sure you read about on Facebook. I posted the photo of the boys (so racy of me) and we went home. I put together my desk, I did laundry, went to dinner and then to a flamenco dance performance in gtown then to sax and Lima. Went back to Michelle’s, slept.
Went to brunch at the art society of Washington, ate Lebanese food and danced. Left at 3pm and came to the cats. Went for drinks with Sarah, and she just left.
What a WILD weekend I had right?
Also when you call me and act as if you have no time to talk to me, I really can’t help but cry. You can’t talk to me without expressing how much of an inconvenience it is for you? Once this entire weekend? I was sobbing after that... you tell me how you're so fun and personable in Boston all by yourself, what do you want me to say to this? I’m glad the girls find you interesting? Another slap in the face. When boys weekend got halted by Kate, I 100% should have been legitimately invited and wanted. But I guess I’m too much of a high maintenance "bitch". So why keep me around at all? I tell you my opinions on things, I vent to you, I am honest with you -- you’re my boyfriend, if I cant tell you things or vent then what are we doing? And now these things are thrown against me? You say I don't like any of your friends? I do like them...some more than others but mike particularly I really enjoy. Yeah he can be a "yahoo" as you call him but he is a really fun guy. One of my favorites. If you have a friend I don’t like, it’s because of the things you tell me about that person. I side with you over anyone, no matter what. I deal with Dwayne, I’m courteous to him, but his snide comments and self-deprecation kill me and it’s hard to have fun around a guy like that. I love Billy, I love tod, I love Jason and nick etc. I don’t enjoy Joanna (neither do you) and I don’t like Laura, she has a crush on my boyfriend -- what is there to like?? All seems pretty normal to me. You cant be a fan of everyone but I certainty don’t hate them all.
Anyways, I want to talk to you tonight. This is important to me and I am not going to be able to sleep without an actual discussion where you don’t attack me right off the bat.
Elle
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