After my outburst at that Christmas Party (re peppermint patty post) I couldn't get over how shitty I felt for berating someone in such a public forum AND how dumb I felt for crying. 

I guess when someone insults your family, in a VERY racist way, you never really get over that. (story of my fucking life BTW) However - I am grateful that back in that moment many moons ago -- my HS X stuck up for me and really defended my dad and I. I am ALSO so glad I didn't lash out at my HS X for anything and kept the drama based on his best friend, Bobby. 

So I wrote Bobby a facebook message because I don't have his phone number or email and I didn't feel passionately enough to track it down. 

Bobby, I want to apologize for yelling at you at a party. Clearly too many peppermint patty shots and not enough dinner (somethings just don't seem to change haha) -- had i been sober, I would've never allowed my resentment towards our past creep up and show itself. That being said, I do forgive you for the past. It really hurt me because I really did care for you as a close friend and confidant. You and I had a relationship even when HS X wasn't around and I appreciated the fun moments we shared.
Remember when we drove from X  to Y in under 20 minutes in my dad's old car? Or when I'd get snowed in you'd come save the day in a truck so we could go get pizza? Or the days of fake id's and how you never got carded? Lots of good memories of our youth.
I wish you the best, I apologize again for being emotional and rude Saturday. I promise, if our paths ever cross - I will not be so foolish. I hope you forgive me for the outburst. Glad the air has been cleared and I wish you and your lovely family a great 2016. Praying for your dad as always.
Best, 
Elle

So at least my conscious knows that I attempted to right my wrong. He replied with....
I am also very glad the air has been cleared, and I understand being emotional, I know I have done it before too, lol. I am truly sorry about my actions, and I do miss our friendship as well. -Bobby

What's funny is when I sent the message, it pulled all of our past messages up and the one prior to my apology was from 2/24/2010, Bobby saying...
Hi, I'm really sorry about what I did/ said. I hope your having fun over there, and I would love to be able to talk to you again.

I had completely forgotten about this but he had posted on facebook a rant about how "it must be nice to be rich and travel yet be unemployed all at the same time." 

Which was directed towards me.
I had just begun my semester in DC which was how I spent my last semester of college and was having a good time. He was/is a car mechanic who works endless hours and gets paid poorly. His life path is not my fault so wtf dude, sorry I am smart and taking advantage of the opportunities I worked hard to have. Keep your resentment to yourself, you jerk.

I commented back on the rude post, told him to publicly fuck off and never spoke to him again. So he posted that when we weren't on good terms of talking (I just hadn't deleted him from FB yet) and then boom, he digs himself in the grave a little bit deeper. Mind you, he never apologized for the Osama comment.

The annoyance of this FB post never even crossed my mind in my drunken fury Saturday -- all I could remember was that July 1st, many years ago when he destroyed our friendship with one, hugely detrimental and heartbreaking comment. 
I may have a tough shell, be a big shit talker, and have a streak of mean girl embedded within BUT that doesn't mean I don't have feelings too.

So whatever - I made a fool of myself, I apologized for what I did wrong, I meant what I said and now it's all over with. 

Til next year,

​Elle

Friends, readers, strangers -- thank you for joining the train wreck 2015 has been. Being able to write about it has been a lot of fun. & If anonymity wasn't important, oh there'd be so many great photos to accompany these posts so maybe one dayyyy we will get to that point. 

I want to re-cap a few of the key players in the blog this year incase you haven't read older posts and are confused when you decide to do so. (I mean obviously who doesn't want to know all the dirt and shit talking?) 

1. Elle: Yea, I am narcissistic and introducing myself first. I author the majority of this thus I am the queen bitch of the blog. I am 27, entrepreneurial, might wind up spending my life with two cats, and I am half persian/half swedish. <--that factor has caused much drama in my life thus far. 
2. Zoe: Our south Florida main chick who is constantly dealing with the douchebags that Florida breeds. She's a marketing/social media guru and we have been besties since 9th grade when we nearly failed spanish together. 
3. Arash: My Persian roomie who is handsome, sweet, funny and shallow as hell. We still love him regardless. 29 years old, 6ft something.
4. Mia: Bestie since 11th grade. We met due to our first loves/douchebags being friends. We ditched them, kept each other and now live down the street from each other. She's a big time journalist, 27, blonde, and sassy.
5. G: Our only male contributing writer! We became friends after a series of tinder dates when I was on a break from the X factor. He's pretty sarcastic, tall, Jewish, and smart. Actually, way too smart. 

​X List

1. X Factor: Armenian fella who was the inspiration for the blog. Has racist parents. Pretty much sums that one up. 30, not terribly tall, great teeth, pretty smart.
2. Liam: Broke his heart into 2903234890 pieces, lived together, met dancing at a club one night, nicest person on the planet, Greek, super tall, 34, engaged to a fug ex cheerleader aka my polar opposite.
3. HS X: first love, character in the peppermint patty downfall, cheated on me on my birthday way back when, dated for close to five years, bla, bla, bla. 
4. Jake: Summer fling of 2015. Too cheap to buy me a drink at happy hour. We did hot yoga together. He still calls, it's weird. 

So if you're just tuning in, here's your guide to working backwards. If I forgot anyone, I apologize - the medicine is getting to my head (double ear infection).

I wish you all a happy and healthy New Year!!!
XO

Elle

What do you get when...

You attend a holiday party that you haven't been to in four years, deal with your X and his little sister, drink 100 proof vodka, see an old friend who called your father Osama Bin Laden on his birthday at a party (&  never apologized), and are overwhelmed with high school nostalgia and nausea? 

Well, you take copious amounts of peppermint patty shots (choc. syrup + peppermint schnapps), call the asshole ex-friend who equated your dad to a terrorist a stupid redneck, cry, drink some more, and leave at 3/4am? (don't worry, I didn't drive) 

Yeah, I was trying to be the better/bigger person and that really just didn't workout. At first, all was well. Then in an effort to be nice to my HS X's little sister, I went to chat with her about her life considering I hadn't seen her since she was in high school and clearly we used to be pretty close considering I dated her brother for roughly five years. 

That stupid little brat takes after her evil mom and decides it'll be fun to tell me how much everyone adores my X's fiancee and how she is JUST like their mom. Well, being just like their mom is quite the accomplishment considering that woman is insanely racist and rude pretty much all the time. Zoe and I went to my X's grad party from HS and Zoe is also not white -- that went over really well. She wouldn't even speak to my Zoe. X's best friend was Mexican and BOY was that drama. For majority of X's life, his mom despised his best friend. She just really sucked like that. 

So she continues on this love story towards X's fiancee and I just keep saying, "wow that is so great, wow so nice, wow great." THEN she goes, "weren't you engaged awhile back? I could've swore I heard that." 

NO I WASN'T FUCKING ENGAGED. "No, that wasn't me...curious how a rumor of such would start though? Who told you that?"

"Oh, no one -- must've mixed you up with someone else!" 

BITCH. 

That stupid conversation lasted at least 20 minutes until I found a great excuse to flee. 

Fast forward 40 minutes and my darling X asks about my new business which involves planning proposals. That leads to hearing about his proposal. Noteworthy part: "I'm sure your clients want a professional photographer but I was able to set up a camera myself so that the moment would be perfect and no one else would be there to witness our special moment." Oh, thats just so lovely. That explains the ONE POS photo you have to document your proposal -- nowwwww I get it. 
He continues on this story and tells me how intricately he planned, thus needing a service such as mine would be useless because "he is very creative and thoughtful on his own, unlike apparently all of my clients." 
Necessary? I think not. He could've told me his boring ass proposal story without taking digs at me. Finally, I see an out and bolt from that convo back upstairs for more peppermint patty shots. Saveeeee me peppermint shots of goodness. 

Fast forward - X's bestfriend who is a total redneck and an old friend. I always had a soft spot in my heart for this kid. And to his defense, when I needed him - he always came through. We spent a lot of time together considering we lived down the street and his best friend was my boyfriend. If I got snowed in, he'd come dig my car out and take me for pizza, if I needed an oil change, he'd gladly do it and never charge me for it. (He is a mechanic fyi) I set him up with his first and likely last girlfriend. I genuinely cared about this asshole.
That allll changed one summer from college....
It was my dad's birthday and we threw him a big party in the backyard. All of our neighbors and my dad's friends were there - My X and his BFF came. It was a really nice night. We then left the adult party to go to a college party in the woods at someones home. We are standing in a group of people we hadn't met before and I mentioned we just came from my dad's birthday party. 

X's POS friend goes, "yeah, it was like Osama Bin Laden's birthday today -- her dad is like a middle eastern terrorist." 

I excused myself from the group, went to a bathroom and started crying. Not only is  my X's mom racist as F but his best friend whom I also consider a friend is?? How in the world have I been so close to him and not known this!

X came to find me, he nearly punched his friend in the face and that is the moment where my friendship and respect for X's BFF died. Since then, I have never invited him to a party/event, spoke to him, etc. 

Well, enough pepermint patty shots and BOOM I am in his face. "WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? I CARED ABOUT YOU AND YOU CALLED MY DAD A TERRORIST. WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN YOUR HEAD!!!!" 
Thats the short version of what went down. Then I start crying (WHY AM I CRYING?!) and the whole thing was just fucking stupid. Why did I go to this party? To embarrass myself of course. That is legit the only thing that was accomplished. 

So - I forgive the dbag, no point in holding onto anger. I am so happy I am not marrying my HS love and his family (not like X factors fam is much better) but yeah, it all worked out in my benefit and I can clearly see that now. 

Best part - I went into this party thinking I would drink responsibly and not make a fool of myself. That was short lived.
Fucking peppermint patty.

Elle

Arash really is a mess. A cute, funny, entertaining mess. 
Recent dating drama:

Goes on date 2 with Ivy. 
Movie night at her house which he assumes will mean one thing...
boom boom in the bedroom.

Sure enough, it happens.

We had a girls night at the apartment so when Arash returned at 8am the next morning, we were all ears for the dating run down. 

Arash: "Well, we had really bad sex. She just isn't fit enough. Saggy boobs and no muscle definition. It just wasn't working out down there...."

Girls: "Well, thats no good -- show us a photo again, we forgot which one this was."

(whips out her bumble profile)

Girls: "ARASH, THIS GIRL IS A SIZE 0-2 AND IS VERY FIT. WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! YOU MUST THINK WE ARE ALL ENORMOUS HIPPOS IF YOU THINK THIS GIRL ISN'T FIT ENOUGH!!!!!!"

The wrath he got himself into still has not subsided - I always tell him that he is too shallow and if he keeps it up, he will never find happiness or he will wind up married to a crazy asian bitch who likes dressing up as a panda. 
Either scenario is bad news for his long term happiness. 

Well, he said that the "tinder effect" is why he is so shallow. So many hot girls, so easy to snag, why settle for a size 2 without a six pack when you can get a size 2 WITH a six pack? 

UGH. Someone send help. 

He's claiming to be on a dating hiatus again... Let's see how long that lasts.

Luckily, I have plenty of material to keep us going. 

Sorry for my hiatus - my "real" job was insane during the holidays but now we are back on point. 

Stay tuned for my HS X/first loves engagement story and backhanded insults. I saw him Saturday night and was happily reminded why I miss pretty much no one from high school, especially him and his poor, poor sense of style and grooming.

xo

Elle

Is absolutely the funniest ever. 

He had a date on Wednesday and Thursday -- both seemed like duds but the story of Thursdays is definitely worth discussing. 

We also have a new tradition that after every date, he hops into my bed and tells me all about it and we determine if he should see the girl again. So far I have voted no on both because he doesn't seem very interested in either.

So Thursday I get a text, "OMG Elle, I have the funniest story for you!!!!!!!"

I get home and he is spazzzzzzzing out! 

"Arash, what is going on!?"

"Elle, you aren't going to believe what happened to meeee!!! (giggles, giggles, giggles)

(confused look on my face) "Okay, sooooo tell me?" 

"Well, I had accidentally double booked myself tonight so I planned one girl for happy hour near work and the other girl was rock climbing later in the evening but I got stuck in a meeting and had to cancel one date #1, I tried to reschedule to Friday but she already had plans."

(more confused look on my face) "Okay, that isn't exactly CRAAZY Arash....big deal, you're blonde and had to cancel a date?"

"No, Elle it gets worse! So I text date#2(rock climbing one) to confirm our plans and she responds, you shouldn't cancel dates, it hurts peoples feelings. I am super confused because I was confirming NOT cancelling...so I say huh??" 

"She goes, you had a date earlier tonight with my friend and you just cancelled on her....."

"OMG NOW I GET IT!!! THIS IS CRAZY!!! WHAT HAPPENS NEXT?!"

"So, I freaked out!!!! I texted Date#1 saying I didn't cancel on her for #2 I just overbooked and omg it's so funny how this happened, and awkward, and funny and Date#1 won't reply!!!"

"So cut date#1 from the roster and go on date#2 - easy elimination!"

"Yeah, but what if she pushes me off the rock wall and I fling to my death because she's so mad I double booked?! This is so awkward Elle!!!!"

FINALLY after mucho pressuring he went rock climbing. I told him I really needed blog material and he had to take one for the team lol - you're welcome.

So he came back, said it wasn't too bad afterall and she was a cool girl but he's not mega attracted to her overall even though she's "mega fit!!!". 

Arash and skinny bitches is like a disease - he needs to go to rehab.

That is all for now. We are headed to an Apres Ski themed party tonight, should be fun! 
Happy weekend!

XO

Elle

Vacationing in Mexico with my X, falling in love with my roommate, getting engaged, contemplating a career change, winning the lottery, and watching copious amounts of Gilmore Girls on Netflix.

Which of the above is true/false? 

Sorry people - I was in NYC for a weekend, came back to a chaotic week of work, suffered a double ear infection which left me drained, and finally after a reader harassed me -- I am back to the blog. 

Not too much has happened. The holidays are nuts, the weather where I live currently sucks and I am looking for a way to revamp my life in a major way. 

I've been insanely committed and consistent with my workouts since July 18th -- so atleast I revamped one aspect of my life successfully. If I could give up food and champagne, we'd be on the track to skinny but that doesn't seem to be in the cards so I will just be thankful that there's muscle on my body that wasn't there before. 

My current business situation is leaving me at a crossroads. Whether to keep on going with it or make a move into a new field. I am mentally exhausted from my current career, even after a vacation I don't feel refreshed.

I spent Thanksgiving in Mexico with the X. Was kinda convinced he would propose. He didn't. Life goes on. tis what it issss. Sigh.

My roomie is back on the online dating game -- his psycho asian ex messaged him on facebook saying, "I love you, I miss you, I want to see you." Thank God he didn't respond and is very excited for the new girls he has lined up. We are going to create a dry erase board with their names and a five point ranking scale to keep track of them all. Last night we watched a movie and he showed me each girl and asked my opinion -- it's like I am dating again too (except I get to skip the small talk and shit) :) 

As engagement seems closer with my X -- I am left pondering many major things now that the dust has settled. 
He is now able to talk about me/our plans with his parents without them throwing a tantrum, threatening to disown him or commit suicide so that's progress.
They still won't meet me and his brother is still a shit head -- did I ever tell you the story of when I met the brother?? Gosh, it was so traumatizing. Not sure if I can dig deep and get back to that day/write it down if I haven't already. Someone comment and let me know if I did or not. 

Anyhow -- I wonder if I ever want to be associated with Armenian people. When X has an Armenian friend come visit, I automatically have this distaste towards them due to how shitty his family has been towards me. It's awful! It's become a prejudice against them due to their prejudice against me which isn't healthy or conducive for a happy future. It just sucks to think there is a whole army of small minded Armenians who will want to tear me and my future family apart because I am not "one of them". We made it through what I assume is the worst of it but I don't even want my kids to have an Armenian last name. I told X that I planned to tell everyone we were Persian and drop this whole Armenian thing completely. Which I know I shouldn't say because that's mean but his parents are mean and WAAAHHHHHH.

What to do, what to do. 

Living with Arash is still amazing, gets better and better everyday. When I got back from Mexico he was still away and I was so bored and so lonely without him. SO glad he is back home. (No, we aren't falling in love) I love him but not in that other kind of way. He is perfect, I wish that situation was a romantic one but it's not and he's the best best friend a gal could ask for. 
And I only said ^ because it'd be way easier to marry a Persian who is super Americanized and has a really nice and diverse family like his. But that is not the hand of cards I was dealt so lemme get back to dealing with crazy Armenians. 

That's all for now -- stay tuned for some guest writers, some Arash dating stories, some insight as to why I think life single might be way easier than life attached, and the debate of working when you have kids vs. becoming a stay at home mom.

xo

Elle

​PS I missed writing, sorry for the hiatus!!