I am writing this now which can only mean...

I survived 90 minutes of 120 degree yoga with Jake.
Hallelujah. 
I am lightheaded, exhausted, feeling spacey, no appetite, and I might be slowly dying. Not too sure.

But it's over. And it really wasn't as bad as I expected. 
Afterwards,
He went home to shower after and then came to hangout at my place. We watched tv, talked a lot, hooked up, and went to sleep. Overall, a good evening.

However - right before yoga class the X factor facetimed. I answered in my bikram yoga outfit and he asked, "what are you wearing and where are you going?"
Me: "I have a bikram yoga date tonight, I am nervous - I told you about it before."
X: "Date?!? You don't like guys who do yoga, you like manly men, what the fuck!?"
Me: "I am trying something new, it could be a whole new chapter of Elle."
X:"This is stupid, call me after."
Me:"I can't call you after, we are hanging out after."
X:"What do you mean? You'll be all sweaty and gross, and need showers."
Me:"My house has a shower you know..."
X:"He isn't going to come over to your place...."
Me: "X, he has ALREADY been to my place. Remember that whole leading a double life thing I mentioned last week? Well this is it."
X:"I can't handle this, I can't talk, I gotta go" (looks visibly ill) 
Click. 
Facetime ended.

Inflicting misery on my X is NOT my intention. But WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK HAPPENS WHEN YOU BREAK UP AND CANT MAKE UP YOUR MIND?

I sit around all day and do nothing?
I wait for you anxiously to grow a pair and MAN up?

NO.

I am too young, and too hot to sit around waiting for him to wake up. 

I am still "waiting" in a way (til Aug 1) but as you all know - I have been hitting the dating game hard. So he is an idiot to think that I've went on 1000000 dates and liked none of them. 

Wishful thinking, doc.

Anyways, let's see when I see Jake again. He's slowly growing on me. 
Ahnd also texted - hopefully seeing him this weekend as well...and PRAYING he kisses me, good grief. 

That's all for now,

Elle

Tomorrow night I am embarking on ninety minutes of hot, sticky, sweaty, bikram yoga. 
On a date.
With Jake.

Yep, the hippie, chill, tall, skinny dude. I actually like bikram yoga....but I haven't done it in about four years -- and I have never done 90 minutes of it in the presence of a guy I am sleeping with. 

It's going to be interesting to say the least...
1. he is way skinnier than me
2. this was HIS idea and it's his yoga studio
3. I don't look/smell cute when drenched in sweat 

I was worried our differences in lifestyle, personality, and pace were going to be a dealbreaker for my summer fling but as it turns out -- bikram yoga might seal the deal on him losing my number. Will this be rejection #2 of my summer?

It's likely I will...
pass out
die
melt
turn into a tomato (100% chance)
smell & look like complete ass

all the while, this 6'3 dude will be twisting himself in pretzel formations with ease.
&
What does one wear on a hot yoga date?
I am NOT fit enough for shorts and a bra - let that be known now -- can I google this?

I'm allllll about my fitness this summer but this might be taking it one step too far.

Or maybe, this is one step closer to the new Elle. The one who wears tye dye, chilllllz, and does bikram yoga on the reg with her dude (because hippies probably don't do labels/boyfriends.) 

THAT'S unlikely though. You can't sweat out persian genes. 
(plus who would want to?!)

Wish me luck,
Elle

There you have it. Compilation of the douchiest things I've come across this week.

Xo

Elle

As you remember, a few weeks ago Mia went on a speed dating adventure and was kind enough to chronicle it for us. 

Long story short it was a big waste of time/disaster and she highly does not recommend it. 

A friend of mine, George is a loyal reader of lifeisnotarom.com and decided he'd share his side of things...to say the least, it's a tad different than Mia's experience.
-----
A couple of weeks ago another loyal LINORC reader, and friend of Elle, gave a woman's perspective on speed dating. It started me thinking, and talking to Elle, about some of the speed dating misadventures I've had. Now, none of them were terribly dramatic; they mostly include 3-5 minutes of awkward conversation and small amounts of hope in obtaining a match (and/or smaller amounts of disappointment in getting or not getting the match). My plan to have a female friend go with me and get into a mock, huge fight when I rotated to her table never did materialize.

The night in question began a few days earlier with, of all things, a Tinder match. A seemingly pretty, energetic, and fun girl and I were exchanging messages and I pitched going for drinks. She countered with a different day, on which I said I was busy. It turns out that she was invited to the same speed dating event (the Jewish community in DC is fairly incestuous). I got the brilliant idea of meeting before the speed dating, having a drink, and then walking over to the event together.

As one can imagine, this was a plan doomed from the start. 
The brief sketch of the speed dating pre-date was:
1. Me waiting for her at a fun wine bar down the street from the speed spot.
2. Her texting that she was running late and, after I offered to order a drink, saying she does not drink beer or wine so she'll just have water. (BORING)
3. Me calling an audible for a new place.
4. Her TEXTING ME TO TURN AROUND instead of merely walking up to the table where I was sitting (Elle might edit out this part: her Tinder pictures were clearly taken about 20-30 pounds ago).
5. Walking into the speed dating and not looking in each other's direction the rest of the night.

The "organizers" of the speed dating were pretty terrible and it was taking a long time to get things set up. This allowed me to get a bourbon or two and ease into the right frame of mind to have high-pressured conversations with strangers. During the hour-plus while we were waiting to begin, I started talking to a group of people, including one very hot girl who actually seemed to have her shit together. I assumed I would rotate to her during the speed dating so I was uncharacteristically casual about getting her number (more on that later).

I did start talking to a very cute, and age inappropriate, girl and another guy. The event was starting soon and she was not in the group I would be talking to. So, I got her number before she went to sit down. Nothing materialized there, but the guy standing next to us looked like he was just punched in the kidneys. I felt sorry for him due to his look of defeat but also kind of enjoyed it ...due to his look of defeat.

I rotated through the speed dating and it was typical. Short conversations that don't get much past the initial "resume" questions. A few stand outs were:

1. A woman I have known for years, clearly trying to match with me. She's fine but if I was interested I would have made that clear anytime during the dozens of occasions I've met her. I don't blame her; I blame guys who would actually be interested in a woman and not simply make that clear.
2. Circling back to a third woman I talked to during the waiting time. We did not match but in a strange turn of events, she friended me on Facebook. In another turn, she never responded to my Facebook message and did not de-friend me. Good stuff.
3. The highlight of the evening was J. She was fun, flirty, confident, and smart as hell. She was actually slightly less attractive than some of the other girls and some of the women I usually date but I was more than convinced to spend some time with her on another occasion. Therefore, I got her number after the speed dating was over.

I wound up taking her and her friend home (not like that, sicko) since they both lived within one block of my place. (Oh and sadly, I did not wind up getting the very hot girl from the beginning of the nights number on the way out, as I had planned.)


So the recap for the evening was: 
one worthless drink-date, 
a very long delay in getting started, 
one cute girl's number, 
one defeated guy, 
one missed opportunity, 
one Facebook weirdo, 
one fun girl's number, 
and leaving with two girls.

In summary, speed dating is a lot of fun if you approach it for the inevitable hilarity that it is. I highly recommend giving it a try!
-----
Post Script: J and I went to a Nat's game, got on camera during the game, and we had so little chemistry that I didn't even try to kiss her good night. 

Post Post Script: I ran into J's friend at a courthouse. She remembered me, and not only did I completely blank on the friend, I could not remember J. In fact, I could very well be making up that initial.

So here's to hoping that these guys never find/read this....
Because if they did, pretty sure I'd lose both pretty damn fast.
&
this is likely my most incriminating post thus far.

Are you intrigued yet?

First let me tie up some loose ends -- 
1. I finally went on a date with trauma surgeon Tuesday. Nicest guy but so damn boring I couldn't get home fast enough. Poor guy thought we had a GREAT date and is still texting me to see me again...I'm not going to ghost but I certainly will not be going on another date with him. zzzzzzzzz
2. I went out with the guy I met from the bar Saturday on Wednesday - Jake. We had sushi, went to his place, kissed a bunch and I went home. He is SUPER mellow, laid back, go with the flow, etc. His apartment looked worse than my college X -- but despite all of that he is interesting, loves persian girls, is a good kisser, is very tall and lives 5 seconds away. Also a good texter which is noteworthy.
= a  great distraction/summertime fling? perrrrrhaps.

Now let's dig in to last night.

I was in the mood to celebrate and have some fun. I launched a new product and was really excited from the initial feedback I'd received. 
Problem was - I had no plans and my main crew all had shit going on.

X factor offered to take me to our sushi spot to celebrate, but I didn't want to drive all the way there, plus it never ends well with us because we circle back to...
"we should be together, we should be dating, your parents are nuts, stop living your life for them, bla bla bla bla."  SSDD (same shit, dif day)

Then I remembered Ahnd had texted earlier in the day asking when I was free. So I replied back and said tonight, Sunday and next week. 

He said "great, drinks tonight, 8pm."
Boom, that was easy.

andddd yay for date #2, he was pretty great on date #1 so its nice to see the momentum moving with this guy. Plus he's Indian and I find him very, very attractive. 

So we go to the waterfront and have drinks and WOW is this guy hot. On date #1 he wore glasses and had shaved -- so he looked young ish. 
Last night -- whole different story. 
Scruff, no glasses, really well dressed, YUUUUM. 
He is also really funny and engaging. He tells me how he grew up in the slums and was in the Indian military which is a good job for someone from a tough background. He quit the military to pursue medicine which is highly competitive in India. Before coming to the US he worked in Bangkok in engineering and drove for Uber. 
He is so humble, smart, self made, funny, hot. & he gets better and better the more we talk. 

So he goes to the bathroom which happens to be really far from where we were sitting and I get a text from Jake. I ask what he's up to and he tells me he's drinking trader joes wine at home watching movies and I should join. 
Being the snob that I am - my first thoughts are 1. TJ wine is = the worst headache ever+I'm not 21 anymore 2. I don't watch movies, I can't sit still that long, zzzzzzz.
Because I've had two drinks at this point I suggest he pick me up from Georgetown in 30-40mins and we can go from there. He accepts.
& Ahnd is back. 
I tell him my little cousin from Iran is visiting and has my car (I ubered so I could drink) and she will pick me up but I don't want him to meet her because she's a gossip queen. Sketchy story but he buys it. 
He says he'd like to meet the cousin but understands why I'm not down for it. 
Fast forward - 
date is ending...is he going to kiss me? I hope he does - if its good, I'll be excited to see him again....

No kiss. So lame. 
and here's Jake.

I hop in and he pulls me in and gives me an amazing kiss. This guy is highly sensual and affectionate -- mmmmm.

I suggest we go to my house this time. 1. it's nicer 2. no roommates 3. I just cleaned so I look like a functioning adult 4. I am kinda drunk, life is easier if we are at mi casa.

He doesn't object. And as I sit there, 
I realize I am breaking all kinds of rules. 
(Rules keep my life functioning, I am typically pretty strict on them) 
1. seeing the same guy twice in one week
2. seeing him twice in two days (damn, who am I?)
3. inviting them to my apartment (never do I ever)

So we get inside and we talk, I open a bottle of wine, we are cuddled on the couch and the more I drink, the less I remember. I hadn't had dinner so a total of four drinks in maybe four hours and I am wasted. Definitely not acting like an adult at this point. 

We are kissing, then clothes are coming off, then we're having sex (that I barely remember) and somehow we are then asleep in my bed. Going to sleep I don't recall even for a second. 

We wake up today and my cat is driving us nuts. Typical AM routine. I get up to feed him and feel like I might be dying.

HOLY hangover. 

Then I start thinking....
rule 4. don't let guys sleep over - broken, rule 5. don't sleep with people you're not exclusively dating - broken. 

Ugh. 
So I crawl back into bed and plop on Jake's shoulder. I can't remember what we talked about last night...I hope the sex wasn't terrible because I was wasted...could he tell how drunk I was? Must make no mention of this severe hangover to avoid looking like a party animal. What story did I tell him as to who I was with in Georgetown? 

Le sigh. 

He starts kissing me. (omg I have morning breath, you poor guy - this is gross, send help, send help)
Then my clothes are once again coming off...
& boom, now we are having sex. Thankfully I am no longer drunk so I can actually gauge if it's any good/if I will want to do this again with him.

It was decent. 
Jake is my polar opposite. He is super tall and skinny, really relaxed and mellow, has a very small group of friends, no actual sense of style or aesthetic, and all of that translates to how he is in bed. He's not crazy intense like I am - more sensual, slow, deep. When he kisses me it feels like he is so connected to the moment. 

I am completely A-type. 
I like my sexual rendezvous to be high intensity, super passionate kissing, rawwwwr. Just wild. 
I am short and curvy, high energy, love style and aesthetics, huge groups of friends, packed social schedule and my mind never turns off. When I am kissing someone, I'm typically thinking about something vs just getting lost in the moment. (that part is annoying but it's just who I am) 

So this was just something a little different than my norm. But then again, I no longer have a "norm" because I am single so wtf am I even saying. 

After the rendezvous, he kissed me for awhile then put his clothes on and departed. I pretended like I was going to get ready and go to work...reality - I cancelled my meeting and crawled back into bed because I was/am THAT hungover. 

Way to be an adult, right? 

Ahhh forgot to mention that the X factor facetimed me about 10000x last night. I kept ignoring it, it was awkward because Jake kept asking who is calling me so late at night, I said it was a California friend - time difference, you know, nbd.... 

So far today Jake's texted - he went to this weird, hippie, high school where everyone got to decide if they wanted to go to class, no shoes required, no grades, etc so he sent me a news article about it. Makes sense why he's so damn relaxed all the time. I sent him a link to my HS -- all girls, college prep school....not exactly hippie friendly. He's like, "well it's clear why we are such opposites." YUP, couldn't have said it better myself. 

Hopefully being such opposites isn't a deal breaker for him.
I think he's great, I enjoy spending time with him, I love kissing him and I wouldn't mind getting to know him more. I don't foresee him being my future husband but right now it's okay to just have a guy you enjoy and hangout with. It doesn't have to be all marriage material, all the time. <--that is a real departure for me - I have been so laser focused on finding the right guy to marry that I am exhausted.  It's summer, I just wanna have FUN. With strings, without strings, with my future husband, without - whatever. 
(shit, maybe this hippie/mellow mindset shit is rubbing off a little)

Ahnd has also texted. 
"We need to see each other again soon."
I said, "agreed."
He's great. and did I mention hot? 

mmmmmm.

So here's to playing the damn game with NO shame.
Have a great weekend.

Elle

This weekend was an eventful one. And not in a bad way. 
Back from Turkey, feeling good about life and scheduling all those postponed dates, and shockingly none of them were douchebags! (who knew it was possible?)


Date 1:
Friday
First up we have TB. 30 years old, lawyer, military background, 6ft tall, born & bred white boy. 
We both live in the same area we so decided to grab drinks nearby. He suggests this dreadful Irish dive bar and in an attempt to not be a complete snob, I say OK.
He was pleasant, good conversation, but no actual chemistry. We took a walk outside because the bar AC was freezing me to death and he had the perfect opportunity to kiss me as we sat on a park bench under the stars - but he didn't. So that made it clear to see we were both on the same page. Just not that interested.
He walked me to my car, we hugged and no words since. 
Simplicity at it's finest. 

Date 2:
Ahnd, 30 years old, 5'11, internal medicine doctor, from India, doing residency here. 
We began talking Thursday and by that evening we had planned to meet Saturday. We plan to meet at one of my favorite bars in the city (his idea), & instantly I am looking forward to this one. 
So he's dressed perfectly -- nice loafers, dark jeans, white shirt. He's Indian which = tall, dark, exotic, + handsome. Oh and smart, he's a doctor so that's kind of a given. 
We each drank two dirty martinis and talked for 3 hours - it was a great date. He was so much fun, easy to laugh with, we told each other stories that were far deeper than just first date - his grandmother happens to be a big time bollywood star which of course intrigues me - he shared family photos and I felt like I really got to know him. 
Only downside I can say is he definitely talked more than he asked, but it's hard to get that 50/50 ratio and I'm thankful he wasn't shy or boring.
End of the date I told him I was headed to meet friends and he said, "I can't wait for date 2, I am so glad girls like you exist, you give me hope in humanity. What should we do for #2?" I playfully responded, "you're the guy, you'll figure that one out." 
No kiss but he did text later that night and on Monday evening. 
Let's see if he makes date 2 happen....

Date 3:
Well he wasn't a date. I met up with my girlfriends at a bar and when we walked up to grab drinks, two guys beelined towards us. I hit it off with one of them and we wound up talking for the rest of  the night. And kissing. And ubering back to our homes together. 
Deets - Jake, 28, real estate flipper, 6'3, and born and bred in my area. He was so calm yet funny and down to earth. I haven't met someone in person in SUCH a long time, I found this to be so thrilling. Like a blank slate, no preconceived notions of what they'd be like, no apprehensions, etc. 

Physically he wasn't precisely my type (really skinny and I prefer bigger guys) but the fact that he came up to me, was really nice, had the guts to kiss me repeatedly in public, was affectionate in the uber (but never creepy) and texted me the next day == all major points. And I was a bit tipsy, two martinis and two vodka soda's deep + no dinner means I wasn't exactly thinking straight. I neverrrrr leave my friends at bars for guys, but then again, guys rarely approach me in bars so it's new territory. 

We are going on an actual date tomorrow and I'm actualllllly looking forward to it. Fingers crossed... 

Lastly,
I had a date planned for Sunday with this trauma surgeon who just moved here from South Carolina but I had an event come up and had to postpone so I will be meeting him later tonight -- we have talked for far too long now (due to me canceling date 1 & going to Turkey) SOOO let's see if he was worth the wait. Definitely seems like the most mature of the bunch. 

The guys who got eliminated/blocked this week I'm going to do a lump post on.

Time to go pick out an outfit and polish my tinderella crown,

Elle 

How I feel today.

Sigh.

Today I logged into my email to find an email from Mia regarding the concept of Ghosting on someone you're dating. 

The New York Times article, which I highly recommend you read - gives us the double edged reasonings behind disappearing on someone vs telling them you're just not that into them. 

First off they tell us - who is doing it? (silently raising my hand)
"The term has already entered the polling lexicon: In October 2014, a YouGov/Huffington Post poll of 1,000 adults showed that 11 percent of Americans had “ghosted” someone. A more informal survey from Elle magazine that polled 185 people found that about 16.7 percent of men and 24.2 percent of women had been ghosts at some point in their lives."

SO
This article caused a raucous. And led to an insane amount of comments - 
"Some called it rude, cowardly and immature, while others suggested that it’s necessary in certain situations, such as those in which one person feels endangered. Many readers shared their own stories of ghosting and being ghosted."

Sadly Mia was just ghosted on by a guy she had a great time with. Two dates, lots of chemistry, great conversations, then.........
a whole lot of nothing. 

She was rightfully upset and disappointed. 
Because I am way too well versed in ghosting or being ghosted, I told her she needs a thicker shell because this shit happens ALL THE TIME. 
Honestly, I have considered telling guys straight up - "you're a douchebag, a total waste of life and I never want to meet/see you again" but that leads to hostility and arguments which is a waste of my time. So disappearing and leaving them clueless is just easier. Most of the time...
+
God forbid we all act like adults and say "hey, it was fun but I don't see a future with you". And even if people did do that more often -- would that really make you feel any better? It still provides no solid reasoning as to WHY the person doesn't think you're a good fit & you seem semi-lame if you ask why he/she lost interest, SO what is there to gain? 

For some, the closure of it all helps. I know Mia prefers a guy to straight up say goodbye + give a damn good reason. 
If I got attached to someone, I'd like a goodbye too but I never allow that to develop until we are way past the initial dates. However I am jaded, so I get that it's different for everyone. 

One of the girls in the story cited, "It happens to me so often that I’ve come to expect it, people don’t hold themselves accountable anymore because they can hide behind their phones."

I totally agree that in modern day dating, we are ALL hiding behind our phones. Hell, we are pretty much in exclusive relationships with our cell & It's beyond frustrating. Dating apps make 'dating' all too convenient, it's easier for me to find a new tindertoad than it is to order a pizza. 

However.
This is the world we live in now. Your next date is just a swipe away. Tired of your boyfriend or husband? Well, theres an app for that and he too can be replaced in the blink of an eye. 

So back to our original conundrum...
To ghost or not ghost? 

My rule of thumb:
If the person is a decent human being, be honest/straight up with him
If the person is a complete tool and you know honesty will only lead to drama, ghost on them and let them wonder...silence is a real ego killer. 

(Side note: I ghosted HARD on Nate, he's texted me 6x and received 0 replies - I know at the very least, his ego took some kind of hit and I avoided a pointless fight) 

ta ta for now,
Elle 

Below: a few reader comments from the NYT article...Guess us "ghosters" are truly assholes. 

So here we are... the last four days of my Turkish adventure packed into one post. 
So we flew first class from Istanbul to Dalaman, 1hr flight. 
Grab our bags and meet the drivers outside who whisk us off to Gocek, approx. 20 mins away from the airport. Then the crew on the boat greet us, grab our bags and we hop on Ta's yacht. 

This boat is 85feet of amazingness. Mind you, I hate boats. I get so seasick... But no time like the present to face this issue and hopefully work through it..right?

So we get on board and every single thing is custom designed. This yacht is INCREDIBLE. It's designed exactly how I would've wanted it if I had a boat. Ta's taste is just impeccable. 
We change into our bathing suits and go for a swim. The water is crazy clear and so warm, felt amazing. Once again, this doesn't seem like my life. But I am acclimating quite well! ;) 

Each day on the boat followed a certain pattern...
Wake up early, go on land to the resort and workout, have coffee or a light breakfast after, return to the boat. 
Change into bathing suits, go swim, sea bobbing (pretty much the coolest water devices ever, google it) and then I'd go to the top deck to lay out and nap, he'd go downstairs - have a snack and do work. 
An hour or two later, I'd go shower -- we'd reconvene to the front deck to watch the sunset, listen to jazz music, drink sparkling water (he said we needed to detox so no alcohol consumption on board) and then dinghy to the resort for dinner. 
After dinner we would sit outside and talk before separately retreating to our rooms for bed. 

Overall we had great conversations, & lots of fun being active. I can't say a single bad thing about it. I am not the type to relax - managing two companies and my social life is a full-time job, so to be out in the middle of the ocean, off the coast of a Turkish island, with limited wifi -- I was forced to zen out. 
+
After all of the drama this summer, this trip could not have come at a better time.

So Tuesday morning came and I flew back to Istanbul, waited a few hours and got on the flight back to the US. (sadddddd)

Upon arrival... the X factor was there to fetch me with my two cats. He dropped me at the airport and cat sat while I was away... My rationale was...cheaper than hiring my cat sitter, the cats love his house and he loves them -- and no need to pay for uber sooooo why not? He offered after all...

I also let him take me to a fancy dinner afterwards, but hey - that's not important BECAUSE while I was away he texted his mother... who said, "go ahead and build a future with her, just know we won't be a part of it." So no fancy dinner can erase that or all the shit that's happened this summer BUT a girls gotta eat, right?

Things haven't changed.
 I told him, I finally agree that his parents will never change. And that is the sad reality of it all. He has to reconcile the fact that his parents love has conditions -- which is exactly what love shouldn't be. 
I ask him how he will ever be able to look at them the same? He's signing up for a lifetime of sadness filled with happy moments. and once again, life should be happy with a few sad moments. It's all so self sacrificing. Yet again - I am thankful my parents are not lunatics. 

So regarding him - I'm numb to it, same shit, different day - I am even tired of typing about it so I'm not going to. 


Stay tuned for... 
the rundown of my weekend packed with tinder dates + the dates that got eliminated + the ones that are on the roster for this week + the psych behind "ghosting". 

xo
Elle 

This question has perplexed me for a very long time. This weekend has brought it  to the forefront of my mind and that's why I am taking a side trip from my Turkish adventure to delve into this. 

Somehow this weekend before 8pm on Saturday - FOUR of my friends have gotten engaged. I am very excited for everyone to start the next chapter of their lives - so as I write this, only a small part of it is stemming from jealousy that this stage of life is NOWHERE close to where I am at despite my best efforts. 

Let's discuss two of the couples. 
One was married before and obviously divorced. They moved in together at six months when the guy bought a house and now a little over a year of dating they're engaged. This couple is a great fit, I have no qualms about them and the idea they will have everlasting happiness BUT it does piss me off that I dated the X factor longer and wound up with no ring. 

Couple 2 is where my issues come. 
He was in a very serious relationship for about six years. It ended in a heartbreaking way and about a year later he meets his now fiancee. They dated for under a year as well and I remember hearing early on all of his doubts about her regarding how much she parties, etc, etc. This gal has also been engaged 3x prior. 

So is there just a certain wall people hit at a specific age where they let go of the negatives and put a ring on it? 

I have an X that I lived with and almost married. We moved in together after 3 months, looked at rings at 6 and were broken up at 20. It wasn't the speed at which we moved that broke us, it was just general life goals we didn't share. He was a definite homebody, never left his hometown for anything, only dated one girl before me, & was 6 years older so you'd expect him to have accumulated more life experiences and dating experiences than me but that just wasn't the case. 

I felt like I was always leading him. Always pushing him to want more out of life. To crave the same greatness that I crave. I don't want just wealth, I want a fulfilling life where I spend each and everyday doing things I actually enjoy vs doing something for a paycheck. I take the typical American rationale/thought and I throw it out the window. 

I want crazy love. 
The kind it hurts to live without. 
With this X, despite him being the KINDEST and most generous guy I have ever met -- he just didn't have that passion. 
So I left the best boyfriend i have ever had. 

I moved out and I broke his heart. 
It was the HARDEST decision I ever had to make. I wrote a letter and read it to him after drafting it for weeks because I knew otherwise I would never get the words out... 

Somedays I still question if leaving him was the right choice. We were happy, he treated me like a queen, he adored my family, loved my friends....He was and still is completely wonderful and had I stuck it out when I was 22, we would have definitely been married and likely thinking about kids.

But would I have been truly fulfilled?
  Its unlikely.

I think people can change to a certain extent -- but that fire in someones heart and eyes can't be inspired by anyone but yourself. 

This X has been dating someone new for about 1.5 years. We keep in loose touch. When they first started dating, he texted me and told me. I drove to his town the next day and we had dinner. I could tell he was using her as a method of making me jealous. It worked, I was not happy that some blonde chick had swooped in and grabbed him. But I had a boyfriend (not serious) and I knew I had no room to say anything. 

He told me if she had a problem with our friendship, she would have to go. 

Fast forward - 
2 months into their relationship I get a text from an unknown number telling me to stop talking to him. I tell her that our friendship isn't negotiable and if she has an issue, take it up with her boyfriend. 
Guys -- I get why she was pissed. I am a lot prettier than her, more successful and we lived together -- this was no small relationship. Of course she wants to claim her territory. I get it. 
But still, the problem is hers and his - if he wanted to stop talking to me, that was on him. 

Fast forward -
They've been together for a year and I ask when he is going to propose. He says that he has no plans to do such (this girl is 33, aka she's STARVED for that ring). 
He tells me verbatim - "I think you should marry the person you can't imagine living without and....I can live without her." 

Fast forward -
This past October... I had a big work event in his town and apparently I had some mail that wound up at his home so I stopped by. It was tense, I was nervous, it felt weird being back in my old house... He looked visibly shaken to see me as well. I asked him why he was with her, give me the reasons.
He said - she bakes for me, she cooks for me, she does the things she knows I like. 

I lost it. 
I literally lost it. 
I moved an hour outside of the city for him! I started a business that TOOK OFF and spent 2+ hours a day in traffic so that I could come home to him every night. And then to have my lack of cooking and cleaning thrown in my face, it was just too much. How do you expect me to have time for that while trying to build a career?! 

It wasn't fair and it pissed me off. 
I stormed out and slammed the door. 
He called me as I drove and I told him that when I was 22, struggling to make a name for myself, leaving the house at 5am and returning at 9pm - there was no energy left for those things. Nowadays, I am much more in control of my life and career so I am able to cook, I am able to hire a cleaning professional, I make shit happens and my life is pretty damn smooth. F him.

So congrats, you found a maid + servant + housekeeper - brafreakingvo. 

Fast forward -
June of 2014. 
Things with Armenian X factor erupt after our first perfect month together. I know homebody X is abroad visiting family without the girl. I refuse to live a life with regrets so I send him an email...
Something along the lines of... "I regret how I didn't value our relationship back then and I promise if you ever gave me another chance, I wouldn't screw it up...I still love you and likely always will...I don't expect a response but I needed to get this out so that I can close the door without regret." 

He didn't reply but we did talk after as if no email had ever occurred. 
I am glad I sent it - it gave me a sense of closure that I think I needed. Someone always crawls back at some point and for the first time in my life, it was me doing the crawling. 
(I've also never been dumped, praying I don't have to experience that emotion ever) 

Point of that longwinded story is - he is the definition of settling. He still hasn't proposed to the girl, and who knows when he will but I suspect it'll happen eventually. 

Leaving her would mean starting over again and I simply don't think he has it in him. Plus he is such a nice person, the idea of breaking someones heart is probably just too much. And I am sure he loves her + is comfortable.

So are all of these folks who are littering our newsfeeds actually marrying their soulmate/other half? 
Or did they hit that spot where the clock felt like it was running out, they no longer felt they'd find better and marriage was the next step? 

The divorce rate globally is way too high for all of these people to actually be great matches. SO I guess deep down I know the answer to my own question... and had I settled, I'd be married right now too. 

So as we go into Saturday night, let's try not to feel like shit that EVERYONE is getting engaged except of course me + you.

#teamnotsettling

Off to my next tinder date,
Elle

So I wake up refreshed and ready to be a tourist. I meet Ta in the lobby, we grab coffee and he leads me to our driver. I had no idea he had arranged for a private guide and driver for the entire day to show me around. I had assumed we would go explore on our own and then taxi from place to place if it wasn't within walking distance.

But of course, this is my five star vacation so there will be nothing normal about it. 
(note to self, must acclimate to a different standard of life asap to avoid looking like a fool)

So we hop in and first stop is the Topkapi Palace. Which is unreal. I won't get into the touristy details but if you find yourself in Istanbul, you must go check it out.
 (I also made friends with our guide so if you ever need a guide, email me on the contact page)

ANYWAYS - after two hours at the Palace it's off to lunch with an insanely famous international jewelry designer who just so happens to be...Armenian. 
I am fully prepared to hate him because if they're going to be racist towards me, I am going to be the same right back -- boom, take that you big bullies! 
Of course this guy is incredibly nice. Let's me try on all of his $50k pieces of custom designed jewelry, he is funny, & I can't hate him. waaaahhhhhhh. 

We then lunch at this very fancy, authentic Turkish spot - food was amazing and once again it didn't feel real. 
Fast forward - 
Post lunch Ta is visibly exhausted from the site seeing - I send him back to the hotel and I continue on for another 3 hours with the guide. She takes me to see the Hagia Sophia, Blue Mosque, Grand Bazaar, and underground cisterns. 
I hate site seeing but this was amazing. 
We get back to the hotel and immediately I shower and get ready for dinner. 

Ta has made reservations at this place. 
We sit outside and the view is INCREDIBLE. 
I can't believe my surroundings - every woman at this place looks like Turkey's Next Top Model, simply unreal. 
We dine on sashimi and sake, indulge in great conversations -- older men are really the way to go, so mature and so much to talk about. I am beginning to see the other side of life.... Don't worry, I don't think dating older is going to be my new "thing" because i really want kids but it was 1000000x better than the dates I have with my own age range of fellas. AND if I didn't want kids, I'd be tempted.

We head back to the Four Seasons early so we can get some rest before our early flight to Dalaman the next day. 

I sleep from 11pm-3am. 
I think I am so excited about my Turkish adventure I can't get my body to really zen out. So I hit the gym, call a few people in the US, and get ready for part two of my trip. 

Stay tuned for my island adventure & summation of this insane trip to Turkey.

Elle

Hey guys, let me introduce one of my besties - Mia. She is also single in the city, 26, employed & dealing with toads. She recently went on quite the speed dating adventure. So without further adieu...
Speed Dating 101
If your friend brings up trying speed dating and you’re genuinely looking for any sort of a promising man, brace yourself … you’ll be in for a long night. At least, that’s what happened in my case — thank god it was not my investment.

So here’s how it went down.
 My friend Lucy got a Groupon offer for speed dating. It seemed like a fun concept and both of us were really fouling out with men and online dating lately. So we thought, why the heck not? We’ll go and best case scenario we may actually hit it off with someone, worst case scenario, we’ll have some funny stories to tell, right? Right indeed.

The group we signed up for was in the 26-37 age range (I’m 26, Lucy is 34 but looks pretty much my age).  We got to the event (held at a hotel bar, which was actually pretty nice), signed in and started sizing up our competition and our potential companions. It didn’t look too hot from the get go. The men were all shapes and sizes, some dressed unfortunately schleppy, others (presumably from work) wore suits and others still were somewhere in between. They rang the bell and called us over to set it up and get the whole thing started. Lucy and I (thankfully!) went for happy hour first, and each had a cocktail with us to bring to the speed dating room. Here’s what happens: 
They set up all the girls at tables with a sheet of paper and a pencil with instructions on what to write down (the person’s name, his name tag number and any details to remember him by) and then the guys got to sit down wherever they wanted to start. They rang the bell and it was off to the races! Each date was to last 4 minutes, once it’s over the gentleman moves on to his next lady. Here are just a few of the memorable “dates” I had:

Date 1: Sits down and is actually dressed pretty nice. He was wearing an ironed blue button down, a well-tailored pair of jeans, and easily the best looking of the bunch. Ok, I’m thinking, he chose to sit at my table first, that’s a good sign. As soon as he sits down he whips out a deck of cards and starts doing card tricks. I can appreciate a good card trick every now and then, but when you’re trying to talk to someone and find out their interests/hobbies/what they’re all about, it’s difficult not to be distracted when you’re being asked to pick a card and remember it and tap the deck then shuffle it etc. etc. He tells me he’s a dance teacher and schoolteacher for a living … but he also lives 50+ miles away. Sorry magic man, pass.

Date 2: Super sweet older gentleman. And I definitely mean older. Even though the age range on the event said 26-37, I guess that’s not a hard and fast rule. A good chunk of the gentlemen there were pushing 40/in their mid-40s. Just not for me. But I hope he found/finds a lovely lady! He was very nice to chat with.

Date 5: Learned his passion was “Legos” … immediately tuned out for the rest of the time we had (read: number of seconds I had to bullshit) left.

Date 11: This guy sat down already on his phone texting, emailing who knows what. (Rude, c’mon man.) We only have 4 mins to talk and he was wasting precious time. I asked if he was going to be on his phone, if he minded if I went and used the restroom. (We had been sitting for more than an hour already.) I scurried off and back in a minute or so but when I got back he had left the table. Lucy (who was sitting a table away from me) said he got up in a huff about me not being at the table. Sorry my friend, you brought the uninterested attitude when you sat down on your phone and also — I just really had to go to the bathroom! (I was three glasses of wine and a vodka soda in at this point.)

Date 14: Very into house/EDM music, talked about how he thought he was going to be the next Tiesto, didn’t ask really any questions about me.  Next.

Date 15: Kept promoting his buddy’s “lounge” … snooze.

Date 17: Dull as dirt … pass.

Date: 20: Said he “loves to travel” … has yet to venture off the East Coast. What even? I get that traveling is expensive, takes time and money but if you really “love to travel,” you make it happen … and that’s what you spend money on: experiences, great times, seeing amazing sights etc. Hard for me to believe you love to travel, sir.

We had I believe 21 dates in total, then afterward we scooted to the bar to settle up our tabs and leave.

All in all, it was an eye-opening experience. It made me feel a little hopeless about dating in this godforsaken city. … though a lot of the people there were from places at least 40 or 50 miles away.  (I don’t get that, if I’m dating someone I’d like them to live somewhat close.) But it also allowed me to brush up on my conversation techniques and flirting skills with no major setbacks or threats of awful rejection.  OH well.

Until next time …
Mia

P.S.Below -  incase you wanted to see a video on just how awkward this really is.

Hey friends - I just returned last night from my Turkish adventure and all I can say is WOW. Truly it was the best trip I have ever taken. There are so many things I want to tell you, I don't even know where to begin.
Itinerary:
Two nights in Istanbul at the Four Seasons on the Bosphorus. 
Four nights on my friends yacht off the coast of Dalaman near a town called Fethiye. 
So it was a quick trip but wow, was it amazing.
I land in Istanbul to find my private driver holding a sign waiting for me - I hop in and we begin the journey. My driver is so nice and tells me all about Istanbul and what I should prioritize and see while I am there. 
I arrive at the Four Seasons. 
A gentleman scurries out to grab my luggage, asks if I am Elle and hands me my room key. He escorts me to my room where I am surprised to not see my friend waiting -- aren't we sharing a room? 
He did pay to fly me across the world, did he really get me my own room too?
Wow.
I get inside and everything I love is stocked - a nespresso machine, Frette linens, sparkling water, fruit, chocolates, slippers, orchids, etc. It was truly breathtaking. I get settled in, change my clothes and go to find Ta. We haven't seen each other since 2012, we keep in good touch but it has been awhile....I am a tad nervous.
I go to find him in his room, a few down the hall from mine. And whew, nothing has changed - he is still as wonderful as before. 
Relief.
We go down to have coffee at the bar outside which is along the Bosphorus and I am instantly enamored by the beauty -- If you check out the slideshow you'll see....It was amazing. 
Dinner. We go to an amazing French restaurant, Le Petite Maison. He orders a bottle of wine and we talk for hours. Its fantastic. Everything I could ever hope for and more. 
When we get back to the hotel he says, "I know you love champagne lets go have a glass along the Bosphorus." Ahhhh, he just knows every entry to my heart. 

What I haven't mentioned -- Ta is a tad older than me. He is a multi millionaire. His age I do not feel like disclosing but its more than Shawn (42yr old clinger I mentioned a few weeks ago). 
Strangely, I am attracted to him despite the age. He is worldly, smart, sophisticated, a true gentleman, we have similar tastes (his is far better than mine because I am not $$$$), and overall despite the age we have SO much in common. He also looks much younger. 

So we finish our drinks and he walks me to my room, at the door he kisses me. It wasn't creepy, or pushy, or anything inappropriate - it was just simple and kind. Oh and really good. 
I hop into bed, pass out within 30 seconds because I am exhausted + jetlagged and need to be rested for day 2 of Istanbul -- site seeing. 
I am content, I am happy, I feel as if I am living a dream.
If I hadn't lost the X factor, I wouldn't be sleeping at the Four Seasons in Istanbul right now enjoying absolutely every fine thing about life. 
Clearly God has a bigger plan for me, maybe this breakup really was for the best.
Finally I am feeling peace.
The stress of the X exits my body, and I sleep with the ease I have been drained of for so long. We really did need an ocean to separate us. 
Stay tuned for Day 2.
xo
Elle

I hate to disappoint but I couldn't go on that date. 
He was such a self obsessed, asshole I just couldn't bring myself to validate his shallowness by showing up or responding the the last six texts he sent.
I am about to leave for Istanbul so I will be brief...

He wanted me to come to his neighborhood aka far away from mine, I said no.
Him: "OKAY, I will come to you, you're hot enough to make the trip for."

Me: No reply.
Him: "Daily selfie" --> Proceeds to send the same selfie in his white coat twice. In 20 minute intervals, assuming I just didn't get it the first time. (TOAD)
Me: No reply.

The next day... (when we were supposed to go out)
Him: "I don't want to rush you since you're going to Turkey Wednesday, let's hang out when you get back." When is that gonna be?"
Me: Unfriend Nate on facebook + no reply.

And there you have it! Another successful day in the life of Elle on Tinder.
I had toyed with the idea of sending a stinging reply along the lines of, "Honestly, you've shown me about 10x you're consumed with appearance and are an enormous douche - good luck finding someone as shallow as you, it won't be me."

 But instead I saved myself the drama and did the houdini. 
Sorry I am not sorry,
Elle

Well...Here we are again. 
Sadly, my great date Tuesday - the double match, never materialized thus I was
REJECTED. 
It's actually the first time I have been rejected via tinder, I think ever... Luckily, I never get my hopes up because most of these guys are toads SO no biggie. Onto the next ones... (also, I call TinderFellas Toads now...don't ask why it just seemed fitting)

Well I had 3 dates lined up for Sunday, decided to cancel them all because my mom stayed in town and I always put family before toads. So details on those to come later after Istanbul. 

Its tough to keep the momentum with Toads - it's like you have to chat, set up the date, keep the date, go on the date and then take it from there all in a 7 day period. When things drag out, you start to get to the 'TinderToadTextBuddy' phase and unfortunately, a lot of guys enjoy that. So by the time you finally do meet, you've been texting for 4 years and feel like you know them but THEN you go out and determine they are just a toad and CUT. 
All of this = A BIG FAT WASTE OF TIME.

It is really quite a pain. 

So I DID set up a date with a guy who on paper has a lot of potential...I didn't want to lose the momentum we had before my trip to Turkey.

Name: Nate, Age: 29 (my least favorite age btw) From: SOCAL (aka my home)

He is in residency to be an Ophthalmologist and plans to move back to SoCal, specifically Orange County which is where I am from. 
If you know me, you know this factor here is HUGE. X factor is from NorCal and that was a big selling point for him too. But anyways.
Nate is a foodie, 6ft tall, dark, handsome, fit, Middle Eastern (which could actually be a curse, we will see), and so far seems like a fun guy to chat with. 
Until...

His true colors start to seep through.
And I begin to realize that even though he seemingly has it all together he may just be another 29 year old toad. X factor is also 29, probably why I hate the number so much. It's like "almost a man, still a baby" age. 

 So I consult a few friends who say that I should go on the date and give him the benefit of the doubt... I ask if we can do drinks vs dinner (easier to escape) and I am currently awaiting his reply. 
Sidenote: I found it so odd that this weekend he asked for me to add him on IG or FB. I said "I don't feel like searching for you so add me". He did. Confirmed he was cute and seemed normal...

I'm guessing he added me to make sure my photo history shows a past of fitness/not weighing 400lbs. 
I'd like to knock this guy for being shallow but I do also realize that the show Catfish exists for a reason and thus some people are a lot more skeptical than others. I felt semi-catfished by the toad who was 5ft tall that I told you about a few weeks ago. So I kind of get it, but it still makes me mad that I have to "prove" my size to him? 
Will his life really be that bad if he just goes on the date with me and trusts that I am not hiding or lying? 
Rubs me the wrong way, so its hard first strike against this guy. And in my world, you get two strikes, I don't need to stick around for number 3.

Wish me luck,
Elle

The cat's out of the bag.
I know it was a bad idea. 
I knew it was before it happened, I knew it would happen if I said yes to dinner & I still said yes. 
So the idiot here is clearly me - 
I KNOW.

Maybe because I had such a promising date Tuesday, I felt subconsciously I was losing the X factor and that scared me? Or more so, he was letting me slip away? I'm honestly not very sure. X factor called right before my date, I said I am walking out the door, I can't talk - he asked where I was going, I said a date and hung up on him. BOOM. I hope that stings. (Also, X factor in my phone is saved as Coward, so I am constantly reminded)
 Fast forward to after date - I text X factor - "I finally met a decent guy and the door for you is still cracked, but if you don't fix things with your parents by August 1, the door is really going to be closed and I am going to focus my energy 10000% on the new."
X factor then calls me crying. Mission accomplished I suppose? Promises me he's calling his mom to fight this out yet again, blah, blah, blah, blah. In my head, who needs parents in their life if the parents don't genuinely value his judgment and happiness? 
Back on track..
 I am dating, don't get me wrong - I am trying, I am going to Istanbul, I am really making an effort. But that doesn't change where my heart lies. Im struggling between mad love and bad blood. UGH.
SO
I called my Dad on Tuesday night for his birthday and told him I finally had a good date. We are close and we discuss this stuff - he really liked the X factor until X factor was a coward. Anyhoo - my Dad said, "Be careful the photos you put on the facebook, X factor could see them and then you will never get back together." Awwwwl Daddy, still holding out hope that X factor will grow a pair and really stand up against those crazy rents of his. I tell my Dad, I still talk to X factor, he knows my friends, knows the guys in the photos aren't potential boyfriends and that X factor asked to take me to dinner Wednesday. 
Dad gets SO mad. "What do you mean dinner?! He can't take you to dinner unless he is going to start making his own decisions!!!" And I know my Dad is right. He is completely right and I just am being reckless by even considering it. Dad likes X factor and he still doesn't approve of this. God forbid I tell my mom, she would lose it.

But it's sushi.
Sushi is my favorite....
This is my favorite sushi spot.........
Damn, X factor is SO good at this. He knows how to reel me right on in. 

So all day Wednesday I fight myself. I know I am doing a disservice to this whole moving on with my life thing if I go to sushi. But it is just sushi. And he always pays + orders the best of the best + I miss him kind of a lot....
And Hamid hasn't texted me, cmon send me a text so I know I am making a horrible life decision & that you are interested. 

Well, clearly I went. 
And the sushi was DAMN good. Totally worth it.Kind of. Then we went on a romantical walk around a lake & had champagne and dessert at this cutsy french place. 
He begged me to come to his place. I used ALL willpower and said no. He tried to entice me by a stop at my favorite gelato spot + popping a bottle of Veuve, my favorite champagne.
BUT there are hungry cats at my house and I have a long, long day tomorrow + I am trying to be skinny. 
So NO.

So logically, he drove to mi casa.
(We met in between our homes which are 1hr apart) 
The kissing was great, I forgot how much I missed that. 
Then we had sex. And it was....
AWFUL.
Honestly, so bad. Not because he forgot how to do it but because I felt like I was letting myself down. Mentally, I was not into it. I couldn't wait for it to be over. I felt like crying (I didn't, don't worry) but it just sucked. SO MUCH. 
I thought make up sex was supposed to be the best ever? Jenny McCarthy has a radio show on Sirius XM I listen to and she was discussing make up sex earlier in the day. I think that kinddddd of swayed me into it too... 

Problem is - we aren't "making up". Nothing has changed. His parents are still crazy. Granted he hasn't spoke to them in weeks, trying to get them to cave and act like sane, loving parents. It doesn't help that he tells me things like, "I know if I don't find a way to make this work with you, I'll be alone forever because anyone else would just be settling and I am not willing to do that." 

Ugh, major fail. Also, this being honest thing is really difficult. We both agree not to tell anyone in our lives that we met up because everyone will be mad. His friends mad at him for leading me down the rabbit hole(they all like me) and mine for obvious reasons. 
Justifying things in my mind to myself is completely different than airing out the laundry like this. And I know some of my friends read this blog.

I leave next Wednesday for Istanbul. We need an ocean to separate us so I can stop making bad life decisions. 
Sigh.
Happy 4th of July.
Elle.  

You are never going to believe it. 
I met someone on Tinder who happens to be AWESOME! I am actually excited about him, he's not a stalker, or a clinger, or a toad! 
Could this be a miracle? 
Well, probably not because he very well may be out of my league. 
BUT
at least we know there might be light at the end of the tinder tunnel!? 

So here's the crazy story.
Name: Hamid, Age: 33, 6ft3in (YES!)
He is an entrepreneur, mixed background (Egyptian+Iraqi), very open minded, doesn't live at home (win, win), enjoys cooking, good wine, sports, and was incredibly easy to talk to. (FINNNNAAALLLLY!)
Well turns out we matched on Tinder last year...when I gave him my number this year and he texted me, a whole history of texts from last May popped up on his phone. 
Yep - a double match! 
So clearly I ghosted on him and didn't save his number. I don't save names in my phone until we meet in person so I had no idea we had matched before.(<--another Tinder rule.) He didn't realize either until the texts came up. I apologized for ghosting, explained I met my X factor and dropped the roster, yada yadaa yawn. 
He was really cool with it. We talked for two hours, laughed, had a ton in common and he walked me to my car. AND then he kissed me. 
This was monumental because I actually wanted him to kiss me vs Shawn who was disgusting and annoying and forced it. 
So anyways, we are that awkward pair, making out against my car. (Thank god I just had it washed, that could've been a real outfit ruiner) Good news is: he was an amazing kisser, asked me to text when I got home, & YAY he was great! 
So I text when I get home, he makes a joke about becoming clingy/needy (we had discussed prior Tinder fails) and that was that. All in all, a pleasant Tinder surprise on a Tueeeeesday.

Sadly - 
not much to report since and we went out. Today is Thursday. It is about to be a holiday weekend but does that really even matter if you like someone? 
He might not be interested - which is OK, I know what is meant to happen, will. 
Moral of the story remains: if you are persistent, maybe you can find those diamonds in the rough. 

However - what I did last night, you guys will not be happy with. 
But let's save that story for another day....
xo Elle