Well, well, well...

Friday -
was spent in Baltimore.
I had a ton of stuff to get done with my mom during the day and evening was XF's award ceremony for work. 

This marked my third year attending this boring ass event. 

So each year, everyone hounds me, "when are you guys getting engaged!?" 

This year my responses covered quite a spectrum.

"Ask him, clearly I don't know."

"Maybe marriage just isn't for XF."

"Elle, where have you been!? We haven't seen you in forever."

"Ohhhh that's because I dumped him last August and am attending this now as his friend."

"You broke up!? OMG we kept asking how you were and he just kept saying fine."

"Yep, he never likes to admit when things go wrong but yes, we broke up. Can only wait so long for the the next step of your life." 

That then lead to EVERYONE being like, "XF, omg stop fucking around, put a ring on it!"

to which he replied, "I will."

Mind you, ALL of his colleagues are married. In the span of these three years, two have had two babies. One was single when I first met XF, then she got engaged within six months and was married by eight. So yeah, we are the last singletons standing. People are quite confused as to wtf is going on. #fucktheArmenians

It gets kinda embarrassing to have to have this conversation for the third fucking year. 

Everyone wonders, "what the fuck is he waiting for?" 

The Armenians to become decent humans? We all know that isn't in the cards soooo what else are you waiting for Bruce? I have ZERO clues myself besides the fact that I now hold the power and when I say jump, he apparently will? 

IDK, IDK, IDK.

So long story short, this years event was actually quite fun. 

Apparently everyone kept coming up to XF and telling him that I look like a model, how did he find such a smart and pretty girlfriend? That I am WAY out of his league (DUHHHHH) and he better lock it down before someone else does. (Stroke my ego a little more, please.)

The last comment makes me LOL. I can promise, no one else is trying to lock me down in an official capacity - only in a sexual one. 

I got a snapchat from Nima the other day...handcuffs.

I replied with the fire emoji.

He replied with, "we should try these out soon"

I replied with, "hahahaha" (We are friends, where did locking me up in handcuffs come from!?)

"I'm serious, let's talk..."

OHHHH boy. I guess I didn't tinderfriend zone him hard enough? Worst part - I was kind of tempted. Last interaction I had with handcuffs was with Antonio who pulled the exact same move (snapchat and all) and it was fantastic. 

Nima is super sexy butttttttt he's my friend. Oh and there's XF but we aren't officially together so technically, I could get away with it on the low. 

Buttttttt nah. 

That is, til Saturday night hits and lots of alcohol is consumed. 

I made it a point to rally people together to celebrate Antonio's birthday. I want everyone to feel special on their big day and because he claims to "hate birthdays" I wanted to try even harder. 

Well, it was a lot of fun. The night ended with drunk food around 5am. 

In between that were a lot of texts with Nima trying to find my location. Luckily I was drunk enough to keep my phone in my purse and I never got back to him on that. 

Oh and Antonio admitted that seeing me as a friend has been taxing in the sexual tension arena. 

That was relieving. I'm glad I'm not the only one thinking about fucking in the bathroom of wholefoods on these lunch dates. 

Bad Elle, bad. Stay focused on your boring sex with XF. 

Is monogamy for me? I'm beginning to think no...

Lastly, Mia's boyfriend met XF last weekend and is now meeting Antonio this one. He goes, "I hate to be blunt but I think you and Elle are a very good match, I don't see it with XF...I'm sorry Elle." Antonios reply, "baggage + timing is why we never could make it work." 

Truer words have never been spoken. 

Sunday - 

Didn't leave my bed at all except for Chipotle. I was so damn tired from Saturday night and depressed about Liam that I just couldn't muster up the effort to do all the shit I needed to. SOOOO I DIDNT. 

Monday -

How am I feeling about all of the events lately? 

Liams wedding = ew fucking ew, glad it wasn't me, glad shes not even a fraction as hot as me, glad she has the worst taste in clothes EVER, glad my instagram isn't private so they both can lurk me and hate on me too. I like to keep the playing field even. #gratuitous 

Antonio = a mindfuck, as always. I don't see that changing anytime soon, even if XF does poptheQ. Antonio will always be my, "what if?" Every girl needs one, right? 

XF = if he proposes, I won't say no. If he doesn't, I won't be mad. Indifference at this point is a weird feeling but I'm OK with it. This proposal would've been one of the best days of my life had it happened last June. It didn't and now here we are, indifferent. (Yes, that makes me sad too) I'm trying to think like an adult and remember that after three years, the excitement and butterfly feeling is gone with anyone. Antonio gets my blood moving but thats because I can't have him, he's bomb in bed, and we've only known each other since November. 

Joey = very intrigued as to what that reunion will be like....hopefully I won't be drooling the entire time. 

Nima = fuck, I can't sleep with you. You are so hot but you are a recipe for disaster. If it's really good, I will not wanna stop. Temptation on my shoulder, BE GONE. 

Work = a supremely busy week ahead. I am overwhelmed just thinking about it. One day at a time...

Travel = no plans in my near future. Hopefully my DC life will stay spicy so I can entertain adequately. 

There you have it. 

3 posts in one day = me making up for lost time. Sorry friends! 

xo xo,

​Elle

Welp friends, it's officially official. 

Liam and Miss Piggy have tied the knot.

"Elle you're such a shallow bitch!"

Telllll me something I don't know.

I can't remember what I named his fiancee so Miss Piggy will have to suffice for today's post. 

If I have offended you, you can stop reading now. #IgiveZeroFucks. 

Soooooo the screenshots of facebook posts came rollllin in yesterday from my crew of bitchy friends (love you all, thank you for keeping me in the loop since he blocked me) as I lived in my bed ALL damn day due to another wild night out with Antonio. (We can discuss that later, this takes precedence) 

I wasn't hungover but I was too tired to accomplish a damn thing and after seeing allllll of these posts/pics, I officially lost all desire to be productive.

When your ex's get married, it's a really fucking weird feeling. When Bobby got married to Jello last July, I felt a deep sadness. Luckily, I had Mia to comiserate with me because her first love got married on the same damn day. Refresh your minds here. My first love with someone else. I always saw my future with him (naive, I know) but he understood me in ways most people don't. Even now, Bobby knows me in a way XF never, ever will. It felt like a funeral. 

Yesterday was no different. 

Sure, we broke up FIVE years ago. But Liam was pretty important. 1. he was the nicest guy I've ever dated 2. The only person I've ever lived with 3. I started my business while living with him with him being my BIGGEST supporter 4. I've grappled with a lot of regret regarding the way I acted when I was with him. 

I had many moments where I was a super vicious bitch. I always felt like I was the race car in life and he was the Prius. We just couldn't keep up with one another despite how hard I tried. Liam was so OK with  mediocrity. I was not. 

I think that point right there, is really what broke us to the core. Sure, we had other issues where his mother would do his laundry or clean our house or he'd go home to his parents EVERY fucking night after work and I'd be at our house like "where the fuck are you, why do I live here if you aren't gonna be around?" 

I had no friends in his city. I had no life there. He was EVERYTHING. That is also a major recipe for disaster I suppose. I am a city woman, he is a suburban kid. 

Anyhow, I was spending more and more time in DC meeting people who were achieving MAJOR things. My friend at the time, Jaddo was a self-made millionaire who was killing it in every arena. 

Liam was in a dead end job that he hated and relied heavily on his parents financial support. 

I kept seeing people doing big things during the day and then at night I'd return to complacent, mediocrity. 

I loved him but love has and never will be enough for me. 

Well, try breaking the nicest guy in the worlds heart and then try moving on from that. 

No one has treated me as well as he has since. A price I had to pay to find a guy who was ready to race with me vs the guy I had to keep pushing up the hill. 

So in true mediocre form, he is now married to Miss Piggy. She wore the worlds ugliest dress (that made me feel better) and the wedding looked like crap. 

I don't want a fancy, expensive wedding but I promise you when I do the whole wedding bit -- my design concept will be simple and classy, my dress will be a showstopper, and I will be in my best form. Miss Piggy looked about 6 months preggo walking down the aisle, don't get me started on this because I could rant for DAYS. (Also, she is a total bitch so I don't feel so bad saying this. Her political views are "ultraconservative" which can only mean she gives NO fucks for those less fortunate in this world and she MIGHT be a Trump supporter which is just NOT OK.) 

My bitchy friends and I were actually thinking she MIGHT be preggo. 

Can't wait for those texts, "OMG they are having a baby!"

Then I really am the world's biggest bitch. 

So another ex bites the dust and here I am floating along, drinking til 6am and staying in bed for an entire day afterward. 

#notadulting 

So cheers to Liam and MP, may they live happily ever after in mediocrity. 

xo xo,

Elle

​PS Can the bitchy girl ever win?

I met Joey when I was dating Liam. He was my favorite bar tender at the club I used to frequent back in my very early 20's. 

He was 6'5, blonde, perfect features, amazing smile, and the best personality. 

When Liam and I broke up, Joey was my first interest. He was so nice to me and so handsome, ahhhh I had the biggest crush. Even Mia can attest that he is a gorgeous fella. 

So I'd always invite him places and try to pursue him, he never took my bait. Eventually I grew tired of the club scene and he moved away. We didn't keep in touch and that was that. I was onto Babak by then anyways. 

Wellllll two weeks ago, Mia sends me a text - "OMG OMG OMG Joey just liked the photo of you and I from NYE!!!" 

That photo was posted a long time ago, he isn't friends with Mia on FB so he had to creep pretty hard on me to find her and then like the photo. 

We were BAFFLED! Later that day we see he posted that he's coming back to DC for five days. So I "liked" the post. 

I expected nada to come of it because we haven't talked since maybeeee 2012?

Last night I log into my facebook and finally decide to open up those pesky facebook messages and what do I find...

A MESSAGE FROM JOEY!! 

OMG OMG OMG is my first thought. 

"Hey Elle! I am back in DC for five days, I'd love to catch up. Here's my number, text me!"

He sent that FRIDAY, its now Sunday. SHIT I hope he's still here! 

I reply on fb and then rapidly text him, "Hey it's Elle. Are you still around?" 

We make plans to meet up tonight after I finish my workout and that is that. 

We were never really close friends so I think that this whole "lets meet up" thing is because of a mutual attraction that was never acted upon. Basically he lurks me on FB, is super curious, and here we are. 

In my favor, I am prettier than I was in 2012 (I didn't workout at all back then) AND I'm more mature. 

Ohhhh and my facebook page says I am single soooo that could be part of it too. 

I don't think he's looking to sleep with me and run, he's always been a really respectful, sweet guy. 

Needless to say, I am VERY excited to see him. He is GORGEOUS and so tall. He is also one of the only guys I've wanted who seemingly didn't want me back. (Sounds cocky but I pride myself on getting what I want and can fully admit that I 100% failed with him) 

Stay tunedddddd....

Up next: An Antonio update. 

xo xo,

​Elle

As I sat in this pool thinking about how fortunate I am, I was suddenly overwhelmed with the realization that my life had come full circle. 

This pool, Memorial Day weekend of 2014 was where I got the idea for Life is not a Rom.Com. 

I was devastated, depressed out of my mind, couldn't stop crying, and had retreated with Tash to Miami for a spur of the moment trip to sun away my sorrows of things ending very poorly with XF just days before. 

He was in Vegas for a bachelor party, I was losing my mind, and I thought to myself - I'm sure I am not the only person going through this, I should start a blog. 

So as I sat in that pool, I grabbed my phone, purchased the domain name, and wrote my first post in the notes section on my phone.

Once I got back to DC, I created the site, posted that first post and now here we are, nearly three years later. 

I am sitting in the same pool except this time, XF is laying out on a chair behind me taking the photo above. 

How in the world did I survive this trainwreck of a relationship? How are we on a mini vacation, having an amazing time, THREE years later? 

I swore I'd never wait more than two years for a ring - technically I didn't wait. I dumped his ass and have had ALOT of fun during these hiatuses (as you all know). 

As crazy as it's all been, I am really glad we finally found our way back to solid ground. 

We aren't fighting anymore, we don't discuss his parents/family, when I mention getting engaged now his reply is, just say when. 

Damn, I guess patience has its virtues sometimes. 

So in summation - we had a great weekend in Miami. We love the same activities and because we didn't have to spend $ for hotel or transportation - we had plenty of cash to dine at the best restaurants, order massages to the condo, and do as we pleased. It was truly fantastic and SO relaxing. 

I ate/drank whatever I wanted, dined wherever I wanted, and totally chilled the fuck out. IT WAS GLORIOUS and SO GLAM. Miami is right up my alley. 

In other news, every guy I stopped talking to decided to creep right back in on my instagram/snapchat. 

Sure, I posted a few risque things because I legit don't give a fuck and boy oh boy, it's hilarious what the selfie can drag in. 

Jaddo - old Lebanese fling circa the Liam era. "Wow, you are so sexy."

Jake - "Damn, you somehow only get hotter"

Antonio - Begging for boob snaps, as always. 

Rami - actively lurking 

Other outliers that haven't been mentioned sent msgs on my DM - HILARIOUS. Bruce, BYE. 

It's been quite the journey to get back to where it all started with the guy who started it all but no regrets, it's been a damn good time and a great story. 

Thanks for tuning in ;) 

Lots more to come this week! 

xo xo,

​Elle

I haven't been the most consistent (sorry I suck) but work took a sudden turn from manageable to quite busy and I've been running trying to keep up with everything. 

Except Tuesday, that rainy/dreary day. I decided to use the gift cert to a spa XF got me on a whim that afternoon and rejuvenate myself. SO WORTH IT. Thanks XF, you da bomb. 

Anyways - Miami is tomorrow! Can't freaking wait for some sunshine in a luxurious place. A change of scenery always motivates me to come back to DC and kill it at work. Especially when staying in a 3mil $ condo in South Beach...#GOALS. 

SO
I've been feeling kind of anxious as June approaches...

June 1 is 3 years of whatever you wanna call it with XF and I. 

Thats one SOLID year past when I said I'd stick around for that proposal...

Looking back....

June 1 2016. Two years or bust. That anniversary came and went without a ring and he knew he devastated me. I was a hot, sobbing mess. Mind you, I was fucking READY. Hair done, nails done, new outfits purchased. I wasn't gonna be caught off guard in a bad outfit for that moment. Well, that was a waste. I should've sent him the goddamn bills. 

I tell my family - they say give it until end of summer, getting engaged because of an ultimatum isn't a good way to do it. 

August 10 2016. I keep dreaming he took me ring shopping as a way to bide time, not actually prepare to poptheQ. I confront him via phone, we break up via text, the MOFO doesn't even try to call me later on to work things out. DONE, DONE, DONE, DONE. I sleep with Jake about five minutes later and then that saga begins. 

October 6 2016. XF crawls back during my birthday weekend when he sees me sitting on Jakes lap via Double Troubles snapchat story. Yeah, we orchestrate that shit well. (Nothing I do is without intention) 

December 2016. I finally agree to see XF. We go to Dallas, have a fun weekend and some terrible sex. I am thinking of Antonio the entire time. 

February 2017. Rami rendezvous & Antonio going back to his X. 

April 2017. Not thinking of Antonio all the time but he is the last person I slept with besides XF. (bathroom sex) Focused on XF and making this work for real. Am I ready for a June proposal? IDK. Will I ever be? With anyone? I view love and life in a realistic approach. I know that the butterflies and obsessed feelings fade for most people (not saying there aren't a few who still have it but its rare, just look at your parents. They love each other but they're not obsessed) AND that feeling of excitement I got with Antonio likely wouldn't last a lifetime. He'd start doing something irritating which would turn me off which would then effect our sex life and bam, we'd have issues. 

I know XF's issues and I think I'm OK with them. Sure, it's not perfect and I am not madly in love but I do love him. I always have. I think he's the right guy to do life with and I can't imagine marrying someone else. Soooooo I think the kinda love we have is a bit different than what most people have before a proposal/wedding. It's a realistic love vs a fantasy one. Most people don't go through Armenian hell and back to get a fucking ring either. But I've got my flaws and he accepts them too. 

I know it sounds like I am talking myself into this -- it's because I am. 

I get cold feet on EVERY guy I date. If I keep searching for Mr. Right/the feeling I had with Bobby - I likely may never find it. Even Bobby admitted he doesn't love Jello the way he loved me. 

Growing up is such a bitch but atleast now we have $ to go on fancy vacas and champagne the pains away.

Cheers to MIAMI!

xo xo,

Elle

Woof. Rainy, cold weather sure puts me right into a sleepy state. 

I love being productive, organized, etc but some days it really is struggle city. 

Today is one of them.

I am working and knocking things off my to-do list but meh, my desire to leave my apartment and run errands is non-existent. 

Anyone else ever feel this crazy weight of laziness? 

I don't even think I am working out today, that's how bad this is. 

Anyways, onto some life updates. 

Miami Saturday - cannot wait. Get me in the sunshine! I've been counting my macros religiously for almost three weeks and it's been tedious/addicting. I'm looking forward to this mini vacation where I don't track anything and just live lifeeeee freely. I really enjoy routines but I am super excited to break free of them for a few. 

This past Saturday was almost the first Antonio meets XF situation. I figured it is gonna happen eventually - Antonio and I are still friends, (we did a spin class together Thursday night) and we might as well get this meet and greet over with. 

I don't think it'll be weird because there's nothing left between A and I anymore. XF knows we've kissed, I didn't admit anything else because I didn't see the use in it. Had I said, yes we have slept together he would absolutely not be cool with us being friends at all and that just makes life more complicated than necessary. 

SO a big group of us are out and Antonio was on the way to meet us around 9pm with another girlfriend of his. We are in the uber and I get a call from him and he's frantic... "I just crashed my bike, lost my glasses, I'm bleeding, I hit my head." 

"Are you okay?! Do you need help? Where are you?"

"I'm wasted, I'm walking home but there is blood everywhere. Meet me at my house, just uber here. It's only 9pm, I can recover."

I am in an uber with five other people, no chance of a detour to save Antonio -- he'd be more embarrassed than anything if I did do that. So we get to the bar and I call him back to see if he needs me. I am a few blocks away and can easily uber over real quick to check on him. 

He insists he's fine and goes to bed. 

What kind of moron decides drunk biking is a good idea? Uber exists for a reason, good grief. 

However -
It's a blessing he didn't show up - a belligerent A would not make a good impression on the rest of the group, esp. XF.  

So they didn't meet. One day, one day... 

We were at this gay bar that I went to with Antonio once and the whole time I kept thinking about that time. 

On Saturday, I wanted to dance, XF refused. So I went and danced with other people and left him next to the tv to watch sports. 

When Antonio was with me, we were dancing, laughing, and having a really good time. His focus was 1000% on me, exactly how I want it.

Then I remember when I invited A to the holiday gala for Adi's birthday and how the music was terrible and so were the drinks yet he was still spinning and twirling me around the dance floor, laughing the entire time. 

That brought me back to the 2x I've taken XF to a gala...Simply put, I have WAY more fun with Antonio. 

That's the part that really sucks/is so frustrating. Antonio is a hot mess of a human being, likely why he is so much fun. 

XF isn't a mess. Now that we have weathered the storm of the Armenians, he's really become quite solid. Therapy has helped him tune in more and focus when I'm telling a story, etc. 

That being said - when I tell XF one of my ideas, I often get an eye roll. When I tell Antonio, he's always so encouraging. (unless it involves my yoga pants, then he's just a giant douche)

Why can't I find one guy who has it all? It sucks that XF's strengths are A's weaknesses and vice versa. If I could mesh them both together (& add 5 inches because neither are tall enough), I'd have the almost perfect guy. 

Smart, funny, successful, ambitious, sexual, impulsive, outgoing, stable, and intimate. 

When I pick XF I lose funny, sexual, impulsive, and intimate.

When I pick A (which isn't even an option but if it was), I lose smart, successful (he hates his job and to me there is more than $ involved with success), stability, and ambition. 

I know I'm not perfect and if someone meshed me with some other girl, they'd likely find the right mix too. But I am the one with the blog thus I'm writing my thoughts, for better or for worse. If you're reading this Antonio, sorry?

Woof. 

Heres to letting go of this idea of the "almost" perfect mate. 

xo xo,

Elle

PS I almost forgot to mention....XF and I went ring shopping Saturday. Our 3 years of knowing each other (can't say of 'being together' since we've broken up 14,000x) is June 1. Idk if I want a proposal any time soon but fingers crossed I figure that out. My aunt gave me some really good advice..."sometimes you just need to commit to something and then work your ass off to make it the best scenario. The good things take work so stop wallowing in indecision and jump in or jump out." After three years, I think it's time we finally fucking just do it and then continue to improve as we go. There's gotta be some significance in the fact that he is the ONLY guy I've ever dated that I couldn't seem to let go of (despite trying really fucking hard to).
When I think back to my ex's and I compare them to XF, it's not even a comparison. I went from dating mediocre losers (Bobby was a cheater/ total redneck family, Nate still hasn't left Ohio/likely never will, Liam's mom was still doing his laundry at age 31, & to this day Babak STILL hasn't moved out of his parents fucking house) to dating someone at the top of their game who is crazy smart, highly ambitious, very independent, and who wants the same things as me in life.
(kids, geographic location, etc) 

So if you wonder why I've held on to XF the past three years, there you have it. Even with his shit box family, he still tops my leader board x100. #doeshisownlaundry #cookshisownfood #hashisownapartment #smallvictories #whydoguysinthisgenerationsucksomuch? 

womp, womp, womp.

Bestie #1 couldn't find someone to take her shift and thus she isn't joining me for a girls weekend in Miami. 

soooooo sad. 

But as a few minutes ago, XF has changed his mind, used some airline points and jumped on it. 

Miracles do exist! 

1. We are staying at my clients 3 million dollar condo for free that includes a convertible. Soooo that's awesome.

2. The flight was $144 roundtrip, paying via points  = basically nothing. 

3. He will be studying during the day. I will be enjoying the sun, trying out different fitness studios, and keeping myself out of his hair (or lack thereof) until 5pm when he's done. 

4. I just made all these fun dining reservations because his favorite thing is food and trying new things so there's one less thing for him to think about & it's our favorite activity to do together. #fatkids #noshame

5. ITS MIAMI! 

2017 has been pretty good to me so far. Biggest accomplishment is paying off my loans in April vs August. Travel wise, it's been pretty great and only looks to get better.

So far: I've traveled to Puerto Rico, California, and next Miami. 

Hoping for an NYC weekend first weekend of June.

I likely will get to spend a week in Beirut when XF goes there in June to do an internship for three weeks (all I have to buy is a flight). 

October is my cousins wedding in California.

November is my cousins10th birthday in California.

December is a surprise trip for double trouble's 30th birthday. 

Overall, not too shabby on the travel front. Amazing how much less stressful planning is when you aren't dropping a shit load of $ on loans each month. 

2017 is my freaking year.
Getting after those goals and crushing them. I got my spin certification, next I want my group fitness instruction certificate, then I want to audition for flywheel and GET THE DAMN JOB. If I get past audition 1 you go through a six week training program and then you're a legit instructor. Fingers crossed! 

I am figuring things out with XF, slowly but surely. You can't build a life off orgasms. If you could, Rami and I would be a match made in sexy heaven. PS he snapchatted me a dick pic this AM...then followed up with, "I had a crazy dream about having sex with you last night and it was so amazing." 

Oh dear. Devil on my shoulder. 

Sure the sex is great but.... his job is mediocre, he lives with his parents, he somehow has CC debt despite living at home, he smokes weed, and needs to grow up. 

XF drives me up a freaking wall but after three years, I can't imagine not feeling that way. I can have a legitimate life with XF and at this stage, that's what I want. The fun and the games are great and dandy - I thrive being single but I want to start a family, move to California, enter the next phase, and the only person I've ever been able to envision doing that with is...XF. When I first met XF I knew that this semi short, not fit, bald guy was the one I wanted. After going through actual hell with and for him, I somehow still see it that way. I know this isn't the most romantic thing you've ever heard/read but marriage is gonna be hard and if we survived this, I kinda think the rest will be easy...Maybe that's naive but who really fucking knows. Marriage is a such a gamble.

So cheers to fucking insane future in laws and the most non-wedding ever. If he doesn't panzy out on proposing, this should all be very, very interesting....

2017 I came to slay ya.

xo xo,

Elle

PS if it doesn't pan out with XF, I won't be sad - I'll just know it really wasn't meant to be. Shit happens, ya'll. You get to a point where you're a lot less emotional about everything - my signif. other will never be the source of my happiness in life, only I am responsible for that. They'll either add to it or take away and if it works with XF, I am confident he'll add to my happiness. If it doesn't work with him, it will with someone else. So no point in stressin. :)

Antonio invited me to lunch today. Two thursday lunch dates in a row. (Sorry Megan, I didn't know if he texted you or not and I was running late so I didn't) 

It was good. Conversation always flows well between us and despite his terrible golf outfit, he looked cute. (He went golfing before work) 

We were discussing his boat and somehow boat shoes came up. I then mentioned that I despise them, "what are you, a frat boy?"

He was shocked boat shoes weren't cool anymore. I then explained Mia asked if she could wear hers on a date tonight to which I text screamed, NO!!!!!!!

Bitches, wedges and boat shoes GOTTA FUCKING GO. 

Anyways, we finish up and I head to my next appointment. 

About an hour later I get a snaptext of screenshots from articles in MensHealth discussing how douchey boatshoes are in adulthood. 

"See, Elle is always right." 

Somehow this leads to other items of clothes and then finally to this.

A: "Well you need to burn all of your workout attire and invest in Lululemon."
E: "Is that so?"
A: "Yes, yours is terrible. I'll burn the boat shoes with your entire workout wardrobe and we can toss in Mia's shoes too."
E: "That's hilarious. Maybe I just don't look good in yoga pants."
A: "No, I don't think that." 
He then sends me a photo of a super hot girl with giant boobs wearing workout shorts and a sports bra
A: "You'd look good like that."
E: "When my abs arrive, I'm all about it. Til then..."

So before I walk out the door to the gym I snap him all of my Lululemon pants (that are all soulcycle which is a direct competitor of flywheel thus I can't wear them to fly classes because I am trying to get hired by fly)
E: "See asshat, I own plenty of Lulu."
A: "Well maybe you need to wear it better."
E: "Wow Dbag."

SAY WHAT MOTHERFUCKER? 

I need to wear my clothing "better?" 

HAVE YOU LOOKED AT YOUR EX LATELY? EVERY OUTFIT OF HERS ON FB IS COMPLETE SOCCER MOM STATUS GARBAGE AND YOU THINK I NEED TO PURCHASE A BUNCH OF OVERPRICED WORKOUT GEAR AND THEN "WEAR IT BETTER"? 

You've gotta be fucking kidding me. 

I bet your ex workouts like 1x a week while I sit here and bust my ass every damn day trying to hit my goals. Lemme know when you or her become spin instructors. Caaaaaan't wait to take your class and check out your attire. 

I asked Mia if I was taking this the wrong way and she assured me I wasn't. That was a dick thing to say. 

As everyone knows, I like A. 

Well now I want you all to know, I like him a bit less. 

To wearing my clothes any damn way I please.

Middle finger in the air.

xo xo,

​Elle

His reply: 

In regards to living together, I told you I'd like one of two options - and these are the only options I see feasible. 1) We live together in DC, with one apartment, and I do the commute every day. When needed, I would get a hotel room in xyz or crash somewhere for a night. 2) We both have places in our respective cities and I spend Fri, Sat, and Sunday night with you - and on weeks when I'm not on the consult service (the busiest and most intense), I make it a point to come down at least one time in the middle of the week. I don't like the idea of renting a bedroom in a house with a bunch of strangers - the thought of living with people I do not know at the age of 32 is NOT appealing. I feel this is a compromise as I'd be spending 4/7 nights with you in DC. I sense your biggest concern is being able to afford something in the xyz neighborhood/having something big enough/having a place that's "ours". If I'm there every weekend, I will definitely have a lot of stuff there. I've looked into multiple other apartment buildings in xyz that I would consider living in and the cheapest available is less than 150 less than what I'm paying now. This is not worth moving for. I could cancel my parking in UW and use those savings in addition to further contributions to help pay for the place in DC. These are compromises that I'm willing to do. As I've said, I do NOT want to live with random people or be holed up in an old row home.


I'm sorry that Greece did not work out. It's a country I've always wanted to visit. There will be many opportunities in the future to travel all around the world - this hellish process I've embarked on is almost over and hopefully we'll be able to see the benefits soon. In regards to Miami, you're right I can study while I'm there. I'm just really nervous about this test and don't want to fail then look back and say "man, if i hadn't gone to miami would I have passed?". I will be able to study there as long as I'm not distracted. I also don't want you to be disappointed if I don't hang out/am not fun during the day. I don't plan on studying all night, as you correctly pointed out I currently don't, so we'd have plenty of time to explore then./ I've been ok with going and have been waiting for you to send me the flight info like you said you would. You found the flights for $144 and I thought that is what we were going to do.

In regards to the sex, its definitely something we still need to work on.

On other notes, it upsets me when you tell me I'm not making any efforts to further this relationship and to turn us around and get us on the right track. I've been working really hard on changing who I am as a person and not doing things that upset you. As you've pointed out, therapy has done wonders and you like the new XF you see. It also really upsets me when you complain about me not being "affectionate" or being cute and lovey/dovey with you. You made this point last Friday night. I feel I'm a lot more physical with you in public and show a lot more PDA than i used to. 

Over the past few months, I've made many many changes to help improve us. I don't talk back as much, I pay attention, I focus, I live in the moment, I'm more open publicly with my affection, I don't talk about sports, the Warriors have taken a back seat, I listen to you, I don't try to problem solve, I don't team up with Arash against you, I'm always supporting you, and I don't poke/try to rile you up as much. I continue to go to therapy to keep working on these skills. However, I feel none of this is enough for you. You keep asking for more and more and more. My concern is these demands will never end and I'll never be able to satisfy you the way you desire. Instead of looking at the big picture, I always feel you're nitpicking with what I do. I'm always trying to be careful with what I say/how I say it because I don't want to offend you. The way I say things gets turned and used against me, when in reality, I mean no harm with what I say. It has become very frustrating b/c I feel I live/walk on pins and needles around you, in constant worry that I'm going to do/say something that upsets you. It's really tough. 

Yes, I've brought a lot of faults to the table, but I'm wholeheartedly working on fixing them. You have faults too, but I accept them and don't complain about them. You know I'm working hard to better everything, so please give me a little slack on some things. 

I love you.


Le SIGH. 

My reply: 

I understand your views and I respect them. 

I am dropping living together and traveling. Yes, it'd be nice to have a larger apartment for next year - you hated my old apartment (and weren't shy in expressing that) so I am trying to avoid that if you are actually going to spend 3/4 days a week with me. But I will do my thing, you do yours, and we will see where it leaves us. I've expressed my unhappiness with the situation and that is all I can do. 

I can sign my old apartment for $1895 right now. If I move back, I expect to hear zero complaints about the parking, the commute, the size of the apartment. Deal? 

I don't need the guilt of you doing poorly on boards blamed on me/Miami. You sit this one out, I've invited others and I already purchased my ticket. 

The sex thing will improve when you make the effort that you talk about but never actually follow through on. 

You have made a lot of changes, I'm sorry there are still things I'd like to see changed -- I am sorry I do things to upset you too but I have tried to be better/do better. I am always working on myself and will continue to do so. 

Don't walk on eggshells. Be yourself. I simply ask you think before you speak (something I feel you rarely do). How you say something is almost more important than what you said. 

I will continue to try and be better at the above as well.


So that was a USELESS exchange of words. Off to the gym to work off my dissatisfaction with EVERYTHING.

xo xo,

​Elle

I have 7 more days in my month trial with XF. 

We have had great sex once. (when wasted) 

We have had mediocre sex at least five times. 

We have went to some great restaurants and had some fun times. 

We have plans this weekend. 

We have discussed living together post the 30 day trial. We either need to do the damn thing or we need to cut the shit and just agree to be friends. 

I am fucking frustrated. 

Here's an email I just sent him, I will explain more after. 

XF,

I am a bit frustrated. I feel as if I am the one trying to progress things with us - exploring options involving living together, ways to spice up the sex life, traveling together (Miami & Greece) and I am tired of being the one steering the ship.

I feel as if you aren't taking any steps towards trying to at least compromise on these things. 

Travel. Miami is basically free and I get the timing isn't the best but it is completely possible for you to study outside of xyz - you just need to hone in and focus. Instead, I am going solo and inviting other friends to join because I don't need the guilt trip of you not working to your capacity in Miami. Quite frustrating considering all you need to do is regiment yourself and we could easily enjoy a mini trip together but you don't think you can/won't. If you were so serious about studying then maybe you'd not be going to the bar every night and the Warriors would take a back seat until boards are done but you always have time for those things - makes me sad you can't find a happy medium to going to Miami with me. 

Living together. There are ways to meet in the middle. None are "ideal/perfect" but it's better than the status quo we have now. THIS right now is not gonna cut it for me for another year. I need this relationship to progress or I need to move on with my life, it's one or the other. Why can't you look at other places and see what we can accomplish? I shouldn't have to do it all - you have time to make dolmas, go drinking/eating with friends, so why can't you spend some time working on our future?

Sex life. I've asked you how many times to buy lube? Or sex toys or WHATEVER to switch things up. You have amazon.com, you have CVS, you aren't taking any initiative and like I've said MANY times - having to be the instigator, turns me off. Want to please me when going down on me, watch a video on getting your partner off every time and learn some new tricks. If you want me to enjoy the sex when you're not wasted, you need to put in the effort. 

Best,

Elle

---------

Alright so we have discussed traveling. He said he'd come to Miami then decided he wouldn't get enough studying done there and it was a bad idea. I dropped the discussion (I don't need to be blamed if he bombs his medical board exams) but also, you really can't study in the sun? He isn't studying 12 hours a day. IDK, it's annoying. Praying bestie#1 comes, we could totally use some spontaneous girl time. (I'd prefer her to join vs him TBH anyways) 

Living together. We went apartment hunting, found one we really liked and he tested the drive to determine how bad the commute would be.

It wasn't ideal and thus he threw in the towel. 

My suggestion was - he rents a less expensive apartment, we rent the one we like in DC and the $ he saves on his other apartment, we put into the DC one and I'll pay the rest. Then we have a shared space, there's no more Arash crashing our privacy, and he spends 3-4 nights in the DC place but has a place to crash near the hospital for late nights, etc. 

He hated this idea. Which I cannot understand. It wont cost him anymore $$ and it gives him piece of mind knowing he doesn't have to drive back to DC every single night if he's tired and doesn't want to. 

So we will have been together for FOUR years before actually living together? June 1 marks three years of this on/off relationship. 

The game plan is to move to California end of June 2018 once he finishes fellowship. SOOOOO four years together and then living together for the first time as we move across the country? 

What if it's a total disaster? I'd rather find that out NOW vs in another year, and in a new city. 

Sex. It's great when he's wasted and his inhibitions are gone. Sober? I'm sleeping just thinking about it. He said we should spice it up, sex toys, etc. I said - you need to take the initiative on that - I HATE being the one in charge in the bedroom. I am a boss bitch in every other arena of my life, please just let me NOT be the boss in bed too. I asked last weekend if he'd bought lube... "No I forgot." "You know they sell that at CVS right....?" "WHAT? Lube at CVS!?! That's so crazy, no way!"

Excuse me while my eyes roll into the back of my head. 

Single ladies, go for a guy with a lot of sexual experience. The innocent guy who has slept with six people before you is A PAIN IN THE FUCKING ASS. 

Let's wait and see what he has to say in response....

ta ta for now.

xo xo, 

Elle

As you all know I've been doing a lot of dating.

A lot of useless dating.

In 2017...

Arash - 2 hookups (no sex), not worth it. Open and closed that door at pretty much the exact same speed. 

Antonio - On and off, on and off, off and over it. The cat and mouse thing has been fun (I had a great time last Friday) but I am over it. This is stupid and I only feel stupid for letting it happen. 

Rami - Oh hello sex pot. A stupid one who thinks I was falling in love with him but daaaaamn amazing sex, body, face, style, meoooow. But he's kind of an idiot who doesn't have his shit together and likely wont for another two years. Still in party boy mode which I am not about, at all. 

Chase - Great in bed, boring ass personality. There will not be a date 3 or a hook up #3 because unfortunately, sex does involve some talking and even writing about him bores me. 

Velcro - Motherfucking Velcro. I can't with this guy. You all know the story with him. If you don't, scroll down to this post and this post. I will say, I am glad I met him because he gave me such blogworthy stories. No, I haven't heard from him since I called him out on fucking Megan.

Jake - Still texts me daily but I haven't seen him since NYE...but he saw me that night with Antonio...oops...Safe to say things with him are going nowhere. 

XF - We went to an NBA game last night and it was actually a lot of fun. Tomorrow night he's my date for this gala we went to last year. I told him he better put his party pants on because I am not dealing with the sourpuss situation again. I refuseeeeee. There is more to the story with him (alot more actually) but I am saving that for it's own post SO stay tuned. 

At the game last night I decided I'd post a photo on my snapchat with XF. All the toads above + many others follow me on snap so I knew by posting this I would be nailing a few coffins as well as confusing the fuck out of others. 

Seconds after posting I get a snap text from Rami. "OMG This guy again!?!?!" 

Ugh. 

"If he needs lessons in bed, let me know, I can teach him! hahahaha"

"No sex, just basketball."

and then more useless snaptexts. 

Someone's jealous....and someone is also a jerk. 

So yes, I knew damn well what I was doing by posting the photo with XF but a large part of me still believes that he is the guy I will marry. I know it sounds ridiculous but I've dated A LOTTTTTT and I've never been able to truly envision a future with someone like I can with XF. He is a giant pain in the ass but so am I and yeah, I think if we can learn to let go of the past, focus on the future, and be patient with each other - we can make it work. 

There's nothing perfect out there - so I need to stop searching for unattainable and focus on improving what I do have. 

...I think.

xo xo,

​Elle

This ONE post is all the reason I need for having this blog. 

I can promise you are not ready for what you are about to read. 

It's a lonnnnnng one so grab a glass of wine/a bottle and get comfy. 

Remember my tinder toad dinner party last Thursday? Well I invited my girlfriend Megan to join too. I met her through Antonio one night and we just clicked. She recently moved here from Boston and just got out of a relationship/back on the the Tindersphere. 

So her and I go out last night and meet up with Antonio and his friends at a sports bar. She starts telling me about her recent escapades and mentions that she fucked a guy last week who knows both Arash and I. 

Hmmmm...

Elle: "Is he Jewish?"

Megan: "YES! With a super small dick?"

Elle: "I haven't seen it yet so IDK."

I whip out my phone, pull up Velcro's Tinder page and BAM, it's him. 

Elle: "HOLY FUCK YOU FUCKED HIM LAST WEEK!? DO YOU REALIZE THAT IS VELCRO FROM THE BLOG?!" (shes an avid reader)

Megan: "OMG that is HILARIOUS! Don't fuck him, it's not worth it at all and he's got all this Jewish stuff around his room, it was really intense."

So let's step back for a sec. 

Elle: "How did he know that you knew me??"

Megan: "I left your dinner party Thursday and he asked me what I was up to and I mentioned I was at my friend Elle's for dinner. He asked if Elle's roommate was Arash and I said yes."

Elle: "So he damn well knew that we were friends BEFORE you fucked him..."

Megan: "Yeah, I told him I was leaving and he told me to swing by his place real quick and I was horny so I did."

THIS MOTHERFUCKER THEN GOES ON DATE 2 WITH ME THE FOLLOWING NIGHT, TRIES HIS HARDEST TO GET ME TO SLEEP WITH HIM, ALL THE WHILE KNOWING HE FUCKED MY FRIEND THE NIGHT PRIOR. 

Goes to show -- trust your fucking intuition. I KNEW I didn't want to sleep with him, I just had that feeling and I couldn't shake it. His kissing skills also didn't do him any favors.

Elle: "Did he do the really fast tongue thing when he kissed you too?"

Megan: "OMG, YES!!!! Torpedo tongue, it was nasty!!!"

(Mind you, Antonio is next to me listening to this entire story) 

SO Megan and I take a selfie and send it to Velcro at the same time. I caption mine, "I'm just gonna leave that here..."

OH and this motherfucker asked me at 2pm for a date last night. Uhhhh it's a Friday, you think I have no plans and you can last minute ask me out? You and your Velcro shoes can fuck right off. 

He replies to my text with...

"Amazed it took you guys this long"

"Bye Bruce."

Later in the evening when recounting this story to double trouble and Mia I decide to send him a text.

"Sooooo you fuck a close friend of mine then try to fuck me the night after damn well knowing what you did the night before...you're a dick."

He writes back this longggggg BS response that I don't reply back to. 

This AM I reply, we get into it, and FINALLY this ass hat apologizes. 

You aren't a dick for sleeping with someone else. You are a dick for KNOWING it was my friend and then just twiddling your fucking thumbs til I figured it out. "Amazed it took you so long" -- THAT statement right there is why you're a dick. 

Your Velcro shoes, micro penis, and lack of brain are officially no longer my problem. 

Thank you Megan for the BEST get out of jail free card. 

So you think this is where the debauchery ends but ohhhhh no. This is just getting started.

Megan dips out, Double Trouble shows up, and Antonio is feeding us drinks....

I don't think that will ever get old. 

PS Antonio, are you reading?
We took bets on it last night (he claims he never will read again but will listen to the podcast) and everyone bet there is a 100% chance that he still reads the blog, religiously.
(Who has the self control not to? I mean cmon now, lets be real.)

Guess we'll never know!

Happy Friday peeps.

xo xo,

Elle

The best way to describe how I feel about literally everyone right now. 

Velcro hasn't executed a date 3...I am pretty sure he's waiting on me to do that but cmon, you failed on date 2 and I am the girl here...This isn't date 5 or something. 

^That shit makes me miss Antonio because our next date was always discussed on the current date. None of this pansy, horseshit. #growapair

I think I'm gonna suggest hanging out with Chase tomorrow night. He invited me over last night but like I said, the desire level was low plus it was the finale of my favorite show. #priorities 

Lunch with Antonio...I also might suggest for tomorrow. Why not torture myself a little more? #funmistakes 

XF wanted to come by tonight, I said nah gracias. Let's give this some breathing room & I didn't suggest the 60 day cut-off yet. Why? Well, as fucked up as it all sounds -- he's been really receptive to my feedback on what I need from him in order to even potentially consider a life together nowadays. I also told him to lose some damn weight because flabby isn't doing shit for me. #realtalk 

It is so fucking cold in DC my motivation to do anything besides sleep, eat, and workout is minimal to none. I HATE COLD WEATHER. 

Gimme the freaking sunshine and spring, pleaaaaaseeeeeee. 

That's about it in the world of Elle. A few Tinder Toads are blowing me up but nothing that inspires me to actually show up/put makeup on/put on a parka/move. 

I've been contemplating how I want to spend my final year in DC and I think it might be time to live solo again and say farewell to Arash. It's been a fun two years but I am missing my independence and not having someone to clean up after. 

Sorry this is short, I promise when the snow melts I'll become fun again.

Til then...

Fuck you Storm Stella. 

xo xo,

​Elle

1. Velcro is basically in love with me already. Everything I say he calls "adorable" with the kissy face emoji. Yawn. Couldn't you have feigned a little less interest so I'd be more interested? I'm guessing he's waiting on me to determine when date 3 is but I am waiting for him because he totally failed at planning date 2. I don't wanna have to do it all. Teaching you how to kiss properly will be time consuming enough.

2. Chase has been texting all day. Suggested a snow day rendezvous at his new place to break in his brand new bed...I am quite content in my own bed with no makeup, in my pajamas. The sex was good but his personality is ... so I'm in no rush to get to rendezvous 3. Maybeeee later this week. 

3. XF wants to come see me tomorrow before he flies to California Thursday. Let me put this at the top of the list of things I don't want to happen. I am STILL mentally exhausted from Sunday night, why do you even wanna see me? I feel like when they sense you need space, they smother you even more. Why is that? 

4. I am supposed to get lunch with Antonio this week. I know, I know we weren't supposed to be talking. He snapchatted me Friday and ever since, it's back to chatting as normal. I should re-name him in my phone as "a fun mistake" so every time I wanna snapchat him I am reminded of exactly where I stand. Also, it'd be kinda funny to keep seeing "a fun mistake" has sent you a snapchat! Fuck it, I'm changing it now. 

Proof ^.
Not letting myself fall down this rabbit hole again. No, no, no, no, no. 

My tinder has been blowing up but in typical Elle fashion, I went on so many dates last week that I have no energy to go on any this week. 

I know it sounds dumb but I kinda wanna meet someone and just "click" with them. Velcro was so uptight on date with his legs crossed and arms neatly folder in his lap, Chase was a freaking interview both times, Velcro second date was a moron moment of failing to make the correct reservation + the shaky tongue make out situation. IDK. Neither scenario left me anxious for more. Can't really think of a date when I have felt that way since Cyrus actually. That was one hell of a first date. 

In need of some good topics to write about SO please comment or email me if you have something you'd like to hear about. 

xo xo,

​Elle

Today - Time for your favorite topic of conversation, relationships! The theme of the rest of the month is dynamic duos, as messenger Mercury flits into Aries and your seventh house of partnership today until March 31. Whether for business or pleasure, teaming up be gratifying—and profitable! There's no reason to go it alone now, so if you're single, stay open! If you join forces on a creative or professional endeavor, put the terms in writing, for both your sakes.

My monthly horoscope told me that March 12th would be a big day for me relationship wise. 

Holy shit, that was yesterday...

And a big day it was. 

BUT
It wasn't supposed to be. 

XF had been up my ass about seeing each other and I found a new restaurant I wanted to try so he offered to take me Sunday. 

We dine well together, why not? 

Well, what started well did not end that way. 

He shows up looking great (dressed perfectly as always) with a TON of my favorite flowers. 

Hooooray to a Sunday funday that begins with flowers!

We head to our first destination for a pre-dinner snack and some champagne. 

That's when he sees my tinder app has 1 notification. 

"So you're still on tinder..." 

Sigh. We are not together, you knew that. Why are we even going to discuss this? 

The mood shifts and I desperately try and get back to the good vibes. 

Finally, he warms back up to me. 

As the night goes on, we end up arguing here and there about things of the past.

By the time we are in the uber, headed back to my place - we are both crying. 

JESUS how did this escalate so fast?! 

We go to bed angry, he's sobbing, threatens to leave and drive home, I talk him out of it and the whole night is just complete shit. 

I remind him how I was girlfriend of the fucking year prior to him letting me down ten thousand damn times. 

I remind him how his fucking fantasy football draft was more important than being present in the moment when meeting my ENTIRE FAMILY. 

And how he didn't tell his cousin to fuck off when she was berating me at Starbucks or how he didn't deck her in the face when she asked him "how he could ever handle being married to someone with Muslim blood." 

Yeah, I am still bitter as hell apparently.
It only really shows its ugly head when too much alcohol has been involved but geeeeesh, we went from a good time, to a decent time, to a really fucking bad time. 

He's out of town for a few days (thank God) and I think I am going to suggest a 60 day detox where we just cease communication and see how we feel after 60 days. 

This is all too much. I need to let go of my resentment towards him (whether we get married or not) it's the healthy thing to do and I MUST find a way to achieve that. 

Just thinking about XF makes my head spin. Bleh. 

Anyways, off to get some work done and battle this horrific hangover. Stay tuned for date 3's with Chase & Velcro. They're not planned yet but I feel them in my future. 

xo xo,

​Elle

So Mia & my college bff...he goes ON about how he's got such a massive crush and then....

crickets. 

FML, I hate you right now bro. 

My tinder Bruces...where to begin.

Bruce #1/Chase didn't ghost me afterall. He texted today to check-in. The sex was on point but meh, he didn't leave me wanting more of his introverted personality. Could see a nice hook-up buddy situation in our future but I don't think he's my next boyfriend. 

Bruce #2/Velcro didn't wear his geriatric shoes last night! (small victory) instead he wore his Nike gym shoes...I guess he has an injury so that explains the weird shoe situation. I'll let it slide now that I know what is going on. We had our second date last night and we met at the bowling alley. He was 15 minutes late which I didn't appreciate considering I hauled ass to get there on time (my workout ended at 7:30pm so I had to drive home, shower, makeup, hair, uber all within an hour) and I DID. Then we go to get our lane that he told me he had reserved andddddd the idiot made a dinner res, not a bowling one. "I did it on opentable" -- ummmm dude, you can't reserve bowling on opentable. PLEBIAN. 

So we have a drink then decide to go do hookah. Our uber can't find us so we are running around outside foreverrrrr (it's freezing) and finally I tell him to just cancel it and let's get a taxi. Finalllllly he agrees, we grab a cab and go. We go to get out andddd he swipes his card to pay...denied. Hmmm....that's no good...I know these things can happen at awkward times for no good reason so I'll pretend I didn't notice and keep moving. 

We are at the hookah spot having great conversation and he leans in to kiss me. He does this weird tongue thing where he moves it back and forth (left to right) really fast. Uhhhh...what are you doing Velcro? This is weird...

We kiss a handful more times, same thing...

It's now midnight, I've got an early workout in the morning, his kissing has kinda turned me off despite him being a very attractive fella (those muscles...). We are right near his apt and I tell him I'm sorry but I need to get to sleep, I am exhausted and I've got a workout in the AM. He thinks I'm lying about the workout and that I am trying to ghost him or something? IDK the whole exchange was really insecure/annoying. I told him I don't wanna sleep with him tonight, he says we could just cuddle, I say I'm no good at that, sorry but I gotta go. Side note I am also INSANELY hungry yet again. I've had 2 drinks and no proper dinner post gym so I NEED to get home and eat. (Which is exactly what I did, no shame in that game) 

I will go on date 3 with him, I will likely hookup with him (might as well see what it's like) but I don't see a long term thing with him either. The whole Jewish bit really fucks things up. He might pretend to be down with a non-Jew for awhile but then when it comes time to get married and have kids...I can already see the argument arising on how they'll be raised, etc. 

I just wanna find someone who is fine leaving religion out of the equation. 

I was supposed to meet that surgeon today but I am kinda over dating for the week. Four dates in seven days is kind of taxing especially since I went from zero dates for the past few months to this. 

I hate to admit it but I miss Antonio. We would text daily and now, its silence. I'm mad at him for going back to the ex, I'm mad at him for calling me a "fun mistake", I'm mad I ever let myself like him to begin with. 

He's not even as hot as my dates this week have been but that doesn't seem to matter because while I sit around with Bruce #1 and #2, I wish I was with Antonio. 

Praying that feeling ceases ASAP. It's only a matter of time til his ex starts posting cute shit with him tagged on fb. (atleast shes ugly?)

kiiiiilllllll me now. 

My tinder dinner party went well! Arash made some friends and we all had a really good time. Ah, the friend zone. A wonderful place indeed. 

Sorry this post kinda sucks, my head has been in the clouds alllllll weekend and I'm distracted for no apparent reason. 

xo xo,

Elle

PS no 3rd dates set up with Chase or Velcro. Stay tuned...

I know I am on the very extroverted end of living and somehow, I keep finding introverted guys. 

XF was, Babak was, and Liam was. That is over six years of my life (combined) dating introverts! 

It's safe to say, I prefer the extroverts. 

Bobby, Nate, Jake, Antonio, Rami. Alllll on the E scale of life. 

Life is just more fun with someone who is outgoing and brings energy to a group. 

My second date last night with Chase...decent but IDK if I can go down this introverted trail again...especially on the heels of Antonio who I didn't have to babysit in social settings. 

So plans changed and Chase wound up coming to my house for a glass of wine before we walked to dinner. 

I was actually really nervous (which doesn't happen to me often). So he comes over and I get him into my bedroom with the excuse that my roommate could get back at any moment so let's just hangout here. (Not my smoothest move but whatever) 

So we lay in my bed, chatting, drinking wine and I am asking alllll the questions. 

Sigh. This is kinda how date 1 was, I don't want it to be silence unless I am pushing the convos. Finally he sets his wine down and goes in for the kiss. 

Not bad, not bad. (but I have had better) 

That continues for awhile (loveeee a long makeout sesh) and then clothes are off (as expected) anddddd hello sex. 

Lemme just say...every single guy (except Nate) that I've hooked up with since splitting with XF has been a magnum. I went my entire life prior to this encountering just 1 of those. Then allll the sudden, they are everywhere I turn. 

The sex is fantastic. We totally connect and it's an A+ situation on the first try. 

We decide we should get up and go get dinner but then he starts kissing me again and oops, round two is happening. 

It's tough to find a guy who can recover in under ten minutes but Chase did and he did it WELL. 

I could get used to this. Even Rami couldn't pull a move like Chase just did. 

Finalllllly we get dressed and walk to dinner. We realize we have even more in common than we thought ( both only children with divorced parents face alot of the same challenges apparently) and it's kinda nice to talk to someone who understands. I've never dated an only child before so this is new terrain and I kinda like it? 

Dinner once again feels like an interview (me asking, him answering) and I'm growing weary. We finish up dinner, walk back, he calls an uber, we kiss for 2.5 seconds, I thank him for a fun night and said let's do it again soon? 

A bittttt of an awkward ending... 

So let's see if this guy ghosts me or if he's just really hard to read. Date 1 I had no idea if he was going to ask me out again or not andddd he's admittedly an introvert. INFJ and I am an ENFJ. 

I went from being 60/40 to 50/50 on him. The physical stuff is there but I am looking for a bit more than that. 

We shall seeeeeee....

Tomorrow is date 2 with Velcro, kind of excited to see what shoes he wears, not gonna lie. 

More lata.

xo xo,

Elle

Geeeeeeeezus. 

My pharmacist is stunningly handsome, 6'4, bright blue eyes, dark haired babe who I have been flirting with for approx. three years. 

He's Egyptian and completely wonderful. His downsides are...he's been divorced and he has a child. Obviously I'd prefer to be someones first but sometimes you meet someone that you'll bend the rules for. 

He is that guy for me. 

So I walk in yesterday and none of his staff are in yet. 

First thing he asks, "are you married yet?" 

(He knows I am single and dating.)

I laugh, "of course not. Are you?" 

"No, I was just checking. I am not feeling well today at all. Come give me a hug."

I walk towards him and hug him. 

"Give me the hardest hug you can."

I squeeze tighter. (Mind you he is crazy tall and I'm only 5'7)

"Mmmmmm....so good. Can you come twice a day, everyday?" 

Damn, that's the most flirtation I've gotten from him. Must be because the staff isn't around?

"If you shave this beard, I'll consider it." 

"What?! You don't like it? The older ladies love it."

"Well this younger lady doesn't" 

(He's 35, I am 28 so not a huge age difference.)

Then he says, "you should come babysit my son. He's so cute and you love kids." 

(He's my fb friend so he sees the dozens of photos I post with my angelic little cousins) 

He whips out his phone and shows me a few photos of his son. He is really cute. Is this babysitting ploy a way to get me to come over to gauge if I can hang with your kid/determine if you could date me? 

Hmmmm....

"I'd love to babysit, he's adorable, and I love kids." 

Then a customer walks in and I depart. 

The connection is there -- ASK ME OUT, good Lord. He's probably overthinking this x10000 because I send my clients to his pharmacy and if it didn't work out, it could be awkward. 

He is also super jaded because of his ex. 

Sigh. 

Probably not the smartest tree for me to bark up but he's so kind and so gorgeous....butterflies even thinking about him. 

Egyptian is also my favorite flavor. 

Onto things that are actually occurring: tonights second date with Chase. 

He called me last night (which is crazy, who makes phone calls anymore?) and suggested I drive to his place and we can walk to dinner from there. His voice is incredibly hot and he is a baaabe. I am excited for round two with this guy. :) I also woke up to a text from him about music and the exchanged ended with, "can't wait to see you tonight!" Eeeeeeee! 

Date 2 with Velcro is Friday. I gave him a get out of jail free card for our date. He mentioned wanting to raise his kids Jewish and I'm not anti-Jew but I am anti raising my kids religiously. I wasn't and that let me decide as an adult if/what I wanted to label myself as. I intend to do the exact same for my kids. So IDK if it's a deal breaker for him but it is for me. He wants to keep the date so we shall keep the date. I guess we can dive deeper into this then?

Talk about a crazy week of dates. Saturday I have another new one with a surgeon I matched with yesterday. He seems funny and assured me his shoe game is on point. (I changed my tinder profile to read, "a connoisseur of all good things & a big fan of guys with stellar taste in shoes") So far, the shoe part has started a lot of fun tinder chats. I guess I can thank Velcro for that one? 

LASTLY - Antonio and I were texting yesterday and he referred to our Saturday late night hookup as "a fun mistake". Ummmm...no. Not saying the bathroom sex was meaningful but no. He also said not to put my life on hold for him. Uhhhh do you know me? Sure as fuck am not doing that. So I am cutting communication. If he contacts me, I'll reply but no more sending the first snap or text. FUUUUUCK that. Go take back your ex and get back to being basic already. Stop prolonging the inevitable, damn Bruce.

Anyways, wish me luck tonight with Chase, Thursday with my dinner party of X tinder dates, Friday with Velcro, and Saturday with surgeon. 

#slayallday

xo xo,

​Elle

Those shoes bro...never, ever again. 

I am watching. 

xo xo,

​Elle

What do you do when...

You have a pretty decent date who is wearing a custom suit and looks pretty legit but then
you notice he's wearing these shoes and you feel like vomiting instantly?

I shit you not.
Custom made suit and geriatric, velcro shoes.

Before we reallllly dive deep into this shoe dilemma, let me explain the rest of this date. (fun fact, velcro just texted me to say, "you probably already know this, but you're a boss kisser."- aw shiiiiiit, catching feelings already)

I show up at this trendy restaurant, STARVING because I worked out early and didn't eat prior so I'd actually have an appetite for this date. I walk in and he's sitting at a table so I assume he is feeding me.

Wrong. 

"Hey so I'm not really hungry, are you good with just drinks?"

Um no motherfucker I am starving but now this is weird so...

"Oh yeah, I'm not hungry either - I'll just order a drink."  

FML. 

I am one of those bitches who gets hangry. I have to eat every few hours because 1. I revamped my metabolism and by doing so, you have to eat/snack every 2-3 hours 2. When I don't eat, I get restless and irritated quiteeeeee quickly, it's not a good look. FEED ELLE. 

So we are chatting and velcro admits he's a republican.

Well, fuck. I would've swiped no but you didn't have that in your profile. He admits most girls in DC swipe no on republicans which is why he omits it from his profile. 

Antonio's profile read... "a bad hombre looking for a nasty woman" and instantly I knew, he had his head screwed on straight. 

But anyways, back to velcro. 

So he tricks me into that one but explains he's not a Trump supporter. Ok, ok...

Then we discuss religion.
He's Jewish and wants to raise his kids that way but doesn't care if his wife is. 

Ummmm...not gonna raise my kids religiously soooo yeaaaah...

He does want to move to California soon...
okay, I can fuck with that. 

He's wearing a custom suit, also fuckable. 

Since he knows Arash we had planned for him to come back to my place and surprise him. We both drove so he follows me back and we outline our plan. 

"Let's walk in holding hands, I'll yell at Arash to come out because I think I met my soulmate, he'll come out, see you, freak out, you say I think we are gonna get married, this girl is perfect, he can laugh and it'll be great." 

We essentially stick to the plan and Arash is shocked. We all hangout for a bit on the couch and that's when I notice the shoes....

Oh these shoes are enough to make you want to jump off a bridge and end it all right now. 

A CUSTOM SUIT WITH VELCRO, GERIATRIC SHOES?! 

I can't believe what I am seeing...

I do have a weird fetish for guys with great taste in shoes (Gucci/Ferragamo/Tod's loafers are really my kinda scene) but I can deal with a basic Nordstrom loafer...

What I can't deal with is this shit. I can't stop staring and it makes me feel kindaaaaa sick. 

The dudes catch up on life and finallyyyyyy he goes to depart. Our date began at 7:30pm and now it's 10:30pm and I haven't eaten since 3pm...Hangry level is at an allllll time high + I feel sick after seeing this horrrrrible shoe.

I go to walk to him to the elevator and he says....

"So this is what I think we should do...you are amazing and I'd love to see you again, I know I dropped the Republican bomb on your head so I understand if you never want to see me again." 

I sit there silently and ponder my next move....

Those shoes are pretty horrendous but he was a nice enough guy...

How do I break this tie...I am verrrrrry 50/50 on him. 

So I move in closer and kiss him. 

Yes, I kissed him first. 

It was pretty good so I decided hey, let's give this kid one more shot. If those shoes appear again though...I'm gonna have to call this one quits. 

So I pull back and say, "I think we can do a 2nd date...if you were a bad kisser my answer would've been no because who wants to waste their time." 

Then he kisses me again. This time it's even better. 

"So I know you have a second date Wednesday...free Thursday?" 

"Actualllly Thursday I am having an ex-tinderfella dinner at my house so Arash can make some new friends..."

"You're kidding, right?"

"No, these guys were great but just not my type so I friend zoned them and I think Arash will really like them both so I invited them all over for dinner Thursday."

Silence.

"Damn, you are adorable and absolutely hilarious. I'll let your schedule dictate date #2 then..."

"Perfect, I'll check my calendar and let you know. Ciao, ciao!" 

Like I said before, I am very 50/50 on this guy. I wasn't sold on Antonio after our first date either but I'd say he was more a 70/30 situation and obviously by the end, he really grew on me. Chase I am 60/40 on but he's insanely attractive so I'm thinking he's gonna jump the leaderboard. 

You never know what will happen and I am working on being more openminded. Maybe velcro will let me throw away all of his shoes? 

Here's to hoping?

xo xo,

Elle

Imagine you have a perfect glass vase. It's flawless and beautiful. Now imagine you drop it. A few pieces break but you are able to glue it back together. It still functions.

Imagine you drop it again. A few more pieces break and you glue it back together again. It's not as pretty as it was but it still works. 

Imagine you drop it a third time. The broken pieces are so small, its hard to get them glued back together and the bigger pieces aren't fitting with the small anymore. When you're done trying to put it back together, water seeps from the edges because you've broken it one too many times. 

This is what happens when you go backwards and try to fix things with an ex. 

It's clearly on the forefront of my mind due to Antonio/his ex + my situation with XF. 

They only broke their vase once so there is still hope for fixing it to a usable standard...

Me on the other hand....well, we have broken x3 and the more I try, the more the pieces aren't fitting and the feelings aren't coming back like they used to. 

After we broke up the first and second time...I felt paralyzed. How will I ever live without him? How will I ever find someone better than him? The third time? I was ready to never see him again. Sure, I had weak moments but my mind was made up that this was finished. 

Of course he comes crawling back (they always do) and I caved and spoke to him. After five months, caved and saw him. 

Fast forward 8 months and the vase is still leaking water. Despite hiring a professional to put it back together (his therapist) we still can't keep the flowers watered and alive. 

As much as I want this to work with him...the more time that passes, the more I realize I think there is someone else out there for me that I'll be more compatible with...whose love language will align with mine. 

It's a sad realization to come to but slowly, I think that's the direction I am headed. 

This is why it's so important to hold onto what you have, when you have it. If you let the vase break, there is no guarantee you'll get it back together and even if you do, it'll never be as beautiful as it once was. 

I don't blame Antonio for trying to put the vase back together again...it's so fucking hard not to. 

But now he has me...and I think I am a risk he feels might be worth taking...
​
Let's see what he does. 

xo xo,

Elle

PS tonights date recap will be posted tomorrow AM! 

What a weeeeekend. 

Friday was a much needed girls night that involved way too much rose & pizza (not diet goals) and Saturday was an evening of debauchery. 

Friday night: let me start by explaining the back story - I texted Rami earlier Friday, I miss you. He replies, I miss you too, I haven't had sex since you left. Ummmm I left Sunday...that's not exactly a feat? Granted, I have had sex since then but thats not important. So I ask, well what are you going to do about that? He replies, "IDK I've been thinking about that lately...."

THEN I get a call from him.

"HEY babe!!! I just had a coffee date and a lunch date but I don't think I will see either girl again. They both talked too much, not my type." 

Uhhhhh why are you calling to tell me about your dates? Clearly I like you enough to fly across the country to hang out with you, sure I don't think we are gonna date exclusively but cmon, a little common sense here bud... He then tells me he plans to come visit me in April in DC, he wishes I was there, misses all the sex we had, wants to see my lingerie collection, etc. I'm in the midst of girls night, this kids gottta gooooo. 

Once the girls leave, his best friend facetimes me. I'm kinda buzzy from all the champagne so I answer. I explain what Rami said and how stupid it all is. He tells me Rami likes me the most and talks about me all the time and was so happy to show me off at his birthday. YAWN. This is stupid. So we hang up and I text Rami, "just facetimed with M." He texts that he isn't going out with them.
"With so many girls, you don't need to go out."
"Cmon I don't! I don't stay in touch with them."
"Coffee and lunch."
"But nothing happened. I would rather be with you than out." 

I fall asleep. 

I awake to, "helllloooooo"
"hiiiiiii"
"someone is upset...."
"no no, all is good. fell asleep last night texting you" 
"I know you did, it was late for you. Don't be upset please. I don't like to see you sad because of me. Breaking someones heart is easy."
"You won't break mine."
"I don't want to do that to you"
"You can't, don't worry."

UMMMM what kind of fucking moron are you?! Break my heart? Really?! EW that would imply I love you which I 10000% do not. Fell into a lapse of judgment lust but beyond that, I give zero fucks about you Bruce. GTFO of here with this breaking heart b/s. 

If anyone is getting hurt in this, promise it won't be me. 

Don't you love when guys underestimate me? 

I sure as hell do. 

SO now it's Saturday night. I scoop up Mia from her house and we head into the city. 

I tell 7 friends who pretty much only know me to show up at a bar. Somehow, everyone shows up, gets along, and it's a fantastic time. 

I also successfully set Mia up with my college bff Tim. Setting Mia up is next to impossible because she is quite picky (sorry love you boo) and we know all the same people (OG best bitch since HS). They clicked and made out (such a win, I am so fucking happy) sooooo stay tuned for how that one pans out...my fingers are crossed as tight as humanly possible. Besties dating each other would be $$$$$. 

Now
onto the real story....
Antonio. 

Shows up after many rounds of drinks and I am annoyingly excited to see him. We had planned 100% for Sunday spin but Saturday I wasn't too sure about it. 

Ew Elle, get a damn grip. You were his back up option, you cut him off from the physical fun, YOU are now his FRIEND with no benefits. 

That stupid giddy feeling in my stomach is undeniable though. 
Fuck. 

Everytime I see him I get that feeling. Maybe it's because I can't have him completely? Perhaps I like the thrill of the chase with him too. Whatever it is, I really want to feel it with someone who I can actually date and fall in love with. 

So far so good, we are doing well in the friend zone.... until I ask about the ex progress and he sighs. "I don't want to talk about it...it's been a bad with together." 

"Are you back on, 100% now?" 

"No. Not yet."

"Why not?"

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Honestly Antonio, this girl is the reason I can't have you and as your back up option since November, you're gonna fucking talk and explain wtf is going on. Spill." 

"Elle, you're stuck in my head. I don't want to have sex with her, the attraction went away or something, IDK how to fix it. I don't want to lose her, she's a great person and I love her friends." (I am shortening a very long convo, FYI) 

"Well...I am a pretty decent human being and clearly, my friends are legit as well...we could be happy Antonio...I really like you, I wanted to date you. I haven't dated really since I met you, you were enough...but don't compare me to her. She is beautiful in a different way than me, she has to be for you to date her and who knows if we dated, we could wind up hating each other...two years in vs four months is very different."

Jesus drunk Elle, SHUT UP. Cringing at myself as I type this. 

"You are amazing and I didn't know really where I stood with you...You are so beautiful and you challenge me...I love talking to you. IDK what I am doing."

"Don't go backwards then...."

Stop begging him like some pathetic loser. JFC - someone slap me.

And then I think I kissed him. I don't remember the moment/how it all began but I do remember sitting in a corner, on his lap, kissing fiercely. Damn, this chemistry can't be made up...I can't stop myself. 

We decide it's a good idea to get condoms. We leave the bar to go to 711, buy some, walk back into the bar, go to the bathroom and have some hot, crazy, quick sex. 

I liveeeee for sex in crazy places (this bathroom was insanely clean) and oh man, Antonio is so aggressive and MMMMM I could get used to this. It's a magnetic attraction. 

We leave the bathroom, go back to the corner, get back to kissing and before we know it the lights are coming on in the bar. We look at the time and it's 3am...Jesus, how did it get so late? 

We grab an uber, he hops out at his spot, and I go home solo. 

Then before you know it, it's 9:30am Sunday and we reunite for that spin class. Note to self, stop fucking scheduling weekend AM workouts, unnecessary torture, being fat and well rested is better than thin and feeling like death. 

We kept discussing how we really thought we'd be able to do the friend thing...he also admitted he was a bit too excited to see me but really felt he'd be able to resist. 

Once I saw him and we started talking I knew there was a 0% chance I could sit there and not kiss him. I'm usually pretty good at keeping my shit together. I even had the persian tinder toad show up so I'd be more inclined to avoid Antonio. I told my friends, keep me away from him, I can't get attached again. 

So much for that plan.
​In the midst of the Antonio rendezvous I made sure to snap chat a few key photos with hot persian toad. Rami and his friends were watching my every move and he had texted me a few times to which I didn't respond. Sure enough, the second I'd post something - he was one of the first to watch it. Proof I am absolutely not falling in love with you. Don't fuck with me kid. 

So now we've covered the old...Let's dig into the new... my date tonight! 

IDK why but I have zero energy today. I feel completely zapped so I guess it's a good thing I don't have any meetings and today is my rest day from the gym because DAMN, I'm a zombie. 

Last night was a date night with XF.

He shows up with my kitty cats that he happily babysat all of February and hands me my Valentine's Day gift which was incredibly thoughtful AND useful. 

Has anyone ever stayed at a Westin hotel? If you have, you'll notice their lobby and hallways smell insanely good - always. 

Well, I am kind of obsessed with perfume, candles, diffusers, etc so XF got me the Westin White Tea home diffuser which is quite pricey and so thoughtful! 

We've never stayed at a Westin together so for him to know that their hotel scent is my absolute favorite is crazy! Clearly, I loved the gift. 

(Guys, you gotta come over and sniff my apartment, it's soooooo gooooood) 
So he kept saying, "wheres my gift, wheres my gift?" And I kept telling him he's too hard to shop for, etc. 

SO finally we are laying in my bed and start kissing when his hands start to wander. I take off my sweatshirt dress and expose the lingerie I'm wearing. (If this isn't an effort to spice things back up, IDK what is) and I say, here's your gift, unwrap me. 

We have mediocre sex, get dressed, and head into the city. 

We hop around to a few different locations for drinks and food. We catch each other attacking the other at random, stupid points throughout the night. 

1. (before we left) I went to grab a cat from the backseat and he jumped past me, leading to a crazy game of cat and mouse through my parking garage and XF was ready to murder me. Clearly I didn't mean to let the cat out/didn't think he'd run - this isn't ideal for me to be running around in lingerie under a sweatshirt dress....I stayed calm and he kept calling me an idiot. We didn't handle it well. 
2. I asked about his friends wedding and he thought I was asking about someone who is already married to which I replied, "no dumbfuck, they are obviously already married." That was a bit much for a simple mixup...My bad/wtf is wrong with me? 
3. The uber dropped us off nowhere near our destination and he goes, "Jesus Elle, can't you fucking put the address in?" Ummm jackass, I may suck at directions BUT I damn well put the address in, I've never been to this restaurant thus I didn't realize he dropped us in the wrong place. "Let me type it in, I don't trust you" -- You don't trust that I know how to spell the name of the restaurant? DAMN, blame the goddamn driver, not me. 
4. He said something romantic and I asked a completely unrelated question which then "killed the mood". The way he says romantic things, never come across as romantic and thus they don't really register for me. Once again, my bad. 

This is a random interjection but my aunt in California asked me when I was home if I'd be with XF if he wasn't successful and smart. I instantly said no. He doesn't fulfill enough of the other things I want in a partner for me to say yes. She then said, you have your answer on what you need to do. I'm not with XF for $ but I am not attracted to stupid guys who aren't highly ambitious and driven. I don't want a mediocre life. I've always known that mediocre is exactly what I want to avoid (Looking at you Liam). I feel like a power couple with XF and we have all the same hobbies/interests (except I like the gym more than he does.) I felt like a gold digger after my aunt asked me that so I decided to tell XF about the convo, word for word. I told him without his success, I'd be out the door. He said, success draws me to you too, I would've never dated you if you didn't have a career/weren't really ambitious. SO we are equally guilty in this which did make me feel better but also made me sad that maybe we value the wrong things in each other. Today he showed me my engagement ring stock account fund...I'm not going to share the amount but it's a little insane. I think he knows he can play those cards with me and remind me that no one else can bring to the table the stability, common interests, ambition, and kindness that he can. When I saw that account I felt sick and wished he hadn't shown me. Don't use these things to draw me in, I wish I didn't know. It also made me think...maybe I could be happy with a guy with a small house, a mediocre ring, but who provided the best emotional and physical connection. Butttttttt I really just want it all. :( 

A part of me thinks we will never be able to fix this emotional intelligence bridge between us. I am very high on the EQ spectrum and he has virtually none. I know therapy takes time and I am giving it to him BUT it is really taxing to be patient and not lose my temper every few minutes. At one point, I was thinking about Rami and how it's kinda nice his english isn't perfect because it leaves less room for argument. Isn't that terrible? 

Anyways, I think that our underlying issue with the sexual disconnect is my discontentment with his EQ. IF that can drastically improve, so will the sex.(thats the underlying issue that therapist suggested) I was telling a friend today how I'd really like him to lose some weight and tone up...and she said, when you really love someone, you don't notice their flaws like that - there is an underlying issue that losing weight won't fix for you two. And she's right. I remember Bobby had the WORST acne and everyone was baffled at how it didn't bother me but Bobby fulfilled my top two love languages, 100% - (words & physical) so his acne was never on my radar. I really loved him. 

What sucks is XF is trying. He will say nice things and tell me he loves me but the way he executes it seems forced/isn't romantic at all. He does this sing songy "I loveeeee you" thing that I find absolutely infuriating.  

Luckily, he's traveling for a lot of March so I will have more time to keep overthinking everything, dating other people, and enjoying my singleness. 

On that front - I've talked to Rami a littttttle bit (nothing notable, book a flight already - I miss your body), I am seeing Antonio for a spin & coffee friend date Sunday morning, I have a date with a new tinder toad Sunday evening, and two more toads lined up for the following week. (one toad studied with Arash and the other knows/works on a start up with one of my business mentors...)

Lastly, I reached out to Rams to hang as friends. I think enough time has passed that we can actually be cool/he is the nicest guy so I'd like to keep him. Also successfully turned another tinder toad (persian fella, idk what we named him) into my friend and he's been up my ass to hangout too. Maybe I should hold a meet up with all of my tinder toad friends? I could surely fill a room. ;) 
(gold stars to G and Sam for being my favorites)

That's about it in the wild world of Elle. Wish me luck on Sunday's date...he is quite a story but I'm gonna save it all for after we've met.

xo xo,

Elle

Does anyone else ever annoy themselves?

Ugh, today I am just on a roll.

1. I miss Rami. Why? That is so annoying. His english is terrible and we likely would not workout long term due to all the lifestyle differences. Make it stop.

2. XF and I keep arguing about the dumbest things. Today I was getting gala tickets for an event I donated to for their silent auction so I have to go. Last year I took XF and he had a supremely mediocre time. The best part of the night was the cute photos we took at the event, otherwise he was a lousy ass date and the event had a lot of potential to be really fun. I liked that Antonio could make anything fun. We went to a terrible gala together but made the best of it and danced/laughed the night away. I wish XF could just do the same so I don't feel like I'm carrying around deadweight that I need to entertain. SO then I tell him the tickets are expensive this year and I think I'm gonna go alone. He said he'd buy his and I said no, you didn't have fun last time don't worry about it. I don't want him to feel burdened and suckered into spending money on something he has no desire to go to. Then I mention how when I am out with my friends (I typically only go out-out 1x a week) that I feel bad if it gets expensive because he always remembers/recalls an evening "oh yea, that expensive Sunday Funday where we went on a bar crawl." 

Why can't you say, that really fun Sunday where we did a bar crawl? It's all about how someone says something. 

For example, if I really like your outfit and I say..."Oh that outfit looks like it's from Bloomingdales." You have no idea that I like the outfit because I didn't say that. You have no idea how I feel about your outfit because all I can point out is where I think you purchased it. 

Sometimes going out can get expensive, I get it. But I see XF once a week at the most (as of late, once a month) so when we do a Sunday Funday, I really don't wanna feel guilty about that ONE day we spent together. If it was a weekly occurrence, I'd get it. That would add up. Anyways, we get into this stupid conversation and then he's accusing me of calling him cheap, I am accusing him of being a sourpuss who never seems to have fun, etc, etc, etc.

All of this because of gala tickets? Send help. Why can't we just get along? Then he texts me, "I just feel like I can't say anything around you anymore. Everything seems to offend you, bother you, or gets used against me. I don't wanna talk about this right now but think about it." 

So I thought about it. He's right. Everything he says or does lately irks me. My fuse is so short with him these days and IDK why. I do realize it's not fair but I don't know how to fix it. 

Thus, I am annoying myself. 

That brings me to Arash. 

This jackass asks me if I need a ride from the airport Sunday. I say sure and tell him I land at 10pm. 

I land at 9:30, text him, hey just got here.

He tells me I have to uber because he has a Becky at the house and they made plans while I was flying so he didn't know how to let me know. 

Ummmm....dick move. You aren't going to pick me up because you made plans after committing to help me? And you're bailing on me for some random fucking Becky? Really?

I have left dates early to pick him up. I have showed up at the airport and waited an hour only to realize this motherfucker told me the wrong timezone and he didn't land for another three hours. 

Point is, I know my friends are more important than some Bruce.

So I get my Cali escape from him and then he pulls this shit and I am back to being at wits end with him. Great. 

I send Mia the screenshots and like the badass she is, she comes to pick me up. Uber was surging (a $12 ride was estimated at $30 with a 25 minute wait, I live about 7 minutes from the airport....just a little perspective). 

I walk in the house and Arash hops off the couch to hug me. I walk right past him and into my room. Fuck you so hard "friend." (Mind you, this is on four hours of sleep + reeking of Rami's cologne, I am just over everything at this point) 

I go shower and come to the kitchen to get water. 

"How was your trip!"
Fine.
"How are your cousins?"
Good.
"HEY IM BECKY!!"
Silence.
"Hey sorry about the miscommunication tonight."
There was no communication actually.

I grab my water and go to my room, slamming the door behind me. 

Antonio was supposed to come over and at this point, I am just so exhausted and pissed off. He was planning to drop by to hook up and then go back to work (it was already 11pm) so meh, I can pass on the quickie bootycall, just had awesome sex this AM with Rami aka I don't really need you A. 

In Antonio's praise, I did open his Valentine's Day card as I laid in bed, pissed at Arash. It was funny, it was sweet, and it made that moment quite a bit better. It was also a nice reminder that he did indeed catch feelings. Sadly, the card wasn't enough to prolong our fling. Being referred to as a second choice, knowing you are a second choice, eeehhhhh really is not who I am. Why give him the enjoyment of sex with me when I know where I stand? (PS Rami was better in bed/is insanely hot, so that helped make this decision a bit easier.)

Anyhoo, back to Arash. He locked himself in his room all night last night. I got back from grocery shopping at 5pm to find him and his car at home, I got back from gym at 7:30, car and keys still at home. I cooked for three hours...no movement. Finally he emerges to get a glass of water and then saunters back into his room, silently. 

Someone is petrified of me, someone is losing their friends at warp speed, and someone needs to fucking sit down and apologize to everyone he's pissed off lately (the list is growing). 

Until he can man up and realize he's been shitting the bed as a friend, no one is going to bother with him. I'm not going to confront this because I'm not the one who bailed on my friend after offering to be there for them. 

Stay tuned for pretty much everything. Who knows what direction this week is headed.

I need a nap. 
​
xo xo,

​Elle