​Can you say déjà vu? Probably after you read this post.
 
Continuing on the dating train … I had a late date scheduled for a Thursday night. I had a rough day at work and had a gym workout to suffer through, then I was really not even feeling like making it out. But guess what? I did. (Take note: LITERALLY ALL MEN.)
 
We went to a cute little Mexican place … and this date was a few minutes late too (had this date in the same week as the insta-ghoster so I was still annoyed over that). He arrives and he’s cute, he’s tall, he’s fit … we like what we see so far. We got margaritas (which happened to be hella strong) and were chatting and laughing, talking about family and careers and interests, no awkward pauses, no huge dealbreakers, overall a good time. We ended up closing the place down and he walked me to my car. We go in for a kiss and it’s a little awkward at first (many first date kisses are, right?) but gets better and better as we continue.
 
Overall, a solid first date, I think to myself. I text him to thank him for the date and say I had a great time and I’d love to see him again if he’s interested. He texts back and says he also enjoyed himself and asked if I was around the following weekend. Ends up saying we’ll plan to do something on Sunday or Monday “definitely.”
 
…
 
Then: Friday crickets. Saturday crickets. Sunday crickets.
 
Again, what?
 
Checked back in with a casual “Hey how was your weekend?” we exchange some additional texts on random bullshit like TV shows and whatnot. But no follow-up ask for a date.
 
Things that go through my head: Why would you set specific expectations with no intention of following through? What could I have possibly done in the few days of no talking to offend you? Do I give up? What am I doing wrong? What is wrong with you? I’m a goddamn catch.
 
Le sigh. Dating is exhausting, where’s Mr. Right already? Or at least Mr. Suggests-a-Second-Date-and-Follows-Through since I can’t even make it around to date 2 nowadays.
 
Until next time …
 
Xo,
Mia

​Ok Mia back here, where did I leave off? Oh yes, with hope. A mistake once again.
 
A great first date with Doug (see post here) turned into a big fat nothing. Talk about going from 60 to zero. What a letdown. After some additional texting, Doug initiated meeting up for a second date for dinner but then canceled the day before. Some more texting here and there … and then he plans a third date, again for dinner and drinks … and cancels about 3 hours before we’re supposed to go out. Our last text exchange goes:
 
D: Hey whats going on?
M: Hey hey! Been running around getting errands and stuff done all day haha how are you?
D: I actually really hurt my back this morning in the gym. Been stuck on the couch since I got home. Can we rain check tonight?
M: Darn, was hoping the third time would be the charm and we’d actually connect. Good luck with your back.
D: I feel awful about this, I was looking forward a fun night out…
 
That was in October. Think I’ve heard from him since? Big fat nope. Looking forward to a fun night out? Yeah right.
 
Guys are just beyond confusing to me, to be honest. I don’t understand why you’d put in the effort if you are genuinely uninterested and not planning on ever meeting up again. It’s a massive waste of everyone’s time. Moral of the story: Either follow through or don’t. Being wishy washy is obnoxious and leading someone on is rude.
 
Can you tell I’m salty?
 
Oh well, I’ve been on plenty of interesting dates since then. Details to come …
 
Xo,
Mia

As a treat to our readers...Every week you will now be blessed with one of our fellow readers OKCupid messages. Depending how much longer she can handle these freaks. (PS these are the mild messages, it only gets worse from here on out) 

Check back every Wednesday at 10am for the Cupid of the Week!

​Enjoy! 

 I am not the prettiest girl in the group but I am not the ugliest. I have a good job, great family and a positive disposition on life. The one and only thing I have consistently been missing most of my life is a relationship. 

I fell in love in college, it was short lived but it showed me what love feels like. 

Growing up, everyone around me had boyfriends. I was the only one who never had the courage to talk to the boys I had crushes on. I guess my downfall is a lack of confidence? Perhaps that is the key to success in dating...the confidence code is still something I haven't mastered. 

It's hard to watch everyone, your entire life, date so many different people...to watch them fall in and out of love so easily...

I constantly wonder...why is this so hard for me? Why can't I find someone I connect with? Am I being too picky? Why is it so simple for Elle? Why can't it be easy for me? What is the missing puzzle piece?

Perhaps some people have a way of attracting the opposite sex and maybe some of us don't? In 32 years, one boyfriend. 

What I know for sure is I am tired of being alone. I want to find my soulmate, but it all feels hopeless.

-Anonymous 

"Perfection"
can be a very dirty word. On more than one occasion, friends or would-be girlfriends have accused me of wanting perfection. They contend that this desire is at the root of my chronic singlehood. I've always disagreed because I don't believe that perfection is attainable. Instead, I've found that the women I care for are not perfect, but the feeling they've given me truly is.


Years ago, the last time this country picked a President, I was dating an amazing woman named Karen. She and I got along so well and she was, to this day, one of the kindest, smartest, and most good-hearted people I've known. During my time with Karen I was happier than I had ever been. I loved Karen and told her so. She did not feel the same. Eventually, she came to realize that she did not feel any attraction toward me any longer and she ended the relationship. On that day, Karen told me that I did everything "perfectly" and set a high bar for the next man she dates.

Since this summer, I have been absolutely smitten by a woman named Wendy. She lives across the country but we have seen each other a few times. Also, for nearly the last five months, Wendy and I have spoken on the phone or Skype every day. Often, these conversations last for three or four hours or more. Wendy is wonderful, but I know she isn't perfect. She also has a requirement for a partner that I simply do not fit. I've pleaded with her to try to see what we have and to recognize that she really does love me. I've even told her that I would work for nearly a decade to fulfill that requirement so we could have a life together. I don't know if she is looking for perfection, but it seems like the fact that I do not have this requirement is going to mean that we will not be together.

I believe that the thought of, or desire for, perfection is not a bad thing. However, we cannot let it take over. Yes, we should always strive for more; strive to be perfect. The feeling I have when I speak, or spend time, with Wendy is perfect. That's why I always strive to give her everything and give her the perfect experience with me. But when the feeling is right then do we need to let perfection slip into the background? Karen said that I was perfect, but didn't love me. Wendy probably does love me but won't accept less than perfection. This idea that perfection actually exists can be so harmful. I never believe that anyone should settle for his or her partner. However, at some point we need to understand that things change, but love is forever. Love is never perfect, so how can being in love ever be perfect either?
​-G

What happens when...
you match with two incredibly cute Persian doctors in the same week? 

You jump up and down joyously that you FINALLY may have swiped yes on two non-toads. WHO HAVE JOBS!!!!

THEN what do you do when...

they both message you asking for dates? 

BUT

they both look oddly similar.... 

and

they happen to work at the same hospital...

You stalk the fuck out of them to determine why you've matched with the same guy twice & why he has two profiles using two different names...

After much lurking, you discover...

​So you heard about the Thursday and Friday shenanigans. After a fun Saturday night out with Elle and Double Trouble, we grabbed a tasty brunch Sunday morning. I had been talking with another Tinder gent throughout the week who said we should try to get together on Sunday for drinks but hadn’t yet heard from him. We’ll call him Doug. After brunch, the three of us headed back to Elle’s place where our guy friend met us and I was explaining the situation. Guy friend says just text him to see if we’re still on, I get a text back and our date is set for a cute little outdoor spot. It’s a beautiful fall night and I’m kind of excited, though I do know to go in with low expectations.
 
I walk in and see him, and he looks even cuter in person. Tall, handsome, bright blue eyes, bit of a scruff … I like what I see.  I order a drink and the date begins. We’re talking with ease, chatting about everything and anything, laughing, drinking. I’m thinking, this might be the best first date I’ve ever been on. (I’m also wondering if that’s actually the case or if I’ve just been on so many bad/mediocre dates lately that a halfway decent one seems amazing.)
 
We talked about our families, our interests, where we see ourselves and what we want in life. And it seems like we want a lot of the same things. He also kept saying really cute little things like: he knows a really great dinner spot he wants to take me on our second date or that he looks great in a suit and is a fabulous wedding date (we chatted about upcoming friends’ weddings). Some of his rhetoric did come off as rather smooth, but also genuine. I excuse myself to the bathroom about halfway through the date to use the ladies room and text Elle: “omg omg omg omg. He’s so cute and so funny and I’m having the best time.”
 
We’re talking some more and chat about Tinder, I find out I’m his second Tinder date ever. That sets off a small warning bell and lots of questions cross my mind … is he cautious about who he actually goes out with? Is he just recently back on the market? If so, is he just looking to date or sleep around? He also hinted at a long vacation with an ex and her family last December and losing Netflix in “the divorce” so something is definitely up with an ex that seems like it may have been long term, need to find out more info there.
 
We ended up talking for about three hours before we called it. We pretty much shut the restaurant/patio where we were down and it was a Sunday night so we both had to work the next day. He paid for the bill (I offered, he was surprised and asked if guys actually make girls pay sometimes and thought that was ridiculous… swoon), he walked me to my car (double swoon) and he held my hand on our little walk (triple swoon).
 
When we got to my car, he pulled me close and said “I had a really great time tonight, I’d love to see you again. Can we do something again sometime this week?” I said yes, I’d love that as well and that I had an awesome time too. Then he was just staring at me smiling for a split second and went in for a kiss. And Oh. My. God. It was an insane kiss. One of those passionate yet soft, aggressive yet sensual, fireworks-exploding, heart-fluttering, is-this-really-happening-right-now kind of kisses. After we pull away he goes “Wow, that’s the best first kiss I’ve ever had, I’m looking forward to more of that. … so much so that I’m going to have to kiss you again.” And leans right back in.  So yeah, I had a great date with a great guy, and we shared a GREAT kiss. He asked me to text when I got home so I did, he reiterated that he wanted to see me again soon (and how great the kiss was) and wished me a good night.
 
… the day after...

Mia here, I’m back.
Where did we last leave off with my love life … or lack thereof?

Quick recap: Speed dating from hell, a couple of guys who couldn’t execute plans and getting stood up … twice. Suffice to say, I needed to take a dating break. I was so sick of the online toads and chose to shift my focus to things I wanted to do: have fun with my friends and travel. Maybe try meeting some people in person? They say it happens when you least expect it, right? Lofty goals, I know.

Spoiler alert: Still single, still looking … and now I’m back on the Tinder train.
 
Thankfully, Elle is right there with me now and so is our other bff Double Trouble. This may be the first time we’ve all been single, aggressively dating and not giving two fucks — and it’s great. Even better? It means I have some entertaining stories to share as well.
 
I booked myself an aggressive weekend of dates. Thursday, Friday, potential Saturday and Sunday. I was impressed with myself, but I really just needed to get over the hump, suck it up and get the hell out there. And I did.
 
Ok Thursday night: Wesley. Executive chef, 34, 6’4” … seemed cute and active in his photos. We had some good conversation on the app and he executed in asking me out pretty quickly, which I appreciated. (Boys, take note … one of the worst things you can do if you’re interested in a gal is string her along with talk and talk and no action. ASK. HER. OUT. Give her a time a date and a place and PLAN. AHEAD. It’s not that difficult. It’s also a HUGE pet peeve of mine. #endrant). We go to a bar for drinks. He walks in, is definitely tall like his photos but … he’s bald. Definitely wasn’t in his photos but oh well, I can deal. He greets me with THE most awkward half hug side kiss I have ever encountered. I think … ohhhhh boy.

Long story short (I won’t bore you too much with this one) he talked mostly about himself, I was asking all the questions and he barely asked questions about me. Yawn. The date ends, he doesn’t walk me to my car but just to the corner and again we exchange an UBER awkward side hug/cheek kiss. Obviously wasn’t meant to be but you gotta start somewhere, right?
 
Now on to Friday … the dreaded double date with Elle.
 
I was looking forward to this one, I thought it’d be fun to do a double with my bff and we had gotten confirmation from Jake that the one gent was tall and good looking. Plus the dude had been in touch with Elle all week, confirmed a date and time and was following through. What ensued was hilarity, to say the least.
 
The boys called Elle and said they were on the way to the bar, we were coming from the same neighborhood so they asked if we wanted a ride. Elle said yes and (after struggling with directions…) they finally made it to Elle’s. Yes, we met these toads for the first time in an Uber. The supposedly “tall” and “good looking” toad gets out of the car … and is a solid 2-3 inches shorter than me. (I’m 5’7” which isn’t *that* tall … at this point, seems like Jake knew what he was doing here) and his friend is basically a mute. Tinder toad #1 is talking the whole ride about who knows what, tinder toad #2 says maybe five words the entire time. We arrive at the bar and Elle and I excuse ourselves to go to the bathroom.

​THANKFULLY we were thinking the same thing: How the hell are we going to get out of this snoozefest? Elle is two steps ahead of me and has already concocted a plan. We’ll stay for a drink and then execute our planned exit. We end up sucking our drinks down pretty quickly, entertain the toads for 15-20 minutes, then I say I have a call I have to take outside, text Elle and say I fell down the stairs and twisted my ankle pretty badly and that I called an Uber to go home because it hurt so bad. She shows the Tinder toads the texts and says she has to go check on me, they say they’ll follow she says no! but apparently they started to follow … she sprints down the stairs and meets me on the street and we literally sprint away from them. #sorrynotsorry
 
So that’s the latest on my trials and tribulations. Saturday’s ended up being a no-show. Sunday’s was actually … dare I say … promising?
 
That’s all for now, stay tuned for the details on Sunday’s date and more!
 
Xo
Mia

Hopefully better than ever & forever.

I make no promises though so enjoy it while you can. 

If you couldn't tell, I have become an ever bigger bitch than before...thank you life for really helping groom me into the B you know and love. 

Since it's been awhile & we have ALOT to cover let's just jump right in...

This weekend marked the nuptials of two very special people. Without these two, Mia & I wouldn't be best friends. We wouldn't know what its like to recover from being cheated on by your first love, we wouldn't know what TRUE bitterness tastes like. So thank you dickhead#1 & #2. 
What would we do without you? 
Be happy and perhaps married? Nah, that'd be too lucky and us non-cheaters don't deserve that kind of karma. Apparently.

(explicit content to follow)
What the fuck are the odds that BOTH of our high school "sweethearts/dickheads" got married on the SAME day, both in the middle of nowhere? 

These jackasses cheated on both of us & these super lucky gals are their second serious girlfriends EVER. 

Mia's ex, dickhead#2 cheated on her with Woof while studying abroad in Spain...conveniently he chose Spain because when he went to visit Mia THE SEMESTER PRIOR - he loved it. Then boom, decides he will do the program as soon as she is back in the USA and boom, meets Woof. Fast forward - he returns from his semester, is constantly texting Woof while still dating Mia. She feels shit isn't right and BOOM, he dumps her. She can get into the details of all that later.

Fast forward x amount of years and Woof & dickhead#2 are married. Congrafuckinglations. 

Not only did Mia date dickhead#2 during her semester abroad but she ALSO dated him her entire college career. Four really great years to meet new people and live it up all for a guy who married a dog. (Woof might be a harsh nickname but I am a harsh person so gtf over it.)​

Hi, it's G again (the original G, so as not to confuse you by Sam's post)

As I am newly single again (until Elle finds me an appropriate pomegranate) I have been thinking about some dating adventures and misadventures. Elle knows that her readers have little to no interesting in the former, so here are a couple of tastes of the latter.

My S.O.P. for online dating was to always have a phone conversation before meeting up. For the millennials, that means that I would call the girl on the phone instead of texting her. I would speak words to her and she would do the same to me. I felt it was a good filter or time saver and there were at least two occasions where I ended the phone call without making a date.

After making a connection on JDate, and the attendant instant messaging, I asked for a phone number so as to call the young lady and have one of those conversation thingies. She politely refused and said she prefers to simply meet up. The yellow flag that was immediately raised was overcome by my boredom and curiosity. Further, she lived really close to me so I could walk to the bar to meet her for a drink.

Now, I wish I could remember her name or anything interesting about her, but I cannot. I might blame my poor memory or the fact that this happened years and years ago, but I think it had more to do with that there just was not a lot TO remember about this girl. What I do remember was that she and I were so clearly repulsed by each other and within about 3 minutes of meeting up. There was technically nothing wrong with her: seemingly intelligent, attractive enough, etc. However, the conversation was painfully slow and boring. The only thing I can remember about her was that she was on the board of her condo association. Now, you ask why I remember this? Well it was a highly recurring topic for her, as I think she was trying to impress me with her important position. Why was she repulsed by me? ...hard to say.

We got through a very painful drink and there was not even a glimmer of a second one. She offered to pay for her drink but the 7 or 8 dollars it was going to cost me was FAR less costly than another 5 minutes with her while we would wait for a check. I stood up, did not even give her a hug or a handshake, and happily watched her walk out (actually, I didn't even watch). After a half-hearted attempt to get the waitress's phone number I vowed to always have a phone conversation before a date. Unfortunately, times have changed and texting is the preferred method now. However, what do people think about bringing back the phone call? Can we save ourselves some time?

-​G

Is absolutely the funniest ever. 

He had a date on Wednesday and Thursday -- both seemed like duds but the story of Thursdays is definitely worth discussing. 

We also have a new tradition that after every date, he hops into my bed and tells me all about it and we determine if he should see the girl again. So far I have voted no on both because he doesn't seem very interested in either.

So Thursday I get a text, "OMG Elle, I have the funniest story for you!!!!!!!"

I get home and he is spazzzzzzzing out! 

"Arash, what is going on!?"

"Elle, you aren't going to believe what happened to meeee!!! (giggles, giggles, giggles)

(confused look on my face) "Okay, sooooo tell me?" 

"Well, I had accidentally double booked myself tonight so I planned one girl for happy hour near work and the other girl was rock climbing later in the evening but I got stuck in a meeting and had to cancel one date #1, I tried to reschedule to Friday but she already had plans."

(more confused look on my face) "Okay, that isn't exactly CRAAZY Arash....big deal, you're blonde and had to cancel a date?"

"No, Elle it gets worse! So I text date#2(rock climbing one) to confirm our plans and she responds, you shouldn't cancel dates, it hurts peoples feelings. I am super confused because I was confirming NOT cancelling...so I say huh??" 

"She goes, you had a date earlier tonight with my friend and you just cancelled on her....."

"OMG NOW I GET IT!!! THIS IS CRAZY!!! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!"

"So, I freaked out!!!! I texted Date#1 saying I didn't cancel on her for #2 I just overbooked and omg it's so funny how this happened, and awkward, and funny and Date#1 won't reply!!!"

"So cut date#1 from the roster and go on date#2 - easy elimination!"

"Yeah, but what if she pushes me off the rock wall and I fling to my death because she's so mad I double booked?! This is so awkward Elle!!!!"

FINALLY after mucho pressuring he went rock climbing. I told him I really needed blog material and he had to take one for the team lol - you're welcome.

So he came back, said it wasn't too bad afterall and she was a cool girl but he's not mega attracted to her overall even though she's "mega fit!!!". 

Arash and skinny bitches is like a disease - he needs to go to rehab.

That is all for now. We are headed to an Apres Ski themed party tonight, should be fun! 
Happy weekend!

XO

Elle

He actually did it! Arash dumped his looneytoon chick and is now a free man! 

To celebrate, I got a text yesterday afternoon from him, "Elle, I am making you a persian dinner and martinis - come home!!"

He has also decided he wants to date Persian girls now and is done with his asian persuasion. 

Stay tuned for some interesting shit. His dating stories NEVER fail to entertain. Especially when he got a new phone, didn't store the number of a potential roommate and a tinder girl...kept texting the potential MALE roommate to meet him for sushi (thinking it was the girl) and BOOM a guy comes up and taps him on the shoulder and says, "hey dude, I'm Seth. Sorry I was running late."

hahahah that was the best. The girl he was supposed to have dinner with never spoke to him again even after he explained his mix-up and he decided not to live with Seth. This is a typical day in the life of Arash.

We went out for drinks recently and he drove. We get out of the car and he goes to lock the car, only to realize he LEFT THE CAR RUNNING. 
Endlessly entertaining. Love this kid.

So he made me Persian food and it was delish, we facetimed with his brother and mommy and drank a few too many martinis. Overall, a great night. I go from X factor making my meals for the week to my roommate making me dinner and cocktails -- THIS IS THE LIFE LADIES. FUCK BEING DOMESTIC! LET THE MEN DO IT! 
Might as well let them vacuum too. ;) 

In other news -- one of our contributing writers/my bestie Mia just got punched with the same bag of shit I was punched with. Her very serious ex bf/first love is now engaged to the bitch he cheated on her with. Luckily the fiancee resembles an ugly dog (which is hard because dogs are usually so cute). 
I was alerted by stalker extraordinaire bestie Bianca who immediately screen shotted the announcement. I then sent it direct to Mia and called her incessantly. NO ANSWER, NO ANSWER, NO ANSWER. DAMMIT MIA - THIS IS NOT A TIME TO BE ALONE. I WAS AND IT SUCKED AND I CRIED ALL NIGHT. COME DRINK MARTINIS, WHERE ARE YOUUUUUUU. 

Finally she calls me back and is like, "I was expecting it, whatever." and I'm like, "WHERE IS THE FURY? I AM MAD FOR YOU!!!!!" 

Finally the anger hit about an hour later when she realized that this dumbass wouldn't know his now fiancee if it weren't for her. He studied abroad in Paris the semester after she did and met dogface on that program. Dogface is from North Dakota or some outdoorsy shit place and their paths otherwise would've never crossed. **Her X factor ONLY picked Paris because he loved it so much when he visited Mia during her semester there. 
Funny how he could've picked the same semester she went but instead went as soon as she got back. 
Anyways, he sucks and is in the past. He only ate chicken fingers and had a weird obsession with hiking. We are not the hiking/backpacking type and our palate is much more refined than McDonald's $1 menu. 
She dodged a bullet. 
The icing on the cake is -- he always told Mia that he never wanted to get married. "It just wasn't for him."
Well, I can see how that thought might evolve from college to age 27 but its still SUPERBLY annoying. 

How in the world are ALL the douchey X's getting engaged and we are LITERALLY NOWHERE CLOSE. (and we are much prettier)

I think guys have a much different mindset about settling. Atleast that's what I am going to tell myself to feel better because I am STILL not over Liam's engagement to Jaime. 

PS I am going to dig up the screenshots from when Jaime stole my number out of Liam's phone and texted me psychotic, insecure shit. That was comedy. 

Stay tuned.

I am New York bound this weekend, looking forward to escaping the normalcy of life here. Turns out Arash and a few other friends are coming too so it's like half the normal gang together in NYC. YAY for good food, good drinks, a pretty city and FUN.

xo
​Elle

Zoe here, back to share more of the crazy dating and lifestyles of the Sunshine State. First things first, I'll give an update on my lovely date from few weekends ago. Aaron met up with me and my roomie for dinner with a few of my roomie's sister's friends. It was a bit awkward at first but after dinner the three of us hit up a few bars. Best and worst decision ever. It's been forever since I've had a night of drinks and dancing so I was a bit of a "lightweight", and when I say "lightweight", I mean probably 6 Ciroc Peach Vodka and Red Bulls. I should probably add that I paid for them. I would like to give Aaron the benefit of the doubt and say maybe it was because I was with my friend, but he should have paid for me at least and it would have been even better if he paid for my friend too, right? During our first "date" he did pay  but I only had one cheap drink... It was definitely the least he could do. He lost a few points but I'm hoping he'll redeem them somehow...When you're over 30, there are some things that should be STANDARD. Oh well... I really hope he steps up because he is a cutie. There a lot of those in the Sunshine State though....
Anyways... I mentioned the incident to one of my friends and she told me about a website that she uses to find "Sugar Daddies". Ew? Well, I signed up to see what it was about. Curiosity killed the cat? Satisfaction brought him back! There are some pretty impressive non-creepy men on there that claim they are just looking for either innocent fun, friendship or actual love... I was offered a date last weekend at an amazing (and very expensive) restaurant for drinks and conversation but I declined. I don't think I'll ever be a gold digger. It's a fun thought though....
I haven't ventured on Tinder in about a week and I'm sure I'll return in a few days....
I can't wait to find more profiles such as...

So  my friend G was inspired by my rebellion against online dating and he decided to chronicle his dating by the hour for us. La di da. Ladies - this is what NOT to do.
---
Online dating by the hour:
14:00 (approx): a mutual match!
14:00-18:00 (approx): intermittent messaging begins with her explaining that we talked on another dating site and nothing resulted; mild flirtation and interest
18:00 (approx): she gives me her number without any prompting and asks me to text
20:37-21:18: texting, with far less flirtation and interest
21:30: she calls, even though I tell her I'm watching the Presidential debate; so I don't answer
23:32: I text, saying why I didn't answer the call and saying thank you for deleting the match
00:42: she explains that she deleted the account and got food poisoning (why is the latter even relevant?)

What have we learned? 
(1) give a guy a chance (more than a couple of hours) to ask for your number
(2) give a guy a chance (more than an hour) to call
(3) don't call when he tells you he's focused on something else
(4) DO NOT call 7 hours after making a match
(5) don't be a reactionary bitch when a guy doesn't answer the phone
(6) keep your digestive issues to yourself until at least after the first in-person meeting
---
This chick was trying to lock it DOWWWWWN. 

AGGRESSIVE. raaaawr!

Happy Monday!

As you remember, a few weeks ago Mia went on a speed dating adventure and was kind enough to chronicle it for us. 

Long story short it was a big waste of time/disaster and she highly does not recommend it. 

A friend of mine, George is a loyal reader of lifeisnotarom.com and decided he'd share his side of things...to say the least, it's a tad different than Mia's experience.
-----
A couple of weeks ago another loyal LINORC reader, and friend of Elle, gave a woman's perspective on speed dating. It started me thinking, and talking to Elle, about some of the speed dating misadventures I've had. Now, none of them were terribly dramatic; they mostly include 3-5 minutes of awkward conversation and small amounts of hope in obtaining a match (and/or smaller amounts of disappointment in getting or not getting the match). My plan to have a female friend go with me and get into a mock, huge fight when I rotated to her table never did materialize.

The night in question began a few days earlier with, of all things, a Tinder match. A seemingly pretty, energetic, and fun girl and I were exchanging messages and I pitched going for drinks. She countered with a different day, on which I said I was busy. It turns out that she was invited to the same speed dating event (the Jewish community in DC is fairly incestuous). I got the brilliant idea of meeting before the speed dating, having a drink, and then walking over to the event together.

As one can imagine, this was a plan doomed from the start. 
The brief sketch of the speed dating pre-date was:
1. Me waiting for her at a fun wine bar down the street from the speed spot.
2. Her texting that she was running late and, after I offered to order a drink, saying she does not drink beer or wine so she'll just have water. (BORING)
3. Me calling an audible for a new place.
4. Her TEXTING ME TO TURN AROUND instead of merely walking up to the table where I was sitting (Elle might edit out this part: her Tinder pictures were clearly taken about 20-30 pounds ago).
5. Walking into the speed dating and not looking in each other's direction the rest of the night.

The "organizers" of the speed dating were pretty terrible and it was taking a long time to get things set up. This allowed me to get a bourbon or two and ease into the right frame of mind to have high-pressured conversations with strangers. During the hour-plus while we were waiting to begin, I started talking to a group of people, including one very hot girl who actually seemed to have her shit together. I assumed I would rotate to her during the speed dating so I was uncharacteristically casual about getting her number (more on that later).

I did start talking to a very cute, and age inappropriate, girl and another guy. The event was starting soon and she was not in the group I would be talking to. So, I got her number before she went to sit down. Nothing materialized there, but the guy standing next to us looked like he was just punched in the kidneys. I felt sorry for him due to his look of defeat but also kind of enjoyed it ...due to his look of defeat.

I rotated through the speed dating and it was typical. Short conversations that don't get much past the initial "resume" questions. A few stand outs were:

1. A woman I have known for years, clearly trying to match with me. She's fine but if I was interested I would have made that clear anytime during the dozens of occasions I've met her. I don't blame her; I blame guys who would actually be interested in a woman and not simply make that clear.
2. Circling back to a third woman I talked to during the waiting time. We did not match but in a strange turn of events, she friended me on Facebook. In another turn, she never responded to my Facebook message and did not de-friend me. Good stuff.
3. The highlight of the evening was J. She was fun, flirty, confident, and smart as hell. She was actually slightly less attractive than some of the other girls and some of the women I usually date but I was more than convinced to spend some time with her on another occasion. Therefore, I got her number after the speed dating was over.

I wound up taking her and her friend home (not like that, sicko) since they both lived within one block of my place. (Oh and sadly, I did not wind up getting the very hot girl from the beginning of the nights number on the way out, as I had planned.)


So the recap for the evening was: 
one worthless drink-date, 
a very long delay in getting started, 
one cute girl's number, 
one defeated guy, 
one missed opportunity, 
one Facebook weirdo, 
one fun girl's number, 
and leaving with two girls.

In summary, speed dating is a lot of fun if you approach it for the inevitable hilarity that it is. I highly recommend giving it a try!
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Post Script: J and I went to a Nat's game, got on camera during the game, and we had so little chemistry that I didn't even try to kiss her good night. 

Post Post Script: I ran into J's friend at a courthouse. She remembered me, and not only did I completely blank on the friend, I could not remember J. In fact, I could very well be making up that initial.

Hey guys, let me introduce one of my besties - Mia. She is also single in the city, 26, employed & dealing with toads. She recently went on quite the speed dating adventure. So without further adieu...
Speed Dating 101
If your friend brings up trying speed dating and you’re genuinely looking for any sort of a promising man, brace yourself … you’ll be in for a long night. At least, that’s what happened in my case — thank god it was not my investment.

So here’s how it went down.
 My friend Lucy got a Groupon offer for speed dating. It seemed like a fun concept and both of us were really fouling out with men and online dating lately. So we thought, why the heck not? We’ll go and best case scenario we may actually hit it off with someone, worst case scenario, we’ll have some funny stories to tell, right? Right indeed.

The group we signed up for was in the 26-37 age range (I’m 26, Lucy is 34 but looks pretty much my age).  We got to the event (held at a hotel bar, which was actually pretty nice), signed in and started sizing up our competition and our potential companions. It didn’t look too hot from the get go. The men were all shapes and sizes, some dressed unfortunately schleppy, others (presumably from work) wore suits and others still were somewhere in between. They rang the bell and called us over to set it up and get the whole thing started. Lucy and I (thankfully!) went for happy hour first, and each had a cocktail with us to bring to the speed dating room. Here’s what happens: 
They set up all the girls at tables with a sheet of paper and a pencil with instructions on what to write down (the person’s name, his name tag number and any details to remember him by) and then the guys got to sit down wherever they wanted to start. They rang the bell and it was off to the races! Each date was to last 4 minutes, once it’s over the gentleman moves on to his next lady. Here are just a few of the memorable “dates” I had:

Date 1: Sits down and is actually dressed pretty nice. He was wearing an ironed blue button down, a well-tailored pair of jeans, and easily the best looking of the bunch. Ok, I’m thinking, he chose to sit at my table first, that’s a good sign. As soon as he sits down he whips out a deck of cards and starts doing card tricks. I can appreciate a good card trick every now and then, but when you’re trying to talk to someone and find out their interests/hobbies/what they’re all about, it’s difficult not to be distracted when you’re being asked to pick a card and remember it and tap the deck then shuffle it etc. etc. He tells me he’s a dance teacher and schoolteacher for a living … but he also lives 50+ miles away. Sorry magic man, pass.

Date 2: Super sweet older gentleman. And I definitely mean older. Even though the age range on the event said 26-37, I guess that’s not a hard and fast rule. A good chunk of the gentlemen there were pushing 40/in their mid-40s. Just not for me. But I hope he found/finds a lovely lady! He was very nice to chat with.

Date 5: Learned his passion was “Legos” … immediately tuned out for the rest of the time we had (read: number of seconds I had to bullshit) left.

Date 11: This guy sat down already on his phone texting, emailing who knows what. (Rude, c’mon man.) We only have 4 mins to talk and he was wasting precious time. I asked if he was going to be on his phone, if he minded if I went and used the restroom. (We had been sitting for more than an hour already.) I scurried off and back in a minute or so but when I got back he had left the table. Lucy (who was sitting a table away from me) said he got up in a huff about me not being at the table. Sorry my friend, you brought the uninterested attitude when you sat down on your phone and also — I just really had to go to the bathroom! (I was three glasses of wine and a vodka soda in at this point.)

Date 14: Very into house/EDM music, talked about how he thought he was going to be the next Tiesto, didn’t ask really any questions about me.  Next.

Date 15: Kept promoting his buddy’s “lounge” … snooze.

Date 17: Dull as dirt … pass.

Date: 20: Said he “loves to travel” … has yet to venture off the East Coast. What even? I get that traveling is expensive, takes time and money but if you really “love to travel,” you make it happen … and that’s what you spend money on: experiences, great times, seeing amazing sights etc. Hard for me to believe you love to travel, sir.

We had I believe 21 dates in total, then afterward we scooted to the bar to settle up our tabs and leave.

All in all, it was an eye-opening experience. It made me feel a little hopeless about dating in this godforsaken city. … though a lot of the people there were from places at least 40 or 50 miles away.  (I don’t get that, if I’m dating someone I’d like them to live somewhat close.) But it also allowed me to brush up on my conversation techniques and flirting skills with no major setbacks or threats of awful rejection.  OH well.

Until next time …
Mia

P.S.Below -  incase you wanted to see a video on just how awkward this really is.