Comparing people solely on looks, a bad, bad way to go but I think it's safe to say, we all do it. 

Think about Blake Shelton. When he divorced Miranda Lambert and fell for Gwen Stefani, the world was thrilled. Gwen is way hotter than Miranda even though she's much older. He totally upgraded. (PS Gwen is my celeb crush so I am a bit biased)

The post where Antonio told me to "wear it better" and I referenced his ex gf being ugly af really got me thinking.

I'm sure she's a nice girl, likely someone I'd be friends with but when you see someone as competition - you instantly have to cut them down based on the only thing you can tell about them, how they look/dress. 

XF asked me this weekend if I think I am the prettiest out of my friends. Uhhhh NO, duh. But I also think I view my friends in a way others might not - I think they're all so gorgeous and that's because I know and love them. More proof, looks are enhanced with personality. XF thinks I am the prettiest because the guy is in love with me = enhanced view of me compared the the rest of the world. 

I look at my ex boyfriends wives. Bobby's is BUTT ASS UGLY - literally no redeeming qualities but he's super in love and happy with her sooooo she's obviously gotta have a great personality. 

Liam's lady used to be hot in her cheerleading days then turned quite frumpy/looks 45. But hey, here is tying the knot in a few days. (Oh joy) 

Let's take the focus off the ladies for a second. (Girls are judged way harder than guys, super unfair) 

If Antonio were to size up XF and compare himself - he'd surely laugh. XF isn't in shape, he is bald (but does bald well), and is hairy. (He is quite a bit taller than Antonio though) 

Then guys immediately size up careers (girls don't do this, we only care about looks).

Antonio is an attorney. XF is an MBA, MD. 

Who wins?

What does it take to make a guy feel insecure about another guy?

For girls, it's looks. If your ex boyfriend dates someone hotter than you after, you 100% feel like shit. If he dates someone uglier, you feel like you won at life. (story of my life as I am single, writing this post) ;)

My question is - WHY DO WE THINK LIKE THIS?? It's so unhealthy, my head is spinning. I am perfectly guilty of it - every time I see a photo of an ex with some ugly girl I instantly group chat it to my friends (that is, if they haven't already sent it to me first). 

I am trying to become a spin instructor and I am stressing out x 1000 about my body. I know the more visibly fit you are, the more people strive to be like you and want to take your class. I know I will be motivating and good at yelling at people to push themselves BUT if I don't look the part, I feel like I will fail. 

We place such a value on appearances - wouldn't it be amazing if we focused on personality/talent way before appearance? 

Sigh.

Random thoughts of the day. 

I am going to work on not being so judgmental (even though that judgment is what gives me my edge).

Wish me luck!

xo xo,

Elle

To give you super fresh content right now - here is the 2nd finance post, much sooner than anticipated. 

 Write about how you save/spend money as a millennial living in the DC area while running your own business. 

Washington D.C....The nations capital and also one of the most expensive cities to live in the United States. 

DC is a city close to my heart and I can't imagine being anywhere else at the moment. Five+ years ago I started my first business here and the longer I stay, the more I love it. (and that's a bold statement coming from a California girl) 

Saving money here is no easy task. I've made a few mistakes a long the way so I am going to discuss them as well as how I've recovered from them. 

1. Living solo. When I first moved to DC I had a roommate. Eventually I grew tired of sharing a tiny space and decided it was time to get my own tiny space. $2000 a month later, I had the pleasure of living alone but also the pain of paying for everything alone. You don't think about how much internet, TV, utilities, etc is until it's ALL on you. I quickly found ways to cut some of these costs. I never watched TV so I got rid of cable and internet. WHA? Who gets rid of internet? I had a giant data plan on my cellphone so I'd link that to my laptop when I needed to compute at home. That was $109 saved/month. I added a family member to my cellphone plan so I could split that cost 50/50. I only used my heat/AC when it was TOTALLY necessary, thus saving at least $30-$40 a month. I'd create meal plans and plan my groceries ahead so I could "fix" my food costs. Finally, I had an offer to move in with my best friend (Arash) and I said goodbye to solo lifestyle and to be honest, I couldn't be happier. My rent is now $1400 and our utilities split are about $40 per person. I no longer have to stress on my grocery bill and I'm saving over $500 a month! 

2. My car. I hate buying cars. I am a woman and I feel like the dealerships are out to get us all. It's stressful and just tediously terrible. When my car was totaled in an accident I was left scrambling to find a replacement. I decided to go with the car "I'd always wanted" and because it was SO specific, I got completely ripped off. I was single at the time and had no one to help guide me in negotiating a better deal. My advice to you is - if you know what you want, take someone with you who is ready and able to battle it out. Otherwise, a car is just a means of transportation, buy something cheap and save your $. 

3. Going out. When I first moved to DC we'd go to nightclubs and lounges every weekend, all weekend. Each drink was $15 and holy cow, it really starts to add up! As I've gotten older I've grown out of that scene (my bank account thanks me) and I've found ways to balance going out and saving $. I like to go "out out" one night a week. If friends want to get cocktails twice in a week, I always invite them to my house to do so. I'd rather supply the drinks at bulk than pay $15 for one when an entire handle of Tito's costs $23. Plus, having people over saves me $ in uber/parking. It's a win-win. The one night that I do go "out out" I let myself do whatever I want. You have to live a little! 

4. Food. I touched on this a little bit before but I used to hate cooking and thus would go grab a salad out every night. $11 a day for 7 days = $77, $308/month. Well guys, a salad is pretty much the easiest thing to make at home so finally I decided it was time to grow up, get to the grocery store and make things for myself. Not only do I save a TON of $$$ but I get a nice feeling of accomplishment for doing it myself.

What I will spend $ on without question: 

The gym. I used to belong to a gym that cost me $22 a month and was open 24 hours a day. Guess how often I went? Maybe twice a week. Now I pay $159 a month for a gym that only offers classes AND who charges you $12 fee if you don't show up. Guess how often I go? 5-7x a week. I utilize that membership like my life depends on it. The result? A more energetic, healthy, fit, and happy version of myself. I don't miss that $159 even for a second. 

My groceries. I refuse to eat poor quality food. I shop mainly at Whole Foods (or whole paycheck as some call it) and I don't apologize for it. (I supplement with items from Costco as well.) I think health is your wealth and it's important to eat mindfully (organic, non-gmo, etc) 

My point here is, spend money on the things that I won't feel a sense of regret about. I regret that car, I regret living alone for so long, I regret going to nightclubs and spending way too much on drinks. 

I don't regret my pricey gym membership, my one night out a week where I do whatever I want, cooking my own meals, and having a roommate whom I share expenses with. 

Nobody is perfect but you can improve as you go along. 

xo xo,

​Elle

A friend had asked me to guest blog on his finance blog a few months back and I decided I'd share the posts with you here. 

It's some decent life advice & a little more about me. 

(Apologies this has zero to do with dating) 

Write about your experience as a millennial/female entrepreneur. Why you did it, challenges you have faced, and how you make it work. 

What do you do when...you've just graduated college, can't find a job that doesn't make you wanna gouge your eyes out AND your students loans are due? 

You get creative or you get desperate. 

First, I was desperate. I took a job working retail that I vowed I would only do for 6 months while applying for "real" jobs. I desperately needed some $$ in the door to start paying Wells Fargo for my insanely expensive, out of state education. (PS if you are going take loans, do yourself a favor and go to a state school) 

Anyways, at month five I had a $300 paycheck for 80 hours worth of work and I had to make a change. I had been promoted to a stylist during my short duration (thank you sense of style and people skills) so I emailed my best client and said, "I have to get out of here, do you know anyone who needs a personal assistant?" She replied a few minutes later, "yes, I think we could. Come meet my husband on Monday." 

I drove 45 minutes to my clients house, stepped foot in the most beautiful home, chatted with my client and her husband for 20 minutes and before you know it, I had a new job. "Let's do 15 hours a week at $20 an hour...don't quit your retail gig." 

First thing I did was drive to the store I worked at and hand in my notice. 15 hours a week at $20 an hour was $300 a week for 25 less hours of work. THANK GOD! 

My first day on the job my task was to organize my clients closet. I went to the container store and as I was returning in the elevator a neighbor asked me if I was moving in. I told her I wasn't and that I was a professional organizer working on someone's closet in the building. She quickly exclaimed, "OMG I need you, do you have a card?!" I quickly stammered, "No, they are all in my car but let me write down my contact information and we can set up a consult for next week!"

A business was born and I hadn't even finished day 1! I quickly created business cards, overnighted them to myself, filed LLC paperwork and bam, my business was born. 

I went from barely paying my bills to thriving in the span of 24 hours. 

How did I do it? 

Some would like to give luck the credit but that couldn't be further from the truth.

1. Work ethic. I worked my ass of at that retail job and I stood out as a salesperson, had I slacked and felt sorry for myself, I wouldn't have met my first client who gave me my start. 

2. Timing. You never know when your big break will be so just keep doing things to push yourself in the right direction.

3. Thinking on my feet, always. When I first started my business, I had never organized a closet or professionally planned a party but I never let anyone know it was my first time. You learn by experience so I did everything to the best of my ability and just kept building on that. I never let my clients see my sweat and I always put 100% effort in. At first when my business had just taken off, my assistant and I worked every single weekend to keep up with the demand. You do what you have to do. 

4. Positive thinking. I have always envisioned myself as a successful, entrepreneur who had the ability to create her own schedule and plan beautiful events. I never envisioned a life spent in a cubicle and thus, I haven't lived that life since my college intern days. You have to think and dream big. You are really your only obstacle in life. 

5. Listen. People will tell you what they need. Listen to what that is and then learn to anticipate their needs before they realize they need it. Become an asset to your organization/client. The easiest way to achieve that is to listen. 

January 20th marked five years of being a successful business owner. I am four months away from paying off a massive student loan 100%(this article is old so now you know, THAT SHIT IS PAID), I own the car I've always wanted, I live in a desirable location and I no longer live paycheck to paycheck. It has been extremely scary at times but there is nothing quite like the thrill of paving your own path. 

To those of you who are thinking about starting your own gig  - it's not for everyone. If you don't handle stress, rejection, and instability well - then stick with a more mainstream career. No path is better than the other. It's crucial to know your strengths and weaknesses and be honest with yourself. For example, I know I am not a morning person thus I avoid really early meetings. I'd rather work until 7/8pm than start my day at 7am and that is OK. 

-----------
The second post I wrote for him will be up next week so stay tuned. 
​
xo xo,

​Elle

The best way to describe Arash. 

Last night he stampedes into my room, "Elle, don't let me go on dates with any more 25 year olds, that was the worst date ever!"

I have told him countless times that a 31 year old has no business dating a 25 year old because in DC, these two ages want VERY different things. 

buttttttttt
He keeps fucking doing it.

Over and over and over and over again. 

Three 25 year olds in a week, guys.

Some guys just love wasting their time and money. He is apparently the president of that club. 

"I am not your babysitter and you are your own worst enemy. You keep making the same mistakes hoping for a new result and that is stupidity at its highest level." 

This guys has a few different masters degrees, loves to read books, watch the news, read the news, watch documentaries, and overall just geek out. 

Despite all of this, he is still one of the dumbest people I know. 

Harsh Elle, harsh.

I know it is, but it's true. 

He is the perfect example of book smart with zero common sense. This guy is so fucking aloof
IT KILLS ME. 

He leaves dirty dishes in the sink every damn day. Crumbs everywhere, cleans once every 3 months (I do it 1x a week because I can't stand dirty shit), and I've been taking his laziness personally now for awhile. (If you want to see the snaps I send everyday, comment or email me your snapchat username)

But you know what, he is just fucking aloof. He has NO idea that him being a dirt ball offends me. He does shower twice a day so to him, all is good in the world. 

I clean my room once a week and I do mean CLEAN. Vacuum, wash bedding, towels, rugs, etc. 

I deep clean where the liter box is kept, scrub down my bathroom, you get the picture. (Minus the shower, I hate cleaning the fucking shower)

This is just part of adulting and being a responsible roommate in my opinion. If Arash walked into my room everyday and it was a disgusting shit hole, he would start to view me as a disgusting shit hole -- and who could blame him?! 

So while he has read far more books than I ever care to, he is a total moron about how to get ahead in life (or even keep up). 

He talks about wanting a new job and how much he hates his yet the effort he puts towards finding something new is laughable. 

I love him but I also kindaaaa hate him. 

Sorry for that rant but I had promised I'd expound a bit on what's been up with us lately, so atleast that's off the to-do list. 

I've got some stories headed your way, stay tuned.

xo xo,

​Elle

From the bomb I dropped on the last post, let's get back into the juicy shizzzzz.

Anyone remember that Persian toad I went on one date with and decided to friendzone? 

IDK if I named him but if not, say hi to Nima. Nima and I actually became friends and to my surprise, he's actually super cool and hilarious. 

IDK why the first date was so meh for me but goes to show, sometimes you can jump the gun in judging someone. 

He's officially part of my friend group now and I couldn't be happier about it. 

Moral of that story - don't jump the gun on date one AND how many tinderfellas are now my tinderfriends? I HAVE A TALENT PEOPLE. 

I had lunch with Antonio last Thursday. 

It was supposed to be just him and I but at the last moment I texted our friend Megan (the one who is writing a crazy story for ya'll, prepare for a 3 piece, 3 week saga) and she ended up joining. 

He fucking wore a suit, guys. 

He knows suits and tuxes are my weakness. Aghhhhhh. 

When I saw how hot he looked I wanted to take a quick bathroom detour (if ya know what I mean)

Lunch was PG. He mentioned shits still highly confusing with the ex but that it likely won't workout long term (but they are still having sleepovers and hooking up) sooooo basically not much has changed. 

He said maybe he will finally let her go if he meets someone new. 

To that I replied, "that's really unfair to any girl you do that to and I would know considering I was one." 

So yes, when I look at him I still really wanna fuck him. 

But as the time passes, the luster does fade. 

Pretty soon, he will be a figment of the imagination and strictly in my tinderfella friendzone.

Speaking of that, maybe I need a new category on the sidebar for the tinderfriend zone....

Podcast update: MY EQUIPMENT GOT LOST IN THE MAIL. WAS SUPPOSED TO BE HERE APRIL 6. SPOILER ALERT: IT'S NOT HERE. 

Onto other things that annoy me deeply, Arash.

I AM SO CONFLICTED. I love my apartment and the price I pay in rent. If I move, price jumps minimum $600 a month. Perk of that - I don't have to clean up after an aloof moron anymore and we might actually be able to stay friends. Downside - less $ saved for when I move to California. 

Ummmm in other GIANT news - I made my laaaaast GIANT student loan payment last Friday and as of Monday, MY NAME IS CLEARED! Fuckkkkkk you Wells Fargo, I never have to see you agaiiiiiiin. 

Paying off $88k before the age of 30 (im only 28) and in five working years is pretty fucking exciting. It's been a BEAST to do but now ITS OVER! G remembers the freak outs I had about being able to pay my rent and my loans some months. I had some points of real, scary, struggle. 

I portray a very put together, posh life so this whole student loan thing is likely a giant surprise to most people. Lately I am allll about letting cats outta bags I guess?

No fucks 2017. 

Anyhoo- I am tired but I have ALOT more on Arash to tell you (none of it being good) and some love life updates (none of them being great). 

Lovvveeee yaaaa.

xo xo,

​Elle

I can count the people who know what I am about to disclose on one hand. 

It's my best kept secret and why I've now decided to share, I really don't know. 

I've thought about it but always decided that it would be too intense and people weren't here for intense, they were here for dating disasters and bad life decisions. 

Well friends, we are about to get deep. So if you want to tune out now, I don't blame you. 

It was my freshman year of college and Bobby had just cheated on me on my birthday. We broke up and I was lost. He was always my protector and partner in crime, without his presence in my life everyday I had no idea what I was doing. 

That's when I became close with Adam. Yes, his name is actually Adam and he's an asshole which is why I have no problem disclosing that. 

Adam played hockey with my first boyfriend waaaay back in the day, the guy I had coffee with this summer. I can't remember what I named him but anyways, I knew Adam from middle school. 

He was a year ahead of me at University and when he saw I was at the same school, he sent me a message on facebook. 

We'd hungout a handful of times with his frat friends and my roommate (while I was still dating Bobby) and we had a good time. He was my entry into the college party scene and I was grateful to have him. 

School started end of August, Bobby cheated October 6th, and after that, Adam moved right on in. 

He knew something was up with me because after Bobby cheated I wanted to go out every damn night. I was distraught and betrayed, I had NO idea how to handle it so Adam was the guy I leaned on. 

One night we go out and my roommate went out with some of our dormmates so it was just me, Adam, and his roommate. We go out to a bar, dance the night away, and finally they walk me back to my dorm. 

They ask to come in and I said sure, this was not uncommon. We get to my room and before I can blink, they attack me. Both of these guys are hockey players, my gym habits hadn't begun yet, and I was helpless. I was scared to scream because I didn't want the entire dorm knowing, I was scared to move, I was scared to do anything. 

Long story short, I was raped. x2 I guess. 

It stopped when my roommate was unlocking the door and the guys quickly pulled their jeans back up. I acted as if nothing had happened, they left, I pretended to go to bed and that was it. 

I was too scared to tell anyone because I didn't want to be the dumb freshman girl, two months into college who cries wolf/rape. What if people didn't believe me? If they did, they'd always look at me differently. I didn't want THIS to define my college experience. 

So I said nothing. To no one. To this day, only three people know what happened that night and they didn't find out til years later. I pulled myself together and I kept on, keeping on. 

Adam asked me the next day via AIM how much I remembered of the night before. I didn't answer. He knew what he had done. I never saw or heard from him again after that. 

Fast forward to second semester junior year, Cairo Egypt. 

I go to a party where a ton of rich kids from my study abroad university are, all Egyptians. I'm with my girlfriend Elena and we are having a great time. A gorgeous Egyptian guy comes up to me and introduces himself, meet Shady. The party is dying down and he invites Elena and I to his villa for a big after party. This is not uncommon in Cairo (we stayed out til 7am all the time) so we said sure, why not. His driver picks us all up and we go. 

We arrive at a giant mansion wayyyyy on the outskirts of Cairo. I have no clue where I am because he had a personal driver so I didn't have to tell a taxi an address. 

We walk in to his section of the villa and it's empty.

"So where is everyone??"

"Ah, coming soon. Want a drink?"

We both say yes, a vodka soda. 

He has a full bar, it shouldn't be hard to do...

"Oh, all I have is wine."

He pours Elena and I a glass. Elena drinks it with ease and I sniff it. It smells completely rancid, no chance I'm drinking it. (I'm also not drunk)

Within a few minutes, Elena is fast asleep on the couch. 

Shady sits down next to me and starts kissing me.

He's cute, why not? 

Then he says lets do this in my bed which is a few feet away. 

We get in his bed and keep kissing. 

All the sudden he is trying to rip my dress off.

"Stop, stop, I don't want to sleep with you!"

"Shhhhh"

As he takes off his pants. 

I get up to try and run away when he grab my leg and I fall to the ground. He drags me back to the bed and slams me down on it. I am screaming to wake Elena who is in THIS room. Surely she can hear me, I just need her to wake up. 

She's not moving. 

He takes his dick and shoves it inside of me and I scream louder and cry. Why can't Elena hear me?! 

Finally I get my leg to a point where I can kick him off, I jump off the bed and run to the couch and shake Elena. 

She starts to groggily move her head. I grab her arm and refuse to let go. 

He tries to drag me back and I scream for him to leave me alone. 

After what feels like forever, he leaves the room. I shake Elena harder, we have to go, we have to go, GET UP!!!!!!

She can barely move, I don't understand it in the moment but later I realize the rancid wine was drugged. He thought I drank it and didn't expect resistance from me when he made his move. 

I thank God x100000 I didn't take a sip that night. 

Finally I drag Elena outside and we get into Shady's drivers car. We wait, hoping the driver will come out. It's 8am. 

No one appears and we have no idea where we are. Elena walks up and pounds on the front door until Shady's sister comes out, looking confused. She calls the driver out and we go. 

I tell Elena what happened. She can't believe she slept through it and couldn't save me. 

I am in absolute shock. 

I remember bbming Bobby in America and explaining what had just happened. We broke up freshman year but he still was everything to me and I didn't know where to turn. 

I made the giant mistake of telling my closest friend in Cairo, Nadine. Nadine then told others and before I knew it, the entire campus knew what had transpired. 

Worst part - 
NO ONE believed me. 

Shady was a great looking guy and I had gained weight abroad, definitely wasn't at my hottest. No one believed he'd ever go for me. He told everyone, "Elle, no way, she's fat I would never even look at her." 

Everyone believed him. Even my friends and my roommates. The only one who knew the truth was Elena. 

I couldn't focus. I could barely make it on campus to classes. My Egyptian history professor noticed something was wrong and held me back after class one day.

"Your work is slipping and you are distracted, what is going on?"

I finally broke down and told her everything. She took me straight to the Provost of my school and made me tell her. 

The Provost called the US Embassy and the school therapist. 

The embassy researched Shady and his family and told me that if I tried to press charges, they were so wealthy - I'd 100 percent lose. Instead, they offered to pay to send me back to the US early to my family. I declined. I loved Cairo and I bought my mom a flight to come at the end of the semester to see Egypt and then do Europe together, I couldn't cancel my moms dreams of finally going abroad for the first time in her ENTIRE life because something terrible had happened to me. 

So therapy it was. Twice a week, every week, until my semester was over. 

Knowing I had my therapist made going to campus and facing these people who thought I was a fat, ugly, liar - a bit easier. 

I barely passed my classes to get transfer credit (school in Cairo was easy as fuck and I love school so that is saying something)

She kept commenting how well I was handling it all. 

But what other choice did I have??

Truth is, I never handled it. I bottled it up and sent it away to a deep, dark place with my freshman year experience. 

But

I still think about this daily. 

The therapist told me that moving forward, I needed to be able to tell everyone I date what had happened to me. Little did she know, this had happened to me freshman year and that was almost worse. 

In time, I told my parents. I told boyfriends. I even told Antonio about the Cairo experience. 

What happened freshman year, no one knows except you all. 

Why am I writing this now for the world to see? 

Well, if I can let this "secret" go -- I think I can really come to peace with it all. Or atleast something closer to peace?

Sometimes I think this is why I am so sexual and why I value a strong sexual connection with someone. I want to feel safe but I more so want to feel desired. 

Being mocked for being the fat, ugly girl who could never snag a guy like Shady really fucked me up. 

It led to a bought of bulimia when I returned to the States. My whole first semester of senior year was filled with binging and purging. 

Destructive habits have never been a part of me and I knew I needed a change which is why I applied on the last day to our schools DC program. I was accepted and spent my final semester in Washington where I kicked the bulimia and felt like I had a very fresh start. 

Rape is a terrible thing.
It fucks with your head for years to come and I don't know what the solution to "making it better" is. Telling people what happened is worse than the actual rape. People want to blame you. People don't want to pin it on the perpetrator, they want to blame the stupid, young girl and it's fucking fucked up. Even my girlfriends in Cairo weren't on my side. "Are you sure that's what really happened?"

WHY THE FUCK WOULD I MAKE THAT UP? I didn't want the attention, I didn't ask you to tell fucking everyone Nadine. I DIDN'T WANT THIS ON MY CONSCIENCE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE.

It really makes you hate everyone.  

When I think back, it doesn't feel real. I know it was but now, it seems like a story I'm telling vs a traumatic life experience I lived through. 

Anyways, there you have it. 

Welcome back to LINARC.

xo xo,

​Elle

Last night I was celebrating my moms birthday and she asked me if I'd received the invitation to my ex step sisters wedding. 

Considering I refused to help plan her bachelorette party (which is this weekend), I most definitely didn't get that invitation. 

Not that I care, I wasn't planning to attend either way and we aren't close. At all. 

I'm no longer going to weddings unless I am actually very close with the person at this point in my life. 

No more of this, I haven't seen you in ten years but hey fly to North Dakota for my wedding! (Exaggeration but you get the picture)

When I get married, I am going to do it all very, very differently. 

I'm kind of excited because so many people are going to have such an opinion on it. "OMG can you believe she didn't invite xyz? OMG an email invitation?! OMG, OMG, OMG." 

Weddings these days have become a fucking circus. People expect you to attend an engagement party, bridal shower, bach party, rehearsal dinner, fly to their wedding AND give a gift over $100. Since when is getting married supposed to be about financially burdening EVERYONE who cares about you? I'm not down with it, not at all.

I'd rather take the money I'd spend on the "wedding of the year" and put it towards my sick oceanfront home in Newport Beach. While you're busying paying off your insane wedding, I'll be tanning and drinking champagne on my deck.

Anyways.

So your friends have to pay thousands of dollars because you decided to get married?

Seems a bit insane to me...

I'm cutting the fluff. 

I don't need an engagement party, bridal shower, rehearsal dinner, or paper invitation. 

1. Engagement party AND bridal shower? By time I actually say I do, I am going to be exhausted from all these damn parties centered around me FINALLY picking a groom. Pass. 

2. Rehearsal dinner? Meh. Let's just have a cocktail hour the night before and throw an even better wedding reception. 

3. Paper invitations. These piss me off to NO END. I'm sorry you spent HOW much on fucking paper? Paper that everyone except you will throw away after attending your event? The world revolves around email and guess what? Email is free. I'd much rather be a tacky bitch and send a paperless post invite, track who is coming in real time, save a few trees, few dollars, and whole lot of time. Sorry not sorry. 

4. Bachelorette party. I am ONLY doing one of these if I can make sure it won't cost my friends a fortune to attend. No way am I letting friends pay for me for an entire weekend just because I am going to get married in a few months. Wherever this logic came from is mind boggling to me. 

5. Bridesmaid dresses. Oh me, oh my. This is a source of contention for EVERYONE. Your friends come in different shapes and sizes -- let them pick their own goddamn dress you asshole. If you must match, pick a color and tell people to run with it. I plan to have my friends wear either a specific color or a selection of colors and say I'd prefer it be satin, etc. No you don't need matching shoes. I love my friends for their individuality, no need to mask that on my special day. 

6. I love a good party so I've decided I want to tie the knot on New Year's Eve. Everyone always wants a fun NYE plan so why not combine it all? Plus photos with fireworks sound pretty awesome to me! (Also a big fan of things that glow/glitter) 

7. A plated meal. Ugh, wedding food is the worsttttttt. I'm either doing Mediterranean buffet or a ton of fun appetizers/a sushi bar. Let's be real, you're in it for the open bar anyways. 

8. Photos. I do want a cool set of engagement photos + wedding photos but that's because its a memory you have forever/you probably won't be prettier than you are in those pics. (Vain, I know) Don't really think I need a wedding video. I can always hire Arash and his goPro to run around and DIY it for me ;) 

9. Invitees. Oh so we haven't spoke in years and you're salty I didn't invite you? GTF over it. Oh we are related and you're an asshole? Also, not my problem. Oh you invited me to your wedding and now expect me to do the same? Also not a guarantee for my guestlist. I know I will piss a lot of people off but I have a gigantic family and I'm not in the business of people pleasing. It's MY wedding, be happy you don't have to buy a plane ticket to California? I'm actually doing you a favor ;) 

10. I am pretty solid on my bridesmaid list and I can't really see that changing. Since they all read the blog, here it is.
MOH - Bestie 1
Bridesmaids: Bestie2, Mia, Tash, Zoe, DT, B

There you have it.
​ The framework of my fictional non-wedding "wedding". 

Let's be honest, I'm gonna cave and marry XF, it's just a matter of time/a matter of therapy. Who the hell else is going to put up with me for a lifetime? 

xo xo,

Elle

My roommate is a moron. 

Eventually he will find this blog and probably cry/cease being my friend because of this post...

the truth can definitely hurt. 

You remember that Puerto Rico trip where the three of us nearly killed him? 

or that time I returned from California and he bailed on picking me up from the airport because he was too busy hanging out with Becky? 

You definitely remember Velcro and his shit taste in shoes.

Well you know that Arash and Velcro are "friends", at least on facebook. 

Yesterday I get a text from Velcro...in allll caps...

"WHY ARE YOU TALKING TO ARASH ABOUT MY SHOES, THIS IS SOME EVIL MEAN GIRLS SHIT."

Fuckinggggg Arash. What have you done now.

Then a screenshot of a facebook comment thread appears.

Arash: "Well wherever you lead them, make sure you do it in the shoes you wore last week."

Velcro: "Sick burn bruh"

FML. YOU CALLED HIM OUT ON THE SHOES ON FACEBOOK? YOU STUPID FUCK.

So I play dumb.

"Huh? He asked me after date 1 what was with the shoes and custom suit. I said IDK, then after date 2 I said you were injured? Is that really a big deal? He did see you when you came over...little reminder there."

Convo ends with Velcro saying..."This means I need to burn those shoes and salt the earth where they die."

CAN I GET A HALLELUJAH?!

So I hit up Arash on Gchat...

"You moron. Don't bring his bad shoes into a FB fight, first thing he assumed was I was shit talking him"

"I was just fuckin with him"

"Obviously. He said, "this is some mean girls shit" which I am aware of BUT he shouldn't be! So for future reference, don't take the shoe dig."

"hahahah sounds good. It was a funny burn though"

"NO IT FUCKING WASN'T. It makes me look like a shit talker!"

"You're right, it was mean. I will apologize"

"NO!!!! Don't say anything!!! He doesn't need to know we full out discussed this, just let it rest as is. If you mention it - it's blatant and that's even more awkward."

"Sounds good. I am dying laughing in my cubicle btw, totally made my day. Toodles"

"Get a hobby bro."

TOODLES? Fuck, I revoked your man card LONGGGG ago but toodles?! You are never getting it back now.

Fast forward to evening....

We are out for our gym happy hour and one of the trainers walks up.

Arash: "Hey Billy! So I took your class yesterday and we gotta discuss something..."

Billy (ex Marine, ripped, could kill Arash with his eyes): "Uhhh, what?"

Arash: "Your music man. It's just not good. Like we gotta like get like the beats like pumping and like your music just doesn't like do it for me."

Billy: "If you're looking for EDM, go to a different class. I'm not playing that shit." (still looking VERY unimpressed/likely wondering who the fuck this ass hat is berating his JOB)

Arash: starts getting hand motions and awkward body language involved "Yeah man, like you just like gotta get a faster pace going but like I really liked your class!"

Billy: Likely thinking - Uhhh cool, anyways I need to do anything but talk to you, cya guys.

I play interference and start jabbering about something unimportant, Mia compliments the shirt he's wearing and we are both like FML we can't take Arash ANYWHERE. 

We get outside...

"ARASH, YOU CAN'T FUCKING INSULT SOMEONES CAREER LIKE THAT!!!!"

"I was just like giving him some like friendly feedback!"

"WELL DON'T!!!! YOU ARE SO EMBARRASSING!!!"

"Guys, I don't care."

GUYS, I DON'T CARE?! 

WHY DON'T YOU CARE ARASH? THAT IS A PROBLEM BRO. START FUCKING CARING. 

I can't deal with him anymore. I am so ready to look at living solo when our lease ends in October. 

He is so blissfully unaware of EVERYTHING. I was railing him yet again for using the word like too much on the way to HH.
His reply?

"I need to like go to LA and hang with my fellow Valley girls!"

(Man card bursts into flames, never to return again) 

OH and remember when I asked ya'll to pray for him to get a gf??

They hooked up, guess it wasn't good, Becky went to Miami, ignored all his texts while she was away, gets back, he asks to take her on a date, she says she's gonna pass, and she doesn't wanna date him.

There goes that potential gf. 

The kicker?

She teaches a bootcamp class at the Golds Gym he goes to...

Wednesday night - "Elle, I think I am going to show up at Becky's bootcamp class tonight, how funny would that be?!"

"Arash. Please think about what you just said. Then ask yourself, AM I A COMPLETE FUCKING IDIOT? You will find the answer is yes."

"I'm still salty as hell about her and I think it'd be funny!"

"The only thing funny about you showing up to her class after she has flat out rejected you is that this chick is in way better shape than you."

"Hey, I am in good shape."

"Arash, you and your dad bod are dandy but you surely couldn't teach a bootcamp class, you can barely survive an OTF class. DO NOT show up at the gym for her class, she will be forced to file a restraining order and then you'll be really bitter. Just stop speaking."

GUYS I KID YOU NOT. THIS IS MY LIFE. WHERE DID I FIND THIS GUY AND HOW THE FUCKKKKK DID I EVER CONSIDER DATING HIM? 

MAJOR lapse in judgment, so glad I remedied that within a week. LORD. 

Anyways, off to actually do work, work, work, work, work. 

xo xo,

Elle

What a trip! 

It's the first time this group has joined forces to 1. spend this much time together 2. vacation together. 

Mia and I had no idea how this would play out. 

It was fantastic and by far the funniest trip I have ever taken. (Hoping the abs I laughed up start to show soon)

Mia, Trevor, and I really bonded. Arash on the other hand quickly became a bit of a black sheep. 

His self awareness levels were at an all time low and he consistently kept pissing people off without realizing it. 

He is a sweet, sweet guy but sometimes, you really wonder where the hell his head is...The stories I could tell you....

BUT to answer the question on everyones mind, no I didn't drown him in the ocean BUT I did come pretttttty close. 

Overall though, an amazing trip. 

Now it's two days in DC then off to California for some more adventures. 

Happy Valentines Day!

I love you all!!

xo xo,

Elle

I knowwww the posts have been non existent + boring.

I promise I will work to change all of that this month.

But I gotta get out and get living a little before I can give ya some new stories. 

SO bear with me, I promise things will get spicy again soon. (Rami is right around the cornerrrrrr oh and turns out he's friend with one of XF's close friends....let's pray I don't get myself caught for the second time in 2017)

I am seeing XF tonight (he's cat sitting all month) and I am seeing Antonio Wednesday. 

Was also asked to partake in a three some (no joke) but that's a story for a different day. ;) 

If you don't hear from me in the next few days it's because I am in Puerto Rico BUT I will back on VALENTINE'S DAY! 

xo xo,

Elle

OH ANDDDDDDD RIGHT NOW I'D LOVE SOME GUEST BLOGGERS, DURING MY VACATION HIATUS YOUR STORIES WOULD BE SOOOOO APPRECIATED. =)  

Hallelujah January is over! 

We inaugurated a psychopath in the US, froze our buns off, and the sun has barely graced us with its presence. All of these dreary ass days are depressing me like none other. I do suffer from seasonal depression (I am a sun seeking, warm weather human) but thankfully, I know relief is right around the corner. 

First stop, Puerto Rico with my bestiesssss. Mia, Arash, and our new BFF Trevor. Trevor has been our favorite fitness coach at the gym since we started and Mia and I decided we would befriend him. It was kind of our goal. We attended his birthday party in December and since, it's been insta friends (in real life, not just gym life). I know it sounds weird to be befriending your trainer but we spend 5-7 hours a week there, it's not that odd to get to know people you see that often. Anyways, Trevor just got out of his first relationship and was in desperate need of an escape so he jumped in last minute. We are super excited to soak up the sun and have some FUN! ANDDDD all four of us are SINGLE! I love these singles trips, I know they'll become far and few between as the years go on so I want to enjoy every second of them while I have them. 

After PR I am back for three days of work + Valentines (no plans yet...) and then off to California to see Rami! Obv I am seeing family and friends too but since he bought my flight, I am going to make sure I make time for him first and foremost. That takes me to the 26th of the month aka pretty much gone ALL of February in warm weather locations. When I return it's basically March which is when DC starts to shake the cold off and things start to get fun again. Jan + Feb are snoozeworthy here. No one is really eager to go out and get crazy or host events. It's kinda nice considering we did so much entertaining around the holidays....Arash and I hosted Thanksgiving for 12, Christmas for 10, and I planned a NYE bash for I thinkkkk 14 or 16. It was a busy holiday season. 

Oh and people keep asking me about Arash. I am so so so so so glad we hooked up. It has helped me close the door on that completely which gives me an enormous piece of mind. IDK how to explain it but I don't even view him as an attractive fella anymore, it all switched after the second time we hooked up. His indecisiveness and lack of confidence when it comes to career goals is definitely a deal breaker and I am relieved I had the opportunity to test drive it for a quick second and then close the door with complete confidence that it was the right choice. 

I love efficient strategy. I get off on finding better ways to do things. I love jam packing as much as I can into a busy day. (I also enjoy being lazy as fuck and working from my bed, balance people) The way Arash loads a dishwasher drives me bat shit insane. The way he thinks and how un-strategic it all is makes me scream. He is so aloof and sweet...head in the clouds, always. IDK I just can't handle it for the long haul. The other day he said he thinks he might die alone. UMMMM you are a gorgeous Persian man...there is no way. He also met with a financial advisor to discuss retiring at 40 to move to Thailand and be a scuba instructor....I can't handle it. 

Enough is enough on that note. 

I am ready to get outta DC and into the sunshine. I have a pile of work that I need to get done before I go but I am confident I will get shit done and be able to leave feeling gooooood. 

I'm gonna try to write while away (9-13th) but if I don't, check back in with me on Valentines Day!

Loveeeee yaaaa.

xo xo, 

Elle 

This is what we were doing. 

Now? 

We are hanging out with some super gorgeous guys, have been single for over 5 months, anddddd are seizing 2017 for all it's worth. 

I'd call that P R O G R E S S. 

Also, have only seen XF 3x in five months. 

GO ELLE GO!

xo xo,

​Elle

Thanks to my trusty friend Adi, I now have more info on what went down on NYE...

Apparently Arash's phone was ringing, Adi grabbed it and saw that it was his ex from last January calling. Which ex? 

Only the worst fucking human being I have yet to encounter in Washington D.C. She's even worse than Eve. 

Dreadful J. 

Arash then grabs his phone, runs to a different room to talk to her and then apparently bolts into the hot tub to kiss me. 

What the actual fuck? 

Yes, mercury was still in retrograde on NYE but how in the hell does that crazy bitch inspire you to come kiss me? 

I'm not happy about it. 

Next oddity of the day - Sam texted me this week and we decided to meet up tonight to catch up. I went back to look for the post I did on crashing Arash's date with J and weirdly enough, Sam and I hung out this weekend last year...

Oh you rememberrrrrr, when I busted my face wide open?

If you forgot, here are some fun photos. 
​If you want more of the story, find it here and here. (<-that post is beyond good, btw)

So tonight I vow to wear converse shoes, jeans, and walk over zero grates in hopes of preserving my dashing, good looks.

But back to J.
This girl is the devils spawn and I will be so devastated if he gets back together with her for the third time.

Lastly, I decided to tell the guys... I'm headed to Cali thanks to Rami, Antonio is the best sex I've had in the past two years, and that I saw him last night. I guess I wanted to show Arash that the door is closed on us slash I'm not sure it was ever really open. I can't date Peter Pan, that is really all there is to it. 

SO everyone say a prayer that dreadful J doesn't return to our lives. 

Happy Friday! 

xo xo,

Elle

I can just tell. 

1. woke up to a snap from Antonio...a photo of handcuffs saying, "I hope your wrists aren't too small for these"...UMMMMM hell yes to awesome, insane, fun sex. Gimmmmme all of it. 

2. Rami booked my flight to California for his birthday. Feb 16-26, cyaaa DC.

3. I am going to Puerto Rico Feb 9-13 so I'm home for a quick Vday date and then off again

4. 2007 was a great year despite Bobby cheating on me. I think 2017 is my year to fucking own it. I am so, so, so, so energized and pumped up, it's INSANE! 

5. Arash finally kissed me so now I know what that's like and I won't live my life always wondering, "what if"....

Now for some updates...

Arash. We had a discussion about kids last night and he thinks he won't be successful enough to afford them thus doesn't think he wants them. 

Well, kids are non-negotiable for me. I want them no matter what. Even if I have to move to Ohio to afford them, I know that I want them, 100000%. I also know I want a guy who aspires to be successful, who wants to "afford kids" and knows he wants them. Not someone I'll have to talk into it one day. I know guys change their minds when they fall in love but I don't want that guy. I want someone who KNOWS they definitely want kids one day. That apparently isn't Arash. 

So while it's been fun kissing til the wee hours of the morning the past two weekends, I think that's where it ends. 

I know, I know. Not the ending you were hoping for. The amount of texts I've received, "OMG ARASH NYE OMG" has been plentiful. Everyone wanted to see that love story bloom. A part of me really did too. We have a great life together and he's wonderful. But you do have to weigh the long term goals when deciding who to date and kids is a HUGE one for me. 

XF. Taking my momma out to dinner tonight. Pretty sweet of him. No, I wasn't invited and I haven't seen him in the New Year yet.

Antonio. So hot, so good in bed, so fun. All good things. 

Rami. Sososososososososososo HOT, super sweet, can't wait to see him in LA. He's picking me up and driving me to airport. Ahhhh, such a gem. Today I asked him why he is still single and he said he just hasn't met the right girl and even though our time together was brief, he could see himself with me. HOW CUTE IS THAT? Slash, how did I make that strong of an impression? Note to self: find out and do it again on the East Coast, ASAP. 

Si. Texted again asking why we never met back up. I told him I was busy but we should be friends. He replied, "ahhhh the friend zone..." and said he'd love to be my friend because my life looks quite fun. WIN.

Rams. I ghosted him pretty hard...he was really nice thus I am a big jerk. I just couldn't deal with verbally rejecting the nice guy yet again. Sigh, karma don't punch me tooooo hard for that one. 

Bobby. Asked about that letter I removed from the package, said he'd like to read it. Hmmmm...option is re-write it or just send the original and say F it. Haven't decided what to do and haven't spoke to him since last Friday. 

Jake. Got a stomach bug and I won't risk getting it SO I cancelled our paint and wine date for Friday. Not down for puking my guts up anytime soon. 

I thinkkkkk that's it. One new tinder toad asked me on a date and he's insanely hot but I was feeling under the weather so I postponed it. TBD on that one.

xo xo,

Elle

I attended all girls, college prepatory school and in order to graduate, all seniors had to give a speech in front of the entire school (K-12). It had to be personal, it had to be moving, and it had to really dig deep because it was your final words as a senior. 

Bobby and his mother came to see it. My parents of course were there. It was an intense day for me and I remember it vividly because I don't enjoy being the center of attention. Everytime I get an award, I want to hide behind someone. That type of recognition is the worst for me. So giving a speech inspired by Bobby was paralyzing. Oh and my school was pretty fucking fancy...Bobby's mom showed up in sweatpants. Way to make an impression... So I was clearing out old hardrives the other night when I stumbled across this gem from second semester, 2007. Nothing like being 18 and insecure. Enjoy! (writing isn't the best, but this was 10 years ago so hush!)

My Double Life
I have a confession to make. It is something that I have waited four years to get off my chest. It’s something I have been hiding from everyone at Hillcrest…even my closest friends, and today I have decided to let you in on my secret.
From the outside looking in my life seems like any other 18 year old girl. I attend school everyday, I hangout with friends on the weekends, and I participate in extra curricular activities…nothing strange about any of that. But there is a big part of my life that nobody in Maryland really knows about…I live a double life. You may be wondering, how is it possible to live a double life? What is a double life? My double life is complex and a bit difficult to explain, but I can try my best to make you understand.
I was born and raised in Orange County, California. Majority of my father’s family resides there, and it is a place that has always been close to my heart. Around the age of six I was forced to leave my beloved home and fly off to a cold, desolate place called…Michigan. I lived in Michigan for about five years, and then I decided I needed a change of scenery, so I chose to move in with my father in the beautiful, sunny, immaculate place most commonly known as Ohio. Then, when my Dad decided to take a new job, I ended up on the East Coast with all of you, at Hillcrest. So you might be wondering, so what? How is that a double life? Well, the double life part hasn’t really come into play yet.

Since I moved from California, I have visited every summer for 12 years. During these summers, I spend time with my family and friends. The double life begins to take shape here. My entire family in California is 100% Persian. So these summers aren’t spent like you might imagine. They consist of dozens of immaculate Persian parties. These parties are the essence of my childhood in California. Everyone speaks Farsi and listens to loud foreign music, and dances around while enjoying delicious Persian cuisine. The best part of the parties is my friends and my cousins. In fifth grade I was introduced to a group of Persian girls, from that day on, we were all best friends (bestie#1&#2). The interesting part about our friendship is that they are all four years older than me. But somehow the age difference has never gotten in the way. I look up to these girls for everything, and any free time in the summer is spent with them.

In the summer I am part of an exclusive group of Persian girls, being a part of this group is what I look forward to most about coming back “home”. In California everything about me changes. My fashion, my attitude, my confidence, my friends, and my lifestyle. Back in Maryland, I am a completely different person. I feel that the reason I am so different in each place is because my Maryland life and my California life have never intermixed. Not once has a family member or friend from California come to visit Maryland, and not once has a friend from Maryland come to California. There have always been friends who have wanted to come along, but somehow it never seems to work out. I partially think that this is my fault. I am scared of what might happen if my two worlds meet. Who would I be then? My friend would no longer know who I am if I am immersed in my California world of family and culture. And what if my family and friends came to Maryland? Would they think I was crazy for wearing a polo shirt or a wearing a ribbon in my hair? They don’t know that side of me. The preppy, conservative, private school girl.
I know that one day soon my two lives will meet and I am not sure what to do when that day comes. To tell you the truth, I never really thought about what would happen if my double life came together until a friend harshly said, “Elle, you are only Persian when it’s convenient for you!” These words hurt at the time, until I realized he was right. But that brings me to another point, is it ever really “convenient” to be Persian in today’s society? Especially in the community I live in which lacks diversity in every sense. I am a proud Persian girl when I am in California because I know I can be comfortable with all of my family and friends surrounding me. Many people feel like they truly know me, but do they really? There is a whole other half of me that only comes out for about a month every year, and this is my way of opening up so that my friends at Hillcrest can feel as if they truly know me now.

So Bobby is the one who told me that I was "only Persian when it was convenient for me". What the fuck does that even mean? It's never been "convenient" around him to be Persian. His mom treated me like completed shit becaue I wasn't Irish/Italian/Catholic. What the FUCK does that mean? I guess it's good he married an Irish/Italian/Catholic red-head, that was probably quite "convenient" for him. 

I think I only remember the good parts of Bobby but the more I've uncovered lately, the more I see it wasn't always so rosy. 

Anyways, this goes to show -- somehow being "myself" never seems to be acceptable. Ten years later, looks like not all that much has changed. (Looking at you, Armenian fucks)

xo xo,

​Elle

Okay, we haven't gotten THAT many new fellas to take it but whatever. Arash did it last night, here's his results.

11 - Quality Time
9 - Words of Affirmation
5 - Physical Touch 
4 - Acts of Service 
1 - Receiving Gifts 

Mine: 
10 - Words
9 - Physical 
7 - Quality
3 - Gifts
2 - Service

Our top 3 align. He gave me a bunch of shit for not valuing quality time more. Well, my past two relationships (Babak then XF) were both weekenders so quality time was minimal - you learn to adapt? Plus, if you value physical touch that means you're spending time with someone (can't virtually touch someone) so I don't think it's that big of a discrepancy. 

He then went into discussing each point and said... "I enjoy just hanging out, watching shows, cooking, going grocery shopping, etc with someone...."

E: "You always tell me that you want "space" when you're dating someone, pick a stance and stick with it." 

A: "No, I like doing all of the normal stuff with a girlfriend."

E: "You don't do any of the normal stuff with anyone except me...."

A: "Yeah....well, I enjoy it..."

With that, I swiftly changed topics. 

2017 has been mighty interesting between A and I...that might have something to do with the bombshell I haven't dropped yet...

xo xo,

Elle

Readers,

I am so thankful to you. Thank you from the bottom of my heart for reading and keeping up with me. I love writing and if no one read this, I'd have no venue to entertain. 

What to expect in 2017:

January isa flashback month. We are gonna go back to the girl I used to be. The one who was genuinely nice, not jaded, and didn't play games. Yeah, I know it's crazy but she did exist at one point. There are a variety of ways you'll get a glimpse at who I once was...some you may not enjoy.

Date details -of course. I am still single so expect all the dirt, as it happens. Seeing Antonio this week (first time since he found our secret litte blog) and DUH I am going to tell you all about it. Sorry not sorry A. 

Something major happened on New Year's...I'm not ready to discuss it but your jaws will hit the floor once I do. 

WTF am I going to decide on XF? That decision will be made this year and obviously, it's a big one. 

New guest writers

and that podcast I promised is still happening. I'm just working out some details on how to remain anonymous/still become famous...Logistics, logistics. My stage name might be Elle Adams. Thoughts?

Lastly, one big secret I've kept from everyone...I am writing a book and the idea is that it'll end once I finally get engaged. It'll be a lot like the blog, chronicling my dating life from beginning to end except it's intensely detailed, and includes chapters written by my most serious relationships. Can you imagine? Guys whose hearts I've broken writing about me + the one guy whose heart I chose to keep. It's kinda brutal but so completely honest. I've never been dumped so getting the guys of my past to agree to write about what it was like falling in love with me/life after me was no easy feat. (& no, not everyone agreed to do it) and if I never wind up engaged, you won't get a book. This will just be the blog that never ends. ;)

Lots to be excited about and hopefully this is the year I find the guy I can't live without and get to check off the "publish a book" goal. 

xo xo,

Elle

it did. 

What happens when...your most blog-worthy toad of December finds your blog? 

Yes, you read that correct. 

Everyone, wave hi to Antonio! A new member of our audience, and not by choice.

Mercury in retrograde REALLY wanted to stick it to me this time around so it was only fitting that Antonio stumble across the blog. 

Isn't that just stellar? 

No, I'm not going back to re-write the story and pretend I didn't care or did care or anything of the sorts. As you know, he was the most promising toad in Decembers bunch but as fate would have it....

Last night (prior to him finding LINARC), we decided to embark on life in the friendzone. Which was fine, if you've been paying attention, I've been pretty vocal about the fact that I don't want to tie myself down to anyone or anything at this moment because I am supremely confused about everything life has to offer these days. 

I wasn't upset about the friend zone. Plus, if I am going to date someone, I want them to be really sure they want to be dating me and vice versa.

But who cares about the friend zone when, OMFG Antonio found the blog! 

Yeah, I was busy all morning and finally checked my phone to see...

A: "Soooo I just did something bad"
E: "???"

This clown has been battling his condo board for an inflatable hottub (I shit you not) so I figured he sent another sassy email and was going to tell me about it. What comes next, I would've NEVER guessed. 

A: "While perusing image results of my search for blue modern art and musing about the misadventures of little a, I remembered that somewhere in the internets, there is a blog in which I make a brief appearance. Exactly one search later, I realized that lifeisnotarom.com. Let me say, Elle, it's fantastic. I found myself rooting against poor little Antonio." 

E: "Shit"

The rest of the conversation is not worthy of retyping, it's basically me screaming FUCK as loud as I can in my office, thinking of what I wrote about most recently, expecting him to tell me to lose his number which at that point I would gladly do, once it's been found there is NO going back, we can toss our friend agreement in the Potomac and agree to just never speak to each other again, I AM MORTIFIED! How in the world did this toad out of ALL the toads find it? 

Its definitely my fault for even mentioning it. I've told others before but they are apparently too dumb to piece together a way to find it and thus never have or just didn't care to look. Jake has been trying to crack the blog for over 18 months now, still no luck. (thank God, that hot yoga date post he wouldn't appreciate oh and if you read <- that one, read this one too)

I think this is the universe telling me it's time to put down the macbook and wait it out til 2017. Enough crazy shit has happened this week, I don't think I can handle much more. 

So there you have it. Another tinderfella in the friendzone (because who would want to date the crazy girl with the blog), and our first toad to find the blog. What an exciting 24 hours....not.

xo xo,

Elle

​Enough with the stress eating, moping around and general emo moods. We’re not saying you don’t have the right to your feelings, Libra, but it’s time to take command and turn the tide in a more upbeat direction. This Wednesday, December 7 your cosmic guardian Venus wraps up a four-week tour of Capricorn and your moody fourth house. Baby, it may still be cold outside, but your hibernation period is officially over. Until January 3, your benefic ruler will shimmer in fellow air sign Aquarius, lifting your spirits exponentially. Put away your sweat pants and prepare to hit the party circuit. As a sartorially savvy Libra, you know that when you look good, you feel good. And with Venus in a fellow air sign, you’re literally in your element. The fifth house rules luxury, so treat yourself to a few fabulous upgrades. Start with hair and makeup products and work your way up to lingerie. There’s no such thing as too much embellishment or sparkle now—and with warrior Mars traveling astride Venus until December 19, yours may even be a powerful statement of resistance. With the love planet amping up the passion in your life, your romantic mojo will be irresistible. If you’re single, this could be one of your busiest dating months of the year. Hit the scene and be seen! But since Aquarius rules technology, the digital dating world can also be effective. Sign up for a new app or do a total refresh of your profile and photo gallery. And get creative! Post a few sultry Instagram snaps or be more active in commenting on your Facebook friends’ timelines. You never know whose attention you’ll catch. 

On Saturday, the expressive Sun and measured Saturn meet up in Sagittarius and your verbose third house--a once per year joining that will find you communicating with power and clarity. Have you been mulling over the right message to post on social media or pen in a holiday card? Saturn reminds you that brevity is the soul of wit while the Sun helps you speak straight from the heart. You’ll also feel more willing to cooperate and seek a middle ground on Saturday—but only up to a point. Peace at any price is not the goal. Saturn can help you negotiate a solution that works for YOU, too. Know your bottom line before you engage in finding a compromise. It can help to pre-brainstorm a few positive outcomes that you can suggest during the conversation. Remember though, these are possibilities not inevitabilities. The right solution is one that you co-create with the other party—and that will require you to listen with an open mind and heart. Have you been the fickle or unreliable half of a partnership lately, Libra? Perhaps your heart really isn’t into a particular pairing or shared activity. If you’re sticking around out of guilt or obligation, gracefully bow out. 

​Thank you Elle.com

Today I took the time to print out the month of December and write down ALL of the social engagements I have this month. 75% of it is filled to the brims with fun activity after fun activity. So much to be thankful for and so many amazing friends to enjoy life with. 

As we approach January 1 when everyone makes their resolutions...I challenge you to contemplate these goals NOW. Let's all hit the ground at full speed on January 1, knowing damn well what we intend to do. 

I feel as if time is passing by way too fast...I remember being 22 like it was yesterday. Make the changes you want to see in your life NOW so you don't wake up 8 years older and upset that shit still hasn't changed. 

I know my number one goal is to ONLY allow myself to marry X Factor if...1.  I FEEL a connection towards him that I can't live without 2. I no longer feel he is "settling" (which is how I feel about him these days, tbh)

Like I have said MANY times, knowing how successful XF is now and how he will continue to be, is a HUGE turn on. I love ambitious, strong men. But it can't be everything and lately, I feel I miss him as a best friend versus a lover and companion...all the success in the world can't make you connect to a person.  

I'm not sure he's the guy I want to wake up next to everyday anymore. He stills annoys the fuck out of me with his immature little XFactor-isms...and I really need him to grow up. Sadly, that takes time. 

Everyone keeps thinking we will be engaged in five minutes now that he's in therapy and on a PR tour but I truly can't see that being the reality for at least another 6-12 months. REAL change takes time and I don't want to be fooled and wake up one day, engaged, with a planned wedding, wishing I hadn't picked him. 

What does this mean for you and I?
The blog lives on.
I've made the decision that once I get engaged (to whomever it may be), that will be the farewell to LINARC... My future husband can't read this and still view me the same. I don't need a blog leading him down all my rabbit holes and escapades. I do promise the entertaining sentiments will be around in a different venue that will be determined when we get to that road. (I am still SUPER single, so let's not get ahead of ourselves.) 

Anyhoo - I am off to contemplate what I want to change in 2017...I will link you to the goals I set last year...Let's see if I accomplished them. 

Oh & a reminder of our key players. :) 

xo xo,

Elle

PS I just re-read my 2016 in review post...FML I am so disappointed in myself. WE can talk about it later.

 A MUST READ.

NUMBER 3, DING, DING, DING, DING.

There's been so many, you must wonder what makes this one stand out.

For starters, it wasn't with a guy. 

Yep, that's right - my worst break-up was with a girl. 

Cue jaw drop. 

Yep, I'm bi-sexual. 

JK. Keep reading.

So I haven't told you all this because it's such a crappy story but due to a lack of toads to write about, I decided to delve into the biggest backstabbing I've ever encountered. 

I met Eve in the sixth grade. She was this lame, dorky little Asian girl who had barely any friends. I had just moved to my new school and was involved in every activity under the sun...spelling bee, yearbook, student government, power of the pen (writing competitions), cheerleading, basketball for about 3 practices, volleyball for 1, and ski club (my favorite of them all). 

I got close to Eve during our geeky clubs that she happened to be in with me, cue spelling bee, power of the pen & yearbook. 

I realized she was a little bit misunderstood and craved to be a part of something. As a new member of the popular crowd, I decided to take this little geek under my wings. She also lived down the street from me and we took the same bus to school so getting close was pretty easy. 

No one could understand back then why I decided to bring her into the group...

Kids are mean and after being bullied endlessly in elementary school, I no longer had the tolerance for bullies, bullying or leaving people out of the "popular" crowd. In fact, I was known for pulling the outliers in and trying to "save" people. More on that another time...

SO Eve and I became BFF's. We are both only children, both have FOBBY ass parents, both aren't white, both enjoy the geeky aspects of life and were both really good at school. 

She started to admire me back then...I remember if I'd buy something, the next week - she'd have it too. She copied my taste in music, had crushes on the same guys, you name it - she followed it. One time on a field trip a few friends and I decided to make up a fake band called Three Stones. The entire bus ride we discussed the new Three Stones CD and how great they were. Eve sat there quietly until one friend finally asked what her favorite song was. Eve got nervous and instead of admitting she'd never heard of the band, she replied "oh that really popular one from the radio you guys just mentioned."

Later in the day, we pulled her aside and told her the band didn't exist and that she really needed to find her own likes/dislikes versus copying all of mine. It'd gotten to an unhealthy level of mimicking. 

Fast forward to the adult years. 
I had just graduated college and was deciding where I would move. Eve had moved to Baltimore the year before so when I graduated, we'd be in the same city for once. Single gals taking over the city, we had it all planned out. (She graduated early, like I said smart as F) 

The week I was going to sign my lease on a new apartment in Washington D.C. Eve got fired from her job... She was distraught and had no idea wtf to do next. So I told her to come look at apartments with me and maybe we could just live together and figure things out as we go. 

We signed the lease, moved in the next week and began our happy life together. We did EVERYTHING together. Grocery shopping, workouts, going out, eating meals, etc. There was never a dull moment and we were truly inseparable. 

Until everything changed...

I SUCK!

But

I am back. I am 28 and just as fabulous as ever. 

Long story short - a fucking hurricane ruined our epic girls trip to Miami and everything had to be re-planned for DC.

Yes, I live in Washington D.C. if you hadn't already figured that out. 

We really made the best lemonade out of those lemons...SO MUCH FUN. I am still recovering. I spent this entire weekend sleeping, trying to get back to my 27 year old energy levels. 

That 28th weekend bash WIPED ME OUT. 

So we are back on the dating circuit with some notable updates....a return of X Factor (we knew it'd happen eventually) and some fun things to come in this 28th year. (Podcast + a book) Which means you'll never have time to miss me because I am going to make it my mission this year to oversaturate the market with myself and my ridiculous stories. 

Next post is a dating recap -- coming VERY SOON!

Love you guys.

​Elle