While the cats away, the mice will play...

What are all those suitors back east upto during my hiatus? Hmmmmm....

Well, let's start with Z, the sexy persian. He's been really amazing about keeping in touch. He's a great texter/communicator and I don't mind this text penpal thing we've got going on. Typically I don't wanna chat at this level until we've met and I know I like you buttttt this is good - keeps the momentum moving. 

It's kind of nice talking to a Persian, especially while I am surrounded by ALL Persian friends and family in California. Reminds me that it might be really nice to marry one and have little prince/princesses running around one day. I am not so mildly obsessed with my little cousins who can do absolutely no wrong haha so if I could replicate that with my own kids, ahhh life would be pretty complete. So I am confident we will actually meet when I return, after two years of tinder matching - its about damn time. 

That brings me to my next Persian....Arash. Bestie and I were discussing all of the questionably, confusing comments he's made anddddd have concluded that he's definitely got feelings for me. Arash hooked up with besties twin in February when we were both in California together and I legitimately had a heart attack and was ready to throw up. First off, besties twin is also my bestie so to see your best guy and best gal hook up...Gosh, it's so weird and so, so, so many emotions. 

I was dating XFactor when it happened...it also happened to be Valentine's Day. IDK if I already told this story so I'll keep it brief but....
We all went to a bar that I absolutely didn't want to go to, Arash was all over me most of the night and then I lost him...I go searching and searching and bam, middle of the dancefloor he's kissing bestie2. I grab bestie one, tell her I need her keys because I need to GTFO of this bar. This is all tooooooo much. 

Bestie1 and I leave, I get home and pass out on her couch, pissed as hell. About an hour later, Arash rolls in, drunk as hell, jumps on me, wakes me up and yells at me for leaving him. 

UGH. Being mad shows I care, showing I care is fucked up because I am dating someone but it's a reaction that I literally couldn't stop. It really, really hurt to see. He hooks up with people all the time, idk why this time was so hard for me. Normally I don't care... 

Greetings from the happiest place on earth...California! 

I arrived Saturday and boy do we have some stories to cover ;) 

My best best best friend on the planet just recently got out of a LTR and has been pretty broken up over it. In an attempt to lift her spirits and remind her that there IS hope out there for girls like us, I forced her ass back onto tinder and straight into a group with me. 

I landed at 1pm...she refused to DL tinder until about 4pm...We wanted to go out at 10pm...six hours to get shit DONE. I can work with that.

So I start swiping up a storm -- only accepting guys in groups. They'd message nearly instantly and I'd tell them the bar we were headed to and to meet there around 10:30pm...easier than I thought, no #'s exchanged, good, good, gooooood.

We get to the bar and my tinder is blowing up. ALL the guys I invited somehow actually showed up....apparently at the same time. So I decide to stop responding and let whichever grouper finds us first, win for the night. Smart, right? 

Meet Mo and Dan. Mo is the hot one, Dan is the not as hot one...Ugly one gravitates directly to me which is PERFECT because my bestie needs every hot guy possible in her life right now. 

BTW, both these toads are persian...yay for jumping in head first. 

Dan is AGGRESSIVE. Within 4 minutes, he's stuck his tongue down my throat. Jesus, this is what I have to deal with all night? Sigh...eye on the prize, take one for the dream team...

We discuss life, locations, works, what we are looking for, etc. He goes, "Elle, you're so perfect. What do I have to do to get you to move back to OC?" 

Me: "Ah, I'd like to but not quite yet."
Dan: "I'll come to DC in two weeks to visit, let me know when and the ticket is booked. I have plenty of money." 
Me: "We just met about 15 minutes ago, let's relax"
Dan: "When you find the girl you've been searching for, there is no waiting. I want to spend all week together."
Me: "I'm actually here for my family and I am quite busy..."
Dan: "I'd love to meet them."

OOOOOOOKay bro. Thirst level is at an all time fucking high. TAKE IT DOWN A NOTCH. 

Hello from the airwaves...I am currently somewhere between the east coast and Texas... 

If you weren't aware, tequila is my liquor of choice.

Tequila however is not my friend and doesn't love me back.

So you mix Elle + Tequila = a blurry story, every damn time.

First lemme update ya on the current sitch before we flashback to Jake's birthday....

Cyrus has been texting so I think I'll be good to go when I get back from California, I even cracked a joke about the 15 dates he probably his this weekend...fingers crossed. Just thinking about him gets me excited, kinda crazy because I am a shallow bitch and I never thought I'd like someone my own height. He is just that hot, what can I do? Oh and he's a way better kisser than Jake, which is a tough feat. Sex with both is pretty on par...oh and I have zero intentions of admitting I am sleeping with someone else, fuck that plan - bad move on my part. 

Jake and I had a quick dinner last night before I drove to my moms house...it was good, low key, and felt pretty coupley. He's like, "I'm gonna probably facetime you when you're gone...send me snaps...." His roommate is out of town, his best friend is gone and I'm gone so he's already dreading being bored to tears. He definitely makes me smile, and right now, that's pretty much all I care about. 

I fessed up and told my mom all about the Xfactor break up... I have no intentions of telling my California family the truth though. I cannnnnot fucking handle, "I told you so, you're not getting any younger, you need to get serious about finding someone, you should've ended this before it began, fuck him, etc." Don't you love when your family gets up your ass about finding a spouse? You think I enjoy kissing every fucking frog in this city? CMON...only sometimes. ;) 

SO instead I am planning to tell them, "I fell for someone else, I cheated and I had to end it. He was heartbroken." Let it end on my terms, let THAT shut them up. I'm the fam favorite so I think I can afford to tarnish my sparkly glow a little. Fuck it. Saves me from telling this story ten thousand fucking times to every nosy ass Persian in my family. (Family, if you ever read this, I love you tons, sorrrrry for lying.) 

Back to cheating...
I guess you could classify what happened on Jake's birthday in that category...

I am in no way proud of behavior like this...but people do make mistakes and sometimes you need to fuck up so you can pick up the pieces of your life and rebuild. 

​Ready? 

I will drop dead, standing by this dating/life concept. 

If you're not married, you need back-up options... My entire life of serial dating, I've always, always, always kept guys on the backburner... That meaning - when one thing ends, there's a distraction waiting close by. 

No, this doesn't mean I cheat or lie or something crazy. 

You maintain connections with guys who you've either dated at one point or whom you know would like to date you while in your current relationship. You are honest, you don't hide that you've got a significant other. You simply maintain contact here and there...

Until there's a ring on my finger, I will never leave these methods behind me. 

The back-up plan allows you to bounce back faster, be distracted by someone you already know you like and avoids the tinder downfall.

What is the tinder downfall?

You are suddenly single...naturally, you get on tinder. You find a toad, you go on a date, the date BLOWS and you run back to you ex so fucking fast it's as if you never broke up. 

A new person is a liability.
They can remind you exactly what you just walked away from and how great your ex was...

Last summer in my half assed attempts to move on I went on many, many dates. I'd come home, facetime XFactor and be like, "well, atleast I tried." 

Ummmm....No. That is NOT how you get on with your life. Not even close, nice try Elle but BIG fail on that one. 

So this time around, my back up option was Jake. He was fully aware I ditched him to get back with my ex, he watched the relationship via social media and then as soon as I showed signs of things wearing thin, he was ready to pounce. 

Now that I have cut the cord, he's obviously in the game. 

Point is - you can't put all your eggs in the basket until the ring is there. You really can't. I've seen so many friends sit around heartbroken for months over an ex, unable to move on, unable to let a new guy in and that just sucks and it wastes your precious youth in the meantime. 

So, cheers to back up options. No shame in my fucking game.

​Elle

PS up next...Jake's birthday party, the night of drunken "mistakes"...

Jake just left, I am wide awake so might as well dive right in while it's all fresh.

So we covered me making a fool of myself to Cyrus, Arash's sexual comment, lunch date with Jake, bailing on Jake later for Cyrus, and here we are at today. 

I go to work completely wasted. I know, not professional whatsoever but my clients just got back from Italy and I really need to be there so I am doing what I must...the whole morning I am willing myself not to throw up, giggling constantly at things that aren't that funny, and my focus is completely gone. It was ROUGH. 

Around 11am, I think it'll be a good idea to text XF.... (turns out, drunken Elle was finally doing something right) 

Me: I can't decide whether we should be friends or not, it seems weird to not have you in my life at all
XF: I can't even process that right now, I am not in the mental state
Me: Do you blame yourself for this or are you blaming me?
XF: I could never blame you, I love you too much. I hate all of this. 
Me: Will you honestly tell me what was holding you back?

Basically - he finally admits that he's been lying to my goddamn face about getting engaged. Sure, his intention was there but OF COURSE WE ARE STILL WAITING FOR THE ARMENIAN MAFIA TO DROP DEAD BEFORE WE CAN START LIVING. OF FUCKING COURSE YOU PANZY ASS MOFO, I HATE YOU. 

I knew in my gut that was what was going on...I chose to deny the facts to myself which led me to always feeling a little empty inside...(shits about to get deep real fast so watch out ya'll) 

So the texts continue, I tell him fuck him for lying to my face...and I end it with...
Me: And you know what? You're a liar and you never deserved me. You are signing up for a lifetime of sadness...it's not just me being upset you lied to my face for so long - it's sad to watch you destroy yourself in the process. Your family is broken and you can't fix that. Me being out of the picture isn't going to help put the pieces back together. You'll never be able to forgive them for all of this. When you find out one day that I'm married to someone else and you're alone, maybe it'll all sink in...just how much you lost.

​NO reply. 

We have a legitimate logo now...if you're reading on your phone, switch to web version at the bottom of the page and check it out or just get on your laptop!

Next step, PODCAST! 

xo xo 

​Elle

Prepare yourself for what will likely be the the longest post of my life. The events I am about to describe are just one 24 hour period in my life. No embellishments, just straight idiocy at its finest. 

Grab your snacks and enjoy the show. 

The last we spoke I was geeking out over not hearing from Cyrus and Z cancelling the date...about five minutes later - there's a text from Cyrus and Z is texting up a storm...hmmm, all really is well?

I was getting ready for a lunch date with Jake when my phone buzzes, "Hey sexy face, happy "hump" day!" Cyrus for the winnnn!

That leads to some good midday chatter & he asks what I am doing tonight. I have plans with my friend to attend some rooftop event that he thinks I'll find some hot fellas at so I tell Cy I have plans but maybe can stop by after? He says sure, hit me up. Whew, main man done, pseudo date 3 kinda in the books all within 6 days...feeeeelin this.

Next up, texting with Z. He's fun, it's easy, we banter well, this could be legit...oh and hes SO hot. We talk all day and I find myself constantly smiling and laughing at my phone, yay he might be worth the wait! 

Jake arrives and now it's time for lunch. We go grab mexican, hangout outside and discuss our beach trip. Post lunch he says he has a surprise he thinks I'll really like...

​Hmmmm, what could this be???

We wind up at the animal shelter aka keys to my fucking heart. He knows I adore animals so this is an easy win. He indulges me and lets me pick up every kitten in the shelter, it was really adorable...major points. 

He drops me at home and says to hit him up after the event. I decide I'll make it a game time decision...go to the event, come home around 9, text Cyrus, if he answers - head there & if not, go to Jake's across the street. 

Fast forward - 
I am getting ready for this event and Arash is hanging out in my bed. He goes, "Elle, if you weren't my roommate, we'd be doing some seriously dirty things right now, you look AMAZING." 

My outfit was pretty fucking on point, not going to lie ;) 

So my friend Adi shows up and we head over to this event. He then tells me Arash was emailing him today about possibly moving in together...ummmm what? what what whattttt the fuck!? 

I thought we decided we were staying put? Are you kidding me. This sets me OFF. I have a few drinks & I am fuminggggg. All these guys are short as shit, I just want to get home and strangle Arash. So finally 9pm approaches, I tell Adi let's get home. As we are walking out I spot a tall, skinny fella in a suit who just so happens to be Jake's little brother. By little I mean he's my age. 

We go up and chat, he's like we have to snap Jake, this is too good! He snaps a photo of us together & Jake replies, "nice! put in a good word." Jake's bro tells me how he won't let Jake mess it up this time and how he really is stoked about the opportunity to get me back. How cute, I am really seeing a new side to Jake...not mad about it. I love how much he cares and I love how good I feel when I am with him. It's not the same level as it is with Cyrus but it's still pretty great.

We depart, head home and I face Arash. Yep, I am still pissed. I call Cyrus ask if it's cool if I come over, sleep over and he drop me at home on his way to work (way to be forward, right?) He says that can be arranged and we're good to go.

Now here is where shit gets crazy...

I walk into my apartment, ignore Arash, call an uber, chug some champagne (why am I doing that? I'm already drunk), pack some pajamas and contact solution and depart. 

I text Jake - "way too drunk, need to go to sleep, see you tomorrow night for sure xoxo" 

I walk into Cyrus' apartment and there's his neighbor, Yoga girl. He told me she's always stopping by his place and she's tried to hook up with him many times and he just doesn't go for it. Interesting that she's here...I was looking forward to walking in, getting naked and falling asleep but I guessss I can have another drink....

Donate to help start this PODCAST!! https://www.gofundme.com/2qtnftpg

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xo

​Elle

1. XF hasn't contacted me, so much for "I can't live without you" - looks like ya can, jackass.
2. Cyrus hasn't texted...IDK if thats a warning sign? We did go on two dates in a short timespan so maybe I'm just confused and overthinking all of it? At this point, I don't think I'm going to get to see him before I go...womp.

3. Z needs to reschedule Thursday which BLOWS. I'm gone next week to Cali land and there goes that momentum. Aghhhhh! Cyrus has hockey on Thursdays so it's not like seeing him is even an option.

4. In California I'm going to have to write about some general dating shit because as of right now, I don't plan to do any tindering over there. I mightttt change my mind, but its unlikely. 

5. I'll likely see Jake tonight, might as well since the other two are not panning out accordingly.

So am I just reallllly out of the game? If you've had two solid dates with a guy, is it weird to talk everyday? Or do you reserve the talking everyday card for when you've decided to be in a relationship?? I haven't been in post second date, awaiting 3rd date territory in quite sometime but when I step back and think about it...we met last Thursday and already completed date 2...typically 1x week is normal, I do know that much so 3 dates in 1 week might be moving a bit too fast? 

Ugh, so complicateddddddd. I know we had a connection. I know he likes me. He couldn't hide that even if he tried. But maybe he is trying? Or maybe he was seeing someone a little bit before me so now he's kind of got two girls and doesn't know what to do? I feel like that's not the case only because he said it'd be better to tell each other if we sleep with someone else vs the don't ask, don't tell policy....

Arash says, "if he wants it (aka me), he'll get it so don't say anything and let him come to you." I'm a pro at waiting for the guy to reach out, I just don't want to play this game. I am also worried I'll lose momentum with him and I was really hoping for one more opportunity to show him what he'll be missing while I'm gone so that his mind is on me during the week I am away. Also, if he ghosts me now...I WILL BE SO LIVID. 

Fuck!
As you can see - here I am overthinking the hell out of this. I swear, the second a girl likes a boy, all rational logic goes FLYING out the window. Why can't the same be true of when a guy likes a girl? TELL ME THAT UNIVERSE, TELL ME THAT. You don't see dating blogs written by guys now do ya!? There is a reason for that, main one being - guys are morons.

Also, I am really so angry XF doesn't try to text me at the very least or send pathetic emails. It's salt in my wounds after 2+ years of fighting every single person in his defense. 

So stay tuned for how things unfold....At least we know Jake isn't going anywhere. 

xo 

​Elle

This is the second week of over 1000 views for life is not a rom.com...

I guess breakups are entertaining? haha, whatever it is, not madddd about it. Thank youuu! :) 

First - today I woke up feeling sad. Second sad day I've had since I walked away...today what triggered it was the lack of good morning calls/texts...

XF would facetime me every morning at the exact time my alarm goes off so his face would be the first I saw. He'd show me his outfit and tell me he loved me and to have a great day. 

The before bed calls I have been able to overcome by busying myself rewatching Gossip Girl, tindering, and hanging with Arash but how do I replace that AM routine? 

So it's been a slow start to my day, feeling melancholy... then I get in the car, turn on my favorite country station and it's XFactor & I's "song". Luke Bryan, Play it Again. I changed it immediately but it made me feel nauseous with just the 3 second snippet I did hear. Ugh. Like I said before, we are alternating between phases of grief. 

Onto MUCH hotter news...

Well...the moment everyone has been waiting for has finally come...

IM ENGAGED!!!!

That sad, doomed, depressed feeling has arrived. 

I survived a full week without it and then one phone call changes everything. 

XF's bestfriend called last night...told me that XF has no plans to contact me and will respect my wishes. 

AKA he's fine ending this crazy fucking love affair via text.
I sent the last message saying, "its not enough." 

I 1000000% expected a phone call that evening after work to try and work it out and talk...When that didn't happen, I was like holy shit...this is real...? 

The next day I finally decided to tell people so I couldn't backtrack on this...accountability I guess....

So a full week and no calls, no emails, no surprise visits. 
He sure seems torn up, doesn't he? jokes.

Do you think he was waiting for me to pull the plug so he could sleep at night knowing that it was "my choice" and he didn't do anything wrong except "not agree to a timeframe?" 

Did I just get played??? 

Shouldn't he be calling me daily, trying to make contact. Shouldn't he be miserable?? 

WTF IS THIS. 

He kept saying, "I know you're the person I want to spend my life with"....was that all just bullshit? Wouldn't you fight to keep that person? I fought for you, why can't you do the same for me? 

I just don't get it. 

Elle

Well, just as I am beginning to acclimate to this new life where my facetime isn't being blown up by Xfactor every 35 seconds, things take a turn...

1. Jake facetimes me....this has to be a butt dial because hippies don't seem like the facetiming type....?
Ignored.
I doubt he meant to do that.

2. Remember when I said Arash said something interesting the day I broke up with XF? Aka 1 week ago today...

Well, here's that "thing". 

We were in the kitchen making dinner and I said, "I think you might miss XF more than I will, you two were backgammon drinking buds."

Arash: "Haha, no I won't miss him. It'll finally give me time to move in."

Me: "Huh? Move in on what?"

Arash: "Nothing." 

Does this mean you've been waiting for my relationship to crumble so you could swoop in? Naaaah, there's no way... 

Or is there?
-----
So let's jump back to Jake...

While reading my horoscope for the week...
​
"There’s more proof that Cupid's in your corner with the week's energy building up to Thursday's full moon in Aquarius and your fifth house of romance. Chemistry that's been bubbling in the background for the past six months could brew into an alchemical love potion. No matter what the outcome of the attraction, it will be a huge a relief to FINALLY cop to your desires. This full moon fans the flames of passion for coupled Libras, too. But there could be a little drama before Thursday. Make a point of clearing the air so that you can celebrate a romantic high as the workweek wraps.
Lose yourself in songwriting, painting, clothing design…whatever calls your name. With techie Aquarius guiding this lunation, you might even sell your work online(or start a podcast?). Are you ready for a style upgrade? This glamorous full moon could inspire a dramatic change in how you package your persona. Unleash your trendsetting ways on the world—critics be damned. Get ready for your close-up, spotlight-stealer: You could take a well-deserved walk of fame over the two weeks that follow this full moon. Don't wait to be discovered, though. Grab the reins and self-promote!"

Don't even try to tell me horoscopes aren't real. DONT EVEEEEN.

xo

Elle

In the past week we have had over 1000 views...goes to show that when I show up, so do you. 

I know 1k isn't a TON but for an anonymous blog that isn't advertised or properly SEO'd -- I'm pretty damn surprised! 

So thanks :) 

XO 
​Elle

I am a huge believer in astrology and numerology. If you're too stupid to know what either of those are, I refer you to this thing called google. 

Whenever I am feeling particularly lost in an aspect of my life (work, family, friends, love) I check my horoscope. With incredible accuracy, it always speaks to my current scenario in detail...if I have a work issue, my horoscope legit addresses "issues at work or business" -- it blows my mind every damn time. 

I think if you believe them, they speak to you....IDK. Anyways, my favorite source is Elle.com (fitting, right?) 

Check this out for this month's scope
(this is just a snippet but it's so accurate) 
​
"Solo Libras could meet someone who makes you feel butterflies again. Indulge in your feelings, even if you get a little caught up in these emotions. Enjoy the rush. Just be sure to watch your reactions, as the full moon here can also dial up the drama.
On August 22, the Sun slips into Virgo, spotlighting your twelfth house of closure, rest and healing. Duck under the radar and prep for Libra season, which starts on September 22. The next four weeks are your annual review period, to look back and take stock of all that has transpired since your last birthday. It’s been an intensely emotional year, since Jupiter has also been in Virgo since August 11, 2015. Spoiler alert: lucky Jupiter moves into Libra for 13 months on September 9— all the more reason to clear the decks of any lingering baggage now.
You may need to wrap up some loose ends in a relationship, possibly extending the olive branch to someone who disappointed you—or moving on if you’ve been irreparably betrayed. No matter how deep that knife went into your heart, only you can decide to take it out (and stop following them on Instagram while you’re at it). Your high sensitivity might mean that you need alone time, or that you have to skip out on a raucous social engagement because being around too many people makes you tired. It might be a bit of a “womp-womp” buzzkill to downshift to this chill pace, but it’s all part of the larger plan, Libra. Accepting your life as it is now will open you up to signs and synchronicities from the universe (http://www.healyourlife.com/6-tips-to-help-you-notice-synchronicities-in-your-life). Your intuition is razor-sharp, so pay attention. Trade struggle for surrender. This time is easier when you “flip over and float”

My Libra profile is also SPOT FUCKING ON.... Gwen Stefani is my libra celeb and GWEN IS MY FAVORITE PERSON EVER. Since I was a kid I've wanted to be her + I love her new beau Blake Shelton...this is seriously worth the read...prepare for your jaw to D R O P.

It's not like someone died, guys. 
Thanks for asking though, I appreciate the insane amount of support & love - you are all amazing at reminding me....
1.what I deserve
2. what I wasn't getting
3. that I absolutely made the right decision 

You know those people who get into a relationship then fall of the fucking face of the earth because they're so in love? Yeah, they suck and when things go south - they have no one to turn to because they alienated themselves when they were madly in lust. 
I have always worked my ass off to maintain my friendships and not be THAT girl. 

Times like this, it really pays off because damn, life is so much better with amazing friends around. So consider that your warning, friends come first. Just think about Blair & Serena and get your shit together. 

So anyways, I am fine. No tears shed, no drunk texts sent (no desire to do that surprisingly) and no he has not reached out. 

When I am feeling sad I go back and read our last text exchange and remember exactly why I made this decision and it reaffirms me. This is a new strategy I've employed and guys, I highly recc. it. Normally I go and delete all traces of an X from my phone and my life...but that leads to reminiscing and remembering only the good things vs remembering the reality of the situation. So I get sad, I read the texts, it slaps sense back into me and BAM I continue being a boss bitch at life. 

The next NEW strategy - the 30 day plan. You do literally whatever you want for 30 days straight. No excuses, just do, do, do.
So far I...

How to mend a broken-ish heart: 

1. Tequila.
Tequila is basically the glue that holds your life together. It lowers inhibitions, makes you a more jovial human and typically ensures you're the life of the party. Who doesn't love the life of the party? 

2. Tinder.
Tinder now has a group date option which is THE BEST IDEA EVER. I always want to drag friends on dates and now we can endure the hilarity together! I legitimately cannot wait for a grouper & yes that means you'll soon get tinder stories becauseeeee BITCHES IM BAAAACK. Oh and Tinder is just the worlds biggest ego boost, so many thirsty guys in one place...like uhh hi, take a number and get in line bro. 

3. Snapchat.
There are SO many ways to torture your ex via snapchat that are deeply satisfying. Pro tip: block your ex ASAP after dumping him then snapchat questionable things, like his photos in your garbage can, you at a birthday party with lots of attractive men around, drinks with mystery people, etc. THEN watch the screenshots take place as his friends keep tabs on you for him and text him ASAP what you are upto. It is basically the best form of torture...no direct contact, you seem like you reallllly don't give a fuck because you blocked him & his friends are responsible for rubbing the salt deeper in his wounds - not you! 

Entering day 3 of no communication, so far, so good. 

ta ta for now! 

​Elle

PS I can't do Bachelor in Paradise recaps...the show is so fucking stupid I simply can't dedicate time to watching it/thinking about it. Sorry, but I promise you're not missing anything. 

We are now on twitter so 
GO FOLLOW US NOW!!!!! 

@lifeisnotaromco

(not enough characters allowed for the whole name, annoying - i know.)

if you have twitter & don't follow, you absolutely suck and i hate you. If you don't have twitter, get one. 

you know you love me... x o, x o, tweet, tweet,

Elle

"Guys hate timelines, timeframes, ultimatums..."

Guess what I hate? 

1. Guys who need timelines, timeframes, ultimatums
2. Guys who fuck with girls emotions (you are all guilty)
3. Not feeling secure in my relationship and thus seeing the need for a fucking timeframe/a piece of mind

So much for keeping it a secret.
Lying to my friends is just way too difficult & being honest means being accountable for my decision which I guess is the logical thing in this situation....

You guessed it
I fucking dumped him
via text. 

Classy, I know. 

I would've done it on the phone but we were both at work and he kept saying "lets talk later" and I said not a fucking option, we will talk NOW.

He couldn't give me ANY timeframe in which we would get engaged and after this amount of time, a bullshit ring shopping day, and more patience than I even knew I had, I told him to fuck off. 

I said it more eloquently than that, I didn't get emotional, I kept shit simple and to the point. 

My last message read, "its not enough."

He never replied. Hasn't even tried to call/email...which is fine. Doesn't show much grief on his end though, does it?

I cried for maybe 10 minutes before I dumped him when we were on the phone but after that, I was fine. I've been mentally preparing myself for this since June 1st...I've distanced myself this summer aka a lot more time spent without him than with and I really have tried to understand my emotions. 

However, he really had me fooled this time that he'd made up his mind. He promised we were going to be engaged by the 2 year mark and that shit was a done deal. Even Mia felt like things had shifted and she hates X factor.

2 years, 2 months later....nada. 

When is enough, enough? 

I know before I had been rushing it. It'd only been 1 year and a rocky one at that...looking back, it wasn't the time to put a ring on it. 

But now? 

Everyone keeps asking me if this is realllllly the end. 

Well, for once I called the shots and it had nothing to do with his family being crazy. So I think we have actually entered new territory. 

The only way I will even look at him is if there's a giant ring, meaningful apology and a proposal that blows me out of the water. 

aka the odds are fucking slim.

Now it's time to pick up the pieces, find Mr. Right Now & enjoy every last second of my summer... crying never did accomplish anything so I won't be doing that.

Fuck emotions, no time for you pesky bitches.

xoxo,

Elle

PS Arash the roomie said something verrrryyyy interesting last night...stay tuned for that post next!