womp, womp, womp.

Bestie #1 couldn't find someone to take her shift and thus she isn't joining me for a girls weekend in Miami. 

soooooo sad. 

But as a few minutes ago, XF has changed his mind, used some airline points and jumped on it. 

Miracles do exist! 

1. We are staying at my clients 3 million dollar condo for free that includes a convertible. Soooo that's awesome.

2. The flight was $144 roundtrip, paying via points  = basically nothing. 

3. He will be studying during the day. I will be enjoying the sun, trying out different fitness studios, and keeping myself out of his hair (or lack thereof) until 5pm when he's done. 

4. I just made all these fun dining reservations because his favorite thing is food and trying new things so there's one less thing for him to think about & it's our favorite activity to do together. #fatkids #noshame

5. ITS MIAMI! 

2017 has been pretty good to me so far. Biggest accomplishment is paying off my loans in April vs August. Travel wise, it's been pretty great and only looks to get better.

So far: I've traveled to Puerto Rico, California, and next Miami. 

Hoping for an NYC weekend first weekend of June.

I likely will get to spend a week in Beirut when XF goes there in June to do an internship for three weeks (all I have to buy is a flight). 

October is my cousins wedding in California.

November is my cousins10th birthday in California.

December is a surprise trip for double trouble's 30th birthday. 

Overall, not too shabby on the travel front. Amazing how much less stressful planning is when you aren't dropping a shit load of $ on loans each month. 

2017 is my freaking year.
Getting after those goals and crushing them. I got my spin certification, next I want my group fitness instruction certificate, then I want to audition for flywheel and GET THE DAMN JOB. If I get past audition 1 you go through a six week training program and then you're a legit instructor. Fingers crossed! 

I am figuring things out with XF, slowly but surely. You can't build a life off orgasms. If you could, Rami and I would be a match made in sexy heaven. PS he snapchatted me a dick pic this AM...then followed up with, "I had a crazy dream about having sex with you last night and it was so amazing." 

Oh dear. Devil on my shoulder. 

Sure the sex is great but.... his job is mediocre, he lives with his parents, he somehow has CC debt despite living at home, he smokes weed, and needs to grow up. 

XF drives me up a freaking wall but after three years, I can't imagine not feeling that way. I can have a legitimate life with XF and at this stage, that's what I want. The fun and the games are great and dandy - I thrive being single but I want to start a family, move to California, enter the next phase, and the only person I've ever been able to envision doing that with is...XF. When I first met XF I knew that this semi short, not fit, bald guy was the one I wanted. After going through actual hell with and for him, I somehow still see it that way. I know this isn't the most romantic thing you've ever heard/read but marriage is gonna be hard and if we survived this, I kinda think the rest will be easy...Maybe that's naive but who really fucking knows. Marriage is a such a gamble.

So cheers to fucking insane future in laws and the most non-wedding ever. If he doesn't panzy out on proposing, this should all be very, very interesting....

2017 I came to slay ya.

xo xo,

Elle

PS if it doesn't pan out with XF, I won't be sad - I'll just know it really wasn't meant to be. Shit happens, ya'll. You get to a point where you're a lot less emotional about everything - my signif. other will never be the source of my happiness in life, only I am responsible for that. They'll either add to it or take away and if it works with XF, I am confident he'll add to my happiness. If it doesn't work with him, it will with someone else. So no point in stressin. :)

I finally went out again with Cris. He's still superb and checks off all the boxes + some. He's also a fitbit addict like myself, so we have another weird thing in common. 

We met Saturday for drinks and had an enjoyable evening...

He was very hands on, PDA, kissing at the bar, etc. But when he kissed me this time, I had this horrible skin crawling feeling of discomfort. 

Maybe it was because I had to tell him details about myself we'd already heavily discussed on date one? Maybe because he's so confident and aggressive? I don't know. He is a good kisser -- so it wasn't lack of skill. 

I wish I could pinpoint why I felt that way. But suddenly, I got tired, wanted to teleport home and crawl into my bed alone. 

GAHHHHH. WTF.

He's a catch. The ONLY catch of my summer (I guess fall now). 

Damnit Elle. Snap out of it. 

So IDK where that will go, waiting for him to ask me out again and take it from there...if he doesn't, then we won't have much to report now will we?

Other news:

Jake ghosted me. Not COMPLETELY but definitely cut the communication lines. We used to snapchat all day -- now it's never. We've texted here and there to meet up - it never happens. 

I'm glad it phased out easily. No awkward conversations about how he NEVER offered to buy me a drink....hallelujah. 

And I have saved the best for last -- 

My friend Ta who I went to visit in Turkey this summer just invited me to Spain to go to a wellness spa for a week. SHA Wellness and it looks and sounds INCREDIBLE. 

I am so tempted to go... I have to decide by tomorrow so he can book my flight but the timing is super tough.

Work's been filled with great things lately, I am prepping for my move (which technically I can do ahead of time to cut down on stress) but then I miss my very last week in my apartment that I adore so much....

It's dumb to forgo an insane, all expenses paid trip across the world to relax in luxury to spend one last week living alone buttttttt I am getting all sentimental. 

SNAP OUT OF IT ELLE. I am looking forward to the next chapter living with Arash and I pray after living with him, the next person I reside with will be my husband. So this very well could be my last moments of "single in the city" status....

I've been solo for so long, it's crazy to think about life in any other format...

But I have to embrace the change. 

And I have to decide -- go to Spain or don't go to Spain? 

HELP!

​xx
Elle